Life Starts at Sixteen
by Another Reader
Summary: 12 year olds as elite assassins? Yeah right! Follow Naruto and friends who just graduated at 16, as they kick butt and chew gum. *New and improved! Major overhaul, with several improvements! Mature humor; Explanation inside.
1. Chapter 1

Revised Author's Forward:

The concept behind this story is simple. The concept of twelve-year-old ninja is ridiculous if you know anything about psychology or physiology. There are reasons that we have minimum age laws in place for most things. To put it simply, children are not just little adults; they think completely different at various stages of development.

This story tries to do a few things:

1: Adapt _Naruto_ (the story) to be more mature, reducing some of the silliness that ran rampant through canon (and fanon). Naruto will not win a battle by farting, for example, and the Hokage does not do battles to the death with paperwork- he has scribes for that sort of thing. This does _not_ mean there won't be plenty of humor- quite the opposite!

2: There are some changes to fundamental aspects of canon. Academy students become genin only after they turn 16 as opposed to twelve. A prodigy such as Itachi might graduate a few years earlier, but generally not.

For all the people who only read certain types of stories, some things to note before you start reading. **This is** **M**, although **citrus is** **not the focus** of this fic, _there will be some occasionally_. I don't censor language, and people die in this. It's primarily Naruto/Hinata, with other pairings to be determined.

I've only read the manga up to the Pain/Jiraiya fight, though I've kept up with major plot points. This means there may be some unintentional small discrepancies from canon.

**OOOOOO**

Naruto's first clear memory was of his third birthday. It wasn't because of presents, of which he received only three; nor of the festival, which coincidentally happened every year on the day of his birth. He remembered his third birthday because it was both the first time he got to see fireworks, and the first time he met an ANBU.

He was in the orphanage, excited by the stories the older kids told about the festival. It was evening, as Naruto stared up through the window, hoping to see fireworks, while other children got ready for bed, or prepared to go out for the festival, depending on their age.

Suddenly there was bedlam as the door was smashed in. The caretakers immediately rushed to the nearest hidden panic buttons, activating them before looking confused as a couple of Konoha chunin and several civilians stumbled through the destroyed doorway. The invaders were preceded by the stench of drunkenness, and several of the civilians were swaying.

"Where ish he? The fucking demon! We come to avet- adverd- … _avenge_ the Yondaime!"

Realizing what was happening, the orphanage workers broke into two groups. An elderly man and two women reached into secret hideaway spaces and pulled out weapons as the other four workers herded the panicking children into the back rooms.

"You don't want to do this. If you leave now you might get leniency…" the wizened man said as the two groups approached one another. The two chunin sobered slightly upon seeing opponents appear.

Some of the civilians looked scared, surprised that they would meet armed resistance against what they had been certain would be looked upon as a heroic service.

"Why are yoo defen'ing him? It's weak now, we can get retrip- retribu- … payback‼"

The matronly woman on the left twirled her sai and snorted. She whispered to her partners, "They're too drunk to reason with; we must frighten them or it will end in blood."

The man nodded nearly unnoticeably, then called out "If you continue, we are required to use lethal force. Leave. Now." As he spoke, he slowly reflected the ceiling lights off his sword into the civilian's eyes, pumping up his killing intent as well. As drunk as they were, the civilians would not be very sensitive to the feeling.

Meanwhile the woman on the right had coiled her weapon (many of the orphans' suspicions were confirmed when they had seen her grab a whip from a cabinet) around her arm. Hiding her hands in her wide sleeves, she started a genjutsu.

Unfortunately the two chunin were not inebriated enough to miss it, and attacked instinctively. All of the drunken civilians suddenly decided they needed to be elsewhere as the five combatants met in the center of the room. There was a mass migration out the ruined door as stray shuriken flew about, and the cracking of a whip only added to the urgency.

Once outside though, the civilians fell unconscious within 10 feet of the door no matter where or how fast they ran. After the lemmings poured out, three ANBU came out from hiding, and rushed inside.

They were too slow to change the outcome, however. Both chunin were already down, though still breathing. Above them, the three capable caretakers were doing cool down stretches. They sported some bruises, but they looked surprisingly happy.

"Thanks for not rushing guys, it's been a while since we've been able to let loose," The old man grinned. "Good to know I still have it."

The ANBU ignored the comment. The leader asked, "Was their target Daidai?"

"You ask that today? Of course he was." The woman with the whip let some sarcasm into the reply as she watched through the windows. A group of the police force was approaching the building. It had been proven several times that with VIP Daidai (the codename for Uzumaki) here, the orphanage needed ANBU response teams instead of waiting for the Konoha Police Force. Not that the police force was slow, but they couldn't compete with ANBU.

The lead ANBU frowned. "We're going to have to isolate Daidai for the rest of the night."

The three looked at him reproachfully. "Where do you think you can take him?"

"You know better than to ask." The looks grew colder. The ANBU raised a hidden eyebrow. "Fine. Where better to hide him than under their noses? He'll enjoy it."

The three looked at each other for a moment before the woman with sai signaled to follow her, and led into the rear. She knocked a rhythm onto one of the doors, which, after a few moments filled with mechanical noises, opened. The door swung out on massive hinges, being pushed by one of the other caretakers to reveal a dozen frightened kids.

The woman had put away the sai by now, and reassured the children before pulling Naruto aside and telling him to go with the ANBU. It wasn't hard to get him to go after being promised he could join the festival, and the ANBU had to chase him a few yards down the hall before he could see the results of the fight.

**oooooo**

So VIP Daidai was escorted piggyback, under henge, through the festival. It was the start of an annual tradition, one that ended each night with a spectacular firework display.

**oooooo**

Life in general wasn't too bad for Naruto growing up. He had to put up with scowls and the occasional thrown rotten tomato, but he had a couple sorta-friends from the orphanage and although most of the pre-Academy teachers had been biased at first, the worst two had been fired, sending a message to the rest. In many ways, Naruto had it better than most orphans, despite the specifics of his birth. 

And so, the seasons changed.

**oooooo**

Naruto stood back, looking upon his achievement. Tomorrow was the academy's final test. After he passed, (because there was no way he'd fail!) he would be a shinobi, and Naruto knew he wouldn't get away with crap like this. Better to end this part of his life with a bang, a testament to his genius, one last hurrah before he had to take things serious. By the light of the half moon, he could vaguely see what he had done to the stone faces, but come morning, everyone would see. Truly, this was a pranking masterpiece.

Honestly, he wasn't sure how he would have done it without kage-bunshin, though he was certain he'd have figured it out somehow. And he had to give up eating at Ichiraku's for two weeks to save enough money for all the paint. But it was worth it. With a cross-shaped hand seal, Naruto made a single shadow clone, which immediately popped itself, relaying instructions to the others. The original sat down on the fourth Hokage's chin, meditating as his other clones ended themselves. As their knowledge transferred to him, he used the meditation to try and piece the information together more efficiently, giving him the overall effect of the monument's 'upgrade'.

He grinned. "That'll do. Time to go home."

Standing up and turning around, the blond goof faced the ground several hundred feet below him. Walking down the chin, upside down then to the neck, he got to a point where the wall was almost flat straight down. Grinning, he suddenly stopped all the chakra flow to his feet, falling immediately.

'I hope this works, Iruka-sensei will be pissed enough without me breaking most of my bones,' thought the 16-year-old as he manipulated his body so that his feet stayed fractions of an inch off the stone cliff.

'All right, an object falls at 9.8 meters per second per second, and considering human drag... so I should be going... and I create so much friction with the tree climbing technique at maximum force... so I should start braking... NOW!'

Naruto's feet generated a breeze for a second as he pushed enough chakra through them to pull him the half-inch to the wall. Stone was much tougher and denser than even fire country trees, so he could use more without launching himself away as he and the rest of the male students were want to do years ago when they started practicing the technique. He decelerated quickly, putting considerable strain on his body, and wearing down his footwear noticeably.

'Crap, I might have to get new shoes! Um... isn't the ground coming up a little fast?' he thought, panicking a bit.

Indeed it was, and as Naruto was already braking at maximum power, there wasn't much he could do about it.

'This is where the coyote would hold up a sign with something ironic written on it, like "help", or "ouch."' It was odd where his mind took him sometimes, but then there wasn't much about him that wasn't odd.

Spreading out his body to produce as much drag as possible, as well as evenly distribute his weight on impact, Naruto watched the ground as it came up to greet him.

THUD

"Thumph wamphn't hoo mad." Naruto lay, partially submerged in the soil, and waited for the pain to let up a bit. Then he realized he was trying to breath dirt, and pulled his head out of the ground, and gasped, grimacing. "That's going to bruise, even for me." Pushing his body up out of the dirt he winced and stood up before his eyes shot wide.

"Damn it! I forgot to carry the seven! Stupid sevens, always miss them!"

'All right, maybe that wasn't such a bright idea. Especially since I have to sneak by the patrols to get home again.'

Thankfully, the blond prank master had prepared for this operation for quite a while, and even in the state he was in, was able to get back to his apartment with only a few close calls.

**oooooo**

The sun was up, and people were starting to go about their day. The sky was blue, though there were some dark clouds far to the southeast, which to the intelligent ninja, promised rain. While the defacement of the Hokage Monument was brightly lit, it took a while for anyone to really notice it. While the villagers were quite proud of it, few bothered to actually look at it every morning, much as it might take you a while to notice a missing freckle on the back of your hand. So when someone did notice it, there were plenty of people milling around who could react all at once.

The Shodai Hokage was painted almost entirely with forest camouflage, and paper mache trees grew out his ears, while what looked like broccoli was painted coming out his nose. The Nidaime had a giant snorkel mask painted on his face, with water half way up the mask and a goldfish in the left section. The Sandiame had blood coming out his nose and a blush, no doubt a reference to his reaction to _that_ jutsu. The Yondaime was rather unaffected, being painted to actually look like the pictures of him in the kage museum and textbooks and so on. That is, if you ignored the poem on his face, which suggested his legendary speed on the battlefield applied in the bedroom as well.

Next to them all, on the mountain that had yet to be carved, was a kunoichi wearing a graduation cap, a Konoha hitai-ate, a smile, and nothing else, laying on her side holding a bottle of sake.

One chunin knew exactly who to blame.

"NA-RUUU-TOOOO!"

**oooooo**

"-OOO!"

The indicated miscreant smiled as he heard the primal bellow. He briefly pondered whether to try to postpone his punishment, or to just let Iruka catch him easily. It wasn't much of a decision, seeing as he had to take the final test today. He couldn't run around and skip class like usual, and Iruka was needed to proctor the exam. Anyway, he was hanging with his pals.

Shikamaru spoke up. "_Yare yare _Naruto, what troublesome thing did you do now?"

"Remember my Omega prank? The one you said I'd never pull off?"

"I said that years ago Naruto. Of course you can pull it off now. I just can't believe you were stupid enough to decide to do it, and yet smart enough to get it done."

*Munch* "You should look at it, Shika, he changed the design since we saw his plans back then."

"You've seen it and didn't tell me Choji? Cruel," Shikamaru complained.

"He knew you'd just call it troublesome," Naruto remarked.

"True. But now I have to get up on a roof to see it from this part of town. Stupid gravity."

With that said, a rare thing happened, Shikamaru went out of his way for something. The other two followed him up to the nearest roof to see his reaction.

"Huh. Better than what you had planned when we were 11, anyway. Kept to a theme of what they were famous for. I suppose I have to give it a ten out of ten just for the sheer scale of it, though the last line of the limerick isn't a true rhyme. And it definitely took balls to paint a three story tall pinup girl for the whole village to see."

"Give me a break, Shika, I spent a significant portion of a week perfecting that limeri-!"

Naruto was cut off when he felt a hand grip his shoulder tightly, and a bit of killer intent leaked over the three teens.

"H-hey Iruka, w-we were just heading to class, weren't we Shikamaru?" Choji managed to stammer out.

"Yes we were!" He agreed quickly. "Good luck Naruto," he added in a whisper.

They dashed off, moving quicker then either of them had for at least a month.

"Traitors!" Naruto shouted, shaking his fist in the air. "Well, lets get on with it sensei, are you hauling me in front of the old man, or are you going to give me the talk yourself?"

"Neither, Naruto. The talk won't work. I know you; this was your last hurrah, the masterpiece before you go into pranking retirement. We've discussed my past; I was the same way. And just as you have me, I too had a concerned chunin sensei. He gave me the same punishment I am about to give to you. I must admit, there seems to be a lot of evidence in Konoha that time is cyclical."

"Yeah, yeah, I know I gotta clean it up."

"That's true, but that isn't the punishment I was speaking of."

"Um, what then? No rame- ooph!"

This time Naruto was interrupted by a knee occupying the region his stomach had moments before.

"No, not a ramen ban. He kicked the crap out of me the morning of my exam, and told me life wasn't fair." *Pow* "He said that once I graduated, there would be real consequences for what I did, even if I hadn't thought of them before hand." *Bam* "He told me that he was going to give me a small taste of real life, so that hopefully when the time came, I would think before doing stupid shit like this." *Thwack*

The now not-so-merry prankster was on his knees, trying to breath after getting the wind knocked out of him. "Gasp- But you have to admit, it was pretty awesome," he wheezed, with a small grin. *Pop* "Aghh!"

Iruka let go of the finger he had just dislocated. "Yes, it is pretty amazing. Beat my prank, but not by much. Stand up, I'm not done yet."

"...Crap."

oooooo

Sasuke walked into the auditorium where the written test would be administered. He walked to the far wall and chose a seat two from it, and in the middle row. When he was younger, he used to take a corner seat so there were as few seats adjacent to him as possible. But over the years, he found it was best for everyone, including himself, if he left two seats in every direction open. As bad as his fangirls were when they tried to woo him, when they were arguing it was worse. He made rare use of his influence to get the male students in the class to try it once this way, and it turned out better than he had hoped. This late into the term, his fangirls mostly just sat in the seats that the pecking order assigned them, leaving the seat on either side of him open for _them. _And here _they_ came; walking in, eying each other warily, ready to spring on the other at any sign of weakness. At least they didn't shriek very often any more.

"Ready to lose, forehead? I'm going to end up on Sasuke's team on Monday!"

"Please, Ino-pig, every one knows that if you pass, you're going with Choji and Shikamaru."

"Grrrr…"  
>"Grrrr…"<p>

They walked over to the seats they had fought to obtain, one on each side of the annoyed boy. As far as Sasuke could tell, there wasn't a single redeeming value to having a fan group, and he wished every night before he fell asleep he could trade them with one of the many jealous boys in class. It wasn't, as many of his male peers suggested, that he was gay. The potential benefits of having so many girls fighting over him was quite obvious once he had grown up a bit, but it wasn't as easy as it may seem.

'You let one fangirl give you a blowjob and everything goes to hell,' he pondered.

He had been almost 15, and chose Mayumi, a cute girl in class that had 'matured' more than the rest. He had slipped her a note, and they met up after class. She had no clue what she was doing, but he thought it was amazing anyway. They split up, after he promised they could do more the next day as long as she kept it quiet.

He found out the next morning that she had ended up in the hospital that night, and would be staying there for a month and a half. Apparently, his psycho fan-girls had found out and beat her until a patrolling ANBU noticed. The most disgusting part was that almost all his fangirls had shown up the next day with haircuts like Mayumi. Sasuke had to see the principal, and was partially blamed for the incident! There was a letter sent to all the student's homes, explaining what had happened, and officially banning Sasuke from doing anything more than holding hands until he graduated! It was so mortifying; it was almost as bad as that day...

'Does this count as living a miserable life, Brother?' Sasuke thought, as the girls around him bickered amongst themselves.

The auditorium had filled up more now; practically everyone who could take the exam was here and ready. Call it 60 teens. Most of the proctors were up on the stage, ready to observe for cheating.

'Iruka isn't here yet... ah, out dealing with Naruto's "art" no doubt,' the second to last Uchiha thought. 'Pretty good stuff this time I have to admit, though if he actually put that effort into class he wouldn't be just barely passing in theory.'

As if summoned, the two walked through the door. The dobe looked like crap warmed over, and Iruka was helping him over to a desk, before handing the whiskered teen an energy drink.

"Oh god, don't let him drink that, he'll be bouncing off the walls!" cried one of Sasuke's tormentors.

"Would you shut up? He's drunk one of those before class and at lunch every day for years now," groaned Shikamaru.

"Yeah, some of you joked about it before, but there really is something wrong in my head," chuckled Naruto. "Stimulants actually help me focus and calm me down. I asked the Med Nin about it after I figured out drinking soda helped me think. They say I have some condition, or something," he explained rather quietly compared to his usual volume. He took a deep chug out of the can.

"Brain damage would explain a lot about you, I suppose," quipped someone of little narrative importance. Naruto threw the tab off his soda into their eye. "Gyaowch!"

"Is that why you went from being Defcon-five level annoying to merely really annoying about three years ago?" asked Kiba.

Naruto snorted, then grimaced from one of Iruka's strikes that he aggravated. "Shut up, dog food breath."

Kiba growled while Akamaru tilted his head, wondering how that was an insult.

Iruka stood in front of the room and coughed before addressing the room. "QUIET! Good, now that I have every one's attention, we can start the written portion of the exam. This will consist of three one-hour chunks with ten-minute breaks between each one. The standard rules apply, begin when I signal."

As he spoke, the other proctors tossed out pencils which the students caught or else missed a point, and passed out the exams and answer booklets. Eventually the proctors all signaled Iruka, who in turn shouted, "Begin!"

Immediately the sound of scratching pencils could be heard.

**oooooo**

The written exam was over now. Naruto headed to the cafeteria with the rest of the students to get their lunch. No one brought lunch from home. Even Choji had to eat lunch from the cafeteria, though he was allowed to bring his snacks. Every student had a meal specifically designed for them each day, and woe to those who didn't eat it all. Rumor had it that they put chemicals in the food. The students for the most part dismissed it, which was ironic, considering that in this case, the rumors were accurate. The lines weren't long anymore, everything was routine by now, and soon Naruto headed off to sit at his regular table.

"Man, no ramen today? What the hell? They know better than that." Naruto had been able to 'train' the lunch staff into serving him at least a little ramen practically every day. In the end it was easier to go with his suggestion, then to put up with his antics.

"Hey guys, get anything special for our last lunch?" Asked Naruto as he sat down.

"Ano, I got a cinnamon bun today." Hinata spoke up.

"They gave me a full rack of ribs and a cobb salad," said Choji between mouthfuls.

Shino provided, "I was given a small bowl of honey as dessert, my insects are quite pleased."

"I didn't even know the lunch staff knew I liked mackerel, but I suppose it makes sense seeing as they're ninja," Shikamaru remarked.

"Jeeze, am I the only one who didn't get what I wished for?"

"Naruto, you got ramen every day for the last month, they probably knew that you wouldn't be able to do anything about it if they gave you none today," griped Shikamaru. "Hang on- is that a naruto on your plate? Someone has a sense of humor."

"How many times do I have to tell people? I'm named after 'maelstrom', not a fish-cake ramen topping!"

"We know Naruto, but you have to admit, it's kind of funny," grinned Hinata.

The boy sighed, "I guess. So, how does everyone feel about the tests so far? I'm not the academic type, but I think I'll pass."

"While the whole thing is troublesome, the written part is probably the least so for me."

"I encountered no difficulties, I expect I passed successfully," droned Shino.

Hinata looked down. "I - I'm not sure, I think I did well."

"Hey, what did I tell you about thinking like that? You had good marks all throughout this term, I know you did great!" He watched Hinata make a small smile. "Choji, what about you?"

The aforementioned chubby muscleman paused in his eating. "Eh, I didn't get them all right, but I got enough."

"I liked the question about throwing a kunai off the top of the building, I had a personal experience with gravity last night," chuckled Naruto.

"That sounds ominous, Naruto-kun. You didn't hurt yourself did you?" asked Hinata.

"Not too bad, I healed by the time I woke up anyway."

"I assume it had to do with the monument," Shino half asked, half stated.

"Quite. I decided to do an experiment involving free fall and the affects of chakra foot suction applied to stone surfaces."

Shikamaru let out a groan. "How troublesome. One day you're going to do something that even your tenant won't be able to heal you from. How hard did you hit the ground?"

"Not sure. I should've just come to a stop 10 feet above the ground. Instead, I ended up an inch below it. I think I missed carrying a seven."

Hinata giggled, "Oh Naruto, you and your sevens. Is that why you came in beat up today?"

"Nah, like I said, I healed before I woke up this morning. My appearance was from Iruka beating the snot out of me."

Every one's heads turned at that. "Iruka did what now?" Choji asked, incredulous.

"He said that basically it was a wake-up call. He knew it was my last great contribution to the world of pranking, and said he was going to do what a concerned chunin-sensei did to him. Then he pummeled me."

The others looked at one another. "Is he allowed to even do that?"

"Not as a teacher, probably. But this was personal. I could probably get him in trouble, but he's Iruka, you know he meant well. Look, forget about it, I'm fine with it. I probably needed it."

The rest of lunch was spent predicting what would be on the other tests they would be taking that day. All they knew was that it was supposed to be comprehensive, and that there would be physical and chakra usage tests. The smart money was on a spar with a teacher for the physical aspect. On the other side, the fundamental three jutsu were almost sure to appear, but beyond that, it was anyone's guess.

**oooooo**

It turned out the smart money was right, there was a spar with a chunin-sensei. There was also an obstacle course, a timed sprint, and other track and field type trials. The Academy had brought in a chakra sensor to make sure no one boosted their physical abilities during this part of the tests, excluding the spar. That would be taken into account during the third section of the exam.

After everyone was finished, there was a 30-minute break for water and rest, after which, the final section would begin. The students nervously chatted, and tried to relax. While some were confident that they would pass, the exams also affected your placement in teams. Your team placement could affect your life for years to come, and while most teams were able to get along, no one wanted to get stuck on a poor one.

Iruka stood in the field, and took a deep breath before blowing into a whistle. *TWEEEEEEEEEEEEET* "All right, listen up now. This part will go student by student through alphabetical order. First up... Akimichi Choji? Alright, who made this list? Shino's always first!"

A few chunin shrugged.

"Fine, whatever, let's start- Choji!"

Naruto chuckled and clapped for the boy, along with some of the other students. It could be tough having your surname start with an A; you were always called on first. Everyone paid attention to see what they would be expected to do.

"All right Choji, please perform the henge, three bunshin, and the kawarimi twice, in any order. Whenever you're ready."

There was a large log, thoughtfully provided, sitting about ten yards away from them. Choji ran through the hand seals, and replaced himself with it flawlessly, then repeated his actions to wind up in front of Iruka once more. Iruka nodded and smiled. The teen then disappeared in a cloud of smoke before it cleared, revealing a second Iruka. Grinning, he continued to make three clones of himself, still in Iruka's form.

Iruka raised an eyebrow, "Very good, cancel those, then show me any other jutsu you wish us to include in the evaluation."

Choji proceeded to preform several minor camping jutsu, his partial expansion technique, his multi-size technique, two earth techniques, and even a few seconds of the human bullet tank technique. A fairly impressive repertoire for an academy student.

"Okay Choji, one last thing before you're done for the day. See that device over there? It's hooked up to a computer, which will record your chakra output as you focus it into that handle on top. What I want you to do is to pour as much chakra into it for as long as you can, until you get tired. Then you're done."

The students were surprised, they had never had a test like that before, although the Academy had drummed it into their skulls that chakra reserves were important. With an unsure look on his face, Choji walked up to the handle and held the half-tiger/ram seal for several seconds, focusing on his chakra. With a shout, he grabbed the handle with both hands, with a fierce looking expression. When nothing happened, the students decided this was rather boring, as there were no feedback indicators. There was purposefully no way for them to judge how well he was doing.

After about three and a half minutes, Choji released the handle and slumped over a bit. Iruka, who had stood behind the computer monitor with two other chunin to watch the results, nodded in satisfaction. "Good, we'll send you the results Sunday evening. If you pass, please meet in the auditorium Monday morning for team assignment. Next, would..."

Naruto stopped paying attention, knowing that likely half of the 60 students there would fail, or decide not to continue as a ninja. Of course, having come this far all of them were already on the ninja reserves, in case war was declared, but until you put on the headband, you were free to decide to live life as a civilian with little consequence. He knew his favorite ramen server, Ayame, had trained, and almost passed. He had seen her light the burners with the fire-starting jutsu on several occasions. She claimed that she had sabotaged her scores a bit, so that if the reserves were activated, she wouldn't be the first to be called up.

At the time, Naruto had found it a bit difficult to understand not wanting to be a ninja, though he would admit that if he were forced to pick another profession, exploding tag to the head so to speak, he'd have to go with ramen chef. Now Naruto could empathize a bit more; death was a scary idea, and most ninja left the world violently. You were considered lucky if you got a painless poison, or an instant death. If one tried to estimate the number of ninja who died alone, bleeding out, in agony, one would likely lose their appetite at the least. The Academy walked a thin line, they had to prepare students for reality, but it was in the best interests of Konoha not to scare too many potential ninja away.

Between cheering for his friends, and keeping an eye on certain people's performances, Naruto pondered these and other subjects to keep himself from being bored. He had long learned that almost no one liked the way he acted when he was bored. It was hard to control, but he knew ninja needed a great deal of self-discipline, so he had approached it the way he did with most problems. He practiced staying still until he could go for at least 2 hours without fidgeting. Granted, he still needed to work on it, as he usually daydreamed, something he was sure would not be allowed on a real mission. He was snapped out of his reverie when he heard his name called.

"Hai, coming!" The spiky-haired teen jogged over to Iruka.

"Do I need to repeat the instructions, Naruto?"

"Nope! Basic three, whatever jutsu I want to show off, chakra exhaustion test."

"Good to see you were paying attention. Whenever you wish, begin."

Naruto flew through the hand seals at a fairly speedy rate before replacing himself with the log. Then, concentrating, he repeated his actions, only instead of appearing in front of Iruka, he switched places with him.

Disorientated for only a moment, Iruka's jaw dropped when he realized what had happened. Performing a seal-less replacement on the log, he turned to Naruto and demanded, "How the hell did you do that? That's supposed to be impossible!"

Naruto held up his hands, "Whoa, calm down, I just wanted to show off a bit. I know the theory too; you aren't supposed to be able to switch with other people because their chakra interferes. Well, that's only sort of true; if you read the advanced notes, they say you can replace yourself with a willing partner. I played with the equations and took it a step further. I just proved that with enough chakra, you can perform kawarimi on an unsuspecting subject. Unfortunately, even I can't switch with an unwilling Academy student in a battle situation."

"...So it's mostly an academic achievement, you can't really use it on the field?" Iruka queried.

"Well, it could be used under very certain circumstances. Remember, this takes about as much chakra as a few shadow clones, so not everyone can do it. You could have a partner stab you as you replace yourself with an unsuspecting civilian for an easy assassination, though his bodyguards might object, what with you appearing in the middle of them. That could be solved by having a shadow clone do the switch, but that's impractical to anyone except me, Kage, and maybe elite jonin. More practical, is to switch with a teammate to either take a hit for them, or to confuse your opponent. If you had a henge up, and could kawarimi smokelessly with a team mate, you could really screw with an opponent's mind."

"...That's certainly a lot to think about; after the test would you be willing to write a paper and see the Hokage for some extra credit?"

"You mean this paper?" Naruto asked cheekily, withdrawing a thin, folded stack of papers and handing it to Iruka. "But sure, I wouldn't mind seeing the old man."

Iruka scanned over the papers before slipping it in his pocket. "If someone told me three years ago that I'd be reading a paper on chakra theory by that blond brat, I'd have them checked into the psych ward."

"To be fair, Hinata proof-read it and helped me with the general format."

"It looked like her influence. All right, I know you're going to do shadow clones instead of normal bunshin, but you still have to do it and a henge. And so help me, if you do a any of your perverted brand of jutsu, I'll fail you for the year and give you a beating that made this morning seem fun."

"I was a kid! I didn't know any better! And I've proven on multiple occasions that it is perfectly valid form of distraction, sometimes even an attack."

"Get on with it!"

"Hai!" With that, Naruto made the cross seal and three kage-bunshin appeared. One started doing backflips, while another did cartwheels. Sensing Iruka's calm wearing thin, one jumped on another's back, while the third stood in front of the first two. Foregoing the seals, the three turned into the Hokage, complete with hat and little orange book. Iruka smiled at first, before realizing what the book was, and face palming.

"Ah, Iruka-kun, you should treat Naruto to ramen when this is over," the faux-Hokage suggested. "He deserves it! He's been working his ass off the last year or two, trying to make up for his stupidity when he was a kid."

"I'll keep that in mind, _Hokage-sama_," Iruka said facetiously, "Since you're here, why don't you show us your jutsu along with Naruto?"

"No problem." The Hokage look-alike took off his hat, and tossed both it and the book at a training dummy. As it flew, the book, which was behind the hat, suddenly made a small explosion, propelling the hat even faster towards the dummy. Instead of exploding on contact as much of the surprised audience assumed it would, the hat hit with a loud crack and bounced off, to end up on the ground beneath its target. Naruto scowled at it for a second, before it exploded with a fair amount of force.

The Hokage-clone looked sheepish, making Naruto's trade mark gesture of rubbing his head and explained, "Heh, looks like I'm out of practice," before it disappeared.

The rest of the students, most of whom were used to the blond's shenanigans, rolled their eyes. Leave it to Uzumaki to simultaneously impress and screw up.

"So, I'm still getting the kinks out of exploding clones, I suppose it's not quite battle worthy... Still, I think the fact that a genin hopeful can pull it off at all will be in my favor," explained Naruto.

Iruka closed his eyes, appearing as if he was trying to calm him self. "Anything else to show us?"

Naruto nodded, and began to preform the basic jutsu any half decent genin knew to help set up camp. Water condensation, one that made a spark for dry fire starting, one that made a larger flame for starting fires in bad weather, and so on.

After he finished those, he began, "As you know, when the Academy had us test our chakra natures, I was surprised to find I was wind aligned. We have relatively few wind techniques in the repositories, but I've learned a couple."

"Naruto, we don't have all day. I know there are only a few more students to test, but still, demonstrate and move on," he added the next part as a whisper, "The last part is going to take forever for you as it is..."

"Sorry sensei, I'll try to hurry up." Iruka spun around as Naruto's voice came out right behind his ear. "What the-?"

"It's advanced ventriloquism," said the familiar voice, now right behind Iruka's other ear, "I can project other noises as well."

Iruka turned back to Naruto, and watched as he clapped his hands; a moment later the sound emanated 20 feet away. "Good for distracting guards." This time the statement was made above Iruka's head. The teacher shook his head with a small smile and made a gesture to continue.

"Next is a generic wind jutsu, called Cutting Breeze: medium range, fairly quick, one 'blade'." Naruto called out the attack, demonstrating it on the dummy that he had charred earlier with the exploding clone. It created a three-inch deep slash in the dense dummy's torso. "Finally, this isn't quite a jutsu, but it deserves mention anyway," Naruto said enigmatically, "and don't worry, I know what I'm doing!"

The unpredictable ninja held the bird seal, which Iruka noted was in most futon jutsu he had seen, before crouching then leaping up incredibly fast, a combination of charging his leg muscles with chakra, and what looked like a crude futon jutsu propelling him upwards. Iruka looked pleased at first, then worried, then panicked as Naruto passed 100 feet.

While Iruka took months off of his life in worry below, Naruto was slowing down as he came to the peak of his flight. Quickly he ran through more seals, before disappearing, just as he stopped ascending at around 130 feet in the air.

Iruka's attention was jerked off of the teen in the air as he was hit with a horrible noise from where the log was sitting. Or at least where it had been sitting. Now there was a shallow trench dug into the ground originating at the log's old position. Following the trench with his eyes, he found a groaning blond haired lump lying in the dirt.

The chunin was speechless for a moment, but if Naruto thought he would get away without getting yelled at, he was disappointed as Iruka began shouting admonishments, surprising some of the awed students with his choice of vocabulary.

"By the Tsuchi-Kage's hairy ball-sack, what in fucking blue blazes did you think you were doing? You could have-"

While he ranted, Naruto rolled over to track the progress of the log he had temporarily made airborne. Eyes widening, he interrupted his teacher's rant. "Sensei! Move!"

The honed instincts of any ninja good enough to make chunin kicked in, and Iruka leapt away in a flash of movement, moments before the log returned to earth, kicking up dirt and making a sizable crater. Iruka slowly un-tensed his body, looking at the spot he was standing seconds ago, before glaring at Naruto. Naruto gulped, noticing his favorite sensei's hands clenching and unclenching, a common method to suppress emotion, generally anger.

"Why don't I go over there and do the chakra exhaustion test?" asked Naruto.

The muscles around his sometimes-mentor's eye twitched. "Yes, that would be for the best," managed Iruka.

The pair walked over to the device, until the older of the two split off towards the computer. Before they were too far apart, Iruka gave caution. "Keep it low key, after launching yourself into the sky, there will be enough kids asking questions about you without you doing something wild here."

"Got ya, sensei." Always one for dramatics, Naruto pulled up his sleeves and rubbed his hands together, then grabbed the handle. "Can I start?"

"One moment." Iruka bowed his head and mumbled a short prayer to any kami that was listening. He took a deep breath, and said, "Focus as *cough* much *cough* chakra as you can. Begin!"

The next second, a vortex of blue sprang up, spinning around the blond as he poured his chakra at roughly half his maximum rate into the measuring device. Reading Iruka's lips, (he didn't think that suggestion was anatomically possible) he took the meaning behind the advice and toned it down to one-fourth his maximum output. The swirling wind and the twisting bands of chakra faded away, but a faint blue aura remained, enveloping him as he stood there.

And stood there.

And stood there.

The previous best had been Sasuke, (naturally) whose hands had weakly glowed for a few seconds, and had held out for five minutes, though he nearly fainted after walking off a few paces. The proctors had rolled their eyes and made a note of it.

Naruto was still standing there glowing at ten minutes however, and the examiners were getting antsy, let alone the students. Coming to a decision, Iruka announced, "If you don't get tired by the 15 minute mark, please stop Naruto."

"Sure, how about I speed things up a bit?" Despite the look of alarm on his sensei's face, Naruto slowly increased his output to about 33%. The wind picked up a bit again, but not nearly as bad as it had been. The students wore gob smacked expressions; they all knew Naruto had large reserves, it was an unavoidable fact. Several times when they were learning chakra theory Naruto would do something impossible, or at least improbable for a student. After a while the sensei decided there was no point ignoring it, and they would often use him as a interactive prop for chakra theory.

Still, it had been a few years since the blond had let loose, and the brighter students were imagining what the clown could do with a jutsu that scaled in power and area of effect with chakra. It was a scary idea.

**oooooo**

The mood was more somber under a tree, where Shino, Shikamaru, Choji, and Hinata watched and smiled at their friend's antics. While they too were surprised by the effectiveness and amplitude of Naruto's performances, they had at least known what was coming. After all, the inventive blond needed people to bounce ideas off of. And after the night of Mizuki's betrayal, they were all more than merely friends.

"Man, it's troublesome to think he's doing this without even tapping into his tenant's supply. What's he pouring out Hinata? Three eighths his max?"

"You know it's hard for me to tell when he's like this," the girl answered quietly, squinting with her eyes activated, "closer to a third I think. He's got about half his reserves left."

"Damn." let out Shino, low and slowly, as if that said it all. But then didn't it?

The rest looked at him oddly, before returning to the spectacle before them. "You can say that again," agreed Choji, slowly masticating a stick of venison jerky from the Nara's ranch.

Shino decided not to.

"He's going to go far, isn't he?" the pale eyed Hyuuga asked rhetorically.

"Yep," Shikamaru replied, then paused. "You know, if you don't tell him how you feel by a year from graduation, we _are_ going to tell him, just like we said we would."

Hinata looked down. "I know, and I'm getting better, I think I'll be able to do it soon. The three of you and he have helped me so much, I-"

"Shhh- we know. You're welcome, just get your butt in gear and do it. The longer you wait, the longer both of you miss out on being together."

"...Assuming he'll take me, not to mention my father-"

Deciding it would be a bad move to even playfully slap the Hyuuga heiress in public, the lazy boy bopped her on the top of her head. "You know he'd love to try dating a girl, especially you, though if you don't hurry after today, someone might beat you to it. As for your father, you're a ninja right? Make with the sneaky sneaky."

Hinata glared at him, a welcome sight considering her temperament not too many years ago. "Fine, logically I understand he'd agree, but my father is not quite so easy an obstacle as you make him out to be. You know how he reacted when Hanabi started flirting with Konohamaru, and he's a direct descendant of our currant Hokage! Father has never mentioned an opinion on Naruto, good or bad, but considering that even most of your parents were wary of him when we all first started hanging out I think it's asking a little too much to hope he'll be happy for us." She took a breath finally, having gotten most of it out in a rush. She started poking her fingers together. "I love him, but I don't see how we can be together."

"I think you are making a bigger deal out of it than it really is, Hinata-san," Shino advised, "while your father made a big fuss, it was mostly to put the fear of Kami in Konohamaru, not because he was worried. There were rumors that for a week or so afterwards he seemed amused, one of my clan said she had even seen him... smile."

This raised eyebrows and a certain amount of disbelief out of the others. "Hmm, if true, this bears thought," Shikamaru said, summarizing everyone's thoughts.

"Still, what's the worst that can happen?" mused Choji.

"You really want to know? Let me tell you what keeps me up at night then, Choji," Hinata said, disgruntledly. "My father finds out we're dating, and it pushes things over the edge, forcing him to put the seal on me. Naruto tries to make good on his promise to me, and retaliates, killing my father and some of the elders. The village council panics, and tries to execute Naruto. In the very worst case, the furry asshole breaks loose and kills everyone; otherwise _just _Naruto dies. That's the worst that can reasonably happen."

The three boys looked at each other and seemed to communicate silently. Shino was apparently elected spokesman and began, "First of all, you have an interesting, some might say ridiculous, definition of reasonable. Secondly, while we are aware of how your father has been harsh and mistreated you in the past, you are likewise aware of our hypothesis on why he behaves so. In his twisted way, he wants you to be happy. He is just seemingly incapable of realizing that the methods that have successfully raised so many Hyuuga are incompatible with you. You yourself have said he has been laxer of late, and shielded you from the scrutiny of the Hyuuga Elders."

Such a long oration was rare from Shino, signifying the importance of the subject to both him, and the rest of the group.

Hinata sighed, and nodded. "I hope you're right. Just- just give me a little more time."

The group watched the blond again, as Iruka called time, and Naruto finally stopped sending chakra into the device. Shikamaru laughed and shook his head.

*Munch* "What's so funny?" *Munch*

Shikamaru had leaned back to watch the rain clouds, that had seemed so distant that morning, close in. "Not much, I just overheard some chunin talking about the device earlier. It converts chakra into alternating current, which the computer then measures with some complex math to compensate for various effects, and tells them how much chakra you've been pumping into it, looking for peaks, averages, cycle rates, frequency- bunches of troublesome stuff even I don't understand."

Shino's hive buzzed for a second. "I'm aware I don't always get jokes, but how is that humorous?"

"It isn't, unless you know that some bright ninja came up with the idea to hook up the voltage into the village's power supply a few years ago, thinking that the village could get a few watts of free energy out of the deal." Shikamaru pointed to a thick cable running to one of the rare aboveground power lines in the city. "Apparently, the extra energy takes some strain off the power plant each year. But after Naruto's turn, I was wondering. How much you want to bet everyone's electric bill at home will be cheaper this month?"

That broke the nervous tension that had developed in the group, and the four laughed as Naruto swaggered over towards them, looking mighty pleased with himself. Knowing someone needed to lance his ego before it swelled to much, Shikamaru called out, "Nice landing, flyboy!"

"Shut up, I did amazing, easily the best show today. Er, not that you guys didn't do great."

"True," admitted Shino, "you definitely prodded buttock."

Naruto snorted at the old in-joke, "Kicked ass, Shino, really. Hmmph, at least you didn't say defenestrated breasts or something else really weird."

"Naruto-kun!"

"Sorry, Hinata-chan, sorry. Come on guys; let's blow this place! How about some celebratory ice cream back at the hangout? What do you say?"

Shaken heads answered him. "Sorry, I'm sure I'm not the only one who has to give a report to their parents."

"Yeah."

"Indeed."

"Sorry, Naruto-kun."

"Eh, it's fine, just be sure to tell them I made 130 feet or so!"

"I'll even tell them the length of the trench you dug during your landing. I noticed you kawarimi-ed at the peak of your flight, did you forget that there would be conservation of horizontal momentum as well, Naruto?"

"No. More like I underestimated the amount of wind that high, and failed to compensate. No worries, when I learn shunshin that'll be taken care of."

"If you were anyone else, I'd suggest that there wasn't any reason to launch yourself 100 feet into the air. You'd probably be troublesome and find one though."

"Good thinking, I'll add that to my things to do list! Surveillance, perhaps? No, everyone would know where you were. Well, I'm sure there's some situation where launching yourself a dozen stories into the air would be helpful! Should we meet up Monday morning?"

The odd group of friends continued to chat as they walked away from the Academy. It was funny to watch the villager's faces, especially today, as they went from pleasant, to cold and back as they saw the heirs of several esteemed clans walking with the miscreant who had desecrated the village's most prominent land mark. One by one, they split ways, until Naruto, now alone, turned almost entirely around and headed towards the Hokage tower. Iruka had reminded him to visit old man Sarutobi before he had returned to his friends. It had been a while since he and gramps last talked, and Naruto felt like boasting about his performance. It'd be like old times. Of course, the wrinkled old monkey probably had watched the whole thing through his viewing ball.

Leaping up to the rooftops, the adolescent broke into a lazy, loping jog, interspersed with hops when a street broke the continuity of the 'ninja highway', as it was only somewhat jokingly referred to. It was late afternoon now, and the rain clouds appeared to be bunching up, as if in preparation to storming the village.

Soon enough, he was at the tower. The outside surface was sealed out the wazoo to prevent people from climbing up it. Naruto couldn't wait to learn shunshin so he could pop up to see the old man via the balcony, as he'd seen important older ninja do as a child. Then again, he'd seen what had happened to one unlucky chunin who had taken the shortcut while maintenance-nin were doing the bi-monthly security seal checks. He had teleported into the balcony's interdiction zone, setting off some serious traps. He had pulled through at the hospital, but was sentenced to gate duty for half a year, for both the recuperation time, and as punishment for ignoring the posted warnings.

Making a wise choice, Naruto used the door.

Then walked back outside, after checking the unclassified bulletin board for maintenance alerts.

'I wonder if I can catch him reading Icha-Icha?' Naruto thought to himself with a chuckle. Looking around, the blond counted out paces away from the tower, then aligned himself with the balcony. Holding the bird seal with his hands for several seconds, he looked at a flag near the top of the tower to check for wind.

"Rocket Jump no jutsu!" the blond yelled as he flung himself into the air. Unfortunately, the rain clouds chose to send a particularly strong gust of wind his way; causing what would otherwise have been a perfect landing to crash in through the glass door.

*****CRASH* *SCREECH* *THUD*

ANBU rushed through the normal door on high alert to find a torn up blond menace at the end of a red trail. Figuring out the gist of what happened (if not how), they relaxed and walked back out of the room, pointedly ignoring the orange book that ended up on top of their leader's head some time during the ruckus.

"I can see I'm going to regret asking you up here to see me, Naruto. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to use the stairs, at least until you get more practice with that technique," the Hokage said dryly.

"Yes, that is a lovely pair of coconuts Mrs. Robinson; by the way, did you see the number of the wagon that hit me?" Naruto deliriously spouted.

Hiruzen threw his book at the boy's spiked head. "Get up, I've seen you take more trauma then that and stay lucid."

The lump groaned, then straitened himself and stood up. "Hey, I didn't know Icha-Icha: No Need for Harems part 3 was out! Did you get an advance copy somehow?"

"Give that back! You aren't still aren't old enough to read it."

"You should have thought of that before you threw it at my aching head. Let's see, 'Oh Tenchi, it's so big!' 'Only from thinking about you, lovely Ayeka!' " He skipped a few pages, scanning the images. "I admit he's an awesome artist, but the dialog is cornier than chicken feed. There's too much moaning, not enough character development. At least 60 percent of the dialog is shared in common between most of the books: 'Oh blank you stud you,' 'Oh darling blank,' 'Your schlong is so long,' 'Your breasts are like two white elephants wrestling,' give me a break!" The teen tossed the orange book back to the steaming older man with a flick of his wrist, before shaking off most of the glass shards onto the floor.

"And just how did you get to be such a connoisseur?" Hiruzen glared.

"You were reading a copy the night I stole the scroll. I was curious, and took a look before I ran off. I might have thought perverts were stupid when I was a kid, but I've grown up since then." His eyes scrunched up as he pulled a large chunk of glass out of his bicep.

"One rushed look shouldn't have made you familiar enough with the work to critique it like that."

"I wouldn't call it rushed… What can I say? It left an impression on me. After all the fallout settled from that night, maybe a week later, I henged into one of the jerks who liked throwing produce at me and waltzed into a 'book store' and picked up the set. Wiped out poor Gama-chan. Like I said, he's a very good artist." Naruto looked himself over, checking for more bits of glass. He wouldn't heal as quick if he left them in his body.

"Hmmph. I suppose I'll over look it. I'm sure he'll be pleased with your opinion of the art, though he'd be hurt hearing you dismiss the story."

"Wait, you know the author personally? I knew you were a pervert, but that's pushing it Jiji!"

"Tell me, knucklehead, have you ever bothered to read the author's name?"

"That's obviously a pseudonym, I mean the Great Toad Sage? The only one who could claim that is… no way, you can't be serious!"

"Yes, my student and legendary ninja, Jiraiya. Good to hear they still teach history at the Academy. Though I'd like to see you write better than he does! You must be aware the series is an international best seller."

"Yes, but I maintain that's because of his inspired drawings! I bet I could come up with better dialog. If his work is any indication, it doesn't take any first hand experience!"

"…Well, he was never very popular with the ladies. In his youth anyway, I hear that among certain types he's quite the ladies man now."

"I'm not surprised, even if he doesn't flaunt his status. High level ninja have a certain charisma I've noticed."

"…Yes well, Jiraiya certainly has a certain… charisma. But enough about this, I didn't call you up here to discuss Icha-Icha, as stimulating as it is. I want to know how you are doing."

"You know how I'm doing. Even if the ANBU don't watch me 24/7 anymore, they still keep tabs on me, when you aren't spying on me personally with your seeing orb."

"That doesn't tell me how you're feeling Naruto-kun," said the aged leader concernedly.

"Not much has really changed gramps. We've all grown older and matured, but the five of us still hang out. I really don't know what I would've done that night without them. How I would've taken the news…"

"It all goes back to that night, doesn't it? You've changed, Naruto. For the better mostly, though I'll always mourn the loss of your innocence."

"I couldn't stay a stupid brat forever, old man. Can you imagine sending me out on a C-rank when I was 12? I'd have been toast, or at least gotten my teammates killed."

"Yes, but to us old folks you youngsters grow up so fast." Hiruzen sighed. "I'm getting too old for this hat, Naruto. It's getting too heavy on my head. I've made too many tough decisions and sent too many young men and women off to die." The weary sexagenarian turned to face the balcony. "Tell me, do you still wish to be Hokage?"

Naruto snorted, "I'm not sure any more Jiji. I used to want it with a passion- believe it!" The two chuckled at the old mannerism. "But seriously, I didn't really understand what it meant. That kind of responsibility, I've seen what it's done to you. I still want to be a great ninja, the best I can be, if not the best in the world, but do I want to lead? I guess… I guess if there was no one else who could do the job right, I'd take on the mantle. If it were necessary to keep my friends and the village safe, I'd take the hat with a smile."

The Hokage shook his head and smiled. "You never cease to amaze me Naruto. You pull stunts like the monument and crashing through my balcony door, then you go and say such a mature thing like that. Still, it's those types of stunts that lead me to think I won't be able to hold onto this hat long enough for you to grow into it." He stood up and beckoned Naruto to follow him out onto the balcony, stepping over the glass and wood fragments. "Tell me," he said, pointing his weathered hand out towards the village as the rain finally began to fall, "what do you see?"

"Is this a test of some sort?" Naruto asked, intrigued.

It was the old man's turn to snort. "You will find, Naruto, that all of life is a test. But more specifically, yes, I will gain more of a measure on you based on your response."

"Great, I never was any good at metaphors," Naruto complained, earning a swat to the head in response.

"What do you see?" urged the aging leader.

Naruto stared out over the village as the sun hung about two thirds of the way through it's path. Civilians were rushing around, trying to finish their chores while the rain was still light. He saw ANBU and the much reduced Police Force, uncaring of the elements; continuing to monitor their assigned areas of the village. He saw the literal village: wood, brick, and stone. He thought about what Jiji might want to hear and came up blank, then decided to wing it.

"I see ninja willing to carry out any mission you ask of them, even if it means their life. There are the villagers, who just want to live their lives peaceful and content. I see a complex machine with thousands of parts, a headache to keep running, and yet worth all the trouble every time a young kid smiles at fireworks."

He paused for a few seconds. "How did I score?"

"There were no right or wrong answers per say, Naruto-kun, but you did better than many. Do you see anything else?"

Naruto looked around, then smiled. "Yes, I do. I see that the extra money I paid for water-based paint was well spent, and that I'm not going to have to do any cleaning this weekend. I'm sure Iruka-sensei will be disappointed."

The Hokage looked over to the redecorated monument, which honestly had been quite amusing. The paint appeared to be melting off, leaving the rock underneath unchanged, perhaps even cleaner than it had been. The paper mache was dissolving as well. The bizarre effect reminded him of the time a young Asuma had switched his pipe tobacco with a hallucinogen.

The old man snorted, then chuckled, before letting out a big guffaw. "Oh Naruto, I think I might've passed on already without you to liven things up occasionally. There is a mighty thin line between tedium and living in interesting times, and you seem to straddle it constantly. Let's go get some ramen, my treat, okay?"

"Darn, I was hoping for some amazing ninjutsu for a graduation present, but I suppose a dozen bowls of ramen will do," the teen said, obviously facetious.

"Who said you graduated, gaki?" he mocked as they left the room.

"After the show I put on? There's no way I failed. I might get stuck with a poor team, but if it happens, I'll just help our sensei whip them into shape!"

"I wouldn't call your team a bad one…" the old man teased, starting down the stairs.

"They decided teams that quickly? That was fast! Who am I with? Tell me please!" he pleaded, regressing in maturity instantly.

"No, they haven't even finished everyone's written exams. You and a classmate just happened to be requested by a jonin. If you graduate, you'll both almost certainly go together to him."

"Crap, I wanted a team with Shino and Hinata. We all knew Shikamaru and Choji would be teamed with Ino," (the Hokage heard a whispered, "Poor Shikamaru," and held back a laugh.) "But I know Hinata will be sad, she really wanted the three of us to be together. You know, I think she might have a crush on Shino."

It took all the skill Hiruzen had not to bust out laughing at the completely clueless boy. "Are you going to do anything about it, Naruto?"

"Well, we've all been working on her assertiveness for a while, if she doesn't tell him pretty soon, I'll talk to her about it and see if she wants more proactive help. Otherwise, it's not my business."

"That's a mature path to take, I'm proud."

"Thanks. On a somewhat related note, I was thinking about the future, and our favorite literature, and realized that based on the ratio of shinobi to kunoichi, most of us guys will have to find civilian wives."

"That's generally true, though you never know, you might get lucky, or catch the eye of a young kunoichi a few years older, or eventually, younger, than you. I was lucky to be married to a wonderful kunoichi for many years."

"You know, we're taught all about your exploits on the battle field. But it never occurred to me how little most people know about any of the Hokage's personal lives."

"The four of us were rather private people. I don't mind stopping in the street and having a chat with a villager, but my personal life is not the business of anyone who I don't choose to share it with."

"That makes sense. Growing up, I wanted people to talk about the things I had done; I planned on being so famous everyone would know my name. But I wouldn't want people to talk about my private time with my wife, or my hobbies, or stuff."

"Private time with your wife huh? You know, there's a rumor that the Yondaime nearly killed his sensei, Jiraiya, for publishing his honeymoon night as Icha-Icha: Steamy Night Spectacular."

"The Fourth Hokage was married? They never said that in class!"

'Shit!' Hiruzen thought, 'That's what happens when you get too casual.'

"Like I said, a private guy. He had gotten married less than a year before…" The old man explained.

"Oh. I got you. What happened to his wife?"

"Died fighting the Kyubii" he bluntly lied, not pulling any punches. They had gone slowly and were now at the bottom of the tower. "Speaking of ninjutsu for graduation presents, how would you like to learn two techniques to keep you dry in the rain?" The sly man redirected.

"Boring, yet practical," mused Naruto, "sure, why not?"

"The first technique isn't a jutsu as much as a training exercise used practically. Expel a firm wave of chakra out of your head, and have the wave move to the ground, pushing beads of water to your feet. Once you get proficient at it, you can move liquids anywhere on your body or clothing to your hand, for example."

He demonstrated, stepping out into the rain for a few moments, and then back under cover where the beads of water pooled together into the palm of his hand. He then used one-handed seals with his other hand to launch the small blob of water into the street, leaving him and his clothes perfectly dry.

"That method is more useful generally, as it uses less chakra, and will not alert enemies to your presence unless they are a sensor, or are in visual range already. Every chunin is supposed to know it. However, it will take you months of practice at the state your chakra control is in. On the other hand, this second technique is an actual jutsu, a variant of a wind release called unimaginatively, Wind Shield, used to knock away incoming projectiles. You should be able to learn it quite quickly."

Hiruzen told the young jinchuriki the order of hand seals, and roughly how much chakra to use relative to the offensive wind jutsu Naruto had used that afternoon. Then the pair set off, despite Naruto's protests of not being ready yet.

"The rain is a good motivator, Naruto-kun. Let's make it a challenge, if you can activate the wind barrier by the time we get to Ichiraku's, I'll buy you 15 bowls of ramen, if not, you'll have to pay for any after the eighth bowl."

The wet blond sputtered indignantly, then groaned, knowing he wouldn't change his surrogate grandfather's mind. The two proceeded down the street, the older man staying perfectly dry as the water rolled right off of him, and the younger man getting absolutely drenched. The Hokage smiled every time there was a violent blast of wind that came off the teen next to him.

By this time, the only ones out were ninja on business, or the occasional off duty nin using the same technique as the Hokage, and taking advantage of the lack of crowds. They would all make small nods of respect to the Hokage as he passed by.

"Grr, why haven't I gotten it yet?"

"For one thing, your tiger hand seal is a bit sloppy, but mostly it's because it takes practice. Even I never performed any non-trivial jutsu the first time I tried it, although I recall Tsunade-hime doing so with a few lower-intermediate level jutsu. But that's an unfair comparison, she had almost inhuman chakra control despite generously sized… chakra reserves… from a very young age."

"Heh, huge tracts of land… Geez, how the mighty have fallen: the Great Toad Sage an erotic literature author; the most dangerous, beautiful kunoichi in the elemental nations a drunk, irresponsible gambler with the moniker Legendary Sucker; and Orochimaru, hiding out in some cave somewhere, the greatest traitor Konoha has ever had, even bigger than Itachi. The Densetsu San-nin! I wonder what Hanzo thinks about it."

Hiruzen's expression grew chilly. "Watch what you say Naruto, you do not understand all that has happened involving those three, much as the villagers do not understand your situation," he warned.

Naruto flinched, and stopped practicing for a minute. "Sorry Jiji, I need to work on controlling my mouth."

"It couldn't hurt Naruto-kun," the old man said, more gently this time.

The soaked blond started practicing again, blasting out air every half minute or so.

"Let me demonstrate it once, so you know what you're doing. And remember, until you can do a jutsu flawlessly every time, it helps you visualize the effect to call out the name. You don't think we shout out our intentions to sound cool, do you?"

"I know that Jiji, but you seem to have forgotten to tell me it's name!"

"Oh, um, right. I was uh, testing you!" he said unconvincingly. "…It doesn't really have a name; it was a minor variation, not very popular. Would you like to make one up?"

"Sure! How about Rain Shield?"

"Really? I was expecting something more elaborate from you."

"Don't worry old man, I'm saving the pretentious, over the top names for all the awesome jutsu I make, like Rocket Jump! As useful as this Rain Shield would be right now, it would be lame for it to have some ridiculous name."

"If you put as much thought into practicing the jutsu as you did just now in naming it, you'd probably have finished already," he admonished before going through the hand signs. There was a small blast of wind before a barely visible dome of air formed above him, picking up drops and flinging them away in random directions as it swirled around.

"Sugoi!" The soggy teen stared at it for a minute, before the old man released the jutsu. "Rain Shield no Jutsu!" the adolescent shouted. This time there was a weak dome of breeze that appeared for several seconds, before suddenly expanding in a weak explosion of wind. "Now I'm getting somewhere!"

The Hokage smiled as they kept walking, taking pleasure in the boy's journey of learning. He could tell that Naruto would get it soon, but doubted he'd get it in time to earn the 15 bowls of ramen. If his tired old brain worked, their destination was only two more blocks ahead, and one to the right.

Naruto seemed to instinctively know the distance to his favorite ramen stand at all times, and was putting even more effort into experimenting with the jutsu, trying to find a way to make it work. Hiruzen was surprised when Naruto changed the order of two of the seals purposefully, to see the overall effect. Well, he wasn't as surprised by the fact that the blond did it, than by the fact that the attempt after that one seemed much more stable.

"Well, even if you don't graduate, I'll put in a good word for you at the R&D lab, you could backwards engineer a lot of jutsu Konoha has wanted ever since the Uchiha were taken from us," he teased.

"Ha frigging ha. It is to laugh. I'm going to win my 15 bowls of ramen!"

As they got closer, the knucklehead varied more and more from the original jutsu activation sequence his 'Gramps' had showed him, getting quite interesting results, but nothing really resembling the swirling dome the old man demonstrated.

As they turned the corner and their destination came into view, (and within smelling range), the Hokage gloated a bit. "I suppose my wallet will only be wounded, not completely slaughtered today, Naruto-kun. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get-"

He was interrupted by another blast of air, louder and stronger this time, but then was assaulted by relative silence. A dome the width of the street, much larger than the one he had made, was not only flinging all the water away from both of them, but also muffling the noise of the rainfall outside the dome.

"Impressive, Naruto! You even forwent calling out the jutsu. I assume you were testing a wide range of variables when you were screwing around with the hand seals?"

"Something like that, the empirical process has a lot to recommend its self," said the smug teen. "Sorry about your wallet, but if I remember, you and Iruka have got lines of credit here from feeding me so often."

"Mmm, indeed," Hiruzen frowned, thinking of a particular bottle of sake he had been looking forward to, the money for which was about to end up in the brat's stomach. "A word of caution, while impressive, the sound dampening effect will allow enemies to sneak up on you more easily. Most likely, your Jonin-sensei will prohibit you from using this in most cases."

"If it's raining this hard, you wouldn't even hear that green spandex weirdo, let alone a normal ninja preparing to ambush you. But I'll take your advice into account." He raised his hands again, making the bird seal to focus, before the large dome shrunk to cover only the young man.

Hiruzen shivered a moment, as the rain started to fall on him once again. While he remained dry, the cold water still sapped the heat from his body, though not nearly as much as it would if he stayed wet. He grinned, viewing his grandson in all but blood produce the technique as it was intended to be formed.

"Let's get inside and eat."

The two stepped through the door after Naruto ceased the barrier. The stand had done so well the last few years that Teuchi had been able to expand to an actual building. There were a number of villagers using the establishment as shelter from the downpour. Most of them had acted sensibly, and had a meal while they waited for the rain to let up. They were treated to the sight of their Hokage coming in, though it was ruined somewhat with the fact he was with the little demon. However, their leader's feelings for it were well known, so they ignored him and greeted the ruler happily.

The Hokage nodded his head, acknowledging and returning their greetings, before putting a hand on Naruto, and drying them both off with his chakra. "Teuchi-san, your biggest customer is here to celebrate completing his final genin exams!"

A muffled yell of delight came form the back. "Wonderful! I'll set up another pot of broth!"

Ayame rushed out of the back with a ladle still in hand. She rushed around the counter and grabbed the boy in a hug, actually lifting him off the ground for a moment. "Congratulations Naruto! I'm sure you passed with flying colors! What order do you want your flavors in today? And how many? Gee, I remember taking the genin exam, I did all right, but decided I didn't really like the idea of having to kill. How did you do?" The girl was almost more energetic than Naruto remembered himself being as a kid.

"Ha! Calm down Ayame! Did you drink a bunch of coffee or something?"

"I got thirsty this afternoon and had one of the energy drinks you left here. It doesn't seem to be affecting me the same way it does you, no it doesn't!"

The Hokage laughed as Naruto face palmed. "Ayame-chan, I told you not to let anyone drink those, they get ordered from the capitol city! They're almost more medicine than soda! You're lucky you don't have a caffeine migraine; you must have a high tolerance. Come sit down and I'll tell you about the exam."

The villagers were hard pressed to ignore the blond, as he and the cute girl that had served them all talked about his day. One customer finished his bowl, left his money on the counter, and walked off through what was now a storm. No one else seemed that gutsy, though many were confused listening to the supposed menace. Almost none of them had spent any time with him, their presumptions about the way he acted were proven groundless, though some deluded themselves into thinking it was some kind of trick.

As the teens chatted, the establishment's owner came out from the back, ready to take orders. "So Naruto-kun, Hokage-sama, what can I make for you?"

Reading the mood of the crowd, Naruto allowed the Hokage to order first.

"Ah, all of your dishes are so good, Teuchi-san, it's hard to pick! I suppose I'll have shrimp today. And Naruto's first 15 bowls are on my tab today, he won my bet by learning the Rain Shield jutsu in the time it took to walk here from my office!"

There were some mumbles at this, either from surprise that the boy could eat as much as a hungry Akimichi, or anger at his tricking the Hokage into paying for his food.

"Congratulations, Naruto-kun! What order would you like the flavors in?"

"Hmm. I haven't had the miso, chicken, shrimp, beef, pork order in a while. I like the contrast between the chicken and the miso, especially with the shrimp afterwards. And your beef and pork are always good no matter the order! Let's try it that way today please, Teuchi-san."

The stand's proprietor was annoyed Naruto felt forced to be so formal with him, but understood that he was being on best behavior with so many people around. "Good choice, Naruto-kun. I'll have your orders out shortly!"

Naruto went back to chatting with Ayame, while the Hokage made small talk with the rest of the patrons. While he was annoyed with their attitude towards young friend, these people, and others like them, were ultimately the reason Konoha existed. To keep villagers, wherever they were from, happy and safe from bandits and other parasites.

"Ayame-chan!" came a shout from the rain outside. "Have you seen boss around?"

'Oh no, not today!' the blond thought. While he thought Konohamaru and his pals were great kids, now was not a good time!

Sure enough, the three barely teens walked into the diner soaked. The crowd turned to see their Hokage's grandson and two best friends, Udon and Moegi, shake water off themselves.

"I want to hear about his exam today-" the boy continued, before seeing his target. "Boss! I thought I might find you here. Oh, hey gramps! Teuchi-san, would you let us put a bowl on our tab? We just completed a d-rank, so we'll pay you back tomorrow after we cash the check!"

"I don't know, last time I lent you credit you didn't pay me back for a week."

"Extenuating circumstances! I got put in the hospital for a day, then a string of unlikely events occurred and I couldn't get anyone to take you the money."

"Heh, I know, I'm just messing with you! You three want your usual?"

The youngsters nodded in the affirmative, before moving over to bug Naruto. "How were the exams, did you pass, what was the toughest problem?"

"CALM DOWN!" Shouted Ayame. "He's answering my questions!"

Naruto laughed, "Guys, you all want to know the same stuff. I'll tell all of you, just let me get a word in!" He started over again, giving an outline of the written exam before going over the physical portion.

**oooooo**

By the time the blond was done with his 15th bowl, the whole crowd was listening as he told about his turn to wow the proctors in jutsu.

"So I turn over in the ditch I had carved out, and Iruka sensei starts shouting at me, I think his best line involved the Tsuchi-kage's scrot-"

The Hokage coughed loudly.

"Um, well, Iruka said a lot of curses, some of which were inspired, while the log I switched with was heading straight for him. I shouted at him to move, and he just barely got away before it crashed into the ground. Whew, was he pissed! I decided to go to the next section before he popped a vessel!"

Some of the villagers laughed despite themselves.

"Wait, you didn't do your sexy technique?" asked Konohamaru.

'Oh kami shut up shut up, everything's going so well!'

"Sexy technique? What's that?" asked a curious man.

"Only boss's first, most awesome original jutsu ever!" shouted the excited boy.

"Don't tell them that runt! It was a childish, juvenile version of the henge I made when I was eleven," the blond explained, "I saw guys acting stupid around beautiful women, and extrapolated that beautiful naked women would make men act even stupider."

"You got that right!" supplied a middle-aged woman.

"C'mon kid, don't leave us hanging, show it to us!" What must have been the man's girlfriend put an ice cube down his shirt in response.

"Sorry, I don't think the ladies in the establishment would look kindly on it," Naruto begged off. 'This is so surreal. They're acting as if I was a well known radio personality…'

"Don't worry mister! He taught me how to do it too! I'll show you!"

Konohamaru flipped through the seals before he could be stopped, and poofed into a naked woman, not even bothering to put up the censoring clouds that would have stayed over 'her' new assets. The women scowled, as the men grew glassy eyed as the woman bounced on her heals. The girlfriends and wives who were there with their men made their displeasure known.

Moegi, while annoyed at Konohamaru's behavior, thought the women were being rather hard on the guys. "Stop that! You act like you all wouldn't act the same way if you saw a sexy naked man waltz in!"

"You ought to know better girl, women aren't perverted like men are!" claimed a woman.

"Really?" The teen girl flashed through the symbols herself, "Sexy Man technique!"

The women quickly became quiet, a few fanning them selves as they looked upon the fake Adonis. Udon rolled his eyes and continued eating his ramen.

It was the men's turn to get annoyed, but most were entranced by the hypnotic jiggle of the beautiful woman's breasts.

The Hokage, who knew where this had been headed, had his eyes closed. "I'd like to remind all of you that that is my 13-year-old grandson and his friend you're ogling."

The crowd grew queasy-faced, but when the two started to hop up and down to prove their point, most of the crowd started leaking blood from their noses.

The Hokage looked around at the crowd, keeping his gaze averted from the two bouncing brats. "Naruto, fix this."

The blond turned to him, his expression clearly asking the older man what he expected him to do about it. Getting no response, the blond sighed. 'In for a ryu, in for a hundred I guess…'

"Not bad for beginners, but you need practice. Kage-bunshin! Pan-gender Harem Super Knockout Technique!" he shouted, being as over the top as possible.

A dozen men and women appeared, perfectly nude and straight out of the latest Icha-Icha, grinding against one another, including some same sex groping for any really perverted patrons in the room. Almost the entire room fainted from a drop in blood pressure except for Naruto's close friends. Even the Hokage was taken out, though it was uncertain whether he hadn't averted his gave quickly enough, or if he had felt the view was worth a little blood.

The victory wasn't without a price though. Ayame and her father, the three brats who had started it all, and even Naruto himself were holding their noses, small trickle's of blood flowing out.

"I think my balls just dropped." Udon said in a daze.

Konohamaru was having a bit of an existential crises. "Oh no! Does this mean we're perverts too?" he panicked.

Moegi ended her technique, her hands moving to her small breasts for a second, before she stuffed them both in her pockets with a blush.

Ayame made a small squeaking noise before she managed, "Naruto, you can have your clones stop any time now…"

Naruto himself had been in a daze before he was snapped out of it by Ayame's command. "Right! … Maybe in a minute…" he said as he slipped back into it.

Teuchi, the only adult conscious, had managed to close his eyes in time, though the obscene noises were still giving him a bloody nose. "Naruto! Iruka's on his way here!"

"What? Crap! Guys, dispel!"

His clones immediately stopped groping one another and popped, causing Naruto to freeze.

"… … … I'm going to borrow your bathroom for a minute, okay?" Naruto asked wide-eyed.

Having some idea as to what just happened, the fatherly ramen shop owner nodded, imagining the poor boy would need to clean up.

Ayame was quick on the uptake, and blushed harder than she had been, as Naruto walked off oddly.

Konohamaru blinked then gaped, "Boss was so sexy, he messed _himself_ up! I thought he was untouchable! Sugoi!"

Neither father nor daughter thought it a good idea to explain to the boy exactly what had just occurred, it was rather a private matter anyway.

Naruto returned to the room, having obviously splashed some water on his face, among other things. "You two! While I'm proud that your henge is to that level, you behaved awful! I'm telling Iruka sensei what happened. Udon, while you had enough sense to stay out of it, you should have tried to stop them! Since I seem to have kick started your sex drives, I'm going to remind you that while it's fun to mess with adults, none of you are old enough to be doing any of that yet! If you have questions, ask Iruka sensei or myself. If you need it, I'll let you borrow a Icha-Icha book, as long as you promise not to imitate anything in it, and return it to me without any stains."

The three troublemakers had looked contrite throughout the tongue-lashing, but put on incandescent blushes at the last part.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going for a long walk in the rain," the blond concluded, then proceeded to do just that.

The teen stood under the sky as the water poured down on him. 'I have the feeling I'm going to be taking many cold showers between now and Monday. That, or I should buy a fresh box of tissues.'

**oooooo**

Thirty minutes later, the men and women that had been knocked out woke up with a smile on their faces. They wouldn't remember anything after Naruto's tale about the exams until the memories trickled back a week later, yet they felt good. Many felt better than they had in years. That night, husbands and wives all over town were surprised by their partner's behavior. Nine months later there would be a small pile of cards on the blonde's front door, thanking the teen for indirectly being responsible for 20 new Konoha citizens. But that is a different story.

**OOOOOO**

End Chapter the First

**oooooo**

A/N: Please don't PM or review telling me how child soldiers happen all the time or trying to educate me on how you heard the brain matures by the time you turn 12. To begin with, I'm sure you've seen pictures of skinny black boys holding AK-47s. Child soldiers on earth happen when you have more guns than you have trained people. It's relatively simple to pull the trigger in the general direction of your enemy. Melee combat and magic? Not so much.

Additionally, child soldiers suck. I'm willing to bet they can barely hold the gun still while firing from the recoil with their tiny arms, let alone infiltrate an enemy base and assassinate someone. The idea of a ninja in Naruto is an elite agent who can handle anything (except be stealthy, but that's another issue). Children can't plan very well, and it takes much experience to take information and constantly adapt your response to a situation- unlike real child soldiers, who basically are told to shoot at anyone who doesn't wear a blue bandana, or other simple objectives.

If you actually have any experience with child soldiers, or are some professional who studies them academically, please contact me if I'm in error, or have something to add.

As to the brain, I'm not a doctor, or even a medical student, but I do know the very basics of child development. Please don't tell me "studies show that the brain actually does reach full growth around 12 years of age". (Actual review quote.)

Once again, if there are any psychologists, psychiatrists, or even med students reading this who can back me up or shoot me down, please PM me. I'm also interested in doing a scene involving Naruto and his therapist, but I have no idea where to start.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Expect the occasional reference and even a few anachronisms.

**OOOOOO**

"_That's right, the Kyubii was sealed into you! You are the Kyubii-no-kitsune, destined to kill everyone! That's why everyone hates you!"_

_The blond reeled back as if punched. It was so absurd, but explained so much; he could feel the truth of it pressing down on him._

"_Shut up! There's no way Naruto-kun is the Kyubii!" cried Hinata, who had come out of hiding. "We know him better than you, the monster would never be able to care about people like Naruto does!"_

"_Tcha. You! Then I guess the other demon loving heirs are here as well?"_

_Iruka was wounded, but still able to talk, and even fight a bit. "Give up. There's no way you can defeat all of us. I'll talk them into giving you one of the nice cells. Otherwise, I don't think I'm strong enough to capture you. I'll have to kill you."_

_The traitor grinned at his opponents. "Please, just because I'm officially a chunin doesn't mean that I'm as weak as you, Iruka. I can take on five 13 year old brats and a wounded chunin-sensei no problem! HA HA HA- urk!" Mizuki slid back as an expanded fist, courtesy of Choji, hit him in the stomach._

"_How troublesome. All this drama, and it's happening on a night that the moon is barely out on. Still, I've managed to trap you," said Shikamaru calmly from behind the traitor. "Don't try to fight it, if I miss, you'll be paralyzed for life instead of just a week." Drawing back his arm with a kunai in it, he jerked, then released the technique before jumping out of the way of three shuriken._

"_Heh, you're supposed to be the smart one? There's not enough light for your shadow to bind someone so much stronger than you. If any of you have brains, you'll give me the scroll and run for it! Hell, I'll even leave the demon alive… if not completely intact."_

_Hinata chose that moment to jump out behind the man. Skipping the range of divination comments, she skipped straight to the important part. "Two palms, four palms, eight pal-" she got out, before getting struck by a wide rotating kick. "EEK!" She flew back towards a tree, but Iruka caught her and set her down._

_Mizuki flexed his left arm, which had been partially paralyzed by this last attack. "Stupid brats! Forget it! I'm killing you all before I leave with the scroll." The man flipped through seals quickly, alarming Iruka as it appeared to be a large fire jutsu. Shino rushed forwards, insects buzzing, as he tried to interrupt what was obviously a fight changing jutsu._

_Suddenly an oppressive aura settled over everyone, and killing intent focused on Mizuki, stopping him from completing the large jutsu. "Enough! This is my fight! I won't let my friends get hurt, no matter what!" The blond stood, tossing the scroll to Iruka, and focusing his eyes on his enemy. "What an idiot you are! Either you're stupid enough to think you can take on a force of nature and win, something the strongest ninja, our fourth Hokage, couldn't do; or you'll feel better for having killed a kid that hadn't done anything to anyone! You're disgusting! Even worse than the villagers, they have the excuse of not understanding sealing and military matters!"_

"_Naruto-kun… your eyes…" the girl said quietly, though the forest was so still, everyone could hear it._

_Naruto was emanating a hazy purple aura that stung a few of his friends before they backed up. His eyes were changing between blue and red, staying purple most of the time._

_Mizuki seemed to shake off his momentary shock. "See? The truth comes out! I'm not stupid at all. You are the Kyubii, biding your time after being greatly weakened. I'll kill you now before you recover enough to defend yourself! Iruka, surely you recognize this red youki! Help me avenge your parents!"_

"_Shut up! I won't let you spew any more of your twisted logic! Kage-bunshin!"_

_The forest filled with smoke, and as it dissipated it revealed hundreds of furious blonds._

_Mizuki grew utterly terrified. "No. I'm too late. It's already healed!"_

_The solid clones rushed in and pummeled the man, taking out the original's frustrations on the traitor. The clones punched so hard they occasionally dispelled themselves._

_Naruto's friends and Iruka stood there, the students processing the information they had received, while Iruka prayed that everything would work out._

_Naruto's aura winked out, and he dispelled the remaining clones. Mizuki was alive, but you could tell just from looking at him he would be in excruciating pain if conscious. Some joints were going the wrong way, most of his teeth were missing or broken, and from the smell that was coming from him, he had released his bowels during the beating._

_The blond walked off into the bushes and puked, before staggering back and curling up on the ground. The male students looked at each other, while Hinata ran up to him crying, hugging her crush. Slowly, the three boys walked up to the pair on the ground and tried to comfort their friend._

_Iruka let go of a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. It seemed Naruto's peers accepted him. While the event overall was a disaster, the teacher could see a lot of good coming out of this._

_**oooooo**_

Naruto sat up out of bed, rather sweaty, and looked at the alarm by his bed. "Three A.M.? Shit!" The blond grabbed his pillow and fluffed it aggressively. "I haven't dreamt of that night in nearly a year! Ugh, I'll have to tell my head shrink next session."

The blond knew he wouldn't get back to sleep for a while, so he got up to get a glass of water. 'Why now? Is it because I'll be a genin tomorrow?' He, like the rest of his class, had gotten the results back from the exam earlier that night. There was a small letter from the old man telling him not to worry about being called for specifically by a jonin. It explained that while it was true the exams gave insight into the students, indirectly determining which team they would best fit in, the story that your exam score dictated your team placement was just rumor propagated to get students to study. While it didn't say whom he was with, it suggested that Naruto would be unhappy, but it would be rewarding if he put up with it.

'Screw it. I need to get to sleep. It would be poor form to show up to meet my jonin-sensei brain dead,' he rationalized. He opened a cabinet, and grabbed a hidden key. Walking over to the sink, he unlocked the doors under it and grabbed a half full bottle of strong rum. Pouring the water out of his glass, he filled it with about three fingers, then locked the bottle away again. Turning to the fridge, he pulled out a milk carton and sniffed it. Deciding it was okay; he poured it into the rum until it nearly filled the glass. After putting everything away, he opened a window and got himself up to the roof. He pulled a tarp off a ratty looking, but comfortable, yard lounger he had found on the side of a street. Laying back on it, he sipped his drink and made a face at the flavor.

This was the one thing Naruto was certain the old man didn't know about, now that he knew of their shared taste in pornography. Not that it was a big deal. The blond had never even gotten drunk so far. But he felt Jiji would be disappointed if he knew that every so often he had a bit to ease the passing of the night. The adolescent had made his psychologist swear up and down to patient confidentiality before he told the woman about it. She told him since he was breaking the law, she wasn't bound to it, however she relented as long as he promised to never abuse it, and keep her aware of what was happening in his life.

Apparently the alcohol wasn't even doing anything to him physiologically. She told Naruto it was psychosomatic, he expected drinking would put him to sleep, so it did.

The blond stared up into the sky in his boxers, pondering the future and occasionally grimacing at the fowl taste of his concoction. If the teen was honest, he was more nervous than he'd been for a very long time. He'd been certain he would pass, but there was nothing he could do to effect which teammates he would get. And what about this sensei that had apparently asked specifically for him and another boy? One would assume they knew what they was getting into if they asked for the blond, but Naruto knew he ruffled a lot of people's feathers with his… unique… personality.

Naruto felt himself start to relax, apparently because his mind was tricking his body, and let himself drift away into the night. He'd face whatever challenges came in the morning the way he always did: head on, then from whichever direction they least expected it.

**oooooo**

Naruto woke up again as a seagull pulled on some of his hair. Yawning, the boy checked the position of the sun, and stretched. "Heh, it would be ironic if I slept late today. Thanks seagull-san! The gang said we'd meet for breakfast before class!"

Grabbing the empty cup, he ran down the side of the apartment complex and swung into his window, rushing around to do his morning constitutionals and get ready. After washing up, he slid on the outfit Hinata had helped him pick out. It took a while, but he understood now how god-awful he had appeared as a kid. That didn't stop him from keeping orange highlights on his outfit.

Checking himself after putting on the standard load-out for a d-rank mission, he raced out and over to the bakery where he and his friends met before class occasionally.

A few moments later, a masked jonin and the Hokage faded into sight in the hall. After picking the lock, the pair walked into the teen's apartment.

"Fairly tidy for a teenager living on his own," the man remarked.

"I still think it's a little late for you to be doing research on your students Kakashi. You should have done this weeks ago, considering you asked for him specifically."

"Yes, but would I have found out as much about him when he wasn't stressed? Probably not."

Kakashi walked around analyzing the apartment, opening cabinets and the refrigerator, before sniffing a glass on the counter. "He already drinks?"

"Wouldn't you, in his place?" The old man shook his head, "He thinks I don't know. It doesn't seem to be a problem, so we're ignoring it. The psych department says it's a minor quirk, although they're keeping an eye on it."

"Still, at this age…" the younger man said.

"I'm told that your refusal to show up on time is a more worrisome trait than his occasional sip or two. He acquired a liter of rum over six months ago and has only used half of it. Are you done here, or do you want to see the bed room?"

The cyclops knew when to stop pressing a point, and nodded, heading for the bedroom. Looking around, he tapped a section of wall and looked at the Hokage for permission. Getting it, he depressed a knot in the wood, and slid the wall away, revealing a nearly complete collection of his favorite literature.

The jonin slid everything back in place with a chuckle, "At least I know we have something in common." He glanced around again then poked his head into the bathroom. "Alright, I got what I came for. Let's see Sasuke's place next."

**ooooo**

Despite hurrying, Naruto found himself the last one to their customary bakery/breakfast shop. "Hey guys! Everyone ready? I'm pretty nervous myself!"

The five friends chatted anxiously amongst themselves, going over the exam results and what they had been up to over the weekend. Now that everyone was there, they ordered food and a large pot of tea.

"The old man won't tell me what the teams are, but I'm pretty sure there won't be a Shino/Hinata/Naruto team, unfortunately," the blond predicted.

"While disappointing, that was not unexpected," Shino replied.

"It would take a miracle to get me and Choji on any other team than with Ino. Ugh, if it weren't for my mother I'd quit being a shinobi just to avoid teaming with her. My mom's even more troublesome than the blond bimbo though."

"Yeah but at least you have certainty, all I know is that some jonin asked for me and another guy personally. I can probably put up with anyone as long as it isn't the Uchiha bastard though. Maybe I'll be with Kiba, he's a bit dumb, but always good for a laugh, and pretty tough too."

The teens ate and suggested hypotheticals until it was time to go.

"Hey, whatever happens, we'll still stick together right?" Naruto asked.

"Of course. We'll be busy, but we still get mandatory free time no matter who our jonin sensei will be."

"Right!" Choji added.

The friends smiled and walked to the Academy for the last time for what would be quite a while.

**oooooo**

All the students who had passed were sitting in the auditorium, waiting to hear their fate. The full spectrum of emotions was visible in the room as Iruka took center stage.

"Good morning genin! If you are here you are now part of Konoha's military might, a ninja! I have made enough speeches, so I will be listing the teams momentarily. Afterward, your jonin-sensei will pick you up and take you out of my hands. Any questions? Everyone gone to the bathroom? Is it obvious I'm getting my revenge on you all by making you wait? Good! Team one: Hayabusa Ryu, Tenshin Kasumi, and Souma Kumiko under Kanzaki Hayato. Team Two:…

The chunin continued to read names, bringing joy to some, and anguish to others.

"Team seven: Haruno Sakura, Uzumaki Naruto, and Uchiha Sasuke under Hatake Kakashi. Team eight: Aburame Shino, Hyuuga Hinata, and Inuzuka Kiba under Yuuhi Kurenai. The team nine designation is still in use. Team ten: Akimichi Choji, Nara Shikamaru, and Yamanaka Ino under Sarutobi Asuma. Good luck!"

Iruka walked off the stage and listened to the wails of suffering that the various brats were making, now that they knew their teammates. It was music to his ears.

**oooooo**

It was noon now, and everyone was gone, except for team seven, whose jonin-sensei hadn't bothered to show up yet.

Naruto spent the first ten minutes after the announcement banging his head against the wall. After he had made a dent in it (the wall), he settled into acceptance and waited.

The blond had passed the two hour mark for which he had trained himself to be calm for. "Where the fucking hell is Kakashi? It's somewhat funny when it happens to someone else, but I am no longer amused!"

Sasuke looked at the loudmouth. "You know our sensei?"

"I know _of_ him, I'm surprised you don't. He's not as legendary as the San-nin, but he's a VIP for sure. Rumor is that he's extremely good, and pretty messed up in the head, although it expresses itself in benign ways. We're either very lucky to have him, or screwed."

"Why do you say that, Naruto?" Sakura asked. She didn't hold much of an opinion on Naruto lately, though she remembered how he used to annoy her constantly for dates when they were younger. After seeing his performance during the jutsu exam, she felt extremely lucky to be with both of the boys.

"Because I know he's never taken a genin team before, and I think I remember hearing him assigned teams in the past. That means he might have the power to keep us from being a team. On the other hand, old man Sarutobi confided to me that Kakashi hand picked Sasuke and I, so maybe he finally feels like teaching?"

Sasuke doubted anyone would handpick the dobe for anything, despite his massive chakra reserves. It wasn't that Naruto was bad… he did pretty well in some of the practical application tests. But despite his 'creative flair', the dobe performed below par on most of the mental aspects of ninja-dom. Still, if their sensei was that good, maybe he could get the loud fool to be impressive. Sasuke knew that with a sensei of that quality, he'd grow quickly, and maybe meet out revenge on his brother.

The three sat, waiting, before Naruto stood up and unsealed a bag of objects from a storage scroll in his pocket. The other two teens watched curiously (though Sasuke maintained an appearance of apathy) as the blond went to work trapping the auditorium doors, which he closed.

"That can't possibly work on a jonin, fool."

"We'll see. In the mean time, I'm going to take a nap."

**oooooo**

*Squeek-Toing-Virrrip-Splurch*

"…zzzZsnk- Huh? He finally show up?" Naruto asked, his pranking sense waking him up.

Sasuke and Sakura stared in surprise at the figure standing just within the doorway. Every layer of the blond's prank trap hit, from the eraser on the top of the door, to the elaborate wire trigger trap he'd placed. The jonin would have made an impressive sight if it weren't for the glitter stuck to his regulation armored-jacket via a splotch of paint.

The man looked at the room's inhabitants- two shocked teens, and a just awoken jinchuriki who was beginning to smile at his handiwork.

"Your doing, I take it?" He asked the blond. Getting a nod from all three teens, he replied, "Not a bad trap. You do realize I'm going to make your life even more of a hell than the other two now?"

Naruto smiled and nodded. "Totally worth it after waiting this long."

The man's visible eyebrow rose. "As long as we're on the same page. Everybody meet on the roof in five minutes!" The man disappeared.

The blond stood up and stretched. "Well you heard him. Let's go!" he shouted, hurrying out of the room.

Sakura shook her head. 'Did our sensei walk into that intentionally? Naruto couldn't have made a trap that could take out a jonin, right?' She pondered to herself before studying the setup of the trap closely. Their sensei had admitted it was effective, so she might as well try to remember it.

Sasuke watched the pink half of his dreaded duo study the trap. 'Interesting. Our teacher allowed himself to be humiliated. I admit it's a decent trap for something thrown together, but I watched his eyes as he walked in. He was never surprised. But why? To make us underestimate him? As an excuse to be biased against Naruto? Possibly, some people seem to hate him disproportionately to his antics.' Sasuke rolled the ideas around in his head as he hopped out the window and walked up to the roof.

Sakura finished her quick sketch in a notebook she kept on her and noticed she was alone. "Hey guys, wait for me!"

**oooooo**

The four ninja were on the roof of the academy staring at each other. Kakashi had apparently used the 5 minutes to wash off some of the mess, though he wasn't completely successful. He broke the silence. "Alright, after 10 years the three of you no doubt know each other, but let's share something about ourselves so we can know each other as a team. I'll start. I'm Hatake Kakashi, one of Konoha's top jonin, and now sensei to you three rug rats. My likes are personal, though I'm sure you'll notice one quickly. My dislikes are likewise personal, some of which you'll discover as we go along. I have few hobbies besides being late to everything, and my goal is to bring the three of you to your full potential. None of you are old enough to hear my dreams yet; they get pretty freaky. Pinky, your turn."

Sakura frowned at the almost complete evasion their teacher had made. "Fine, I'm Haruno Sakura, fresh genin. I like um…" She looked at Sasuke, then away. "Anko dumplings, and my friend Ino when she isn't being impossible. I dislike spicy foods and my rival Ino when she _is_ being impossible, my goal is to be a strong kunoichi, and my dreams are like most of sensei's info- private."

'Ugh, dealing with young girls always sucks. At least she seems to have matured to some degree, I don't want to imagine what she used to be like.' "Fine. Short, dark and brooding, your turn."

Sasuke glared at the man, who didn't seem to notice, then sighed and began. "I'm Uchiha Sasuke, fresh genin. I have few likes, and many dislikes. I have two goals, to restart the Uchiha clan, and become strong enough to make my dream come true, to kill a certain man."

Sakura looked at her crush with a confused look.

Kakashi snorted. "I'll give you a free piece of advice gaki. I was Itachi's commander in the ANBU for a few months before he was made a commander himself. You've got a hell of a way to go before you can dream of fighting him. My advice, give up your dream and focus on becoming the best for it's own sake. Get good enough, and you'll be put on the team that finally ends him."

Sasuke frowned, angered at the way this man dismissed his dream so casually. He knew that he wasn't ready to challenge his brother yet; _of course_ he had a long way to go! But to dismiss the possibility entirely? He knew he would one day bring retribution to Itachi, even if it took years!

Kakashi held back a sigh, he could read the kid like an open book. The boy was screwed up, hell, who wouldn't be after going through Tsukuyomi? Surprisingly however, Sasuke seemed better than the jonin had feared, the years of sessions with the psych-nin must have helped. He'd turn out all right with a little guidance. Sasuke would accept him as a superior as soon as he got the shit beat out of him. After that, he could mold the boy with the unwitting help of the other two.

The Cyclops turned his attention to Naruto. It had been a long time since he took 'Daidai' out on his birthday. "Mud, your turn."

Naruto looked around. "I think you're confused sensei, there's no one named mud here."

"I was being facetious, but after your prank I think I'll refer to you as mud, until you prove to be otherwise."

"Oh, you should have said; with your mask on a lot of contextual information is lost!" He paused as Sakura let out an amused snort. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto, fresh genin. I like ramen, kage-bunshin, my friends, and awesome jutsu. I dislike people who act like jerks, people who aren't courteous enough to be punctual," he glared at Kakashi a moment for emphasis, "and ignorance, among other things. My goal is to be the strongest ninja in the world so I can protect the people I care about. I have a few dreams, but the one I'll share involves an Olympic size swimming pool and a different flavor of ramen filling said pool every day."

The others stared at him as if he was from another planet. 'He's as unique as his profile warned he'd be. Well, I sort of knew what I was getting into.'

"Well, now that we know each other, let me share with you some facts. While you did pass the exams, and I'm sure you feel special with your shiny new hitai-ate, you aren't actually genin until I officially approve you as my team. Every jonin-sensei has to make that decision, and different jonin decide different ways." He waited for the shock to set in and one of them to protest.

"What the hell? How is that fair? We've proved we have the right stuff, why do we get you, mister I've-never-passed-a-team?" demanded Naruto.

"Oh, you've heard that hmm? Well, I admit that I have rather high standards, but I'm sure that since you 'have the right stuff' you three will pass. Did you know Sakura? There was quite a lot of political pressure to have me pass the team automatically. Between Sasuke and Naruto, the third member of their team wouldn't have to do anything to slide by…" He grinned as her jaws tightened at the implied slight. "… Unfortunately for you three, I'm important enough to tell the council to fuck off. If I decide you three don't cut it, you go back to the academy for another year of extra training."

The three teens stood there, with varying levels of anger, shock, and uncertainty focused towards the man.

"Let's see, it's one thirty now? So, for my test, meet at training ground seven in one hour with a c-rank load-out. I wouldn't bother eating; you'll probably just throw it up. Plan on being gone until sundown. I'll tell you the rules when we get there. Oh, and this is one occasion when you can expect me to actually be on time. Later!" With that, the man disappeared.

"That smug asshole! Fine, we'll pass and make him train us. C'mon, let's get ready guys."

Feeling somewhat comradely now that they had a common enemy, the two other teens nodded and rushed off to prepare. Naruto grinned, "Mud huh? You might be the best thing since sliced bread, but you are going to regret that," the blond promised.

**oooooo**

Kakashi sat in front of the memorial stone, reading the latest Icha-Icha out loud to Obito. He was sure his old teammate appreciated it. He glanced at his watch, an expensive ruggedized version that had cost his earnings off an entire S-rank mission. He hid it under a sleeve, and most people would have guessed Kakashi had never owned a clock in his life. But that would be ignoring the fact that he was an extremely efficient ninja, and as such, needed to know the correct time at any given moment.

"Sorry Obito, I'll finish the story later, business awaits."

He hurried over to training ground seven to observe his potential students. The results were somewhat interesting. Naruto was eating a to-go container from Ichiraku's, Sakura appeared to be meditating, and Sasuke was stretching to prepare for the challenge. Feeling generous, Kakashi let the teen nearly finish his meal before speeding right in front of the boy. "Mud! You disobeyed my instructions!" The cyclops watched him jerk, a few noodles flying out of the carton onto the ground. "Did either of you eat?" he asked, seemingly furious, his head swiveling towards Sakura and Sasuke. Both of the teens were startled by his aggressive entrance; he sniffed before the could respond, "Hmm… Sasuke, you had soybean trail mix and… fresh tomatoes? And Sakura, a heavy salad hmm? What do you have to say for yourselves?"

Sasuke glared while Sakura blanched, caught by her sensei. Naruto decided he'd need to speak up. "First of all, wasn't it a suggestion, not an order? Second, you're not serious, right? I hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast, there was no way I wasn't eating something before I came. I imagine we all assumed your 'advice' was part of the test. I wouldn't want to be the student of someone stupid enough to have their students not eat before an important test anyway." He looked at the lost noodles on the ground longingly, before finishing his meal.

"Hmm. So, you can think for yourselves. That's good," Kakashi said, sounding intrigued. "You won't make it far skipping meals; as a ninja, you never know when you might get your next meal. And if you're afraid of throwing up, just hand in your head band now, before you make a fool of yourself."

The teens looked at him, unamused. "You got a point sensei?" Naruto asked as he tossed one disposable chopstick into the air, then threw the second one so they collided. Sasuke snorted as both sticks landed in the ramen-obsessed boy's golden hair.

"Yeah, we _have_ passed the exams, sensei. We really do know what we're supposed to, though I could see Naruto's scoring might have thrown you off. I think he just tests poorly," Sakura frowned at the man, while Naruto started burning the container and sticks with a weak fire jutsu. "Most _civilians_ can quote 'an army moves on its stomach'."

"You might be surprised at the level of competency for teams I've been given… Oh well, it's time for you three to pass _my_ test. You each have until sundown to get one of the bells on my waist," the jonin flicked them, making them ring, "any way you can. Hell, I have the paper work set up to make you chunin automatically if you manage to kill me." He smirked, and watched the teens' faces grow serious, before Sakura looked confused.

"Sensei, there's only two bells. How are we all supposed to get one?"

"Ah, glad you noticed. I asked for Naruto and Sasuke specifically. They threw you on because they have this fetish for the number three. But I'm a fair guy. Since I wanted two genin, I'll take the two best genin, whoever they are! Of course, that's assuming any of you can get a hold of one. That's not an easy task. Frankly, now that I've seen all of you, I'm kind of thinking about trading you in for another team."

If any of the three teens could use Amaterasu, there wouldn't be ashes left of the man. 'Ah, this part is always fun,' he thought.

Sakura interrupted the masked man's enjoyment, "I think you're lying. There's never been a fresh genin team that wasn't three genin and a jonin. You're tying to get us angry and sloppy."

"Yeah, there's some trick to this! Maybe like that story where the king threatens to cut the baby in half!" Naruto said, making a chopping motion.

'Hmm… they really _are_ using their heads. Most teams I've tested don't stay focused enough to think it through.'

"Although, I don't think a bell will work after you've chopped it…" the blond continued.

Kakashi resisted the urge to facepalm. "An interesting theory, but I should remind you that when I told you I can tell the council to fuck off, I wasn't exaggerating. I can take as many or few of you as I want, one of the perks of being an elite jonin. If you have the chance, I highly recommend you become one. It's a lot of fun!"

He had done a decent job trying to piss them off and instilling doubt in their minds. Now to see what they would do… "Come at me with the intent to kill, or you won't stand a chance! Begin!"

Immediately all three teens vanished into the woods. The man smiled and took out his favorite literature. He read a few pages before he bent forward, almost in half, as a fuuma shuriken flew over him. He cocked his head and his visible eye widened, before he tucked his precious away. Sakura and Sasuke grew curious in the bushes as they watched him make some seals. What was he doing?

They found out as literally hundreds of kunai rained down over the area the jonin was in. Moments before he was turned into a pincushion though, he finished a jutsu and submerged into the ground. The kunai, and a few shuriken, didn't stop though; they covered the ground, most popping on impact, but a few sticking into the ground.

As soon as it was over, the silver haired jonin rose back up to the same spot he was in previously, and returned to reading his book.

'Huh, impressive work for a class clown, though it didn't work. Now it's my turn!' the Uchiha thought. The teen ran towards the jonin with impressive speed and started a taijutsu match with him. Well, sort of. The older man used one arm and occasionally a leg to parry and even counter the boy, though after a minute he was forced to put his book away again. Sasuke concentrated, never having had an opponent so skilled. It was a rush! Smiling, the teen turned it up a notch, making Kakashi use both arms.

Sasuke jumped back after Kakashi allowed himself to overextend a bit, and flashed through seals. "Goukakyu no jutsu!" A large ball of fire flew towards the jonin, who appeared quite surprised in the last moment Sasuke could see his face. There was an explosion, and the scent of burnt hair could be smelled.

"I got him? No way, it must be a trap!" He was proven right at the sight of log chunks at the center of the blast. Sasuke looked around, understandably nervous now that Kakashi had the element of surprise.

"Very good Princess, you didn't let your guard down," the familiar voice came from behind and below. Kakashi grabbed the teen's feet even as the boy jumped off, and pulled him down into the earth, leaving only his head exposed. "Not that it mattered."

Kakashi walked off a ways before concealing him self. Depending on the team dynamics, one of them might try rescuing Sasuke.

He kneeled in some brush, knowing that his students would have to come to him one way or another to win. He looked off to the side when he heard some careless footsteps. It seemed Sakura was looking for them, but seemed to have lost their position. Kakashi frowned at the noise she was making. 'That's the problem with nerdy ninja, they don't have enough practice putting theory to practice!'

Kakashi grew tired of listening to her stumble around, and started reading. So it came as something as a shock when he looked up a few minutes later and noticed the telltale shimmer of genjutsu over the spot where Sasuke was. Noting that Sakura was still walking around to the right, he pretended to keep reading his book. Fluctuating the chakra flow to his eye, (a neat trick he had learned from using the sharingan) he hoped to break the genjutsu discreetly. Sure enough, Sakura appeared, digging the ground out from around Sasuke.

Kakashi sneezed and wiped his nose, surreptitiously popping his ears in the motion. The sound near Sasuke came back, as "Sakura's" footsteps in the distance were silenced.

"… So are you going to agree or not? If I make you invisible, you can easily grab the bells and give one to me."

"Why don't you make yourself invisible, take a bell, and leave me here?" Sasuke asked cautiously.

"Two reasons. It's much harder to cast the genjutsu on yourself and move simultaneously. I can cast it over a small area, which is simple, or on another person who is moving. I can cast it over myself, if I'm still, but if I try to sneak up on him, I'll lose concentration."

"Hnn. What's the other reason? Please don't give me that 'one true love' crap."

"Oh, that's right! Make it three reasons. The second reason is that I'm not that physically oriented. I need to have a teammate to complement my weaknesses. I'm choosing you over Naruto for the third reason."

Sasuke shuddered. "Maybe I want to be his only student. I could be his apprentice. Why should I give you a bell?"

Sakura stopped. "Just because I've planned our wedding out doesn't mean I won't leave you in this ditch," she warned. "You can probably get into another team easily if you fail here. Me though? I'm not stupid. I know I'm mostly brains. If you won't help me get on this team, I'll get Naruto to do it. You'll bounce right back I'm sure. Sorry honey, but how are we supposed to be together if I can't be a ninja?"

Sasuke looked at her, amazed at the hoops her mind was jumping through for that to make any sense. Were all his fangirls literally crazy? He had always assumed they were nuts, but this was freaky. "Are all of you girls psycho, or is it just you and Ino?" he asked, unable to stop his mouth.

Sakura blinked, then looked confused. "Huh? Oh, so are you going to agree or not?"

Now Sasuke was really confused, Sakura had just… changed. She was speaking slightly differently and her body was being held in the way it usually was at academy. Warily, he nodded.

Sakura smiled and started digging again.

"What do you think you're up to?" asked Kakashi, who had watched enough, as he rushed towards them, tossing a kunai at Sakura.

Sasuke shouted a warning as Sakura looked up, watching the kunai spin towards her, almost in slow motion. Sasuke saw her body tense up and freeze, before she started to move.

*Kunk*

Sakura fell on top of Sasuke.

**oooooo**

"I wonder how Sasuke and Sakura are doing? I know they probably can't beat him unless he wants them to, but I'm still running a risk waiting until this area is trapped. Hey, you! Go see what's going on!" Naruto shouted at a clone. The army of Naruclones was filling the entire area with enough traps to stop an invasion force. True, they were shadow traps, made from parts copied along with the blond, but that wouldn't stop them from hurting. In some ways, they were superior; in a few hours they would disappear without needing to be discharged- unlike real traps. The academy had taught about certain areas of the nations that were still trapped so densely from the third war that no one sane would move through them.

The clone snapped a mocking salute before heading off towards the last place a Naruto had seen them.

"Soon, Kakashi… soon you will be in my kill field! Then we shall see who is mud!" The blond laughed, rubbing his hands together. A few clones nearby rolled their eyes, then mimed holding up a scorecard.

"Six."

"Four and a half."

"Two."

"Nine." The clones looked at this one. "What? I'm a sucker for a campy large ham."

Naruto Prime looked unamused. "Back to work, we have a jonin to beat!"

**oooooo**

Sasuke was panicking.

"Are you crazy? What kind of jonin uses a kunai against a genin? Is she all right? Get me out, we need to get her to a doctor!"

"Maa, calm down. Weren't you afraid she was going to wear you skin as clothing a few seconds ago?"

"She may be crazy, but you didn't need to kill her you madman!"

"Sasuke, calm down. I hit her head with the ring end of the kunai."

"You're kidding, right? I can feel her bleeding on me! You expect me to believe you planned for her to freeze, and threw the kunai to hit her bluntly?"

"Head wounds bleed a lot; I didn't plan her to freeze, but I did make sure that the blunt end would hit her in case she did. I've seen genin freeze up before, but something else is going on. You noticed it too, didn't you?"

"Something weird is going on with her, but I don't understand what. Are you sure you hit her with the ring?"

Kakashi lifted Sakura off the boy and laid her next to him. "She's fine. Her skin split open a bit on her scalp, but she'll be able to fight again before you can dig yourself out of that hole. I'm more interested in the way she acted right beforehand. She thinks she's in love with you, right? But she was going to leave you there if you didn't help her. Not typical fangirl behavior. Hmm… I guess all three of you are 'interesting'."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're the only heir to a powerful, nearly extinct clan. Sakura has… well, I'm just guessing until I can get her looked at, but she is definitely odd. And of course, there is Naruto. Do you know why he has such massive chakra reserves?"

Sasuke shook his head.

"Well, maybe you'll find out some day. It seems Naruto is about to try for the bells again. I wonder what took him so long… I'm going to free one of your arms so you can dig out, okay?"

Sasuke frowned at the reminder of the test; in his worry over Sakura, he had lost focus.

Kakashi flipped a few hand seals out of Sasuke's line of sight, then stuck his hand through the ground and fished the teen's arm up.

Just in time for the jonin to dodge a dozen shadow shuriken.

Sasuke watched thirty Naruclones approaching with kunai and shuriken in hand. He was quite surprised at the number, despite being reminded of the blond's reserves several times over the last few days. Everyone at the academy knew Naruto could make special bunshin; the class clown had used their unique qualities to great comedic effect until all the sensei and students had gotten used to them. But only a couple at a time, the teachers had made it clear that it took a ton of chakra to make a solid bunshin.

"Hey Hatake-sensei! It's my turn to get a bell!"

"You certainly are skilled at kage-bunshin Mud-kun. I may actually break a sweat."

"Thanks, you could say it's my specialty! I hope you're ready!"

And then the second and third groups of thirty Naruclones appeared…

**oooooo**

Kakashi was beginning to get annoyed. To be honest, the jonin found it kind of fun at first. He had been battling a flood of clones for some time now. Individually they were useless against him, but they acted fairly coordinated with each other. Of course, only so many could fight him at once without getting in the way of each other, but Naruto obviously had some experience using this strategy. Kakashi did have to keep his wits up, as the clones tried all sorts of ways to snatch away the bells.

The thing was… there always seemed to be a replacement for each clone he popped, and they were starting to fight defensively, so he was popping them less often than he would like. While he could easily destroy them all if he went all out, his pride, and the fact that one of them might be the real munchkin, kept him from doing so.

The clones had been trying to distract him constantly, but they grew silent when one shouted, "It's three o' clock, can you keep this up for five more hours? I can."

The jonin frowned, and upped his game for a few seconds, dodging the clones around him and punching the outspoken teen, who unsurprisingly popped.

Suddenly he realized why the Naruclones had been herding him in a direction, as he triggered a trap. Jumping away, he was startled as he realized that there was a trap here too. Deflecting the single flung kunai the second trap activated into an attacking clone, he looked around seriously. This entire area was covered in nearly chunin grade traps.

Continuing to not hold back, he grabbed the nearest clone, tossing it into a snare. Not finished, he threw several kunai he had grabbed from the poor clone's pouch into various trip wires. He watched the remaining clones dodge around as the traps went off with looks of incredulity on their faces. "Yes Naruto, I'm just that good."

While the hoard was distracted, he scooped up some pebbles and twigs off the ground and went about tossing them at the other traps he could see. Now triggered, various harmful mechanisms went off, causing the clones to continue dodging. Deciding he wanted a break for a few minutes, the elite jonin tossed shuriken at all of the remaining clones, making sure that none of the hits would be fatal if one of them turned out to be the real Naruto.

Now that he had some peace, he could stretch out his senses. Kakashi felt that there was one clone left hiding to his left, but that otherwise he was alone. Taking a deep breath, he relaxed slightly, and waited for the next attempt.

The remaining clone noted with satisfaction that Kakashi did not return to reading his book.

**oooooo**

As all this was happening, Naruto Prime was standing over his two teammates.

"I don't suppose you'd help dig me out, would you?" Sasuke asked, slightly annoyed at having to ask for help.

"Sure, in a moment. What's wrong with Sakura?"

"I'm not sure anyone knows," the Uchiha replied, half serious.

"Heh! Seriously though, what happened to her?"

"Kakashi hit her with the ring end of a kunai. You might be able to wake her up. Be careful though, she was acting odd before she got knocked out."

Naruto picked up a stick and started poking the girl.

"That's not exactly what I meant, dobe."

"Shut up, I know better than to wake a sleeping ninja normally. If you aren't careful they'll-" He was interrupted by a loud snap.

"Why in hell are you poking me with a stick, Naruto?"

"Because you might have done the same thing to my finger if I poked you with that."

Sasuke interrupted. "Are you feeling all right Sakura? You were behaving oddly before Kakashi knocked you out."

"Aww, thanks for caring Sasuke. Wait, what do you mean I 'acted oddly'?"

Sasuke described some of the things he had noticed, as Sakura grew unhappier.

"So does this mean you know what he's talking about?" Naruto asked curiously.

"Yes. Damn it, I could have sworn we had gotten rid of it this time! Did… sensei notice?"

"I think he had a better idea than I did about what was happening," Sasuke answered.

Sakura wilted. She didn't seem to want to share, a feeling both boys were familiar with.

Naruto patted her shoulder, "Hey, cheer up! I've got a plan to get us the bells! None of us can beat him separately, right?" The others nodded unhappily.

He continued, "Kakashi is too good for any one of us to beat, or even slip away with a bell. The only way we're passing is if we team up on his ass. I've got him distracted right now. What we'll do, if you two will agree, is to confuse him with henge and shadow clones. Sasuke is the best of us in melee by far, so he'll henge into either Sakura or me. I'll have my clones henge into Sakura or Sasuke, or leave them as me. Sakura, you know a few genjutsu right?"

The girl nodded, finding the plan sound so far.

"You'll be standing off, casting genjutsu and supporting us with projectiles. Sasuke, are you going to help us win?"

Sasuke grunted. "Fine, but who passes?"

"We'll play rock paper scissors to see who gets the bells. Two-thirds chance is better than no chance, right?"

Sakura looked more cheerful. "That's assuming he isn't lying. I still think he needs three genin for a team."

"That makes sense. Frankly, while he may be a genius, he's going to be an annoying sensei, I'm not sure I even want to be under him," Naruto groused. "So, are we agreed?"

"Yes, as soon as some one gets me out of the ground! I've only been in here for over half an hour or so…" Sasuke griped, waving his free arm for emphasis.

Sakura started to dig again before Naruto pulled her away and made a shadow clone. It swapped itself with Sasuke, before popping, leaving a hole in the ground.

"Come on, he's this way, we'll talk tactics on the way," the blond said, already moving.

**oooooo**

Naruto walked out into the clearing that the silver haired jonin had returned to reading his book in. "Hey, sensei!"

"Hello, Mud. You do realize ninja specialize in stealth, don't you?"

"Really? Huh, you could have fooled me. Maybe more of that happens in ANBU, but most ninja I've seen are talkative, and jutsu are loud and flashy. But that's beside the point. You see, I've realized there's no way we can beat you. I mean, you're a jonin for goodness sake!"

"Oh? From what I've gathered, you're not one to give up so easily, if ever."

"Very true! So instead of trying to get the bells, I've decided to cheat!" With that, the unconventional ninja withdrew a book from his pocket. "This is a signed, advance copy of your favorite erotic literature I managed to wheedle away from Gramps. If you officially accept our team, I'm willing to give you this rare piece of art. What do you say?"

"Very Cunning! I'd say you deserve to become a genin with a mind like that. Unfortunately for you, I won't let myself be bribed. Even for so tasty a morsel as that. Not to mention, it's probably a shadow duplicate."

"Well, yes," Naruto shrugged, with a wave, "but I do have the original. Oh well, fair enough, I didn't really expect it to work. That's why there's part two of my plan."

"You shouldn't tell your enemies that you are implementing a plan, it lowers the chances of it working."

"Ah, but I can afford such melodrama, as you really can't stop it!" The jinchuriki opened the first page and began reading. "_It was a warm night in Karakura town. Ichigo had just finished his training and was covered in swea_-," the boy popped as his teacher's fist connected with him.

"Clever Naruto, very clever."

"Thanks! Does this mean I'm not Mud anymore?" the voice came from the right of the man, who quickly turned to face it. "But as I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted; _Ichigo was covered in sweat. 'Ichigo, I've been in a physical body for some time now,' Rukia said, 'I'm beginning to get certain… urges… that come from gigai body use._'"

Kakashi rushed through the foliage towards the origin of the voice, but it seemed to be keeping ahead of him. He stopped suddenly, but the voice continued moving away for a moment, before coming to a rest. Plugging his ears shut with his fingers, the man concentrated on detecting the brat's chakra. His visible eye widened as he realized what was going on. Naruto had seeded the forest with a few dozen shadow clones; all of which were capable of using the Wind Whisper technique Naruto had performed on Iruka days ago. Amused at the blond's ingenuity, he quickly grabbed earplugs out of a pocket on his vest and put them in.

The annoyingly capable teen appeared in front of him again and mouthed slowly, making sure his lips were read, "Really, you keep earplugs on you? What happens if I start writing on posters?"

"I guess you'll find out how good I am at blind-fighting, Naruto-kun. A tip, though, I won't pull my punches if you go that far," Kakashi replied.

By this point Kakashi had grown accustomed to assuming any Naruto he saw was a clone by default. So when it nodded and grinned, he felt he had stayed still too long. Dashing sideways, the jonin got a bit of pleasure out of watching a cloud of kunai fly into the surprised clone.

Kakashi turned around to see… no opponents. He stretched out his senses, and was pleasantly surprised to feel all three of his students together nearby. Waiting for them to show themselves, he rolled his eyes when he felt another twenty clones get created. The whole lot of them were staying just out of visible range, and circling around him.

Suddenly, Sasuke and Naruto blasted out of the foliage into melee range. Kakashi was happy to see that Sasuke had kept his speed down to allow the blond to synchronize their attacks. Deciding to fight at almost full power, Kakashi met the duo, preparing to stun Sasuke first. Since he was the more dangerous hand-to-hand fighter, he was higher priority. Striking the Uchiha's solar plexus, Kakashi was genuinely surprised when it popped, and his hand kept going. 'Naruto' took full advantage, starting a combo of hits landing on Kakashi's torso that the Copy-Nin recognized instantly as taijutsu of Uchiha origin. Taking the blows and canceling a genjutsu he felt wash over him, he kicked backwards to pop a Naruclone that had been hidden by the illusion before it could grab a bell. Then he was able to start countering the real Sasuke. But before he could make a decisive strike, another Naruclone force-replaced the teen.

'Well crap, they could take out a special jonin like this with a little luck!' the man thought. He unplugged his ears to regain his hearing.

"_Oh Ichigo!_"

And immediately re-plugged them.

Another wave came at him, this time with all three students charging. However, the three were coming too fast for Sakura to actually be one of them. Tossing two shuriken to stagger their pace, the jonin got a gut full of fist when his strike passed through an illusory Naruto (courtesy of Sakura) and the real deal hit him under a henge of Sakura. Contorting himself to keep his hip out of the way of Sasuke's grasp, the jonin slammed his hand into Naruto's ear before he shunshin-ed away.

**oooooo**

"Fuck that hurts! I can't hear anything in this ear, and I'm dizzy!"

"That _is_ what happens after an ear strike, Naruto. While I know a basic medical jutsu, I don't think I should try it on anything as delicate as the ear," Sakura apologized.

"It's all right, I'll be fine in an hour or two, maybe less."

"Wait, are you saying you heal fast on top of having gigantic chakra reserves?" Sasuke asked, slightly jealous.

"Kinda, but if you knew what I had to put up with because of it, you wouldn't want it. Anyway, we won, we just need to let our official new sensei know he's stuck with us."

"What? When did you grab them? He still had two bells when he bamfed away," Sakura confusedly asked.

"Wait and see, we just have to find him."

The three teens jumped as Kakashi picked that moment to reappear. "Congratulations! You pass!"

Sasuke and Sakura turned to a confused Naruto. "Huh, how did you know I got the bells?"

"You got the bells? I didn't hit you that hard, Naruto. The bells are still where I put the-" he stopped as the blond held up a pair of bells. Feeling around for chakra, the jonin grabbed the bells at his waist and threw them away as they turned into a pile of Naruclones.

"Impressive. Very impressive, Naruto. But the bells have nothing to do with actually passing my test. Under normal circumstances, it is impossible for academy graduates to get a bell from me. What you did… well, I guess I'm glad most genin can't make kage-bunshin."

"Um, so then how did we pass?" Sakura asked. The boys nodded, curious as well.

"Well, you three managed to do a few things. This test wasn't about the skill required to get a bell, but about using team work. I intentionally pitted you against one another by only using two bells. By not only teaming up despite that, but also working well enough together that I instinctively used shunshin, you proved that you three have what it takes to make a team. As long as you are part of my team, your teammates are more important than anything, including the objective and the rules. Unless you're on an S-class mission, all things are secondary to the survival of your teammates!"

The three teens looked at each other and smiled before letting out cheers.

"Geez," Naruto commented smiling, "I was all ready to go back to the academy and try and get a hot kunoichi sensei next time. I can tell you're going to be a hardass, sensei, messing with us like that."

Still smiling, the new leader of team seven threw a pebble into the blonde's kidney. "In time you'll come to appreciate my teaching style," he said, watching Naruto hold his side pain. "In the mean time, for celebration I'm taking you all to my favorite place to eat- my treat. Don't get used to it though, I'm usually fairly anti-social. Meet me at the corner of Water Lilly and Hyacinth in half an hour so we can clean up first." With that, he disappeared.

The teens looked at each other and nodded, before running home to prepare.

They were now genin!

**oooooo**

Sakura had to rush to get to the appointed meeting spot on time, as she had gotten pretty dirty and wanted to look nice in the restaurant Kakashi was taking them to. She had needed to get directions from her mother, as she didn't know either of the streets he had given them. Confused at her mother's reaction to the street names, she figured it would become clear when she got there. As the girl got closer to her destination, she began to understand her mother's hesitance to give directions. This part of town was pretty nasty, and several times Sakura checked the street signs to make sure she hadn't got turned around.

At last she made it to the designated intersection. She wasn't impressed. There were three bars and what appeared to be a striptease joint on the corners.

"Sensei can't have meant here, I must have miss-heard him."

"No, I'm pretty sure we're at the right place," came an amused, familiar voice.

She turned to see Naruto leaning on a street lamp opposite Sasuke. They both looked pretty hot, fresh from showers and fixed up some. Naruto apparently didn't fully understand how to dress up for dinner, but he looked much better than he did in class. Sasuke had done better, though she guessed he was in a similar boat as Naruto, though obviously her crush was orphaned much later in life.

Shaking her head clear of the thoughts, she walked over to the pair and sat down on a fire hydrant.

"If he tries to take us into the strip joint, I'll make it my life's mission to make him a eunuch," the girl warned. The boys chuckled, and Sasuke checked a cheap watch.

"Not to worry," Kakashi called out, startling them all, "the Mons Venus is quite fun, but I don't care for the food. No, we're going to the Bunch of Grapes." The jonin pointed to one of the ratty looking pubs. "If you ever need me, and I'm not at my apartment, you can find me, or someone who can give me a message, at the Mended Drum." This time he pointed at the even worse looking pub on the opposite corner. "But don't go in there unless you really need me. You're not invited to the Mended Drum until you're a jonin. I'm bending the rules a lot by taking you to the Bunch of Grapes as it is. Oh, the Bucket over there is where chunin hang out."

He led them into the Bunch of Grapes, watching the teens' expressions as they passed the shabby entrance and saw the pleasant interior. There were a bunch of older genin and a few chunin having drinks and eating pub food. There were a dozen dartboards on a wall, with some genin throwing at them from the other side of the room. A few pool tables were also in use. Everyone looked up at the teens, and it looked like there was going to be a problem, until the patrons realized who was standing behind the young ninja. The bartender, who was fulfilling the stereotype by cleaning a glass, was in his fifties and missing two fingers on his left hand.

"Is that Kakashi and a team of fresh meat? Huh, I never thought you'd take one on. Are these brats special or something?"

"Hey, Shoshi. Yeah, they were able to pass my test. I guess that makes them fairly special, doesn't it? Give us all today's special, on my tab. No ramen Naruto, sorry, I think you'll like it anyway. Since it's a special occasion, do any of you want a saucer of sake for celebration?"

The three teens shook their heads, and a few of the patrons chuckled.

"Fair enough, let's sit over there, and talk about your new schedule."

The four ninja walked over to a booth, and slid in. Sasuke made sure that he didn't end up next to Sakura, to her disappointment. A saucer and a small, wax-sealed bottle of sake was tossed across the room to Kakashi, who set them down and started to explain what he expected of his new students.

"As you've heard, you are my first team of genin. That doesn't mean I don't know what I'm doing. Tell me about your daily physical regimen."

The teens took turns telling him their routines, though Sakura was rather embarrassed when it was her turn after listening to the boys.

"You've obviously realized that your current training won't cut it, Sakura. While I don't expect you to start doing the same training as Naruto or Sasuke overnight, you do need to step it up. I'll give you a plan tomorrow when we meet. You might need to eat bigger meals to make up for the increased exercise. Thank Kami the Academy gave you all good lunches. You should all gather at 7:00 am tomorrow at training ground seven. I'll tell you now that I won't be there until at least eight, but while you get to choose when to show up, I'll be unhappy if you waste the hour plus. Now Sasuke, you're obviously fire aligned, but do you have a secondary affinity?"

The four discussed the broad outlines of where he wanted to take them until the food showed up. The students were surprised to get dishes that appeared sort of like sandwiches. That would be odd enough, as they were something you saw occasionally, but weren't very popular in Konoha. But these looked different. Sakura was the first to try a bite, and her eyes lit up. "Wow, what is this? It's really good." The two boys shrugged, and tucked in as well.

"It's called a gyro, and it's just one of the many foreign foods you can get here," Kakashi said between bites. They were all hungry after the intense test. He continued, "This place and the others I mentioned are sort of unofficial ninja bars. They're not the only ones, but this intersection is where most of the movers and shakers gather. Since ninja get sent abroad, a lot of us pick up tastes for foreign food. Places like this are where you can get your food fix, start a friendly brawl, or knock a few back. Since I've led you here, no one should give you a tough time if you want to come back on your own. I suggest looking at the menu some time, the food here is great, if a little greasy."

"Heh, secret ninja hangouts, sort of corny, but I admit this is good food. Not ramen of course, but oh well," Naruto joked.

"So glad you approve, Mud," Kakashi said, taking another bite.

"Aw, sensei, not with the Mud again, I thought we were over that."

"I reserve the right to call the three of you whatever I wish. You don't insult the food here, and I'll try to remember your name. If you're lucky, I won't make it your call sign during missions. Hmm, Mud, Princess, and Bubblegum."

"I have a feeling Bubblegum is a reference to pink, which would make me Princess. That means I have a new temporary dream- taking up Bubblegum's mission of making you a eunuch," Sasuke said with a hint of a grin.

"Simmer down kids, I'm only ruffling your feathers. We can come up with embarrassing call signs for one another tomorrow. Let's eat for now, and we can talk more afterwards."

This met grunts of agreement.

**oooooo**

Sakura swallowed her last fried potato slice, which the teens had ordered for dessert despite protests from Kakashi that it didn't actually qualify as such. None-the-less, they had quite enjoyed them, Naruto going so far as to wonder if he could make them a ramen topping.

"Back to brass tacks, physical exercise is almost always done on your own time. During team time you'll either be doing teamwork exercises, situational exercises, have one on one personal instruction from me, the occasional spar, or be doing missions. Now I'm sure you're all excited to be rid of stupid D-rank missions from your Academy days. I'm afraid you aren't done with them quite yet though."

Naruto squashed the impulse to shout to the heavens about the unfairness of this, etc. etc., and instead let out a whine. "The instructors told us we'd have C-ranks when we became genin, we've been doing D-ranks since we were eleven and twelve!"

A few of the patrons smiled in remembrance of being told this news. It was much funnier to hear it happen to someone else.

"Quite true Naruto, that's why fresh genin take at least 20 D-plus-ranks. They aren't quite C-ranks, but you'll find them much tougher than regular D-ranks."

Team seven looked at one another, silently asking if any of them knew what he was talking about. "What type of jobs are D-plus-rank missions?" Sakura asked.

"Well, they're the same as regular D-ranks, but instead of a chunin sensei to help you if you have problems, you get a jonin sensei to help make problems!" the man explained cheerfully.

The teens face-palmed. "You're making that up aren't you?" Naruto demanded.

"Hey fellas, anyone in here not have to do 20 D-plus-ranks before they were allowed to do C-ranks?"

Everyone groaned, "Ugh, Kami, them. You think D-ranks are bad; you'll hate D-pluses. Our sensei made us do them for a month before she was satisfied," complained a chunin.

"See? If you impress me, I'll only make you do the minimum. Otherwise, I've never had the chance to do them as the leader, and I've been told it's quite fun. At least if you're the jonin."

"I knew you were going to be an annoying sensei," Naruto complained.

"If you keep up that attitude, I won't buy you dinner any more! Anyway, good night. You don't have to go home but you can't stay with me. I feel like going next door, and they check I.D.s and for henges."

"Ugh, men," Sakura rolled her eyes, failing to notice Sasuke's brief look of disappointment.

Naruto stood up and poofed into a well-endowed woman in a very tight top. "Do you think they'd check me for henge if I looked like this, and bounced on my heels a little?"

Almost every head in the room turned to face the pseudo-bimbo. "You can go through the back entrance looking like that!" a patron shouted.

"Anyone know what it pays? I could get a shadow clone to do it, it would be good practice for infiltration work," the boy said with a straight face.

He and the crowd traded a few jabs, all in good sport.

"Maybe my teammates can join me. I've heard Princess here wants to restart his clan. I'm sure he'll need some practice." Naruto replied to another witticism a publican supplied.

Sakura watched Sasuke's face turn from a smile to a rather cute grumpy face. "Don't say stupid things like that dobe! Hnn, I'm going home."

"Right, Naruto can be a silly without us here," Sakura agreed, getting up. "Thanks for dinner Kaka…shi?"

Their sensei was already gone though. Sasuke was leaving as well, and the newly minted Bubblegum hurried to catch up with him. Naruto stuck around for a while, it was great to meet new people who seemed to really like him. Eventually though, he knew he needed to get home to bed.

**oooooo**

Kakashi was not watching strippers, much to his disappointment; he was at the meeting with the other jonin talking to the Hokage about the genin. For the first time, he was able to confirm his team.

It left him feeling surprisingly good.

**OOOOOO**

End Chapter the Second


	3. Chapter 3

It was 7:00 a.m., and Sakura had been sitting and resting, having run to their meeting spot at top speed from home. 'I guess Kakashi was right; I haven't put much effort into the physical aspects of ninja-dom. That wasn't short for a sprinting distance, but I shouldn't be this tired.'

Sasuke walked up, right on time. Deciding that their sensei really would be late by an hour or more, he started punching drills on a large tree.

Sakura pushed off the ground and stood up, walking towards her crush. "Sasuke, after team time is over, would you like to go to-"

The boy turned around with a look that made her stop. "Sakura, I will not have you constantly asking me for dates. I will work with you as a teammate, but I don't particularly like you. Or Ino, or any of the obsessed girls who hounded me for years.

Do you have any idea how many times I found my trash gone through? How many girls got injured by my clan's security seals?"

Sasuke had been getting closer to her, and was holding back a bit of killing intent, though Sakura could feel a tiny bit leak through.

"And the most insane thing was, you all prevented the very thing you wanted." Stepping up to her, he asked what was most definitely not a rhetorical question.

"Do you remember Mayumi?"

"Huh?"

"It's a simple question! Do you remember Mayumi? She _was_ in our class until half a year ago, good with shuriken. One of the less insane girls in class, probably was only a member of your club because of peer pressure. That Mayumi?"

Sakura winced, "Yeah, I remember Mayumi. That… shouldn't have happened."

"Really? Do you know how injured she was when she was admitted to the hospital? Ten fractures, three breaks, internal bleeding over a large area, not to mention how much blood she lost! It took her so long to get out of the hospital she had to be held back a year! Because your insane club from hell couldn't stand the idea that I touched another girl. You all think that _your_ love is true love and that it will conquer all, excusing you from such petty things as morality, or even the fucking law!

Sasuke turned away. "She didn't deserve what happened to her. I was shellfish and immature, I should have thought of the ramifications. But damn it, I shouldn't have needed to ask myself if making out with a girl would get her almost killed!"

Sakura's face was wracked with pain and remorse. "I know…" she choked out, "Ino and I were the ones who got the ANBU. We had no idea when we organized the club it would all go so wrong. We thought about shutting it down several times, we almost did it after Mayumi, but by that point we were the stabilizing force, if we had stopped, the club would have kept going, only with Kimishi leading it. If that happened, it would only be a matter of time before something even worse happened."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, Kimishi had recently been taken out of the Academy for psych reasons. He had managed to figure out that she had led the attack on Mayumi. There were ninja families in Konoha that weren't as notable as the bloodline clans, and these had marriage arrangements with one another. Sometimes, just like dogs, you'd get a kid with too much aggression, even for a ninja. Unlike a dog, unfortunately, you couldn't just put them down, no matter how many problems doing so would prevent.

Sasuke calmed, and tried to moderate his tone "I'm glad you tried to fix some of what you caused. That doesn't make you innocent though. Please understand my dislike of all things fangirl. While I doubt I can get you to stop forever, please don't ask for at least a few years. I'm not looking for a relationship."

With that, the boy walked off, leaving Sakura there to think.

Hands covering her face, Sakura knelt on the ground. Her dream was effectively ruined. Sasuke was not going to be hers, or be with any of her friends it seemed. That left her with her goal. Hadn't she wanted to be a strong kunoichi? One that could help people, and be spoken of like Tsunade-sama? The whole Sasuke thing had side tracked her for so long, could she recover?

"Hey, come on, stand up."

A hand grabbed hers, and pulled her to her feet. Looking up, she saw Naruto. She was reminded of the way he used to ask her for dates, was she really no better? She had been so certain that she would be vindicated in the end; she hadn't realized how annoying she must have been.

"He was a bit mean about it, but Sasuke told the truth, basically. He's an interesting guy; I haven't seen him act like that before. Still waters run deep? Hello, base to Sakura, calling Sakura! You all right?"

"Sorry Naruto, I've just been getting shock and revelation one after another between yesterday's 'test' and this morning. It feels like everything I assumed was true yesterday morning just got yanked out from under my feet. It's disturbing."

"I know the feeling pretty well, unfortunately. You want to talk about it?"

"Um, thanks, maybe later. Right now I want to sit and think about some stuff."

"OK. If you need something, I can make a clone to go get it. I know munching on something sometimes help me think."

Sakura made a small smile, "Thanks, I might take you up on that. I'm going to go ponder now."

Naruto watched her walk away, before sitting in front of a tree and leaning against it.

'While it'll make things awkward for a while, it might be for the best, long term. If she's actually over Sasuke, she could focus on improving and become a serious asset,' Naruto thought.

Looking for said raven-haired teammate, Naruto spied him throwing projectiles at a crude target he had cut into the bark of a tree.

"Hey Sasuke!" he said, walking up to him.

"Hey."

"I have a proposition. I could use a sparing partner since my friends are all in other teams now, and you usually have to hold back when you spar, to make sure you don't kill your opponent. I suggest that I provide you with as many autonomous clones as you can handle, and you practice killing them."

"…How does my popping your clones give you a sparing partner?"

"I learn everything they do once they pop. I figure I need to train against small groups of superior opponents, since inferior enemies are well… inferior, and if there's a large group of superior forces we're sort of screwed."

"…You mean kage-bunshin are not only a force multiplier, but also an experience multiplier?"

"Yep, they're pretty awesome!"

"Please teach it to me. Name your price."

"Umm… Okay, I would, but the Hokage made me promise not to teach it to anyone, it's technically a forbidden jutsu. Even if I were allowed, you'd probably kill yourself if you tried making more than two at a time. You saw my reserve test; I've got more chakra than almost anyone. I'm really the only person besides a Kage who can do what I do the way I do it. Sorry."

"Well damn," Sasuke said, disappointed.

"Then again, I won't get kickass eyes that give me eidetic memory, and let me pull of any move I've seen," Naruto stuck his arms out to make a balance, tipping to one side.

Sasuke smiled, "True, once I get the sharingan, I'll be able to learn quite quickly, though one still needs to practice the things the sharingan sees." He paused before nodding towards Naruto. "Deal. Should we start now, or save energy for whatever sensei wants us to do?"

"Well, he did say not to waste the time he was gone for. The way he said it, I wouldn't put it past him to be spying on us now to see what we do without him here."

Sasuke nodded, the idea had occurred to him as well. "Yes, we would never know if he was watching. Why don't we spar for 45 minutes and then do cool down stretches and rest after that?"

"Great, hold on a sec." The blond turned around and made the cross seal. It wouldn't hurt to be a bit cautious around someone as determined as Sasuke. Activating the jutsu, he created roughly a hundred clones, which ran off into the woods and circled Sasuke. "Ok, no rules on your part, I won't be in the mix, so as long as you keep enough energy to do team stuff, go as wild as you like! I'll try not to kill you, but my clones will attack your limbs with kunai and shuriken, as well as use non-offensive jutsu. Any problems? Do you want a safe word?"

"It's fine, and I don't need a safe word."

"On second thought, I'm giving you one anyway. If you want to stop the fight, shout 'punctual Kakashi'. All right, we'll start in 60 seconds, have fun!"

The whiskered teen fled the area, not eager to be mistaken as a clone. This would be an interesting experience. He had done this with all of his friends, but except for Hinata, none of them had such an emphasis in taijutsu. Of course, Hyuuga Jyuuken was so different and unique; learning to fight against it wasn't that helpful against other taijutsu users, though it certainly helped build speed and fluidity when defending against it. Truthfully, while Naruto always gained experience clone sparring with Hinata, the girl gained much more in terms of confidence and willingness to cause harm.

Finding a bridge over a stream, Naruto sat down and started meditating. Shikamaru had taught him the basics when they were younger, and though he sucked at it then, Naruto had kept practicing it. It turned out to be a blessing when he learned kage-bunshin, as the returned information could lead to headaches. The medical ninja said that he would have likely given himself a grand mal seizure the first few times he messed around with it in the library, if it hadn't been for his furry tenant. Even so, the headaches had made Naruto want to kill himself. Once he had had a clone pop while meditating, he recognized the difference immediately. Naruto had practiced using meditation for accepting clone memories from then on, and could now understand and process information clones gave him much faster. Of course, he couldn't do it as well while his real body was in a fight, but he understood that masters could have entire battles while in a meditative trance. So it was possible, he just needed practice.

A clone sat next to him and pulled out a book that had been copied just like all the kunai were. It started to read it, a beginner's book on sealing; something the blond had been interested in since he understood the importance of his seal. If you could subdue a force of nature with the help of the Shinigami, there seemed to be little one couldn't do with enough knowledge of seals. Naruto had been trying to get through the book off and on for nearly three years, but it was dense, terminology-laden theory, and the blond seemed to never have enough patience.

That, and the fact that his penmanship sucked at the beginning. After getting far enough into the book, the blond tried to make an extremely basic storage seal. He had read the warnings, and quadruple checked the design. But when he tried to seal a shuriken in it, it blew up in his face. It wasn't quite an exploding note, but there's a lot of energy involved in moving matter from one dimension to another, even if it doesn't take much chakra to activate it in either direction.

Confused as to why it didn't work, the boy had taken the problem to Iruka, since most chunin could make simple storage seals and crude exploding tags in the field. Running out of exploding tags in the middle of an extended mission could kill you, so it was always a good idea to be able to make more, even if they were of poor quality compared to retail versions.

When he replicated the seal to show Iruka, the chunin had nearly thrown it across the room. While it was true that the shape was the same, the lines and glyphs were so crudely drawn that the seal became unstable. Iruka had made the blond swear not to activate any homemade seals until his handwriting had improved.

The clone sat, mumbling and reading, as Naruto Prime meditated and pieced together the memories of his popped clones. Sasuke was taking him at his word, and killing Naruclones with vigor. The first five clones tried to go one on one with him, just to start things off. Naruto had to admit; Sasuke was skilled. The five clones lasted about 30 seconds each. Then a group of 25 clones had tried to melee combo the prodigy, attacking in groups of three or more, covering for one another and pressing from multiple sides. Ten minutes later, that group of clones was gone. Next a formation of fifty clones tried mixed tactics, some going in close, while others stayed back, sniping with shuriken to prevent Sasuke from getting the upper hand. Naruto Prime had gotten worried, if that level hadn't worked, he couldn't escalate it any more without putting his teammate's life in danger. Thankfully, with that number of clones watching out for one another and mixing short and long range, the speed Sasuke popped the clones at was down to one every few minutes.

Forty minutes after they began, Sasuke was in rough shape. While the clones hadn't pressed continuously, the teen only had so much stamina. Covered in shallow cuts, and bruised from many punches, Sasuke finally called it quits.

"Punctual Kakashi!"

The clones immediately stopped, and backed away. Out of the 70 or so that were left when they had tried the third style of attack, there were now 45. Most of them walked off a ways and started sparing with each other. One stayed and handed Sasuke a water bottle.

"I'm surprised you didn't try and hold out the last five minutes."

"A ninja must know his limitations," Sasuke got out between heavy breaths. He sucked down some water and nodded his head in thanks.

"True, you just always seemed rather arrogant in class. But I suppose it isn't arrogance if you can back it up. That was impressive."

Sasuke glared at the first part, then shrugged as Naruto finished. "Hnn. I must thank you; that was probably the best training session I've ever had. Would you be interested in doing this regularly?" Sasuke asked hopefully. "It was… fun."

Naruto grinned, "Sure, I don't mind. We'll have to talk with sensei and find out what days are best, so you don't get too tired to do team stuff."

Sasuke nodded, "What about you? If making two might kill me, making that many clones must have drained a lot of your chakra."

"Eh, about 15% or so, I'm fine. Original me is a little tired mentally from the meditation, probably. But we can still kick ass."

"Wait, you're not Naruto?"

"Of course I am, we all are."

"I mean the original Naruto, the one that won't pop if I poke him." 

"Oh, no. He's still meditating. We need to practice it a lot because I'm pretty bad at it."

Sasuke ignored the flip-flopping pronouns, "I'm beginning to get jealous, dobe. You have the ability to create more of yourself, almost totally indistinguishable from the original. Most ninja would cut off a finger for that, but you have chakra reserves on a level that's terrifying, meaning you can spam techniques from here to Hidden Rain, and you have accelerated healing. I know you're an orphan, but you must have some idea of your lineage just from the kekkei genkai you have."

Naruto froze, not knowing how to respond. "Not really, I've asked lots of people about my family, no one can tell me anything. Heh, I've never even thought of it as a blood limit before, but I suppose it must be. Maybe I'm the first? How cool would that be?"

"Hnn. Well, you are lucky to have such gifts, if you don't make any stupid mistakes you could go far with such abilities."

The Naruclone held back his opinion on how 'lucky' he was. He supposed that in a way, he was blessed, though he had paid for his great potential. His childhood, while not fun, was better than many children's that had both parents in some countries. The Land of Water and Land of Mist were both said to be pretty hellish for ninja, let alone civilians. Being lonely hurt, but it was better than going hungry.

"I hadn't really thought about it like that. Thanks! Do you want a snack while we wait for Kakashi-sensei? I can go grab something from a stand while we wait, unless you like cup ramen, I've got a few of those on me."

Sasuke winced, "While fresh ramen is acceptable, I would rather eat ration bars than eat a cup ramen. Unfortunately I only brought enough money for lunch, but perhaps next time."

"All right. Flag one of us down if you need something, I'm pretty used to being an errand boy for my friends and myself. Otherwise, I'll let you rest until Kakashi shows up. Ja ne." The Naruclone popped itself.

Sasuke sat, thinking about his odd teammate. The blond had been the class clown for so long that most of the class had dismissed him, though the fact that so many heirs hung out with him had raised a few eyebrows. The loudmouth did better than average on practical exams, but his paper tests were just passing. Sasuke had noticed a change a few years ago in Naruto, but hadn't given it much thought. They were all growing up, and even Kiba had matured.

Perhaps something significant had happened to the blond. 'Maybe his kekkei genkai woke up,' Sasuke thought, 'or he was made aware of it. Whatever it was, he's still a strange guy.'

**oooooo**

Oddly enough, almost the same thought was running through Kakashi's mind. 'That Naruto is a strange one. I like it so far, but the fact I can't always predict him is going to drive me nuts. Oh well, Sensei told me I'd go crazy when I got a team of my own. Although I got the feeling it was more of a hope than a prediction.'

The boys had been right in thinking the cyclopean teacher was watching them. Kakashi believed in being informed, and knowing how his students interacted on their first day together would let him predict and understand them that much better. Today had been a gold mine, Sasuke and Sakura were much more complicated than they appeared to be on the surface. He had already known Naruto was deceptively deep, a loudmouthed pranking fool on the surface, a kind and somewhat philosophical schemer underneath.

The way they had acted, in conjunction with the fact that they wore their thoughts on their faces for him to read at a glance, had made his models of them much more accurate in just an hour's time. And watching the 'spar' had been enlightening too. Both boys were quite skilled, though in almost totally different ways.

Naruto's mind and body were at odds with each other, almost schizophrenic in a sense. His body was a tank: lots of stamina, healed itself, and fairly muscular (though not overblown like a taijutsu master's). His mind was built for trickery and evasion. Distractions and slick moves, that was how he wanted to act. As he was, he was figuratively tripping over himself. Kakashi would have to help him pick a way forward, or if possible, train him in both mindsets.

Sasuke was the latest model of Uchiha, with all that that entailed. Built for speed and agility over brute strength, the Uchiha had bred themselves (as all clans did), the goal being taijutsu mastery. While the Uchiha style of taijutsu was built around the sharingan, Sasuke used it very effectively even without it. He was lacking in certain areas of it, no doubt because his clan wasn't around to teach him the finer points. He had obviously made good use of the written instructions however, and Kakashi was pleased with what he saw overall.

Sakura's introspection was a pleasant surprise, he had expected her infatuation to last years, and while he expected she still harbored feelings for Sasuke, it looked as though she was seriously reconsidering the path she was on.

Yes, this morning and yesterday's test told him more about his team than their entire Academy files. He could work with them.

'I guess it's time to show up, plus if they expect me to show up when I tell them I will, it'll be funnier when I disabuse them of that.'

The silver haired man moved down to the bridge from his current vantage point in the trees with a casualness that belied the awesome speed with which he did it. Naruto Prime was still meditating, but the clone reading the sealing book stood and gave a casual salute, before popping itself. The remaining blond stirred, and stood up, waving at his sensei.

"Hey, I took the initiative to send some clones to collect Bubblegum and Princess, they should be here in a minute."

"Thank you, Mud, that's considerate of you. I'll wait until everyone's here before I begin."

The blonde nodded and leaned back against the rail of the bridge. He didn't have to wait long, Sasuke had jogged over immediately after Naruto told him, and Sakura wasn't far. She had an ambiguous look on her face, sort of distracted, but with an undercurrent of determination. Once the three teens were standing in front of their teacher, Kakashi began.

"I didn't mention it last night as you hadn't been here, but this bridge is where we'll meet every morning. I don't mind if you're off on your own, but be close enough to tell when I arrive please. I arrived when I suggested I might today, but I did that as a courtesy. I could be anywhere from ten to 120 minutes late. I don't expect you to like it, but you will put up with it. You'll find that strong ninja become… peculiar. Doing the things we do puts stress on your soul, either it bends, and you become odd, or it breaks, and you get hunted down and killed for the community's good. If you want to be normal, don't expect to go any farther than special jonin, and that's pushing it.

"I looked around briefly before I made myself known, and I'm glad all of you used your time wisely. I'll expect you to continue to do so, whether physical training, mental exercise, learning from a book, or occasionally stopping to find yourself. Just because I refuse to show up on time doesn't give you the excuse to nap. Unless you've been kept up at night by missions and the most productive thing you can do is to catch up on missed sleep, but that's another matter. Every day we'll do a mission until we graduate to C-ranks. As I said last night, we'll also be doing team exercises and situational training, as well as personal tutoring and other things. Today we'll focus almost entirely on teamwork, so that you can get more used to working with one another before your mission. Meet me at training ground twenty one-C."

The three weren't surprised when he disappeared this time; it seemed to be a habit of his. Sakura knew where all the training grounds were, despite most academy students using only academy training grounds, so she led them to it. When they got there, the teens found several structures and land marks packed fairly close together compared to most training grounds. Kakashi was leaning casually against a boulder by a wide, shallow stream. The genin noticed it must have been man made from the unnatural appearance of it.

"Ah good, one of you must have known where this was, I was expecting to wait a while for you to ask someone and so on."

"Why didn't you just tell us?"

"Because that wouldn't have taught you anything, or allowed me to learn about you. But enough about that, we're here at Teamwork River. I'm sure you've noticed the odd look of it," the teens nodded, "that's because it was built with a purpose in mind. It's twenty feet across along most of it, and only four feet deep. It's been lined with gravel and concrete in places to keep it from eroding, and those large rocks are placed very carefully. If you hadn't guessed, it's today's challenge. You are going to cross the river at different points, without swimming, jumping, or water walking. In fact, you shouldn't use chakra at any point during this exercise."

The man pulled out a storage scroll and activated it on the ground, releasing four planks of different lengths, and a box.

"These planks are the only tools you may use. You are going to take the box with you. Start over there, and cross back and forth, going to the east each time. If one of you falls in or accidentally uses chakra, you start that section over. Mean while, I'll be practicing my wind composition, so expect the occasional gust, and to get very cold if you get wet!"

Sakura looked surprised, while Sasuke was intrigued and Naruto annoyed that their sensei was going out of his way to make them uncomfortable.

"Get going, the more you impress me every day, the more I'll be inclined to teach you cool things, on top of the necessary stuff."

The genin looked at one another and picked up the planks. Going over to the edge of the water, Naruto looked at the stones. "This first one looks easy, though they'll probably get tougher. Let's take a bit of time to plan it out."

"Yes, or else we might find ourselves trapped. Obviously we lay planks in front of us, and pick up the ones behind us, but we'll need to plan which length plank to use. The rocks were almost certainly placed so that certain planks will need to be used in specific places. Most of the rocks look too small to stand on without sticking to them with chakra, we'll have to stay on the planks," Sasuke mused.

"We'll have to keep the planks as dry as possible to prevent slipping on them. Does anyone have a spare cloth to dry things off with? I should be able to figure out which planks to use…"

Kakashi left them to their planning, it sounded like they had things well in hand.

"Sensei, is it all right if I walk out on the river before we try to cross it?"

"Hmmm. It's sort of against the spirit of the premise, but I suppose so."

Naruto nodded and walked out on the water, looking at the rocks and so on. "Yeah, this could get tricky guys. Luckily the water should be pretty warm." To confirm this, he knelt and stuck his hand in the water. "Yikes!"

"What is it Naruto?" Sakura asked, concerned.

"I was wrong, this water's freezing, it makes no sense!" He looked around the river, trying to figure out the cause. "I'll be back in a minute guys."

Running towards the river's source, the blond looked at the bottom of the river, trying to see if there was anything odd about it. He didn't go to far before the river suddenly stopped, it's origin made obvious. A spring.

'Spring water can be cold, but not this cold, something is yelling at me that this river is funny.' He stuck his hand in the river again, finding to his surprise that it was merely cool. 'So something between here and the test makes the water cold.'

"Hurry up Naruto, we're ready!" Sakura shouted in the distance.

"One minute!"

Thinking fast, the blond picked up rocks in the stream, looking for a machine or something. Picking up a large one, he saw a design on the bottom.

"Ha, a seal! Of course, it's leaching thermal energy and pushing the water along faster with it. Hmmm…"

The blond made a familiar cross shaped hand seal before running back to his team.

"Sorry, I was curious, but I couldn't figure out what made it cold."

"It doesn't matter, we just need to not fall in," said Sakura.

"I guess. I'm taking off my shirt and jacket, the water is freezing," Naruto warned.

"Good idea."

Sakura blushed a bit as the two boys stripped off their tops. 'Focus! This isn't the time for daydreaming.'

"Alright let's start!"

**oooooo**

Fifteen minutes later, Naruto fell in the water with the crate, knocking his teammates in with him.

"Gyah! It is freezing! No wonder you wanted to find out why! Do you think Kakashi is doing it?" Sakura complained.

The two boys shrugged, shivering, as they pulled the supplies back to the start. They were on the third crossing, and it looked like there were 30.

"Sasuke, do you know a weak katon jutsu to warm us up? If we're shivering like this, we'll be even more likely to fall in," asked Naruto.

"Hnn. I think so, stand back."

The Uchiha made some seals and a three-foot flame shot from his mouth, warming the area quickly.

"That's great! Thanks!" Sakura fawned a bit before catching herself.

Sasuke nodded, then blinked a few times before walking quickly back to the water's edge.

"What's wrong with him?" she asked Naruto.

"I'm not sure- hmm. I don't know how to say this politely, but it might be because your girls are standing to attention."

Sakura frowned, then looked down. "ACK!" she screamed covering her breasts. "Stop looking you ass!"

Thankfully she wasn't wearing white, but her top still clung to her figure. Her nipples were definitely poking out, and she had no idea how to prevent the boys from getting a show during the entire training exercise.

Naruto walked back to the river laughing, "Princess, you scared of nipples?"

"Shut. Up." the boy warned. "It's not the nipples themselves, it's the juxtaposition of them with a fangirl."

Naruto looked confused. "You have trouble thinking about fangirls having nipples? Man, they really did a number to you, man!"

Sakura stood, arms crossed, trying to ignore them, while Sasuke shook his head. "Never mind Naruto, let's just get on with it."

The team returned to river crossing, though it was harder now as everyone was wet. The katon had warmed the three up, but it wasn't nearly enough to dry them. Between that, Sakura being self-conscious, and Sasuke's occasional blushing fits, they were going much slower now.

Still, they were carful and made progress, and they didn't fall in again until a strong gust knocked them off the plank during the tenth section.

"Damn it sensei! Go practice wind composition somewhere else!" Naruto yelled at the man who had followed along with the three.

"Oops, did I do that? I'm so sorry. And you were doing so well, too!"

"Geez, I must have adjusted to the temperature, the water doesn't seem so cold," Sakura claimed, getting out of the stream.

Another breeze blew by, freezing all of the genin.

"You just had to say it, didn't you," Naruto growled.

They had gotten to the fifteenth crossing when a plank slipped off a wet stone, sending them all into the water again.

"Huh? It's not-"

"Shhhh! I fixed the problem; it just took time to take affect. Don't let sensei know!" the blond whispered. "Brrr, it's freezing! How many more times are we going to fall in?" He said at a normal level.

Sakura and Sasuke looked at each other and shrugged, if the blond had figured out how to make the water warm, that was great!

Kakashi, who was alternating reading his precious, and seriously practicing wind composition (it was his weakest), looked up. Something was fishy. Looking around, he wasn't able to put a thumb on it immediately, and decided he'd ignore the feeling for now.

They were on the 21st crossing when Sakura and Sasuke fell in again. Sasuke had needed to switch places with Sakura, a bit of a problem on the thin planks, but they'd been doing it all afternoon. This time though, Sakura's pokies drew a line across Sasuke's chest, and the two froze, embarrassed. Kakashi chose that moment to send another gust of wind, knocking the two off balance, and into the water.

This time the water was warm, and Sakura couldn't help making a noise of appreciation.

'Hoh? Not freezing anymore is it?' The jonin thought. 'How odd, the munchkin must have found the seals. Did he cancel them, or reverse them?'

Naruto was chuckling at his two teammates, carrying the logs back to shore by jumping from rock to rock after tossing the empty box ashore. When no one was looking, Kakashi slipped down to the water and checked the temperature. 'Hmm, he must have read a fair amount of that book; it looks like he reversed the seals. I wonder if he's good enough to have put a maximum temperature on them though?'

The genin kept crossing the stream, Kakashi occasionally testing them with a breeze.

"Finally, the last one! I bet there's a trick to it. Any takers?"

"No bet!" the other two said immediately.

The three teens looked over the rocks and planned. They would probably find the trick the hard way, but with the water warm, it wasn't so big a deal. They set out, and nearly got to the other side when the plank slid off the last stone.

"!"

The genin rushed to the shore, holding in shouts of pain, as the water nearly boiled them. It was as hot as a bathing spring, and since they hadn't expected it, or adjusted slowly, it was painful!

Kakashi smiled at them, "Getting that cold? It shouldn't actually be painful."

Naruto wilted. "Damn it! You know don't you? When did you figure it out?"

"For a while. I guessed you didn't know enough to set a maximum temperature, and decided to let it play out. I'm not going to punish you; thinking outside of the box is what ninja do. You will have to change all the seals back, though. If you start at the beginning and work your way down, the water should be cool enough to get in.

"Since it's your first day, I'll even let you use shadow clones. Now come on, it's lunchtime. Decide where you all want to eat. I'm not paying, but we eat lunch together."

His students looked surprised, but after Naruto sent off a bunch of clones to fix the seals, the three started to argue about lunch.

"Sorry Naruto, but I'm going to make a command decision. We aren't eating ramen more than twice a week. Period," Kakashi decided.

The ramen fanatic pouted; letting the others to try to settle it. In the end, they decided on a diner Sakura was fond of.

**ooooooo**

"It wasn't bad, but I still want two ramen lunches a week," the blond put forward, exiting the eatery. "I'm not the only one who thinks Ichiraku's is a great place, they had to expand recently to fit all the customers."

"Fine! We'll go to Ichiraku's. Just shut up about it!" Sakura demanded.

Sasuke nodded, not liking to agree with a former fangirl, no matter what her nipples looked like through her shirt. He stopped and shook his head, trying to free it of that thought, before continuing to wherever Kakashi was leading them.

Naruto tilted his head. "Are we going to the Hokage tower?"

"Yes. When you were in the Academy, the teachers gave you missions. As actual ninja, you go to the tower, where mission handlers, or if it's important enough, the Hokage himself, will give them to you. Today we'll probably see the Hokage since the new genin will be getting their first missions. Most teams pick up a mission or two in the mornings, but I reserved a special mission for us."

"Special? Oh god, I know that tone, it's the same tone I tell my friends what kind of adventure we're going to go on when I know it's going to be hell! This mission, it's going to be horrible isn't it? Can't we take a boring mission to start?"

"Yare yare, Naruto. You're too high strung, calm down. I admit you might be challenged by it, but every genin team gets this mission eventually. You're just lucky to get it now!"

Naruto groaned, and Sakura and Sasuke looked worried, no doubt remembering some of the D-rank missions that the academy sensei would assign for punishment.

'Note to self,' Kakashi mused, 'Naruto can have moments of uncommonly powerful common sense. It's strange the way his mind works. Metaphorically, it's like asking him to solve 10 plus 10, getting 100 as an answer, and then realizing two days later he was doing it in binary.'

The teens followed their sensei to the tower with some trepidation, though Sakura was excited to meet the Hokage. She had seen him out in public several times, but never had the chance to talk with him. She realized he would probably be to busy to do more than wish them luck, but it was still cool.

Sasuke had spoken with the Hokage several times since the _incident_, and while he respected his leader's great skill and power, obvious from just the way the old man moved, Sasuke was familiar enough with him not to be excited.

The receptionist inside the entrance looked up and pushed a button as the team passed, but didn't stop them. As they went up the tower, they passed several offices and workers busy taking care of all the paperwork an operation like Konoha produced. Konoha's government was more complicated than simply the Hokage in charge of everything. Bureaucracy had arisen by necessity. Finally, they found the mission room.

"Hey gramps!" Naruto greeted immediately upon entering the room. Sakura tried to hit him, but the blond was too quick for her.

"Apologize to the Hokage! You don't call him 'Gramps'!"

"I do, he's never had a problem with it before," he said, dodging a fist.

*Cough Cough*

Sakura froze, and brought herself to attention. Naruto stopped and waved. Sasuke bowed and stood at attention, though less stiffly than Sakura.

"My my, you must have your hands full, Kakashi. Such spirited young genin, how are they doing?"

The Hokage sat in his seat, a copy of the one in his office (it's good to be the Hokage). Next to him were some clerical staff that none of the aforementioned genin knew, and surprisingly, Iruka.

Kakashi answered his leader, "Well, it's been an interesting two days. I've given you the report about their test of course, and today I took them to do the river crossing exercise."

"Ah, that explains their damp appearance. Was the water cold enough for you Sakura-chan?" he asked with a smile.

The girl nodded, wide eyed. Kakashi interrupted, "Actually, there's an interesting story there. A certain blond munchkin was curious why the water was so cold and found the chilling seals. Apparently he's taught himself enough to reverse them to warming seals, but not enough to make them stop raising the temperature. I found out about it shortly before they fell in again and nearly boiled themselves."

"Naruto! Can't you do anything without making it into a production?" Iruka started.

"Whoa, calm down, Iruka right? If he had pulled it off, I would be rewarding him. If you aren't cheating, you're not trying hard enough. See, Hokage-sama agrees with me."

Indeed, the old man was chuckling, confusing some of the clerks. "Ah, you're not the first to do that, Naruto-kun. You're the latest in a line of notable people including Jiraiya, the Yondaime, and myself. None of us got away with it either, though none of us boiled our teammates. Ah, that brings back memories. On an unrelated note, I have to apologize for Kakashi's tardiness, I've tried almost everything to get him to be punctual, but short of a direct order, he doesn't show up on time for anything less than an A-rank."

Sarutobi chuckled, "But you're not here to listen to me go on, you want your first D-plus-rank I'm sure. It's a good thing your sensei saved you a mission, as awful as you're going to find Tora, it's better than cleaning the sewers."

"Who's Tora sir?" Sakura asked, curiosity winning out over anxiety.

"A sound question. She is the cat of Lady Shijimi, the Fire Lord's wife. Tora, and Tora's mother, have been the bane of young genin since the Yondiame's reign."

"What makes this cat so difficult? What task must we accomplish?" asked Sasuke suspiciously.

Several adults smiled as Naruto's eyes widened.

"I knew it, you did send us on a suicide mission! I've heard about that cat! It's evil!"

It was Sakura's turn to panic, "You mean Tora, the Devil Cat? The cat said to have helped the Yondaime defeat the Kyubii? That cat?"

Sasuke looked at his teammates. "I can't believe a cat can be that bad."

Naruto shook his head, "No, you don't understand. Rumor has it she has some fire country tiger in her. I've heard chunin take border patrol rather than catch this cat."

"So we have to catch it? That could be difficult, we aren't a tracking team…"

The adults were holding back laughter as Naruto and Sakura panicked, and Sasuke grew increasingly annoyed.

"You still don't get it do you? This is assigned as punishment to ninja who screw up! The cat is smart!"

Sasuke looked at the adults at the table. "May we get the mission scroll already? I don't want to listen to this all day."

"Certainly, Sasuke-kun, here it is." Iruka handed over the scroll to the black haired teen, who snatched it before bowing and marching out of the room.

"I'll tell you all about it later," promised the masked jonin, dragging Mud and Bubblegum out the door after Princess.

**oooooo**

Team seven was standing outside the summer home of the Fire Daimyo, from which Tora had recently escaped. Naruto and Sakura had finally calmed down, and had resigned themselves to their fate. Sasuke had read the mission scroll out loud, and then lead them off to the balcony Tora was seen escaping from.

"So were you being serious about making problems on missions?" Sasuke asked his team leader.

"Yes, but this mission is considered tough enough that we aren't supposed to hinder you for it."

Sasuke facepalmed. "Don't tell me those two are right? I refuse to accept that a cat helped defeat the Kyubii."

"Well, that bit is hyperbole, obviously, but the cat is tricky. Your brother got mad enough once that he tried to kill it. He's not the only one to try."

"This is absurd. Fine; Sakura, Naruto, do either of you remember anything about where it hides?"

"That's valuable information, no one would just talk about that. I heard someone say that Tora likes seafood, though," said Sakura.

"That's a start, maybe we can lay some traps."

"Today's Tuesday, right? If the cat likes seafood, I know where it might be," the blond pondered.

"Where?"

"Behind Ichiraku's, eating all the Tuesday's Catch of the Day ramen leftovers."

"Cat's don't eat ramen, Naruto!" Sakura exclaimed. "But Tora might be eating behind a restaurant."

"No, hear me out, tons of cats hang out behind Ichiraku's on Tuesdays. Dozens of them, they all want the fish heads and tails Ayame and her dad throw out after they strip the meat off the fish. Look, it's a place to start, I don't know of a bigger cat attraction then that anywhere in the village. Do you?"

The two shook their heads, and reluctantly followed Naruto to his home away from home, Kakashi amusedly trailing behind.

"All right, when we find her, don't rush in. I've heard dozens of ninja say she's as quick as lightning and knows where all the tiny holes are. I know you don't want to believe this Sasuke, but what's worse? Being over prepared and looking foolish, or a cat _making_ us to look foolish?"

"Hnn."

**oooooooo**

"See? Cats," the boy whispered, gesturing down at the alley. The four ninja were on the roofs looking down at a cat convention. There were literally dozens of cats in all shapes and colors.

"What were the distinguishing features again, Sasuke?" Naruto asked in a hushed tone.

"A red ribbon bow on the right ear, and slightly orange-ish brown fur; try to remember this stuff."

Team seven (minus the instructor) searched among the cats for a red ribbon bow. There were plenty of cats with collars, and even a few bowed ones, but no one found Tora until…

"Found her!" Sakura whispered, "She's just now walking in."

The genin rubbed their eyes as most of the cats bowed to their leader, as much as cats understand the concept anyway. Tora skipped the line and took the best seat, right in front of the dumpster, before communicating with the other cats.

"Hey, we've got a quarter of an hour before the fish guts get thrown out today, let's go requisition some animal tranquilizers, and put them in the fish bits! All the cats will fall asleep, and we'll take Tora easy as you please!"

"I don't know Naruto, poisons are tricky, especially if more than one thing eats the food. Dosage will be hard," contemplated Sasuke.

"I think… yes, I can do it! … _If_ one of us mixes it evenly into the fish… stuff," Sakura said.

The three teens balked at diving into fish guts. There were things even ninja hesitated to do.

"Ugh, if we get some gloves and a clothes pin, I'll have my clones do it." Naruto groaned.

"Fine, I'll get the tranquilizer, Sasuke can get the gloves and pin for Naruto. Naruto, you should make sure your friend is all right with us screwing around with his trash," Sakura directed.

The two boys looked at her oddly. "What, do I have something on my face?" She looked down at her chest, just to make sure.

"Nothing, it's just that you're not usually so assertive," Naruto explained.

"Well get used to it. And hurry up!"

The boys, and now Kakashi too, stared at her, observing. Instead of becoming anxious, the girl glared back, "What's wrong? Aren't I allowed to be in charge occasionally? It's a good plan! Let's move!"

"I think they're concerned that you seem to have totally shifted your mannerisms and body language, though they likely couldn't have put their finger on it. We need to talk about this later, Sakura; for now though, do as she says guys," Kakashi explained.

The teens frowned at him, though for different reasons, before Sasuke and Naruto nodded and leapt off to do their tasks. Sakura paused a moment as Kakashi watched different muscle groups relax and tighten, before she turned to him.

"Sensei, would you please sign a note of consent to me buying a tranquilizer? I have one in mind, but I'm not sure if the derivative version we need is available to genin or not, and I want to be sure I'll be allowed to buy it."

"Which one?" The jonin asked, pulling out a spare scrap of paper and a pen.

"I think tranquilizer family four, sub 17. I'll have to ask the owner if I want a, b, or c."

"I didn't know you were so knowledgeable in poisons, that particular mixture isn't a common choice," Kakashi commented, while he scribbled on the paper.

"Ah, well, I'm very good at memorization, so I put it to use on several topics."

"I'm sure that will come in handy frequently," he said, handing her the note.

"Thanks, I hope so!" The girl smiled, before running to the Potion Shop, as it was euphemistically named.

**ooooo**

Sakura got back with not much time to spare, and looked around for her team. She found them on a roof a few buildings over, with two full black bags, and Naruto wearing gloves.

"You have the stuff? Great, the cats will wait a bit, but I expect Tora might get anxious if we wait too long," the blonde said.

"Be careful not to spill any on yourself Naruto, it's a good thing that we got you gloves."

"I'm not sure what happens when my clones get poisoned, but I'm not eager to try. Kakashi-sensei, could we try an experiment at the hospital later? I'd like a doctor to be on hand, but not knowing what'll happen could get me killed."

"That's good thinking Naruto, I know that most lethal poisons will just pop a clone, but there have been reports that mind altering substances can affect the main body. We'll take a look at it in a few weeks."

Meanwhile, Sakura picked up one bag, and then the other, estimating their weight. Pulling out a small bottle, she opened the first bag, wrinkling her nose. She turned the bottle upside down and gave it five pats. Then she stood back and motioned for Naruto to start. The blond frowned, but proceeded to make three shadow clones, which put clothespins on their noses and stuck their arms in. The original Naruto began to meditate, preparing to try and stop the clone's memories from coming back.

Soon the first bag was mixed, and Sakura opened the second bag, then added the appropriate number of drops. The Naruclones looked pretty disgusting, covered up to their elbows in goop as they started to mix the second bag. Kakashi was standing on the next roof over, glad he was upwind of the whole affair. Sasuke tried to join him, but he was told to stick with his team.

Finally, the clones popped and Naruto Prime smiled, to the surprise of his teammates. "Hah, it's about time I managed to block an incoming clone's memory!"

The rest of team seven nodded, now understanding. They wouldn't want to remember that either.

"How do we deliver it Naruto? You did talk about that with um… Teuchi-san, isn't it, right?" Sakura asked.

"Yes it is, and yeah I did. I'm going to take the bags in through a side door so the customers don't get queasy, then he'll take them out as normal and throw them in the dumpsters. He seemed excited to be part of a mission, he's a pretty awesome guy."

"Hnn. Well, let's get on with it." Sasuke said, disappointed he hadn't been able to contribute much this mission.

Naruto nodded and grabbed the bags, the tops already retied, and hopped down to the side door, out of sight of the cats. He knocked a few times before his favorite cook opened it and took the bags with a smile. The boy actually bowed a tiny bit, before leaping back to the roofs to watch the results.

Team seven gathered to watch, anxious for their plan to work. Even Kakashi was curious, he was too old to have caught Tora, but he remembered her mother, Shishi. She wasn't quite as bad as Tora was rumored to be, but the genin back then had still hated Shishi with a passion. If his team's plan worked, this would put them near the top for fastest completion for this mission. He might even get a few free drinks out of it from the other jonin-sensei.

Teuchi walked out the back door and started to whistle, and act oddly. Naruto slapped his face and explained, "He's trying to be nonchalant. Ugh, civilians. He's like an uncle to me, but seriously…"

The cats were too focused on the food to notice the man's odd demeanor, and since he smelled normal, even Tora didn't give it a second thought. Teuchi threw the bags in the dumpster and walked back inside, still acting 'sneaky'.

The cats immediately jumped in the dumpster, tearing the garbage bags open and picking prizes to carry off a ways and munch on. Tora found a particularly large fish head and climbed to the top of a pile of junk, before starting to eat.

"Alright, now all we do is wait I guess. How long should it take Sakura?"

"I wanted to make it as safe as possible, but still be sure to knock them all out. The best choice was a rather slow acting agent for ninja work, but it should only be ten to fifteen minutes, and the only chance one of them will die is if it's really old or sick already. We'd never hear the end of it if we killed that many pets, even if almost all of them are strays." Sakura explained.

Sasuke rose an eyebrow, "Sensei, should we contact the animal control? While some are obviously pets, many of these could be taken off the streets."

"Hmm. While it's not part of the mission, ninja do need to know when to take initiative and seize opportunities. Okay, you three wait here for your main objective, and I'll contact the Inuzuka, they're in charge of the pound." Kakashi was off in a flash of movement, as they were becoming accustomed to.

Naruto frowned. "You realize that most of these cats will get put down now, don't you? Sure, some will be adopted, but the pound won't be able to take in so many cats at one time. They're not hurting anyone, ass!"

"Actually, while a small population of cats is beneficial towards keeping rodents down, beyond a certain population they start killing good things, like songbirds. And you must've had to lay through a night with two cats outside your window during mating season, right? This is necessary population control."

Naruto looked like he was about to stop whispering, before Sakura interrupted the argument. "Actually, there's a lot of controversy about feral cats, they do kill wildlife, but some people think the popular numbers are wrong. And just killing them only makes the rest reproduce faster, since there's less competition. I read a magazine that said there wasn't any good answer, because even if you killed every single feral cat, eventually pets will get away and start it over again. Still Naruto, we need to leave the decision up to the animal control, they might neuter and release them, or not even do anything."

Naruto and Sasuke both frowned and went back to looking at the cats, some of which were looking drowsy. "I knew you were smart Sakura, but that's kind of creepy that you know that much about random topics."

Sakura rolled her eyes, "I just read stuff and pay attention. It's not hard. If you ask questions whenever you don't know something, you start to know lots of stuff," she huffed.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend, my mouth just works without my brain sometimes," the blond apologized.

"Well work on it before you get assigned to something diplomatic," the girl replied.

"Ah, I'll keep working at it, but I doubt I'll ever get diplomatic duty."

"One can only hope," Sasuke added with a chuckle.

**oooooo**

Kakashi returned at a quick jog, which was quite slow compared to his normal entrances and exits. "How's it going?"

"Most of the cats are out, but some of the healthier looking ones are awake, and Tora is barely drowsy, despite eating a second fish head."

"Hmm. Well, she comes from good stock, she might take awhile. The Inuzuka are getting together some people, this many cats are going to take some effort, even if they are asleep."

The four ninja sat and watched, Naruto practicing keeping still. Finally, 20 minutes after they had started to eat, Tora swayed back and forth, before falling over asleep. Naruto pumped his fist in the air, but remained quiet; grabbing a burlap sack that Teuchi had given him. Wary of her reputation, the blond made twenty Naruclones and positioned them around the alley. "Does any one want the honor?"

Sasuke shrugged, "Sure, I haven't done anything else so far."

He took the bag and hopped down, stealthily walking up to the cat. Sasuke opened the bag and slid Tora in as fast as he could, drawing the bag closed. Immediately, the lump inside woke up, totally ignoring the tranquilizer, and started flailing around and hissing. Some of the cats started to stir, and Sasyke jumped back to his teammates as if the Raikage was on his tail.

"Damn, the stories don't do her justice! We're lucky, let's get back before she tears the bag open!" Naruto said excitedly.

Sasuke held the bag as far away from himself as he could, looking at it uncertainly, "Okay, I admit I may have underestimated her slightly. Let's return quickly, shall we?"

The four (plus one) headed off towards the Hokage's tower, eager to complete their first mission as genin.

**oooooo**

"You're what?" asked the secretary in front of the mission room.

"We're done, we have completed the mission," Sasuke said slowly, holding the writhing sack as if to ward off evil.

"Sorry, that can't possibly be Tora, the sack's in one piece."

"What if she was on tranquilizers?" Sakura put forward.

"Hmm. I suppose…"

"You'll take my word for it, won't you?" Kakashi said as he walked in. "Sorry, I wanted to speak to an acquaintance."

"They really caught Tora in less than two hours?" the man asked, somewhat dubiously. "Most teams never manage it that quick, and certainly not on their first try!"

"We're going to have to do this again?" the three teens asked, annoyed.

"Yes, that's why everyone except her owner hates Tora, when ever Lady Shijimi visits Konoha, the cat escapes on a daily basis. I understand they keep a special jonin at their main manor whose full time duty is to catch the little jerk. The income from the daily Tora missions pays for most of both the chunin and jonin lounge. That's the only way to keep the miserable little fur ball alive, otherwise people would have killed it by now," the secretary explained

"Kakashi, you said that powerful ninja become strange. Is there any chance I'm a delusional jonin in a padded room? It might explain some things about my life," Sasuke griped.

"Sorry Princess, this is reality. Let's meet the mission staff and talk to the Hokage again."

They walked into the room since there were no other teams reporting, and saw a large black board on an easel, with what looked like odds.

"Are you taking bets on missions gramps?"

Sakura's eye twitched at the method of address, but withheld her anger.

"Ah, team seven is back, and with a sack full of annoyed cat," the Hokage noted, ignoring the blonde's question. "Did anyone have 'under two hours'?"

"No sir, you were the closest with 'between two and three hours'."

"Hmm. And that's why I'm the Hokage," he said before turning to the group. "The answer is yes, but only fresh genin missions. It helps take the monotony out of things. There was a lot of money riding on you three, I'm glad I was optimistic."

"You're so happy, you're going to thank us by taking us to dinner with part of the winnings we won you right?" asked Naruto, bold as brass.

"Hmph, I'm using some of it to get a better door to replace the one you broke on the balcony, so maybe I'll take your teammates to dinner…"

Sakura and Sasuke were finding this rather surreal, their genin teammate joking back and forth with the leader of Konoha, one of the most powerful people in the known world.

"Geez, talk about thanks…" the goof grumbled.

"Anyway, this is quite impressive, good job on your first mission, Team Seven. Normally we'd give Tora to Lady Shijimi, but she doesn't come in to pick her up for a while since it usually takes longer," Iruka explained, looking at the sack. It had been tied with string at the top; he shrugged. "Put it in the corner over there, and I'll finalize the paperwork and give you your checks."

The Hokage smiled at them, "How are things working out? Any problems?"

"None we won't be able to overcome, Hokage-sama; except possibly Kakashi-sensei's tardiness, though it hasn't been much trouble so far," Sasuke answered politely.

"That's a good attitude to have, Sasuke-kun, I'm aware the three of you have somewhat clashing personalities. I'm glad you were all able to put that aside to complete what is normally a challenging mission," he said cheerfully.

The three teens beamed back at him, excited by praise from such an authority.

"Here you are, everything's set," Iruka interrupted the moment, handing them their checks.

"Ah, are there any D-ranks left? I didn't expect them to finish this quickly to be honest."

"Sorry Kakashi-san, we're out for the day. You'll have to request more tomorrow."

"Hmm, I wonder what I should do with you three?"

Naruto immediately had a suggestion, "You could try teaching us something awesome, that would be good!"

"Maybe. Come on, let's go back to training ground seven."

The teens waved goodbye to Iruka and the Hokage and followed Kakashi back to their 'base'.

**ooooooo**

"So what are we going to do next sensei?" Sakura asked.

"Well, normally we'd do all the learning in the morning, but I suppose I should teach you if we finish early."

"Are we going to learn a cool jutsu? Go over tactics?" Naruto started fidgeting from excitement.

"No, I thought we'd learn some new chakra control exercises."

The genin slumped. "Seriously? I mean I know it's important, but we've been doing control exercises for years," Sakura complained.

"You obviously don't quite understand how important," Kakashi entered lecture mode. "Chakra is the life blood of a ninja. Without it, you are dead, either by an enemy, or by chakra exhaustion. There are two ways to make your chakra last. Grow your reserves, or increase your control. You can increase each of them only so fast, but both are very important. If your reserves are like a cup, it doesn't matter how precisely you measure out your chakra. Likewise, if you throw out a bathtub of water every time you use a jutsu, even if you have a swimming pool's worth of reserves you'll run out quick."

"We went over all this already in class, sensei."

"I'm telling you this because you don't get it. You think you get it, which is not the same as actually getting it. Get it? Fine, I'll teach you all a diagnostic jutsu, and you'll get a visual representation of what I'm trying to get at. Here are the seals, you should get it in a few tries."

The jonin went through a large number of seals slowly a few times, then activated the jutsu.

"Wow, it's beautiful sensei!" Sakura cooed.

She was referring to a large, flat, rich blue circle that had appeared in front of the jonin. It was about four feet across and had a wave zigzagging in the middle. On second look, the students noted that it was slightly squashed, an oval.

"What does it mean?"

"Well, the size, shape, squiggly line, and border tell a lot about my chakra. The size obviously refers to my reserves; I am a jonin after all. The fact that the shape is nearly round means I have pretty even physical and spiritual energy. The fact that the squiggly line isn't completely smooth means I could stand to practice my control a bit myself, although it's very good for the amount of reserves I have. The border tells you how good I am at nature composition. As you can see here, I'm best at lightning, though I'm quite good at everything except wind, which I'm poor to mediocre at."

"Does the color mean anything? It's a nice blue," Sakura inquired.

"They don't tell you this in the academy because it's really hard to do anything about it, but your chakra has a potency. It's mostly affected by your genes, but with enough work, you can make your chakra more potent, though usually one would wait until special jonin or higher to worry about it. Chakra is sort of blueish for some reason, so almost everybody will have a shade of blue, deeper the more potent your chakra.

"All right, your turn! Bubblegum first. It's called Chakra Diagnostic by the way."

"Um, all right, here goes. Chakra Diagnostic no jutsu!"

In front of the girl appeared a skinny oval, light blue, about the size of a tea saucer.

"What? That can't be right! I know I'm just a genin, but mine's so much smaller!"

"Well, let's go over the results. You have relatively small reserves, which is somewhat natural in girls, but this is mainly from your lack of exercise. The fact that it's skinny vertically means you have more spiritual chakra than physical. More proof you haven't been exercising enough. You have plenty of spiritual chakra, so your reserves should grow fairly quickly if you follow the plan I'm going to give you before you leave. Your calm, smooth line indicates you have exceptional control, better than mine, although that's partly due to your small reserves; keep practicing control and it will stay that way though.

"Your nature is water, though you don't have any skill in elemental composition yet. It looks like you'll also be better at earth as well. It'll take you a great deal of effort to learn lightning jutsu on the other hand. Given your good control, and the fact you are good at memorizing things, I suggest you try to study medicine. I'm afraid I can barely help there, but I can get you in touch with some people who owe me favors."

The three genin were impressed with their sensei's ability to analyze the girl so quickly, and come up with a plan for her.

"Me next!" Naruto pleaded.

"Actually, I'd like you to go last, considering…"

"Oh, right." 

"Considering what?" Sasuke asked, curious about the blond.

"Personal stuff. While we are all a team, I'm sure you understand the value of privacy, Sasuke," his teacher replied.

"Hnn, then I suppose it's my turn. Chakra Diagnostic no jutsu!"

A blue oval appeared, fat, and about the size of a dinner plate.

Kakashi began to explain. "You have more physical energy than spiritual, although it's not too off balance. It's probably not because you don't think, but because you exercise so much. A… fellow jonin I know has the same problem, he's deceptively sharp mentally, but he is so physically focused he has more of that chakra type than spiritual.

"Your reserves are slightly larger than most fresh genin, and your chakra is slightly more potent than average, a result of your heritage and hard work. Your control is slightly below average, but it shouldn't be hard for you to fix that if you redirect some of your physical training towards it.

"Your primary affinity isn't a surprise, but you have a second smaller affinity to lightning. You are an above average Uchiha, which makes your fighting style fairly obvious, so I won't bother telling you what to study."

"Hnn. I still have a long way to go."

"No one ever reaches their maximum potential, Sasuke. I'm still increasing my abilities myself. All right, Naruto, your turn. Sasuke, Sakura, expect an odd result. I don't know what will happen myself."

Having seen his display at the Academy, the two understood why there might be a problem. Ready to leap away in case he exploded or something, they waited with baited breath.

"Chakra Diagnostic no jutsu!"

A giant oval appeared, twelve feet wide, and four feet from the center to the top, with some of the bottom half going into the ground. It also had the slightest hint of red in it, making it slightly purple. The squiggly line was very long, due to the size, and very squiggled. Everyone, including Kakashi, was stunned.

"…Well damn."

"Interesting, I thought I was ready for it, but you've surprised me again Naruto."

"Heh. What can I say? I wish I could say it was because of something I did, though."

Sakura just stared at it, in a bit of shock.

"Well, you can probably guess what I'm going to say now that I've done two, but let's go over it anyway. You have enormous reserves, larger than a Kage's. But the line says that you throw away quite a lot of chakra every time you do a jutsu, so a Kage could out last you anyway. I didn't bring it up previously because for almost everyone it's the same, but you seem to recover chakra faster than others do. You have more physical than spiritual chakra, obviously, though I really can't say why since no one really understands your gift," he made a gesture to Naruto that the blond interpreted as, 'we may know the cause of the chakra, but understanding it is unlikely.' It was a complicated gesture.

"You have a very large affinity to wind and a tiny one to earth. I suggest you focus on ninjutsu and taijutsu, but specifically practice chakra control. It'll be hard, but if you get your control just to chunin average, you'll be able to spit out techniques all day."

Naruto drunk in the knowledge. He knew his control was poor, Iruka had figured that out by his continual inability to produce normal bunshin. He had improved dramatically, as proved by his tree and water walking. Still, as Sasuke had said, he had a long way to go. The earth affinity was news though.

"So, while I suggested teaching a new chakra control exercise, maybe I should teach that quickly and let the boys practice that, while I go over Sakura's exercise program."

The genin nodded, having decided that their sensei probably knew best, even if his advice was a bit boring.

"Actually, I heard that Naruto was taught the one I was planning on sharing with you, so I'll give you all that one, and a tougher one. The first one involves letting out chakra in a wave over your skin, pushing anything on it in a direction. This will allow you to stay dry, and keep yourself from getting too dusty. I'll overpower it so you can see the effect."

He demonstrated the technique, and let them practice a few tries, before pouring a little water on each of their heads to see how they were faring. Naruto still hadn't made much progress with it, despite knowing it over the weekend. On his last attempt before they moved on to Sakura, he managed to blast the water away from him, which was impressive, but not practical. Sakura managed a distinct wave, but wasn't able to push the water very far as it was too weak. Sasuke was once again in the middle, able to push the water a ways, but unevenly, and not in a particular direction.

"Not to worry, if you could do everything I taught you immediately, you wouldn't need me, they'd just hand you a pamphlet to teach you! The next exercise is chunin level, and although there are more intermediate ones, this will be useful building up Sakura's reserves, and somewhat easier for Naruto as it requires more chakra force. You all are familiar with sticking leaves to yourself and floating them right?"

He received a nod, a 'Yep', and a grunt, which he chose to interpret as confirmation.

"Well you can also do that with heavier objects, like kunai or shuriken." He demonstrated, floating a kunai over his hand and giving it a lazy spin with his other hand. "You can get good enough to stick rather heavy things to your body, or spin objects in mid air," he countered the spin as he said this, making the knife stop, then spin the opposite direction without touching it. "It's fairly obvious, but I'll point out that this can be combined with other exercises at the same time, such as water walking. Now why don't you two start practicing one of those while I talk to Sakura about her physical exercise regimen."

The boys nodded, Sasuke grabbing some sand and trying to get his chakra to push it around his palm, while Naruto tried to make a shuriken float.

Kakashi took Sakura aside. "You're quite bright, but brains will only get you so far."

"I know, sensei. I focused on the intellectual side because I found it more rewarding, but now I'm starting to regret it," she explained. "It didn't help that I spent a lot of time organizing the club with Ino. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now it's obvious he seriously hated the whole situation. It's frustrating to find out all that work was for nothing."

Kakashi nodded. "Life is one long learning experience. Now you know better, and can correct things. However, we need to discuss your behavioral oddity. Do you know what is going on? I'm afraid I can't let you go beyond D-pluses if we can't get to the bottom of this. Of course, we could contact the Yamanaka clan, and set up an appointment…"

Sakura looked despondent, then sighed. "I guess it doesn't matter know that you've noticed it. I guess I need to see the Yamanaka officially, but I know what it is."

Kakashi gestured her to continue.

The teen took a breath. "I kind of have a separate personality that is more aggressive, and sometimes takes over if I panic. Ino and I have been trying to subsume it into my main consciousness, but it's tenacious. It's almost a personification of my survival instinct."

Kakashi seemed surprised, he hadn't expected something this complicated. "That could be a great asset; why are you trying to suppress it?"

"I've done some archive trawling for it. Apparently it's a recessive bloodline limit," she chuckled nervously. "But I also found out that ninja with this trait are almost without exception put into deep cover roles at some point in their lives…" she drifted off.

Kakashi considered this. It made sense, unfortunately. The biggest problem with deep cover agents wasn't exposure, but rather that your agent would turn native. Either the cover persona consumed them, meaning the loss of the agent, or worse, the agent liked life better with your enemy, giving them information! An agent with a separate personality could watch over and guide themselves for years at a time with practically no chance of failure- if trained correctly.

"I can see why that might be scary," he began, and he honestly did. Being a deep cover agent was spooky. You basically lost several years of your life pretending to be someone else, and that was the best-case scenario. "But I have good news, you're too old to be trained as a primary agent. And while I can neither confirm nor deny Konoha's use of such agents, I imagine anyone other than a primary would only be assigned such a mission voluntarily."

"And the primaries? How are they chosen?" Sakura asked.

Kakashi sighed. He knew she would pick up on that, but he had hoped she wouldn't anyway. "In most hidden villages, they select them from the orphan population."

Sakura nodded weakly, having guessed it was something like that.

"… Well, I am going to need you to see the Yamanaka, and I suggest you try to work with this ability, not against it. Of course, they'll be able to tell you more, but as I said, this could be an asset. In the meantime, you can continue missions. However, your teammates are rather concerned. I won't force you to tell them, but it may be a good idea to explain things to them."

"I'll think about it, but not right away."

"Fine. Now about your physical training…"

**ooooooo**

Half an hour later Kakashi stopped the three genin. "Alright, team time is over. You don't have to go home, feel free to continue, but what you do now is up to you. If you want to screw around that's fine, but I'd make sure you get some practice in sometime or you'll end up dead sooner."

"Or later?" Sakura finished for him.

"No, probably sooner."

"What are you going to be doing sensei?" Naruto asked in a joking tone.

Kakashi surprised him by actually answering. "I'm going to be telling the rest of the jonin about how my team caught Tora in under two hours, and hopefully getting a few drinks out of it. But if you were alluding to if and when I train, well I don't as much as I used to, since missions push you pretty hard. But now that I'm teaching, I'll be spending some time each week keeping my body and mind in condition. You never stop needing to train, if you do, you die. The Hokage sets aside at least a day every week for nothing but training, as old as he is."

"Yeah, I've seen him go through katas, it's intense. He won't let me watch him practice ninjutsu though."

"Probably because you'd try to reverse engineer them and get yourself blown up. All right, I'll see you rug-rats later. Stay, go, train, goof off, whatever. Show up same time same place tomorrow!" With that said, he shunshin-ed away.

"Well I'm staying at least for another hour, I don't have anywhere else to be, and I've got leftovers I can heat up," Naruto said. "Anyone else staying?"

"I can stay a bit, but then I have to go to dinner," Sakura declared. She had been trying out her new exercise regiment since she didn't need as much practice with control.

"Hnn. I think I'll return home. I'm more comfortable with the training grounds there."

"C'mon Sasuke, don't be a stick in the mud. Stay around here for a bit. If we're going to be a team we need to be able to be around one another during missions and stuff."

"Just being around one another should be useful; if we can get used to one another's presence it will make our teamwork that much better," Sakura said, pausing between exercises.

Sasuke looked back and forth between his teammates and shrugged. "Fine, but I need to cook dinner soon. I'll try to have something prepared in the future," he returned to sitting cross-legged, and picked up more sand to push around.

The three continued like that for half an hour before Sasuke insisted on starting dinner. Sakura started cool down stretches as he headed off, since she needed to head home soon herself.

Naruto waited until he was certain Sasuke was out of earshot, and began, "He's really a loner, huh? I'm going to have to make him have fun, or I won't be able to stand it."

Sakura chuckled, "The fanclub tried for years to figure him out, or even what his past was, but no one would really tell us anything beyond that his clan is gone."

"Ah, well, since I'm sort of the Hokage's unofficial nephew slash grandson, I got to hang out at the Hokage tower occasionally. Now obviously I never heard anything classified, but the odd rumor and whisper I did manage to overhear."

"Oh, so that's why you're so comfortable with the Hokage. How did that happen anyway?"

"Ah, well, that's a bit of a story. Rather personal. I'll probably tell you someday."

"Oh, sorry. I won't push."

"Thanks. Back to Sasuke, I heard bits and pieces over the years. His clan was slaughtered overnight by one man."

Sakura's mouth literally dropped, and she didn't speak for a few moments. "What? How? Who could even do that?"

"Well, I had heard the name of the guy, Itachi, but I didn't know the most important part until Kakashi told Sasuke to find a new dream."

"Of course, Sasuke wants to avenge his family by killing this guy! But what's the most important part?"

"Well, he mentioned Itachi was under him in ANBU, and the only important Itachi I ever heard of was Itachi _Uchiha_. Even worse, when sensei mentioned Sasuke's brother wanting to kill Tora, Sasuke leaked some killing intent. I think Itachi killed his entire clan and left his brother, Sasuke, alone for some reason." 

"…What." Sakura said flatly, not even really making it a question.

"Yeah, it sort of boggles the mind. So I'm making it a goal of mine to get him to loosen up and have fun!"

"That's really nice, Naruto, I think I'll help."

"Great! I already have a few ideas, but nothing complete. When's your dinner?"

Sakura looked at the sun, "Shoot, I should go! See you tomorrow!"

"See ya!"

Sakura nodded and ran off, and Naruto resumed trying to float a shuriken. He could get it to lift off, but keeping it steady was difficult.

After a bit, Naruto stood up, "I guess I'll head home too, Sasuke's right about doing this type of work at home. If no one else is here, I might as well do it in my kitchen."

So ended team 7's first day together.

**OOOOOO**


	4. Chapter 4 and omake

-Four days later-

"Hey, look who's finally here, you could give my sensei competition in being late Shikamaru," Naruto said excitedly.

The group of them- Shino, Hinata, Choji, Naruto, and now finally Shikamaru, were in the group's 'secret base'. In reality, it was just a warehouse attic that everyone else had apparently forgotten existed. It had been disgusting when they found it, with dust, mold, bugs, and spiders after the bugs. But with the enthusiasm of youth and some cleaning supplies it was eventually deemed acceptable. The joke was that it was their 'safe house', but since they were ninja, they were being somewhat serious when they referred to it as such. Naruto knew that the ANBU who used to watch him knew of it, which meant so did the Hokage, but never worried the group with that.

It was a fairly large single room space, maybe 20 feet on each side, though they'd never bothered to measure it. As time had gone by without anyone chasing them off, comforts had been added. Yard sales and the dump were the origin of most of the furniture, but it was mostly just discolored and fairly comfortable. After they had found out about the Kyubii, the group had pooled together money and bought a custom seal that converted Naruto's chakra into electricity and stored it. That had solved the electricity problem.

Now the place was practically lavish, what every kid could want in a hideout. There was a small fridge, a few fans, a radio, and a freezer for ice cream. They had stockpiled food, both to keep Choji happy, and because it was never too early to be paranoid.

"Yeah, I've heard your teacher is famous for many things, including being chronically tardy."

"You heard right, it wasn't such a big deal the first day or two, but it got to be really annoying. I thought about trying some behavior modification, but he'd probably kick my ass if I actually started to annoy him."

"Although being stuck with Kiba is trying, Kurenai-sensei is quite pleasant, isn't she Hinata?" Shino put forward.

"Yes, she's quite amazing, despite being a relatively new jonin. I'm glad to have her."

"I can guess what Shikamaru's opinion is already; how are you finding team ten life Choji?"

"Not bad, despite Ino. Now that her 'true love' isn't around her constantly, she's actually focusing on being a ninja. It's weird, Asuma-sensei trains us very hard sometimes, but other times he lets us relax all day, watch clouds, play shogi. He's pretty laid back."

"Sounds like you both should get on with him well."

"We do," Shikamaru stated.

"Kakashi sensei is a pretty awesome ninja, but he's sort of an annoying guy. We'll learn a lot from him though. Surprisingly, our team gets on pretty well. I thought one of us would be dead by now when I first heard the team selections, but Sasuke made it unmistakably clear he wasn't interested, so that was taken care of. I admit, I didn't like him much in class, but he's not too bad."

"I think he's still an ass," Shino deadpanned, and everyone sniggered.

"Meh, it's more complicated than that. I've told you the rumors that his entire clan was murdered, right? I'm pretty sure they're true, and that it was by his brother Itachi."

"Damn. That sucks." The group paused to fit that fact into what they knew of Sasuke.

"Yeah, and he's not been so bad once he was out of class. You know I acted differently in front of classmates than I do with you guys… On another note, have most of the D-plus-ranks sucked for you guys?"

Everyone looked at him as if he was crazy. "Have you not yet caught Tora?" Choji asked.

Naruto looked at them and started to laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"Heh, it's just that Tora was our first mission, and probably the easiest so far."

"What? How did you do it? You must tell us!" Shikamaru grabbed Naruto by the shirt. "I never want to that much work again for anything less than an A-rank!"

"Calm down, of course I'll tell you. Although this does rely on it being a Tuesday, and Tora is smart enough that she might not fall for it again."

Choji grabbed some snacks from a cabinet and passed them around as Naruto began the tale of catching Tora.

**oooooo**

"Wow, you are so lucky," Choji declared at the end of the recounting. "We're partially a capture specialist team, and we had a much tougher time than that."

"I rarely find myself annoyed or angered by others' success, but this may count as one of those times," Shino said.

"So if that was your easiest mission, what made the others harder?" Hinata asked curiously.

"Just to make sure he hasn't been screwing with us, the reason they're D-plus-ranks is because they are either harder than Ds, or because our teachers are supposed to make it harder, right?"

"Yes, Kurenai-sensei made us do the missions with constraints, or using chakra control exercises while completing the mission."

"THAT FUCKER!"

Everyone waited for Naruto to explain, they were used to his quirks. The blond had his eyes closed and was clenching his fists rhythmically.

"Sensei doesn't do things half assed. He said he was going to take a page from my book, and used shadow clones to attack us whenever we let our guard down, or at the worst times. And I know he's been reserving the most unpleasant jobs too. So far, we've had to strip the paint off a village wall and repaint it, dig up a massive septic tank and repair it, muck out the entire Inuzuka animal compound, and unclog a storm drain. During which, he would attack us, almost always getting the three of us to fall in something extremely unpleasant. The painting job he actually attacked us while Sasuke and I were on the ladders, and we dropped the chemical paint stripper on Sakura. Thankfully, all of us had been told to wear our worst things, but the stuff was so strong it was burning her skin. She had almost stripped naked before Kakashi used a water jutsu, then shunshin'ed her to the hospital. He eased up a little after that, but it's still hell."

"That's insane, you ought to tell the Hokage!"

"You guys don't realize how well informed Jiji is to stuff within the village. He knows and isn't doing anything. Either he doesn't care, or he approves. As much as I hate it, my situational awareness has grown so much it's amazing. And I'm sure the disgusting jobs are to get us used to unpleasantness. I understand him, it just sucks going through it."

"Still, that sounds irresponsible of him, Sakura could've gotten hurt."

"She did. But he took care of it. I'm never telling Sakura, but I wouldn't put it past him to have deliberately done it. Sakura had changed a lot after Sasuke told her to piss off, but after the initial shock wore off she'd do the work, but complain about it a lot. Something changed when she got back from the hospital, Kakashi must have talked with her or something."

The group mulled over that. Would their teachers intentionally hurt them if it would make them better ninja in the long term? They came to the disturbing conclusion that they might.

"Troublesome. Our teachers are tasked with making us the best assets the village can use. To what lengths would they go if they rationalized it by saying it would save our lives someday?"

"I don't think Kurenai-sensei would do that," Hinata said. "She doesn't seem like a person who could hurt us, even if it would make us stronger."

"Hinata," Shino refuted, "Kurenai is a Jonin, if she thought it was best to do so, she would do it, regardless of her emotional attachments. Furthermore, I wouldn't want a sensei unable to do so."

"What?"

"Pain is transitory, no matter how unbearable or unpleasant it may be. Death is final. Whether there is something after is irrelevant, I like this state of being and wish to reside in it as long as possible. If pain now means less later, or more importantly, staying alive longer, it is a good deal."

"But where do you draw the line, what if cutting off a finger would make you a better ninja?"

"Now we are getting philosophical. You must make a decision. Do the benefits my action causes outweigh the costs? Is that not what all decisions come down to? If cutting off my finger gave me ten extra years of life, I'd do it in a heartbeat. A day, though? I would have to contemplate that." Shino pontificated.

"We're getting off track, we came here to hang out today, have fun; not hold philosophical debates."

"You don't find philosophical debates fun Naruto?" Shikamaru asked facetiously.

"Not unless the topic is ramen related. Anyway, we all know you and Shino are master debaters."

Everyone else, excluding Shino, groaned. "Thank you, Naruto, I take some pride in my debate skills."

The group laughed now, the pun obviously going over Shino's head.

Shikamaru sighed, "Poor Naruto, he'll never be a cunning linguist."

Naruto immediately retorted with, "Maybe, but I'm sure to do many cunning stunts in the future!"

Everyone except Shino again, nearly fell over snickering.

"Would someone please explain?"

"Dirty puns Shino, you wouldn't get it," Choji managed between chuckles.

"Really? Ahem:

There was a young plumber named Lee

Who was plumbing a girl by the sea

She said 'Stop your plumbing,

There's somebody coming!'

Said the plumber, still plumbing, 'Yes, me!' "

Shino's recitation was met by silence. Once the odd juxtaposition of Shino and dirty limericks wore off, the group applauded the stoic boy's performance.

"Where did you learn that?"

"It was written on a wall in my clan's compound. I've tried to avoid thinking about which of my relatives put it there."

"Man, next thing we know, Hinata is going to be singing dirty drinking songs."

"If I ever learn any I'll be sure to share them, Naruto-kun."

"Hah! Good for you."

There had been a period where it was hard for Hinata to fit in as they had grown, the only girl in a group of five, but she had overcome her strict upbringing. While she wasn't quite 'one of the boys', she was rarely excluded from events. There were times the boys got together without her, but she understood that.

"So has anyone had any interesting missions besides me? Come on, something must have happened to one of you."

"I got infected from Tora's claws scratching me all over after I missed with a shadow bind."

"Ew, didn't the mednin take care of it?"

"Yes, but until I went there I was covered in puffy red lines all over."

"Man, normally I'd laugh at the mental image, but that just sucks."

"Troublesome doesn't begin to describe it."

"On our team, Akamaru got hurt by Tora as well," Hinata said. "As fierce as he can be, Tora just didn't care. I never thought I'd be intimidated by a cat."

"Is he all right?" Choji asked.

"He's fine now, but he played it up for pets. I couldn't resist, even knowing that."

"Man, it's ironic. Anywhere else in the world, Kiba would have the perfect partner to pickup girls with in Akamaru. But here, it would be way too obvious," Choji pondered.

"Hmmmm," Naruto pondered, a familiar sight to his friends.

"Troublesome, Naruto has that look in his eyes."

"The 'hit the deck' look, or the 'get an alibi' look?"

"Hardy har. Give me a second," the blond said distractedly.

Naruto casually made two clones, which made a chain of held hands with the original. The next moment, Naruto was holding a leash connected to an adorable Chihuahua.

"Do you think this would work, Hinata?"

Hinata's eyes were wider than usual, with a large smile. "Puppy!"

She snatched the Narudog up onto her lap and started petting it enthusiastically. The other boys smiled knowingly while Naruto started to blush.

"I think it worked quite well, wouldn't you say Choji?"

"I would indeed Shika, would you say it worked Shino?"

"Most indubitably. It looks as if it's working better than the inventor imagined."

Hinata was giving belly rubs now, seemingly forgetting the fact it was Naruto, though the only one who believed that was the blond. While she had grown more backbone as part of the group, her deviousness had grown like a weed. The Narudog was enjoying it just as a dog would, and was kicking it's legs and wagging for all it was worth. Hinata picked it up to face level and kissed it on the nose, then giggled as it licked her face. "You are so cute, yes you are! I wonder if I could take you home with me?"

Naruto choked, but was able to recover after a few coughs. His ears were bright red. He wanted to cancel the clone before it got more awkward, but Hinata seemed to be enjoying the little dog so much he felt compelled to let it stay.

"I don't think you'd fit on my head, like Kiba does with Akamaru, but maybe I could carry you like this?"

The girl unzipped her jacket a bit, and laid the Narudog between her shirt and jacket, before zipping it back up. This time even the clone was embarrassed, stopping it's movement. Choji had large eyes, not expecting Hinata to be so bold; while Shikamaru and Shino understood that as long as she could pretend she didn't realize what she was doing, she felt free to express herself.

Naruto had his eyes closed, and was considering meditation, whether to enhance or block the memory he was unsure of yet.

Hinata jyuken'ed the leash, popping it. "How long can he last, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto thought about it, which was more difficult at the moment. "Well, he was a joke, I didn't put much chakra into him, an hour?"

"Oh, that's too bad. You'll have to make this guy occasionally for me to pet, he's even cuter than Akamaru!" 

"Umm, I guess so," Naruto relented.

"Good! What should I name you?" She asked, squeezing the dog to herself.

The dog suddenly popped, making Naruto freeze and a little blood to come out his nose.

"Are you all right, Naruto-kun, why did your clone pop?"

"Um… that is… er…"

"Oh just kiss him already! You aren't ever getting a better chance than this!" Choji shouted.

It was Hinata's turn to freeze and blush. She hadn't wanted it to come out this way. She wasn't sure if she wanted Naruto to understand or not.

Not thinking, Naruto asked confusedly, "Huh, what are you talking about? She likes Shino, right?"

Everyone fell over, unable to comprehend how the blond came to that conclusion.

"What? No! Why do you think that?" Shikamaru asked.

"Well she seemed so enthusiastic about being on a team with Shino and… me... … … Oh."

"Yeah 'oh', you blockhead. I can't believe we had to practically smack you across the face with it. Now the three of us are going to leave and you two are going to talk."

Hinata still hadn't moved or said a thing. Even after everyone but Naruto had left, there was an uncomfortable silence.

Naruto didn't really know what to do. He knew he wanted a girlfriend, eventually a family, but it always seemed a distant prospect, compared to training and so on. He had no idea how to proceed.

"So you like me?"

Hinata managed to nod.

"But you've never been able to tell me." She nodded again.

Naurto sat and thought about past events, "Shit, it's been for a while, and I never noticed it." Another nod. "Why the hell didn't the guys tell me for you? If it's obvious to me in hindsight, they must have known for a while!"

"I asked them not to," Hinata said quietly. "I thought that I needed to do it, to prove to myself I was strong enough to do so. They were going to tell you in a year if I still hadn't told you by then."

"Why couldn't you ask me? I'd have said yes immediately! I know it would have been tough for you when the group got together at first, but you- we've all come so far since then."

"You'd like to be with me?" she asked with hope in her voice.

"Sure! You're awesome Hinata, never think otherwise. I was a little jealous of Shino when I thought you liked him." The blond started laughing after a moment.

"What?"

"Irony. I was planning on getting you alone and asking if you wanted help talking to Shino today."

Hinata smiled, then started giggling, finally breaking through her anxiety. "Oh, that would have turned out well."

Naruto stood up out of his chair, "Come here."

Hinata got up, nervous again, was he going to kiss her? When she didn't move for a few seconds, Naruto moved next to her, and wrapped his arms around her in a hug.

They stood like that for a minute. No thunder crashed, no fireworks went off, neither could say that the earth stopped turning for a second. But it did feel good to be like that, and maybe that was enough.

**oooooo**

Shikamaru, Choji, and Shino put down their binoculars, this was private. It was one thing to make certain it turned out all right, but it looked like it had now, so it was time to leave them alone for real.

"Well, assuming her father doesn't decide to seal her, leading to Naruto unleashing the fur butt and killing us all, this turned out pretty well," Shikamaru said sarcastically.

"Yes, while politics are always present in the Hyuuga clan, I doubt that sequence of events will happen. Perhaps if they eloped, but I don't see that happening,"

Shino predicted.

"They're probably going to be a while, we should get some barbecue," Choji suggested.

"Sure, when we're done we can come back and see if they're ready for us."

**oooooo**

The pair stood there, hugging, leaning on one another. "This feels nice."

"Yes, it does."

"You know I have next to no idea what I'm supposed to do as a boyfriend, right?"

Hinata snorted, "Because I have years of experience as a girlfriend."

"Fair enough. I guess we'll figure it out as we go."

"Naruto, we need to talk about the other reason I never approached you."

"Huh?"

Hinata pulled away and sat down again. "My father. I don't know what he thinks of you. If I were in any other clan I would just ignore him, but if he disapproves, he might try to seal me as punishment."

"I told you what I'd do if he tried. That was for my best friend, for my girlfriend I'd stop at nothing."

"That's sweet Naruto, but not realistic. Assuming you could kick my entire clan's ass, you'd be seen as a threat by the council. And as strong as you are, if you couldn't make your sensei take you serious during your test, even with _its_ help you can't defeat my whole clan."

"So what does that mean?" 

"… This is a horrible thing to ask, but can we keep our relationship secret?"

"… I guess, concerning the alternatives are not being together or risking your inheritance."

Hinata winced, "I'm sorry, I hate the way my clan is so much sometimes. I want to change it, but that means playing by their rules for now."

Naruto grabbed her hand, "Hey, it's all right; someday I'm going to be famous and your Dad will be begging for us to be together!"

Hinata made a tiny grin, "I can't wait."

"And this might be fun, we can go on dates disguised. And we won't have to pretend around the guys."

"You have no idea how much lighter I feel Naruto, this has been worrying me for so long. Thank you." She stood up and dragged him to the couch. They sat again, and Hinata initiated the hug this time. "You know how I was when we were kids, I was constantly told I was a failure. There you were in class, often screwing up, but never afraid to get up and try again, and telling your enemies to piss off at the same time. You were so strong, and I admired that."

"That was just a mask I wore to keep from breaking down."

"At least you were able to do that, I wanted to be like you, and I watched and realized just how special you were."

"Hinata, I know you want this to stay secret, but the Hokage is going to know sooner or later. Can I talk to him? I need some advice."

"… Sure, he'll understand. There's no reason he'd tell my father."

"Good, I might be able to talk to Iruka, but although he could help me with some things, I can talk to Jiji better."

"I guess you have a lot to think about, with this dropped on you so suddenly."

"Well, it's better than you moping about, and me still being clueless."

The two sat with an arm around each other and enjoyed the closeness. Both of them had lacked much physicality growing up, neither the orphanage staff nor the branch-house caretakers really able to replace a mother. So just leaning against each other was filling a need that the two hadn't even been aware of.

Suddenly Naruto swore. "Damn."

"What?"

"Oh, nothing important… It was just that I was thinking about sneaking Sasuke into a striptease parlor as a buddy bonding exercise. Now it would be awkward if I'm dating you."

Hinata stared at the boy before rolling her eyes, an interesting exercise when performed by a Hyuuga. "Boys… At least you realized you needed my permission first."

"!"

**oooooo**

"Think we should go back yet?" Choji asked as they came out of the restaurant.

"Sure, they've had enough time to talk, it's been nearly two hours."

Shino nodded in agreement.

The boys jumped up and casually ninja-ed their way back to the hideout. Coming upon the boarded up window, they looked around then knocked on it. Getting no response, Choji moved a piece of wood and inserted a key. Unlocking it, he pulled the entire window out on a hinge, boards and all. The three boys went inside and smiled at the sight they found. Hinata and Naruto were asleep on the couch, leaning against each other. Shino shut the window and walked up to Naruto, tapping his arm gently.

"Naruto, it is time to wake up. We still have 'hanging out' to accomplish."

The sleeping boy opened his eye a crack, then froze stiff for a moment until he remembered why he was laying against Hinata. Smiling, he carefully got up and stretched. "Thanks guys, we needed some personal time; damn, I'm hungry, we miss lunch?"

"Yes, I'm afraid we've eaten."

"Oh well, I feel amazing, like I slept for a week! We have food here anyway."

The blond leaned down and shook Hinata's hand, waiting until just after she awoke to kiss her forehead. She smiled and opened her eyes, then blushed when she realized they had an audience.

"Apparently we've slept long enough, the gang wants to hang out with us some more. Oh, and we missed lunch."

Hinata let him pull her to her feet, "Well, we can heat up some soup or something here. That was worth a little hunger anyway, I feel great."

"What were you guys thinking of doing anyway? We've seen both the movies at the theater, I haven't prepared any pranks, I'm not sparring on my day off…"

"I was hoping for some board games," Choji suggested. "How long has it been since we played Ninja-Monopoly?"

No one seemed to have any problems with it, so they set it up while Naruto and Hinata microwaved some food. The group was extremely proud of the microwave. While most everything had come from the dump, microwaves were expensive luxuries for the rich. The adventure they had gone through to get that microwave would have earned their place as genin years ago if it wouldn't have put them in jail first. It was also so embarrassing that the group had made a vow of silence on the subject.

**oooooo**

Ninja-Monopoly, if you've never played, is the board game equivalent of Calvin-ball, only slightly more organized. At minimum, it requires many dice, two decks of cards, a Monopoly board and all the pieces, and to really play it right, a working game of Mousetrap and Clue. Cheating is encouraged, though if you're caught you're in trouble, and betting is almost always mandatory, though usually not for money.

The group had been playing for four hours now, and the game was nearing a conclusion, though few would be able to discern this.

"I rolled an eight, which puts me on Marvin Gardens; I bid two queens and an eight of spades to Mr. Mustard in the library with a kunai," the lucky blond announced.

A chorus of groans answered the proclamation. Naruto smiled and dropped the ball down the chain reaction of simple machines, ending with a plastic net catching a mouse.

"That gets me 750 bucks which I will spend on a hotel in Candy Land. Since I rolled double fours I'll go again!"

The boy rolled, getting double sixes.

"Three doubles, go to jail or pay three random cards and go back three spaces on Candy Land," Shikamaru declared.

"I'll take the second option," the blond said, laying three cards on the table.

The teens started laying down cards, twice around the table until Choji put down a seven of diamonds, then Shikamaru put down a six. Shino laid down another seven, immediately causing everyone to slap the pile of cards.

"Hinata's on the bottom, getting the stack, and next roll," Shino announced. She collected the stack and the dice, and rolled them across the table. "They're in the double point area."

"I rolled four, landing on go, earning 400 bucks. I bid three sevens, a one-eyed jack, 200 bucks and a piece of bubble gum for the little dog on Chocolate Mountain with the noose."

Shikamaru laid down the final seven, and the two proceeded to rock-paper-scissors for the pot. Hinata won, causing all the boys to groan.

"I think I'll trade the four sevens in for two hotels and the hotrod, which gives me the cheese. I win!"

"Ugh, now I remember why we haven't played it for a while, if Naruto doesn't out luck us, Hinata will out ninja us."

"Let's see, for punishments, you three get to buy me cinnamon buns every morning for the next week," The boys let out a sigh, Hinata generally picked easy punishments, unlike Naruto; his would be both hilarious and utterly demeaning. "-and Naruto gets to rub my feet."

Choji let out a wolf whistle, the three non-massagers grinning. "My, aren't you going a little fast Hinata-chan? Soon we'll have to start knocking on doors around you two," Shikamaru said.

Both Hinata and Naruto blushed crimson.

Trying to change the topic, Naruto asked, "When's everyone expected back? I was hoping to talk to the Hokage today about stuff, but I can wait a day if no one needs to show up for dinner. Let's see, it's a bit after five now?"

"Good point. While I'm not expected until seven, I'm afraid I have duties involving my hive I need to take care of soon," Shino apologized.

"My mother is being troublesome again, wants me to clean my room. It's not like I don't know where everything is…"

"Most of the clan is in the village tonight, so we're having potluck," said Choji. Everyone nodded, knowing the importance of dinner to the Akimichi clan. Missing dinner normally was frowned upon, but there were very few excuses that would get you out of a 'dinner event'. Most clans would call them formal dinners, but there was very little formal about most Akimichi meals. Potluck and cookouts were not to be missed. On the other hand, the cooking was so good, few members ever wanted to miss it any way.

"Father expects me at six for training before dinner. I feel optimistic, perhaps I can surprise him today."

"Huh, so all it takes for you to get spunky is for me to agree to go out with you huh? I guess we'll have to do that more often."

"Wouldn't that require breaking up with me first? I'm not sure I could do an on again off again relationship."

Naruto grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "Alright, it was a silly idea. But you'll need to go home in half an hour, in which case I'm going to see the old man."

Shino buzzed a moment, then stated, "As we cannot finish anything of significance in thirty minutes, I will attend to my hive. It was good meeting up again. We should do it next week, schedules permitting." The boy headed out.

"I'm going to go cloud watching, I haven't had nearly enough time for that lately."

"I'll come with you," Choji said, "you two have fun with the foot rub, but don't make us uncles, okay?"

The remaining pair sputtered indignantly as Shikamaru and Choji left the hideout, then looked at each other and blushed.

"So, um, I guess you should sit on the couch and take off your shoes."

**oooooo**

After an enjoyable, if embarrassing, foot rub, Hinata had headed home, and Naruto went to talk to the closest thing he had to a father.

"Hey Satoshi-san, is the Hokage in?"

The chunin looked up, confused that the blond brat wasn't barging in like usual.

"Yes, may I ask him if he's available to see you?"

"Sure, I don't want to interrupt him."

Satoshi's eyebrow rose, and he performed a discreet kai, in case this was a genjutsu. When nothing changed, he grew a worried look, and pressed the button that connected to the Hokage's office. Naruto couldn't hear what he said to the Hokage, there were seals incorporated into many aspects of the tower. The secretary nodded and let go of the button. "The Hokage will see you now."

Naruto nodded, pushing open the doors and heading in.

"What's wrong Naruto-kun?" Sarutobi asked once the doors shut.

The boy surprised the old man by dropping down and giving a formal supplication. "I request advice, and perhaps aid, Hokage-sama. I don't know who else to turn to."

"… Get up, it can't be that bad. What's happened?"

"… Apparently Hyuuga Hinata has had a crush on me for many years, and while I have agreed to court her, her clan's politics and my ignorance of a male's romantic duties may lead to disaster."

Hiruzen sat back down in his chair, a hand covering his face. Eventually Naruto could hear muffled laughter coming from the old man, and he looked up from his position to see his prospective source of knowledge trying not to burst into guffaws and tears.

"I'm being serious, damn it! Hinata says she could be sealed if this disturbs the stick up Hiashi's ass! I need advice! On top of that, I've realized that Hinata's psychological state was as messed up as mine as a child, yet I don't believe she's had any professional help!"

The Hokage held his breath for a moment and ceased his mirth as quickly as one would expect the 'God of Shinobi' to be able. "I'm sorry Naruto, it's just that seeing you like this, and learning you finally found out and everything- ah, that added a few months to my life, I'm sure."

Naruto was starting to get annoyed, "JIJI-"

"Quiet. Of course I'll help. Let's take one thing at a time. You two are together now, it's about damn time. Which leads me to point b, _everyone _except you knew she had a crush on you. Well, everyone over 18 that had half a brain. If Hiashi doesn't know of her feelings towards you I'll give the Tsuchikage a back rub."

"Why didn't anyone tell me? At least you or Iruka-sensei should have said something!"

"You needed to figure it out between the two of you. How did it happen any way?"

Naruto told him the story, including everything he could remember up to falling asleep, to help the old man give him better advice; he knew he'd be amused by the dog part anyway.

Hiruzen sat, eyes closed, digesting what he had heard. "Let's get the easy stuff out of the way. You say you don't know what to do as a boyfriend, do you think everyone else got an instruction manual?"

"No, but I haven't had a family to learn from, I didn't even have many friends until I was nine or ten."

"Alright, so you will have a slight disadvantage at being a _father_, but many children grow up in dysfunctional families, and have to overcome memories of abusive fathers or chronically depressed mothers. But you're with everyone else at being a boyfriend. Everyone figures this out on their own for the most part. Haven't you read? Popular culture is full of examples of what to do, and mostly what not to do in romance. You have good instincts, you knew to hug her when she was nervous, even the fact you're concerned enough to get help shows you will be a good boyfriend. Calm down, and everything should be all right; you're dating, not moving in together."

"All right, it's just, I want this to work, but no one ever tells you really useful dating advice. It's either ways to get into a girl's pants, or useless stuff like 'act natural'."

"You already caught the girl Naruto, just by being you. Acting natural is exactly what you should do. On to harder problems, Hinata's mental state and the clan politics are tied together. You probably missed the significance when I told you that Hiashi certainly knows of her attraction towards you."

"But-"

"Let me finish. All Academy students are required to see a psychiatrist twice a year, unless their clan opts them out. The old laws allow the major clans much latitude, or else that caged bird crap wouldn't be around now. The Hyuuga never allow their children to be analyzed for various excuses, which add up to 'piss off and mind your own business'. I've never liked that, but I've allowed it because if any ninja or academy student showed bad enough signs, I have executive powers allowing me to put them into special care. If I wished, I could even remove them from the clan, though the political fallout from that would be disastrous.

"Hinata though is a special case. Never before has an heir of an extant clan needed help so much. Sasuke's clan is no longer around, and while there was an Uzumaki clan long ago, everyone thought they were gone before you. You popped up out of nowhere, so to speak."

Naruto filed that away, but decided to stay focused; they could speak of that later.

"The only way I could help Hinata is if I were to remove her from the clan. If I did anything less, they would put her in the branch house. As she is their only hope for a better future any time soon I have been reluctant to do so, especially considering the political ramifications. What I did to protect you stirred the pot and caused a mess, though you were worth it. But to forcibly remove a clan heiress from the clan would have disastrous effects. I would still do it if necessary, but she has gotten much better after the five of you got together."

"Okay, but is there no way to get her some help without her father finding out? The way she spoke about me, it's like she was obsessed with me when she was younger. I'm not going to leave her, but is her attraction to me even healthy?"

"I understand, what you described is disturbing news. While I think she's gotten over a lot of it with the help of you and your friends, I might be able to get her some covert appointments. Now to the last problem.

"The series of events Hinata laid out sounds superficially plausible, but is nearly impossible. Your value as a jinchuriki is well accepted by the council after I weeded out the idiots shortly after your birth. While if you did kill all the Hyuuga I wouldn't be able to protect you, even defeating them and destroying their compound could be put down to 'clan disagreements' since you are technically the head of the Uzumaki clan. Don't get a big head, since you're the only member, you have no real power, that's just the excuse they would use to ignore your actions. The only way you'd have no value left to the politicians would be if you released the Kyuubi."

"… I promised I would do anything to protect her and I meant it."

Immediately a burst of air slapped against Naruto's face, knocking the boy off his chair.

"The hell do you think you are, boy? The Kyuubi is not something to bluff someone with! No one in this village is worth releasing the horror of it upon the masses again! Not me, not you, not Hinata! Fucking hell, never even hint at that in front of another ninja, or my protection or not you'll be dead!"

Naruto returned to his seat, looking successfully reproached. "Fine, but I will do anything else I can if Hiashi tries to seal her."

"Did I not practically give you my blessing to, explaining why you'd get away with it? I know you're anxious, but you need to think!" The Hokage paused and calmed himself.

"If you had let me finish, I would have explained why it was unlikely for this to occur anyway. As I've mentioned, he knows of her attraction, and yet he has done nothing drastic when she joined your group of close friends. If anything, he's become more lenient towards her recently. That means one of a few things. It is possible he approves of you, though unlikely on the surface. He understands the truths behind your sealing to a degree very few others do. For reasons we will speak of when you are older, he could see your union to his daughter as a positive thing.

"Alternatively, he may no longer see Hinata as a potential heir. While he seems the epitome of Hyuuga coldness, his actions towards his daughters have affection underlying them. There can be no other reason that either Hinata or Hanabi is not already sealed, he is playing one off the other to prolong the time they have left before the inevitable. If he no longer thinks Hinata can be the head of the clan then he will allow her as much happiness as he can, both before and after she is sealed. While her life will change fairly drastically, as Hiashi's daughter, she will be separate from the rest of the branch house, and immune to anyone using the seal on her. Hizashi Hyuuga was Hiashi's younger twin brother and was sealed; although he met an unfortunate end, he was widely respected and his brother kept his council frequently.

"Another possibility, both likely and pleasant, he sees her improving from being around you and your friends. Like many ninja, and especially clan heads, he is pragmatic. He could loath you and still allow you both to be together if it benefitted the Hyuuga clan.

"Of course, finally, he could just be ignoring her affection to you, and if he discovers you both dating he might forbid your relationship."

Naruto asked, "Alright, given all that, what is my best plan moving forward?"

"Do what you planned, have a secret relation. When he figures it out, which he will eventually, he will either summon you or allow it. If he summons you, go to him strong and proud, not as his equal, but not begging forgiveness. Talk to him and see what happens. You will be safe as long as you don't do something stupid. Remember, he can tell if you're lying as easily as you can read a book, so be honest with him, or omit when possible."

Naruto went over everything the old man had told him, then got up and bowed.

"Thank you Jiji, so much."

"Certainly Naruto. I will direct Kurenai-san to suggest to Hinata to meet with the psych-nin. I promise I'll handle that, so you shouldn't talk to her about it unless she brings it up. Now I've had a long day, so let's go home."

"Hai!"

Naruto headed out of the tower back to his apartment to make dinner. He understood what Hinata felt like earlier. During the entire game, it felt like he was carrying a lead boulder on his back, full of his worries. Some of them remained, but learning that Hinata was most likely overestimating the severity of the problem was so relieving. Heck, today went so well he'd cook extra vegetables tonight. That ought to make his med-nin happy.

**oooooo**

Hinata's arms danced in a pseudo-pattern, blocking all the incoming strikes. Her father had been attacking her for fifteen minutes, and while he was far from using his full skill on her, he had yet to make a strike. This was very peculiar. He decided to keep at this level another five minutes before going a step higher and pressing her harder to see the result.

Shuffling forwards, Hiashi attacked again. To his surprise, Hinata not only blocked them all, but also successfully countered three strikes before his attention focused enough to evade the rest. This was unprecedented.

It was rare for him to feel his tenketsu closed, though Hanabi managed a lucky shot occasionally. He withdrew a short distance, both to see if she followed on the offensive, and to observe his daughter's face. While it did not look triumphant, neither was it sad, as it often was when she was forced to cause pain. She had on a decent Hyuuga mask, though he could still read through it if he concentrated. She was uneasy. She was glad her counters struck true, but uncertain of what the result would be.

"You have improved, let us see how you do at the next level."

Her face grew wary, but hardened to determination. He closed the distance quickly, striking with both hands at several areas of the body. She blocked most, and diverted the few remaining to areas with no critical tenketsu. The strikes would be painful, but not impairing. Hiashi felt the urge to nod appreciatively, but ignored it, instead continuing the attack. This time he overextended his third strike intentionally. She capitalized, slapping his hand aside and striking a point near his elbow.

It stung, she had used more chakra than usual in that strike, but it was understandable, if she had been off slightly, the extra power would have closed the tenketsu anyway. Hiashi continued unperturbed, his arm still mostly functional.

His daughter's face was loosing the uncertainty, gaining more resolve as she continued to block and parry his attacks, though he didn't give her any free chances. Hiashi stepped up the difficulty again, without telling her this time. She still managed to negate many of the strikes, though more were moved to non-vital points.

His last strike was unexpected, not part of the proscribed pattern bases that the Hyuuga had followed for so long. Hinata's eyes widened, and did something even Hiashi would never have guessed.

Her fingers met his. And since she put all her chakra behind it, she overpowered her father for a moment and stunned his fingers, though the tenketsu there wasn't closed.

Hiashi leapt back. "Hold!"

Hinata relaxed her body, though she was somewhat panicked. Although it had worked, what she had done was against one of the cardinal rules of Gentle Fist. Never meet a superior's fingers with one's own. This was a purely practical rule; if your opponent is better than you, they can see that move coming and disable your fingers with their superior chakra force.

Hiashi stood, observing his daughter for a minute, betraying none of his thoughts. "Follow me."

The clan head lead his daughter into his office, and activated a seal on a basic tea service set. It was somewhat of an oddity, as he could have any branch house member serve him, and Hinata had seen him served just so on many occasions. The kettle whistled seconds after he activated the seal, and he proceeded to serve them both.

Hinata was totally off balance, likely his intent, though one could never be sure with her father. She had expected a reaction from her display, but it seemed she had underestimated how big a wave her increase in skill had caused. She focused on maintaining her mask of indifference.

"Hinata, how have you been doing in team eight?"

Hiashi watched her show surprise before recovering. It was disheartening that such a simple question would cause that reaction from his daughter, but his rule of the Hyuuga clan was not absolute, and he knew maintaining distance from her was the best course for now.

"It is well. Kurenai-sensei is kind but strict. As you know, I've been friends with Shino-kun for many years, and while Kiba can be annoying, he means well and is a useful asset to our team."

"Tell me about your most interesting missions and training sessions."

Hinata paused before telling of her Tora mission, and a sparing match with Kiba, then a few other anecdotes.

'She seems to honestly believe these were the most interesting events so far, but nothing she's told me would explain her change.' "Today was your day off, anything interesting happen with your friends?"

There. The mask shattered for a few moments, fear showing through.

"Ah, not much father. Just hung out. Talked about our missions, teams, and teachers. Played some board games."

Lie, lie, truth, truth. "What did you do besides talk and games?"

"Ah, I wouldn't want to bore you father."

Truth/omission.

"Well, what ever has happened, you've improved greatly. Continue like this and you will be my heir."

Relief.

"Thank you father."

"It's time for dinner, let us go to the dining room."

Meanwhile, Hiashi's mind was churning, 'The change happened today, I'm sure. She has been improving steadily, but something important must have happened, likely while she was with her friends… Could she and Uzumaki have gotten together? It seems likely. This will be interesting to watch play out. I see no reason to interfere, at least for now. Perhaps I should speak with Hiruzen.'

The two entered the dining room and joined Hanabi and her grandfather for dinner. Hinata relaxed, knowing how close she had been to discovery.

**oooooo**

End Chapter the Fourth

-Omake-

**Warning:** So I thought this would be upsetting to a bunch of people, but I guess I miss-estimated how easily my potential reader base is offended. Still, for example, if the idea of clones behaving _naughtily_ creeps you out (and I can understand why it might), you might want to skip this.

A reviewer mentioned they didn't think this was funny. This isn't supposed to be hilarious, although I think it's amusing. It's more about being a cute scene of Naruto interacting (corrupting?) with the youths that look up to him, and watching those youths mature in a subject that is both extremely important, and fundamentally embarrassing and amusing. Nine out of ten comedians agree, sex is funny.

It was two days after his day off, and Naruto was returning from another rough mission courtesy of Kakashi. Naruto walked up to his apartment door and fished around one of his many pouches for the key. Once found, the weathered, dull metal didn't reflect the dim hall light as it traveled to the lock. The ninja in him went on full alert when he encountered no resistance turning it to the unlocked position. Withdrawing the key, he moved to the side a few paces and made two shadow clones, one going to the opposite side of the door and one nonchalantly opening it up and heading inside.

'This is exactly what the Academy meant by a "fight or flight" response,' Naruto thought, as he and his backup clone slipped out a kunai into each hand. They waited tensely, though perfectly still, for the scout clone to pop or send a signal. Depending on what type of threat it turned out to be, Naruto was not ashamed to high tail it.

Suddenly there was a muffled shout and shriek, then Naruto felt the clone pop. He franticly filtered through the memories, swearing that if he lived through this he'd always retreat and start meditating immediately in a situation like this.

Then he 'remembered' the threat. Moegi and Udon. The clone opposite the door from him slapped himself in the face hard enough to dispel. Naruto shook his head, sheathing his blades as he walked in. He found them playing cards, although at the moment it looked like 52 card pickup.

"You scared us Naruto-nii! Oh well, we don't need to play now that you're here."

"_I_ scared _you_? I thought there was an enemy waiting in my home for me!"

Udon tilted his head. "We left the door unlocked, how much more of a hint did you need? A real ninja wouldn't make such a rookie mistake."

Naruto shook his head. "Never overestimate your enemy, it's not quite as bad as underestimating them, but you can end up just as dead. What if it had been a petty criminal? It wouldn't be the first time someone's broken into my apartment with bad intentions."

"Sorry Naruto, we didn't have bad intentions, we just came here to… what _were_ you waiting here for Udon?" Moegi asked.

Udon looked around nervously. "Ah, I just, wanted to talk to Naruto about something. Why, what were you waiting here for? You were here before me."

Now Moegi looked embarrassed. "Um, same thing, just needed to talk to Naruto-nii about something. That's alright though, you go first."

Naruto face-palmed for the second time in as many minutes, as Udon insisted that no, he was fine waiting and she should go first. Naruto laughed, interrupting their argument. "So let me get this straight, you both decided to come see me about 'growing up' on the same day? I gotta say, this smells like a set up for some joke on me."

The two flushed light pink, then looked at the other, and properly blushed. "Do you really think I'd have come if I knew she was going to be here?" Udon asked.

"If I knew he was going to be here I wouldn't have come either, I just got sidetracked when we started playing cards," Moegi explained.

"Fine, I had hoped you two and Konohamaru would go to Iruka-sensei, or another teacher, but I did say I'd talk to you if I was needed. Moegi, isn't all this covered in kunoichi training? I'm not quite qualified to tell you what you need to know."

"They covered puberty and health, just like the boys, but what you're talking about is last year stuff, and even then it's supposed to be mostly basics, flirting and sex appeal. The advanced courses only take chunin kunoichi or above. We get paid more for those types of missions, but not all of the girls in class have the right personality. The instructors already said that a few other girls and I should focus on combat, rather than seduction training," Moegi explained embarrassedly.

"Huh? They pigeonhole you so early? What do they mean you should focus on combat?" Naruto asked indignantly. 'Hinata never explained any of this, then again, none of us asked, to my knowledge.'

"Yeah, why can't you do those missions? You're cute!" Udon added. Realizing what he said, the two blushed again, making Naruto smile and hold back a chuckle.

'No wonder no one told me Hinata liked me, it's way too much fun to see stuff like this to ruin it. Wait a minute, of course! Hanabi has her eyes on Konohamaru, leaving these two to pair off! I wonder if they know it yet?' Naruto thought.

Moegi fought down her embarrassment and tried to explain. "It's not beauty, though that helps, it is temperament, personality, boldness. Just as our bodies determine what type of taijutsu a ninja specializes in, a kunoichi's mental traits determine if we can become an effective seductress. Eventually they'll teach all of us the basics, as I said, but to excel in that area takes a special type of girl. That doesn't mean the rest of us can't be seductive, just that the strain those missions put on us will be greater, and we won't have some of the advantages those girls have."

"Huh, I never really thought about it," said Udon.

"I didn't either for the most part," admitted Naruto. "Then once I learned a bit about it, I consciously refrained from thinking about it. I wouldn't want to be a female ninja. Remember Udon, there may not be as many, but kunoichi have to deal with a lot of crap that guys don't, so always be cautious of them, they're definitely not weak," he winked at Moegi.

Udon nodded, and looked at Moegi with a contemplative face.

Naruto continued, "So if classes have covered the health aspects of it, and I imagine you've seen what's in store for yourselves at the public bathes at some point, you came to me for the other side of it I assume?" Naruto asked with a lecherous grin.

The two tweens shyly nodded. Their blood must have gotten tired of lighting up their faces, as blushes were not forthcoming this time.

Naruto burst their bubble though. "Well frankly, I don't know what to tell you. I can give you some Icha-Icha, but it's mostly figure it out as you go. Whether you're kissing or screwing, you have to figure out what's good to you and your partner for yourself." Naruto explained, mostly making it up as he went. He and Hinata had done some kissing, but they had only been dating a few days.

He looked at their disappointed faces, and tried to think of something he could do. In the meantime he continued, "Anyway, you two are to young for anything more than some kissing. Hey, that might be an answer!" The blond made a clone and had it henge female. "You can watch me make out with myself! Am I smart or what?"

The two kids looked at him with dubious expressions. "You're weird Naruto-nii, are shadow clones your solution to everything?"

"Anything can be solved by the use of enough clones in the right way. If you haven't solved the problem, you aren't using enough. Anyway, pay attention!"

Naruto and his Naruko clone started to kiss, showing off the few tricks Naruto had figured out with Hinata. The original broke off after a few minutes and created a second clone, male this time, to take his place. He watched his students fidget while they watched in rapt attention, before turning his attention to his clones.

'Wait a second, I've never done _that_ before. It looked fun though. I've never thought about using clones to train in things other than the ninja arts,' he thought.

"Notice their hands, and how they are moving around the body. Some areas are more sensitive than others of course, but visit several of them before focusing on one. Your mouth can kiss more places than your partner's mouth as well. The shoulder is sensitive to that, and _light_ nibbling there might be appreciated," Naruto lectured.

He looked at his students again. They were off in their own little worlds. Moegi was squeezing the one pillow Naruto kept on the couch between her legs, while Udon had his right hand in his pocket. The blond let out a quiet snicker and went to his room, opening the secret compartment he had installed, and scanning the titles, looking for appropriate ones. He decided that the first two of the series was fitting, and took them out, returning to the main room.

'What the-?' Naruto thought, surprised. His clones had started groping one another, something he hadn't intended to show his young friends, and he was especially shocked since he and Hinata hadn't gotten that far yet.

Doing a half assed mental preperation, more a mental exercise than true meditation, Naruto took half a minute to prepare himself for the memories, then walked up and punched his clones.

The two barely-teens made whining noises, then snapped back to reality and blushed crimson, almost beating one of Hinata's blushes from her youth. Naruto meanwhile, was going through an interesting process. Within seconds, he had gone from mostly normal, to very sexually excited. He stood still several seconds, both to fully integrate the memories, and to try to calm himself. From Moegi's half muffled gasp, he could tell his state was obvious.

Ignoring the condition everyone was in, Naruto handed both kids an Icha-Icha. "These should be educational and entertaining. I don't want to know what you do with them as long as you follow a few rules. No one is allowed to see you with it, read it in your bedroom. I'll be pissed off if your parents or someone starts telling people I give kids porn. Second, I want them back in a week, if you want more I can let you swap volumes, or eventually have other ones, but you need to check in with me seven days from now. Third, keep in mind this is fantasy, some of it is realistic, but most of it is not how the real world works. I'm mostly giving them to you for the art. Don't get into your head to start behaving like any of the characters or trying to have sex or something stupid like that. When you bring it back we'll talk about what happened in that volume and what was unrealistic, aka most of it. Finally, I've read them all several times and still managed to keep them in good shape. Since you'll only be reading them in your bedroom, there won't be food or drink spills, but also be careful while 'using' them. I'll be pissed if they come back sticky."

The two teens nodded seriously to each point, excited and proud that Naruto trusted them with this. Once Naruto was done, the two opened their books to a random page near the middle, raising their eyebrows and momentarily stopping their breath.

"Does this look like your bedrooms?" Naruto asked.

The two hastily shut the books and slipped them into pockets, bowed, and hurried to the door, before running off home. Naruto let out a groan and made a Naruko clone. "This should work right? I haven't tried it before, but it's just the next logical step of masturbation."

The Naruko nodded in agreement, then asked, "Yes, the question is, do we tell our psychologist you made a female version of yourself give you a handjob? Something about this seems wrong. "

Naruto shrugged and unzipped his pants. "Kakashi said powerful ninja get weird. I'm just ahead of the curve."

End Omake


	5. Chapter 5

**o **A Few Days Later **o**

Naruto dodged a third small fireball before being immolated by the fourth. Thankfully, he popped almost instantly, another clone taking that one's place attacking Sasuke. It had taken awhile, but the raven-haired teen had finally started to consistently conserve his energy when sparing against clones. Well, under normal conditions.

"Dobe, that's not funny!" Sasuke yelled, starting another Phoenix Fire jutsu.

"I think it's hilarious!"

Their argument was cut short by Kakashi appearing at the bridge, causing the three junior members of team seven to cease what they were doing and gather around the jonin.

"Nice hair cut Princess," the jonin remarked, noticing a small bit of hair gone from a spike.

"I knew it, it's noticeable! I'm going to make you bald, Naruto!"

"It was an accident, I swear! I didn't expect you to dodge that way. And the only reason he can tell is he's a jonin that sees you almost everyday."

Sasuke glared at Naruto, then rolled his eyes and huffed.

"Well now that that's over, how would you all like to learn some jutsu?"

All three teens directed their attention towards the cyclopean man.

"Seriously? Real jutsu we can use in the field? Awesome!"

"I thought that might catch your attention. I'm teaching each of you jutsu suited towards your elemental affinity. Naruto, you're lucky in that you might be able to learn the two jutsu I'm teaching to Sakura as well as the two I teach you. Now remember, until you practice elemental composition these may seem weak, even if they match your affinity. However, as you practice them, and once you start composition, they will become powerful tools. I'm said to know quite a few jutsu, yet I use fairly few of them. This is because I don't know them all equally well, and some are more effective than others."

"You like to give lectures a lot don't you sensei? I lost your point." Naruto said.

Kakashi sighed, "The point is, if you don't like the jutsu I give you, don't complain, or I'll give you something to complain about. I picked each one with a specific reason in mind, and these will help you out down the road. All right, I seem to be starting with you a lot Sakura, but yours are first. Naruto, pay attention, you might be able to use these as well. Sasuke, you ought to watch, so you can identify the hand seals if someone uses it against you, if nothing else. I'm going to perform the _Earth Wall_ technique."

The three genin backed away to the position he indicated, and the clones Naruto had left from earlier watched from various points of view.

Kakashi slowly performed the seals: Tiger, Hare, Boar, finishing with Dog. Finally he stomped the ground and shouted, "Doton: Doryuuheki no jutsu!"

The whole ground shook slightly as a length of earth in front of him shot up into the air, six feet wide and stopping at eight feet high.

Kakashi shrugged as the genin around him looked at it wide eyed. Waving a clone over, he handed it two large exploding tags. "Now let's see how strong it is. Everyone noticed those were small demolition tags, not anti-personnel tags right?" His audience nodded, the boys especially excited at the prospect of blowing something up. Kakashi addressed the clone he had handed the tags too. "Why don't you go over to the other side of the wall and attach them to the center, and set them off. There's a 30 second delay since they're for demo work."

The clone nodded and smiled, going to the other side of the wall. Kakashi walked back away from the wall and put in his earplugs before handing out extras, "Everyone come stand by me, and keep your ears plugged, this will be loud."

His students quickly followed his advice, although the clones stood in various places to see the explosion more clearly. Naruto Prime raised his modified rain shield around the team, hoping to mute the sound further. Then the first clone ran from behind the wall waving his arms and shouting to anyone nearby that there was about to be a detonation. No one was supposed to use a team's assigned grounds, but it was better to be safe. It then ran off to watch.

Unfortunately, there was no way to know when the tag would blow, although they could guess it was around 25 seconds after the clone appeared waving it's arms. They stood there anxiously, except for Kakashi, and flinched when it finally went off.

It was loud, even through their earplugs and the muting ability of the jutsu. The four ninja could feel the air press against their bodies, and a shock came up through their feet. When the dust cleared, the wall was perfectly fine from this side, which completely shocked the genin. Running around to the far side as they took out their earplugs, the three teens saw small cracks running across the blackened surface.

"Impressive!"

"Woah, that's amazing!"

"You want me to do this, sensei?" Sakura asked as Kakashi walked up to them. He made a seal and the wall sunk back into the ground.

"You won't be able to do that for a long time, but if you practice for a while, you'll be able to block projectiles and fire techniques with it. I'll give you and Naruto a scroll with some tips in a bit, but let me tell you some strengths and weaknesses of it. First, it's obviously a defensive jutsu, but it is weak to electrical and wind attacks. It will stand up to fire and water attacks very well, as well as physical and explosive forces. Until you get very good at earth composition, you will have to be standing on the ground, preferably not on sand or rock, although with practice you can overcome that. Once you have gotten the composition down though, you'll be able to do this."

Kakashi performed the jutsu again, but this time spat a line of mud on a tree. After a moment, the mud expanded and raised itself a foot off the tree. Kakashi released the technique, allowing the mud to fall to the ground.

"Obviously that was just a demonstration, not full strength, but you get the point. It's worth mentioning that if you add extra earth chakra like I just did when you're already on the ground, the wall gets even stronger than before."

He looked around at his charges; they were full of excitement at the thought of learning techniques specifically picked out for them.

"Now, let's brainstorm. How can you use the wall besides a defense? Let's say you blocked an attack with it, what would you do next?"

The teens slouched and thought. A minute later, "If you knew an offensive earth jutsu you could use the wall to fuel it," suggested Sasuke.

"Good! Any other ideas?"

Naruto spoke up, "They can't see you behind the wall, so you should use the time to do something tricky, or do a replacement somewhere else."

"Also valid. Sakura?"

"Ano, could you weaken the wall voluntarily? If you could, then attacked the wall so it blew to pieces towards your opponent…"

"Hmm, tricky, but if you pulled it off it would likely be very effective. Good job. All right, that was exciting; I'm afraid the next one doesn't have such an awesome practical demonstration though. It's called the _Underground Projection Fish_ technique, and although it's only a C-rank supplementary, it's extremely useful. I used this jutsu the time I hid in the ground during your test. There's also a jutsu called _Hiding like a Mole_ that is an advanced version, but it is more challenging."

He listed the seals, then performed them. "Underground Fish no Jutsu!"

He sank into the ground within seconds, and sprang out behind his audience and tapped them on the shoulders.

"Ahh! Sensei, don't do that!"

The man made his odd looking smile, then literally dove into the ground. The genin looked around them, trying to spot him. Like a dolphin, Kakashi breached the surface and threw pebbles at his students, before standing on the ground, which was solid to him once more. The teens looked impressed as they rubbed the spots the pebbles hit them.

"I think the uses for this are fairly obvious, ambush, hiding, running, disorienting your foe, etc. etc. I'll leave it to your imagination to think of possible uses. Now here's a question. Sakura's primary affinity is water, yet I gave her two earth jutsu. Why do you think I did that?"

The genin assumed their thinking poses. Naruto had his arms crossed, and tilted his head left, then right as he thought. Sakura's eyes wandered around looking at nothing in particular. Sasuke had his eyes closed, his eyebrow occasionally going up as he held his chin.

Sakura eventually answered, "Is it because it's very hard to do jutsu without the element you want present? Rivers are common around Konoha, but there's earth almost everywhere you go."

"Very good Sakura, that's correct! Fire and lightning jutsu are easier to do from scratch because they are forms of energy, specifically heat and electricity. On the other hand they are harder to control. Wind is made of air, which is all around us; but water and earth take more chakra and skill to perform a given jutsu without the material around you."

Kakashi stretched a bit and continued, "Okay, It's Naruto's turn. I'm going to teach you two wind jutsu. First is the _Wind Enhancement_ jutsu."

Kakashi drew a kunai that looked very well made. It wasn't your average throw-around kunai. On further inspection, the teens could tell it was a slightly different shape to. "This is my personal close-quarters-combat kunai. Most of our stock weapons don't channel chakra very well, but this one was made with several enhancements, including chakra conductivity. Before I show you the jutsu, I want to show you some basic abilities you can do once you've completed elemental composition training."

Kakashi held the kunai in front of him and grunted, sending electricity crackling over the surface of the blade.

"Damn! When do we get to start composition training?" asked an excited Naruto. The other two looked suitably impressed as well.

"Well, normally you don't bother with it until you're a chunin, but I want you all to start the basics of it after you start taking C-ranks. I'm afraid it's very boring work though. You went over the fundamental nature of each chakra in the Academy right?"

Sakura nodded and elaborated, "Wind is sharp and cutting, earth is strong and hard, lightning is shocking and piercing, water is fluid and agile, and fire is hot and burns."

The two boys nodded, this was basic stuff.

Kakashi nodded, "While any element can be used for different purposes, fire, lightning, and wind are primarily offensive. Water is supportive and earth is defensive. But let's get to the jutsu."

He put away his good kunai and explained. "The _Wind Enhancement_ jutsu emulates the effect of channeling wind chakra onto a weapon, only since it is an actual jutsu, it gives a much stronger result for most people. Remember that I'm relatively poor at wind, so this might be a little lackluster."

The jonin told them the seals then performed them, but instead of yelling the name, he took a deep breath and grabbed a shuriken and basic kunai. Breathing out onto the shuriken, he made a large nebulous outline of churning wind to wrap around the throwing star, maybe a foot in diameter. He had it lying flat on his fingers, and made sure his students noticed that it was stuck to his hand with chakra by turning his hand upside down. He then flung his arm out towards a small boulder nearby. The genin were stunned to watch the projectile carve straight through solid rock and dig a skinny trench for 5 yards through the dirt before stopping.

Kakashi wasn't done though, he still had some breath left, and applied it to the kunai he was holding. He started at the base and exhaled as he drew the kunai down, away from his mouth, extending a blade of air two feet long. "Anyone care to sacrifice a kunai too see something really cool?"

Naruto leapt forward, holding out another kunai. Kakashi smiled and accepted it, then pressed the two knives together blade to blade. Within three seconds, Naruto's blade had been cut straight through by the jonin's wind enhanced kunai.

"This should be very useful in conjunction with your clone's copied weapons. Since it's so lethal, I don't want you using in spars once you've learned it unless I allow you to, got it?"

Naruto had a grin that took up most of his face as he nodded enthusiastically.

"Okay, the second wind jutsu is called _Gale Palm_, and it creates a very strong wind, enough to knock over an opponent, or to boost projectiles. Most ninja that use it are experienced enough to just slap their hands together, but if you use the bird seal first, and visualize the result, you'll be able to focus the chakra correctly without composition training."

Kakashi demonstrated, slamming his hands together flat, creating a strong blast of air in the direction he was facing.

"Alright, Sasuke's turn now. You're a little tougher, since you have access to the Uchiha library, you can find instructions to almost all the fire jutsu I know. So I'm going to teach you one lightning jutsu and help you perfect one fire jutsu of your choice."

Sasuke nodded, finding that a fair proposal.

"I'm going to show you _Electric Arcs _jutsu. It sends pseudo random arcs of electricity from your hands to where you direct them. You've seen the Star Wars manga, right?"

The teens nodded, Naruto quite vigorously. There were rumors they were going to make it into a movies, but were having a tough time with special effects until they turned to genjutsu specialists. Supposedly a bunch of them were using henge and other optical jutsu to make props.

"Force lightning was based off of this jutsu. Remember though, while it can be quite strong, it's also fairly draining, so you should only use it for five, _maybe_ ten seconds at a time on its weakest setting. It's also fairly short range."

As Kakashi prepared to demonstrate this technique, all three genin looked ecstatic. It wasn't every day you got to see a move right out of a manga, and force lightning just looks so cool.

The jonin walked closer to the boulder he had carved up with the wind shuriken and performed the required seals slowly, saying them our loud. Then he ran through it a second time normally and called out "Raiton: Electric Arcs no jutsu!"

Arcs of electricity crackled to life, firing between Kakashi's fingers and the stone he was pointing at. The tendrils' paths appeared random, and they would be nearly impossible to dodge. Even keeping in mind that it was their teacher's strongest element, the destructive power was impressive, the writhing arcs carving scribbled lines out of the rock's face. It looked like a dozen worms eating their way across the surface of the boulder.

Kakashi made a brief shout, and the arcs got thicker, making it too bright to look at directly, before he stopped suddenly. In the brief time it had been stronger, the jutsu had reduced the already abused boulder to a pile of large rubble.

The cyclopean man took a deep breath, then exhaled. "You all covered fundamentals of electricity right? Wattage verses amperage verses voltage, and so on? I only ask these questions because it's been a while since I was in the academy myself."

Naruto beat Sakura to answering the question. "Sure, voltage is like water pressure, amperage is like the volume of water – how wide the pipe is -, and wattage is the actual amount of electricity getting moved, pressure times pipe width."

"Yes, that's a simple but mostly accurate way of looking at it. Now I was using extremely high voltage, and a fair amount of amperage until the end where I pumped up the amperage as well. To hit my target at this distance will take the same amount of voltage, but what if I lowered the amperage to almost nothing?"

His students pondered that for a few minutes before giving up. "Sorry sensei, they didn't really go very deep on the subject. Would the arcs connect, but not do any damage?" Sakura guessed.

"Yes actually. Well, it's more complicated than that. At very low amperages there is a mild shock, like static in the winter. As the amperage grows, it becomes more painful until at ten milliamps electricity paralyses your voluntary muscles. Between 20 milliamps and 100 milliamps, breathing temporarily stops, and from one to two tenths of an amp the heart goes into ventricular fibrillation. Ironically, if you go above that, you start burning things, but the chance of death actually goes down."

"That is complicated. I'm glad I'm not a lightning nature," Naruto joked. Sasuke chuckled.

The adult continued, "If you drop the voltage, the jutsu takes much less chakra to perform, and will only shock targets near your fists. Since it is so versatile, it takes a lot of training to master it." Kakashi looked directly at Sasuke. "Like the wind enhancement jutsu, this is a very dangerous tool, and you are not to use it against anyone you don't want dead until you've had sufficient composition training and I say you can. With this jutsu it is much easier to kill or seriously wound your target then it is to paralyze them, even if you don't want them hurt."

Sasuke nodded seriously, and Kakashi smiled. "The reason I'm teaching you these is because believe it or not, I'm pretty proud of you all. I think you're doing a damn fine job so far. I've been pushing you much harder than most of the other jonin sensei; while there have been a few bumps you haven't let me down. So as long as none of you do something stupid, I'm planning on letting you take the minimum number of D-plus-ranks."

Naruto grabbed both his teammates around the shoulders and did a stupid looking jig. "Hah! This calls for a celebration! Let's skip ramen today and go to The Bunch of Grapes for some of that piza stuff!"

Everyone was shocked. "Are you all right Naruto?" Sakura asked, "I learned a basic diagnostic medical jutsu over the weekend, I think I ought to try it on you."

"I'm not sick, I just want pissa and, um, flys."

"Pizza and fries Naruto," corrected Kakashi, "and I think it's great you want to broaden your culinary horizon. Does anyone object?"

Sakura shook her head in the negative, and Sasuke shrugged amiably as he removed Naruto's appendage from around his shoulder.

"Good then, but it isn't lunch time yet, I want you all to read at least one of the jutsu scrolls I'll give you, then start practicing it while I help each of you one on one."

The jonin handed out the scrolls, Naruto getting four, Sakura two, and Sasuke one. If Sasuke was unhappy with this, he didn't show it, appearing to be quite pleased to get such a powerful and multifaceted jutsu, as well as the promise of help towards perfecting a fire jutsu of his choice.

"One more note, today we'll be doing a special mission; I don't want to ruin the surprise, and it's technically still a d-plus-rank, but I think you'll like the change of pace!"

Naruto was visibly restraining himself from questioning his sensei about this mission, but after a minute of reading one of his wind scrolls, his attention turned to learning cool moves of death and destruction.

Sakura finished her earth wall scroll and mentally debated reading the underground fish versus starting to practice earth wall. Deciding that if she read both, she could more easily decide which to practice, she opened up the second scroll and started committing it to memory.

Sasuke was also a quick reader, and as he had only one scroll (albeit a long one), stood up to start practicing first.

"Remember to start out with very low voltage and amperage at first Sasuke, I'm trusting you not to kill yourself from chakra exhaustion. Go over to that boulder and keep your hands an inch from the surface after you perform the jutsu. Increase the voltage until you make sparks, but keep the amperage low," Kakashi said absently as he read from his 'precious'.

Sasuke went off to do that as Sakura wrapped up her scroll and lay it next to her. Staying seated, she performed the seals required for the underground fish projection technique. "Underground Fish no jutsu!"

The girl slowly sank into the ground about an inch before stopping.

"Good start. Remember to focus on the visualization and chakra flow. Being underground feels really weird, so it will take some concentration. _**Do not**_ submerge your head until I allow you to; if you stop the jutsu underground you'll be trapped and unable to breath."

Naruto meanwhile had scanned both wind scrolls and decided gale palm would be easier to learn. Having finished that scroll, the blond walked off and visualized a strong burst of wind while holding the bird seal. Releasing the seal, the boy shouted "Gale Palm no jutsu!" and brought his arms together slapping his hands. A weak breeze started with the bang of his palms.

"That was pretty poor, the only reason you got the breeze is because you're so wind aligned. On the bright side, that potential means if you ever perfect the technique it could literally blow people away," Kakashi commented.

Naruto nodded, and made 200 clones that ran off in all directions to find space to work. Soon the entire area was windy, with confusing buffets of air blowing in every direction. Naruto Prime sat and read the wind enhancement scroll. Kakashi made a small nod, and continued reading his love.

**oooooo**

The three teens had made progress, but lunchtime had come and passed, and now they needed to get their 'special' mission from the tower.

"That was delicious; next time can we try the pineapple and ham pizza?" Naruto asked as they traveled to the Hokage Tower.

"We can each get a small pizza for ourselves, I want to try anchovies," Sakura declared.

"Hnn, you all want too complicated ones. Cheese, onions, bell peppers, with extra tomato sauce."

"Sounds boring to me, 'but to each, their own'. Why the extra sauce? Why not cheese?"

"I like tomatoes."

"So you do like something after all! That's good."

"Hnn."

The four ninja continued in silence the rest of the way to the tower. They were nodded up by the receptionist, and entered the mission room. They had seen the Hokage for the first three days, but after that, it was all taken care of by chunin like Iruka and tokubetsu chunin. The three hadn't been aware that there were special chunin or genin, and were interested to learn that many civilians held clerical positions, since trained ninja were too important to keep behind the desk constantly. Therefore, tokubetsu genin and chunin were non-fighting civilians with skills needed for a military related job. It also cleared up the matter of security clearance.

"Hey guys, we're here to pick up the supply run job," Kakashi said as they entered the room.

Iruka wasn't here today, so the team didn't know anyone by name.

"Good, that patrol station needs this stuff pretty bad. You're not exactly in a rush, but don't lollygag," replied the day's lead mission handler. "It's on the border of Suna, which is why it's only a d-plus, there should be no chance of fighting. Still, there could be bandits desperate enough to try and take the supplies off a genin team, so stay sharp."

The man handed Kakashi a map and a stack of storage seals drawn on animal skin. Naruto knew that this was to prevent the supplies from getting destroyed. If paper storage seals get wet and smear or tear, they usually became worthless, making the stored items impossible to get out without specially written, custom seals designed individually for each destroyed seal. The process was complicated, and usually required a seal master. Prevention was much more efficient than the cure.

"Alright team, go home and prepare for a four day C-rank mission, just to be safe. Tie up any loose ends and meet me at the west gate in an hour."

His students saluted and ran down the stairs, eager to be on a mission outside the village.

**000000**

End Chapter the Fifth

Author's Note: Some of you may have noticed I've used both English and Japanese for jutsu. This was not a mistake, nor will I be putting a translation at the bottom of each chapter. The jutsu I use Japanese for are well known jutsu like _shunshin_, or they sound really cool, like _Doryuuheki,_ which is slightly less known, I admit. Anyway, I'm not spelling out everything for you. This is an M fic, so that means you're all big boys and girls, and know how to use context clues, or the internet if you're really confused.

P.S. If you don't like something, feel free to flame me; our house has poor heating, and I could use a supplemental heat source.


	6. Chapter 6

Standing by the west gate of Konoha were three genin, who happened to be on the same team. In fact, they were waiting for the last member of their quartet, their ever-tardy sensei, Kakashi.

"Screw it, there's a bench right over there. He's already 15 minutes late, it could be twice that again before he shows up," Naruto complained.

He walked across the street and sat on the bench, setting his backpack on the ground.

"Hnn," Sasuke commented, and leaned up against the wall. Sakura was torn between following directions, and being comfortable and pragmatic. She ended up sitting on the ground with her backpack off. It was quite heavy. If she was honest, she had probably over packed. When they had homework assignments to bring in a pack ready for a certain mission loadout, she often had missed points for the bag being overweight. It was one of the few non-physical assignments she was regularly out performed on. She remembered some of the other girls packing makeup and clothes; thankfully, she had never been that naïve. True, she and the girls had been rather stupid over Sasuke, but Sakura was ready to chalk that up to puberty and hormones. It took a little focus, but she was proud that she hadn't reverted back to her old self for about a week now, despite being in constant contact with the subject of her ex-desire.

As Sakura waited for her sensei, she remembered the conversation he had with her at the hospital.

**OOOOOO**

_Sakura was being carried by Kakashi, and was both wet and half naked. It almost would've been exciting in a naughty way if her skin hadn't felt like it was on fire moments ago._

_**oooooo**_

_The three had been tasked with stripping and repainting part of the village's wall, just a small segment of the massive barrier. They were given the materials and two rickety ladders that had looked like they would fall over in a breeze. Despite protests of unsafe work conditions by Naruto, the genin had set out to the site and started applying the paint stripper. They had leaned the ladders up against the wall and lodged a thick plywood board between them to expand the work area, and it was Sakura's turn to keep the ladders steady. Naruto and Sasuke were working diligently above, trying to get the paint to come off._

_All of a sudden, a kunai came from out of the blue and hit one of the ladders._

"_Incoming attack guys! I'll try to keep up the ladders!" Sakura rushed to the hit ladder and held on to it, stopping the shaking that the whole makeshift structure had been doing. The boys had been expecting this from the other missions Kakashi had put them through, and put their brushes in the stripper cans, and grabbed some shuriken to hopefully pop Kakashi's shadow clone._

_Three more kunai sailed through the air, two towards the opposite ladder, and one at Naruto. Sakura ran towards the other ladder as Naruto jumped over the kunai, which would have hit him in the knee. The two kunai hit the ladder, causing the platform to start shuddering. Sakura grabbed it again though, as Sasuke launched a shuriken in retaliation. It looked like they had won until Naruto landed on the plywood, amplifying the kunai's effect, and sending the whole contraption falling to the ground._

_WHAM! Rattle rattle…_

_*Moan* "Everyone okay?" Naruto called out. "I'm bleeding a bit, but nothing's broken," he continued._

"_I'm fine, I just rode down the platform and jumped off at the end," Sasuke answered. "Sakura?" he asked._

"_Ugh, I'm okay, I'm just covered in this stinking paint stripper. I'm glad sensei told us to wear bad clothes toda- owch! … OWW! Get it off me! It burns!"_

_The two boys got up as fast as they could and hurried over to her shouts. She had been lying in the middle of a puddle of the paint stripper; thankfully, none had gotten on her head. She was sliding her hands along her arms and legs, scooping as much as she could off of her skin._

_Naruto shed his shirt as fast as he could and started toweling her off with it. Sasuke saw what he was doing and copied it. Meanwhile Sakura was trying to take off her shirt, which had soaked through and was now keeping the solvent trapped next to her skin. She got it off, and was working on her pants, when Kakashi shunshin-ed in and started a water jutsu._

_Seconds later she was being gently sprayed all over by a small jet of water. As soon as the humidity in the air ran out, Kakashi ended the jutsu, yelled "Meet me at the hospital!" and shunshin-ed off with Sakura in his arms._

_**oooooo**_

_Sakura decided that shunshin made you feel funny. Of course, a caustic solvent had just attacked her nerves, so maybe it wasn't an objective, or independent, observation. The two ended up right in front of the hospital's ninja emergency entrance. Kakashi hurried in, still carrying her. A medical nin came from behind the desk and walked towards them._

"_Chemical burn, paint stripper. I used a water jutsu to wash it off, but she still needs treatment."_

_The doctor looked at her skin for a few moments then nodded. "Okay, she'll be fine. I'll get her a room and a nurse with the ointment. The skin is badly aggravated, but it hasn't lost any living layers, just dead skin." He turned and addressed Sakura. "Don't worry, I know it hurt, but we'll have you out of here and doing another mission by three o' clock!"_

_Sakura made a whining noise, "I don't get the day off? That hurt a lot!"_

_The doctor looked at Kakashi and shrugged. "That's up to your sensei. There's nothing wrong with you a little skin lotion and salve won't cure. Your skin will be a bit sore to the touch for a day, but other than that, you're lucky. If it had gotten in your eyes, you'd be in bad shape."_

_**oooooo**_

_Kakashi walked back into her room, he had stepped out while the nurse helped apply the salve all over. Sakura was sitting on the edge of the bed wearing a hospital gown over her underwear._

"_So do we have to finish the wall today?"_

"_Sakura, shitty things happen on missions."_

"_Yeah, of course."_

"_You don't seem to get that yet though. On a mission, you keep going even after something bad or unexpected happens. You don't get to take the day off."_

"_It's just painting the wall, it can wait a day!"_

"_It can, but things won't in the future. You're a smart girl Sakura, but I'm not sure you have what it takes to be a ninja. I don't think you understand what it's going to be like."_

"_What? Sure I do! I just want to recover a bit before we start the mission again."_

"_You're fine Sakura, your skin is sore but you are completely fit for duty. As a ninja, you are going to be in pain a lot, and you have to ignore it. If you lose a finger or toe, you have to ignore that and press on. Ninja life is dirty, smelly, painful, and unpleasant. On long missions your team will have to live closer than a family. If the four of us haven't seen each other naked at least a dozen times by a year from now it'll be a miracle. We don't get showers or baths; we have to make do with a wet sponge._

"_As a female, you'll have it worse. Practically every kunoichi has been ordered to sleep with a man they wouldn't want to, or forced into it to protect their cover. I won't even start talking about what often happens to captured kunoichi._

"_So there's one big question. Can you continue as a ninja, knowing what's waiting for you? Knowing that you can't take a break in the middle of a mission, or you'll die? That being comfortable will become a rarity worth it's weight in gold? You can still quit now. Later, when our lives count on you, you can't."_

_Sakura was looking at the floor, taking in his warnings. Kakashi waited for a response._

_Finally, she looked up at him. "Sensei, I lost my dream a few days ago. None of the academy girls are getting Sasuke. That left me with my goal, to be a strong kunoichi. To help people and be able to take care of myself and others… for a long time I only followed that goal half-heartedly, but I've been trying to get back on track. If I can't accomplish my goal, what then? No, I'm pressing through with it. I'll take my beatings and keep walking. Even if I'm never comfortable again, I'll deal with it."_

_Kakashi stood there looking at her. "Alright, but you better stick to that. If you don't quit now I'll have to get you into shape somehow, and if you don't take things seriously you won't like my backup methods."_

"_Hai!"_

**OOOOOO**

"I've done well since then," she muttered. Sasuke looked up briefly, then returned to holding up the wall.

While they were at the hospital, Kakashi had introduced her to a medical nin named Reiki, and explained to her that Sakura had good control. Apparently Reiki owed Kakashi a favor, so with a little persuasion she was convinced to help Sakura out with some scrolls and occasional tutoring.

Sakura was interrupted from her introspection when Kakashi appeared from around the corner, only half an hour late this time. "Sorry, I had to talk to my landlord, but a black cat crossed my path so I had to walk around it first."

"Just stop, none of your excuses make sense, and we know you make them up anyway. Let's go already," Naruto said, putting on his pack.

"Yare yare, take all my fun away. Fine, it's time to move out. We'll be moving at a good clip until an hour and a half before dusk, then we'll set up camp. Everyone follow me!"

He walked to the gate and showed the guard the papers, then led them to the tree line. "We'll be tree jumping until they thin out when we get near Suna." With that he ran up a tree and started off. The genin rushed to keep up; they were finally off!

**oooooo**

It was three hours later when Kakashi made the stop signal, and they had been going nonstop. Sasuke was obviously pretty tired, while Sakura was extremely glad she had been doing her exercises daily. Her legs burned, and her whole body was sore. Naruto was sweating, but appeared fine otherwise.

"All right, well done! We'll take a 15-minute break, then keep going on ground until we break for camp." The genin walked down the tree they were on, and took out their canteens.

"Wow, what a slave driver," Naruto said between sips.

"Please, you look barely winded," Sasuke scoffed.

"Actually, I'm more tired than I appear, and to get me to this point is tough. I don't want to think about how you both feel. Good job, by the way, Sakura. I didn't think you were this fit."

"I'm not really, yet. I'm working on pure will power and spite right now."

"Oh. Well, that's impressive in a different way too."

"Thanks."

They boys sat, stretching their muscles and resting, while Sakura laid spread eagle on the ground, uncaring of the dust; the trio waited for Kakashi to start up again.

"Alright gang, it's time to move again. We'll set a slower pace this time; I'm not totally heartless. I heard that snort, Naruto. Lets go."

**oooooo**

Kakashi had been true to his word, and set a much more genial pace for the second leg of the day's travel. About two hours before sunset they heard a stream in the distance. This wasn't too uncommon, they had passed several during the day. This time, however, Kakashi signaled to stop again.

"We made it faster than I expected, good job. This is one of the last water sources in this direction until you cross the entire country of Suna, so we'll find a good site and set up camp. I'm going to be generous and allow a fire since we're so far from any unallied countries. Now spread out and find a good site, but keep in contact with each other, even ninja occasionally trip and break their ankle."

"Don't worry, I've got it covered!" Naruto exclaimed, before making 50 clones. "You guys know what to do, go look for a campsite."

The Naruclones scattered in the direction of the river, looking completely unorganized. However they quickly divided up the potential area and started a traditional search grid pattern.

"Okay, when one finds a good site it'll pop and alert me. In the mean time we can rest."

Kakashi had been frowning throughout this, though with his mask his students weren't able to tell. "Naruto, new rule. Unless you're fighting an enemy, or someone's safety is in jeopardy, I want you to ask me before using clones to force solve every problem. I won't make you do things the hard way every time, but sometimes I'm trying to teach a lesson, or observe how much the three of you know."

"Oh, sorry sensei. That makes sense I guess. I just thought that since even I'm tired, I'd save everyone the hassle and find a site quicker. Do you want me to recall them?"

"Hmm. No, but I want them to find multiple sites, and Sasuke and Sakura can determine the best one. I want everyone to pitch in setting up camp this time, but in the future you can do it with clone power if you want. Alright, at ease."

The genin nodded and took off their packs and sat; everyone drank from their canteens. Naruto started to meditate in preparation for the incoming memories. He didn't need to wait more than ten minutes before a steady stream of clones started popping themselves, giving him a good idea of the entire area once he filtered and processed the memories.

Eventually he stood up and put his pack on. "Alright, there's three good sites, I couldn't tell you which was the best to be honest. Come on, I want to see if we can catch some fish, I saw some edible plants in the area, so let's hurry."

He led the group to each site, and they discussed the relative merits of each. They ended up picking the second one, as it had a tree with a perfect watch point on it, and there was a large rock crop on one edge of the clearing, making it more defensible.

"Good choice, now set up camp. You get to decide who does what amongst yourselves, I'll watch."

The genin stretched and started getting things out of their packs. "I'm a decent cook, if Naruto can get those plants and a few fish, I brought salt and pepper," Sakura put forward.

Kakashi's eyebrow went up. "You brought salt and pepper?"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Yes, salt can be used as a disinfectant, and my father always says you can eat anything with enough pepper on it."

"Wise words. Fair enough, you can be cook if no one objects."

No one spoke up, so Sakura smiled and started looking for long sticks to grill any fish that were caught.

"Sensei, if I personally set up the tents, and Sasuke builds the fire, can I use clones to get fire wood and the plants I saw?"

"I suppose that's acceptable, sure."

"Great, kage-bunshin no jutsu!" 40 clones appeared, some heading in specific directions, while others searched for wood.

**oooooo**

It wasn't long before the sun had set, and the four ninja sat around a crackling fire holding thick sticks over it. Sasuke had managed to catch four catfish, about three or four pounds each, which Sakura had stuffed with the wild onions and dandelion roots Naruto had brought back. They had finished eating already, but were preserving what was left of the fish so they wouldn't spoil. They probably wouldn't be eating this well until they got back to Konoha, though they might get warm rations at the patrol station.

It was quiet, and Naruto was pondering over the fact that although they worked well together now, he and his teammates still weren't really friends. Hoping to break the quiet, he began, "Hey Kakashi, tell us a story of one of your many feats of daring-do!"

Kakashi snorted and put away his porn. "Sure, I've got a story, and it even comes with a lesson. Once while I was in ANBU, my team had a mission to kill a corrupt politician that was causing a lot of trouble. That's common, nothing to get excited by, but we also had to make it look like an accident."

"That's slightly more interesting, but I can't believe that's hard or unordinary for ANBU," Naurto said. Sakura and Sasuke nodded in agreement.

"True, we make 'accidents' happen all the time. The tricky bit was that this politician was paranoid, although obviously for good reason. He was constantly surrounded by bodyguards, including a grass chunin. He had food tasters, and kept his guards well disciplined. I have to say, he had us going for a bit, we could kill him easily, but how to make it look like an accident, with all the people in the way constantly?"

"What information did you have on him?" Sasuke asked, intrigued.

"Oh, we had pages of information on him, his mistresses, his dogs, his mistresses' dogs, his shampoo, his dog's shampoo, everything."

"Well something must have given you an idea," Sakura said.

"I don't expect you to come up with it, although we'll do training where we plan for scenarios like this later. It was the fact that he was allergic to peanuts that finally did him in."

"Wouldn't his food taster catch that?"

"If we had used actual peanuts, certainly. However, we had an 'accident' happen to the chef, then one of us posed as the replacement cook and made a spicy dish, using meat that had been fried in peanut oil. No one was able to tell the difference over the spice, and since the taster didn't get sick, no one suspected a thing. After the target died, the whole power structure fell to pieces. The cook was blamed, but everyone was so busy trying to shore up their power block that no one had any time to wonder if it was an accident by the new cook, or an assassination."

"Wow, assassination via peanut oil."

"Heroic, ANBU peanut oil," Kakashi corrected. "It made us proud… So what order do you want to do watch in?"

"Well, if we get to decide, you'll end up with the second or third watch, I'm pretty sure, since you're a heroic ex-ANBU and all." His teammates nodded in agreement, middle watches sucked.

"I'll take last watch, that way I can start breakfast," Sakura stated.

"Fine; Sasuke, Janken for first watch?"

"Sure."

"Ro, Sham, Bo, shoot!"

"Hnn, enjoy third watch." Sasuke had paper out, beating Naruto's rock.

"Huh, I always win Janken. Oh well."

"I will watch the fish, you two should get sleep. Who knows what pace sensei will set tomorrow morning," Sasuke suggested.

"He's right, turn in, we're most of the way there, but the terrain gets sandy near the end, and traveling through sand will kill your legs if you aren't used to it, or don't know the sand striding technique."

"There's a chakra technique for sand? Why didn't you teach us that this morning?"

"It's tougher than water walking, you wouldn't have learned it in time; I'll teach it to you later. This is a great opportunity to train your leg muscles. If stealth is an issue, you can't necessarily use sand striding. Anyway, time for bed."

The three ninja left Sasuke and entered their tents. Eventually Sasuke decided the fish were done, and put out the fire. Then he ascended to the look out spot in the tree above.

**oooooo**

Naruto woke to hear his name whispered.

"Naruto! It's your watch. Get up," Kakashi said quietly, tapping on the boy's tent.

"Hai. I'm coming." He slipped his over-suit back on over his boxers and double-checked his tool pouches before opening the tent flap and walking out.

"Good. You can use clones to augment your watch, but you won't like it if I find out you slept while they kept watch."

"Of course! I wouldn't do that!" Naruto bristled, on the edge of being loud.

"Fine, forget I mentioned it then. Goodnight."

"Night."

Kakashi walked over to his tent and got in. Before Naruto had walked away, he could already hear a change in Kakashi's breathing; a testament to the experience of a veteran in getting 40 winks whenever possible.

The boy walked to the edge of the clearing and produced 25 or so clones. They moved out to form an outer perimeter, while the original climbed up to the spot in the tree. Someone had left a thin blanket up there, which Naruto immediately wrapped around him. It wasn't too cool in the tent, but up in the tree there was a definite breeze.

**oooooo**

He had been on watch for nearly two hours, and Naruto was going a bit stir crazy at the same time as being quite drowsy. He knew that both of those were unacceptable, but he had another hour before he could wake Sakura. The moon was three quarters waning, and the sky was clear this close to the desert, allowing for plenty of light once his eyes had adjusted.

He stifled a yawn before jerking alert as a clone popped. Knowing it would take longer to start meditating than let the memories sort themselves out, Naruto waited a few seconds.

A bandit!

Suddenly another clone popped, sending memories of a gang of twelve bandits total. They were at the edge of the perimeter Naruto had set up, and heading straight towards camp. They hadn't noticed either clone, so the element of surprise was still with the Konoha nin.

Naruto swung into action, running down the trunk and making 50 clones. It was probably overkill, but overestimation was almost always safer than underestimation. Three of the clones hurried to the other tents and knocked on them, trying to rouse the inhabitants.

Sasuke and Sakura rose quickly, but the clone waking Kakashi eventually stuck its head in. "He's not there!" it said in hushed tones.

"What? Where could he be?"

"What's the commotion? We have guests?" Sasuke asked.

"Yes, twelve bandits. They must have seen the smoke from the fire earlier and known about this campsite. And now Sensei is missing."

"He's testing us. While annoying, we don't need him for that few bandits. Sakura could beat twelve bandits by herself at night in a counter ambush."

"What's their distance and direction?" Sakura asked, walking up to them.

Naruto grabbed a nearby clone. "Enemy position." Then he stabbed it. A few seconds later he pointed, "Four hundred yards that way. Do you want my clones to take them out?"

"And miss all the fun? No way Mud!"

"I need to prove to myself I'm really a ninja. We'll fight them together."

"Fine, but they'll be standing by. If you feel yourself being kawarimi-d, let it happen, don't fight it."

"Hnn."

"Let's circle around them and attack from behind when they get to our camp," Sakura suggested.

"No, we should pick off a few with projectiles while we still have surprise, they'll panic and we can wipe them out in the chaos."

Sasuke agreed, "That sounds sensible, if a little over-cautious. They're just bandits, right?"

"I didn't ask them, but they look exactly like I imagine bandits look like, rough guys with used weapons. They could all use a shave and a haircut, and they weren't wearing matching clothing, let alone insignia."

"Yeah, sounds like bandits to me."

"So why are you so skittish, Naruto?"

"Because this is our first action? Because Kakashi is probably watching, and will appreciate pragmatism and efficiency over stupid heroics? And if he isn't watching, if one of us screws up, we really could get hurt."

The other two stopped, the reality of the situation hitting home. "Alright, let's take out some from the shadows, then mop up," Sakura relented.

"Let's go then." The three genin moved out, fast and silent, towards their prey.

**oooooo**

The group of men indeed looked like bandits, Sakura admitted from her strike point. She had two shuriken out, and nodded to the two Naruclones with her. One popped, while the other waited for the signal to tell Sakura when to act.

The bandits were walking leisurely, satisfied that their prey was asleep and not going anywhere. "Hey, we're nearly there. Everyone start sneaking, they might have hired some guards or something," one bandit spoke out. The rest nodded, and started carefully choosing their steps, becoming much more quiet. Sakura had to admit, they were pretty good at silent moving for backwoods bandits, and suddenly taking a few out early seemed like a better plan.

"Yo, it's time," the clone said. "Your targets are the two rightmost rear guys. Attack when the lead bandit is even with that tree. Remember, quick clean kills, right in the throat. If we're lucky, they won't even notice, and we'll get a second salvo off."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Yes, _Dad_, I'll do you proud. Jeez, it's not like we've trained for this for eight years. Oh wait…"

Naruto snorted. "Sarcasm doesn't suit you. I just want this to go right."

Sakura didn't say anything back, the lead bandit was almost to the appointed spot. She readied herself, and ignored the small voice telling her that she was about to kill for the first time. This was just like practice; anyway, these men were doubtlessly murderers and thieves.

The lead bandit crossed an imaginary line, and three shuriken were released, followed by a second trio a second later. The six projectiles flew through the air towards their targets.

"BREAK!" the biggest bandit shouted moments before the first three shuriken slammed into necks, severing air pipes. Some of the bandits moved immediately, and the second trio of shuriken only found two necks. The bandits drew their weapons and spread out, and the genin noted a complete lack of panic that the plan had predicted.

Sasuke rushed out and slammed a kunai into the gut of a nervous looking bandit standing by his position. His target yelled before going into shock, drawing the attention of his compatriots.

"Shit, ninja!" one bandit yelled.

"Calm down, we can deal with this."

Sasuke left the kunai where it was, it was too slippery to rely on now. He got into stance and tried to pick his next target. Sakura and Naruto chose this moment to rush their own targets while they were distracted. Sakura's went down, but Naruto's blocked his attack and countered with a slash from a wakizashi, which Naruto evaded.

Now it was three to four, and everyone could see each other.

The large, muscular bandit that had yelled out at the beginning let out a dark laugh. "Huh, not bad for genin, you guys look pretty young too. It'll take me a while to build my group back up after this. And I bet you don't even have anything of value, either. We really screwed the pooch."

"You're assuming you'll make it out of here alive," Sasuke threatened.

"So I am. You planning on proving me wrong?" he asked, hefting a large war-ax.

"Maybe I am." Sasuke threw a kunai he had palmed, then launched himself after it. The giant blocked the projectile with the blade of his ax, but took a chakra boosted punch to the chest that should have put him out. Instead, he barely flinched, before butting Sasuke in the head with the handle of his ax.

Dazed, Sasuke leapt back, out of the path of the follow up swing, which would have nearly bisected him. He stumbled on his landing, his head still reeling from the blow.

"Oh, did I forget to mention? Ken'ichi, Ringo, and myself were genin teammates a long time ago, before some shit happened," he revealed, finding the situation humorous.

Sakura immediately threw a kunai into the neck of the bandit that wasn't mentioned. The body fell lifelessly to the ground.

"Heh, you got brains in your head girl, but you'll pay for that!" the leader grinned menacingly.

He and his buddies rushed towards the teens to start their counter-attack.

**oooooo**

Naruto was falling back, out of sight of the others, blocking adequate sword swings with his kunai. He wished he knew the wind enhancement jutsu, he could carve straight through his opponent's wakizashi with it. Of course, he didn't know it well enough, and he also doubted the swordsman would wait for him to apply it, even if he did. So far he was keeping up with the nukenin. Either they were fresh genin when they had left, or this man learned swordsmanship afterwards; otherwise Naruto knew he would be dead already. As it was, he was on the ropes from the weapon's larger reach, and Ringo did know how to use it, if only on a basic level.

Ringo made a power-swing, hoping to knock the kunai from Naruto's grip. The blond jumped over the swing and flipped forward, stabbing down at the nukenin from above. However, the swordsman had rolled forwards as soon as he had seen Naruto jump over him. Swinging around with his sword to block any attacks, the two faced each other again.

"Daisuke was right, you guys aren't too shabby. But I'm done playing. Bad luck huh? Maybe you'll do better in your next life." Ringo attacked again, much more skillfully this time, and Naruto barely fended him off.

'Shit. All right, no more holding back with these guys. It's time to call in my support team.'

Naruto continued to retreat, until he tripped over a root. 'This better work!'

"And so it ends!" Ringo shouted, coming in for the kill. He lunged forward as Naruto hit the ground, and skewered the boy through the chest. The blond popped as three kunai were stabbed into the nukenin's back, between the ribs and into his organs.

"Argh! … Huh?" he got out, before collapsing dead.

Naruto stood on a nearby tree, trying to calm himself. The three clones on the ground saluted him, and ran off to help the others. Taking a deep breath and focusing, Naruto prepared to go help Sasuke; the big guy, Daisuke, looked tough, and had already delivered a blow. He could deal with his emotions later, after they lived through this. Taking one more second to center himself, the blond ran back to the action.

**oooooo**

Sakura was facing a man who reminded her of what Choji might look like when he was older, assuming Choji lost almost all his skill at self-hygiene and became a bandit. He was chubby, but with muscles hidden underneath. He carried a large wooden club, banded with iron at the middle and end, with small spikes around the end. Sakura had dodged it the first time he swung, and was extremely grateful she had when it impacted the ground, kicking up earth. That set the theme of the fight. Ken'ichi made strong swings, and Sakura dove out of the way. She had tried throwing projectiles at him, but he swatted them away with his weapon. One he had batted back at her, and she had to dodge her own kunai!

She knew he was using more energy than she was, and hoped he would tire soon, but they had gone through this pattern for a few minutes without any change in pace. After another swing, Sakura jumped back and performed bunshin, before the three of her ran in different directions.

"Running away? Too bad, I was going to keep you alive. You would've brought a nice price in, even after we used you a bit!"

Sakura growled as she performed a genjutsu on the man. "Osoku Hansha no jutsu," she whispered loudly. That would slow his reaction time by half a second, hopefully he wouldn't notice for a while.

"Tch, I'm surprised, they were leaf genin it looked like, aren't they supposed to stick by their teammates? Oh well, I can't catch her. Maybe I can help kill the other two."

He turned and started back to meet with the others, wary that the girl was waiting in the shadows. As he walked back towards the campsite where they would all meet up at, he could hear a commotion. "Daisuke isn't finished yet? Huh."

Suddenly he spun around with his club, but watched the girl duck under it and stab a kunai into his chest. Roaring, the nukenin continued his motion, swinging his left fist towards the girl. Sakura pulled out the dagger and slid it in a second place before the slowing man's fist clipped her side. Tossed back a few yards, Sakura grabbed her side, and waited for the man to fall. She was surprised when Ken'ichi didn't go down, but pulled her kunai out and tossed it behind him; his bulk saving him from what would normally be killing blows.

"Damn you, bitch! This hurts! Wait, you slipped a genjutsu on me? Hell, we've gone soft," the man growled out, as he performed a kai.

Sakura frowned, her edge was gone and this guy was going to be hard to take down. If she could draw it out, he'd die from blood loss, but he could get lucky, or she could screw up. 'I need a proactive plan.'

Suddenly, a Naruclone burst from the sidelines, running straight towards her opponent's left side. The nukenin backhanded the clone's face without missing a beat, popping it immediately. "Some kind of clone? Seems pretty weak to me," he muttered, then yelled, "Piss off, I'm giving your girlfriend some payback."

Surprise lost, more Naruto clones appeared around Sakura, kunai drawn. "Go away, Naruto, I need to handle this myself! I can do it without you or Kakashi holding my hand!"

"Sorry, not my decision; boss said to take things seriously, these guys are the real deal. You took a hit as well, that was no love tap. Pride and honor are for samurai, Sakura."

"Honor perhaps, but self worth is for everybody! Let me do this."

Ken'ichi followed the argument a few seconds, before discreetly performing a basic healing jutsu. His hand turned a pale green, and he held it over one stab wound, then the other.

"Shut up guys! He's healing his injuries!" one clone yelled, launching a kunai to interrupt the rotund man.

"You did great Sakura, you would've killed any normal opponent, let me finish him off though," a clone demanded.

"… Fine. Get it over with," she acquiesced.

"No no, please continue while I recover," Ken'ichi laughed.

The Naruclones snorted and fanned themselves out in an arc around the man. "Live through this," one clone said. "Futon: Wind Blade!" the clones all called out, producing around twenty blades of air, each a yard wide, spread out so that the target wouldn't be able to dodge them all. In the low light, Ken'ichi could barely make out the shapes, but knew he wouldn't survive. "Fuck you!" he roared, throwing his club with all his might at the girl, the only one he knew was real. The blades passed the club, shredding it to pieces, spraying the area with sharp chunks of wood and metal. The clones all popped, but not before one threw Sakura out of the way.

Silence returned, and Sakura pushed herself to her feet and looked around. The whole area was a mess, sprayed with shrapnel or gouges taken out from Naruto's jutsu. She made herself look at the bandit. He was literally a mess.

"_Gasp_. So this is how it ends?" the body asked.

Sakura nearly jumped back in shock. He wasn't dead yet? How was that possible? She could see- well she'd rather not think about what she could see, really.

"You going to kill me girl? Or are you going to let me lay here in agony? You wanted to finish me, now's your chance."

Sakura nodded and walked over to her enemy, drawing a kunai. "Fine, not that you would've given any of us this mercy."

"Heh, true. That's the difference between you, and us I suppose. Hurry up, this feels like hell."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Shut up or I'll leave you there." She stood over her opponent unworried, certain he was never getting up again. Steeling herself, she knelt down and slammed her kunai through the bandit's temple, into his brain. She got up and walked towards camp, where the sounds of fighting could still be heard.

**oooooo**

Sasuke watched as Sakura and Naruto got pushed away, but stayed focused on his own opponent. The leader was deceptively fast with his large axe, and would block any projectiles Sasuke threw. He could tell that the man's damage reduction was a chakra flow technique, rather than an actual jutsu. That meant that bladed weapons would probably still cut and pierce, just that it would be tougher.

'Taijutsu is right out, though that gay duo that runs around in green may be able to do it. Still, ninjutsu is my best bet.'

"Your head still foggy? Wouldn't want you to be unready when I kill you," the giant man joked. "Oh well, I'm coming anyway."

Sasuke rushed through seals as the nukenin approached. "Katon: Phoenix Fire no jutsu!" Sasuke spat out several small fireballs, which his opponent blocked or swat away with the flat of his axe.

"That all?" he asked.

Sasuke ran through more seals, "Katon: Gokakyu no jutsu!"

The giant's eyes widened and he jumped back as Sasuke declared the jutsu. A large fireball soon roared towards the man, and he dived to the side as it passed. "Heh, I don't feel so bad for losing most of the gang now. You're still dead, but if it gives you any consolation, I won't take any pleasure in it," he called out as he stood up.

"I still plan on killing you, you're just being a bit more difficult than expected," Sasuke replied.

"Fair enough. Are you done with the jutsu? It's been awhile, but I can still remember one or two of my own if you want to trade volleys."

"No, we can return to melee for now."

The large man nodded and the two closed distance and began the martial dance. Sasuke couldn't block the axe with kunai, he had to evade, but his body was built for agility. Unfortunately, his enemy was quick to block, and the two traded blows without hitting each other for the most part. Sasuke had gotten a few slices in, but with Daisuke's body hardened, they were painful, not debilitating.

A bunch of blond headed clones interrupted the duel though.

"Go away Naruto, I've got this."

"I don't think you do, these guys are tough, let us help."

"No, I'm fine," he said, dodging an axe-swing and scoring a light scratch on his large target. "If I need your help, I'll ask for it."

The clones looked at one another. They had to tread lightly here; Sasuke would be less likely to see reason than Sakura if they just blatently stole his kill. Shrugging, one answered, "Fine, but we're helping if you look like you need it."

"You should let your friend help, you've probably been on the road all day; when you make a mistake, my axe will separate your head from your body," Daisuke advised.

"Hnn, I'll take it into consideration."

Deciding to try a different tactic, Sasuke loosed some ninja wire with his left hand and made a loop. The two continued to attack each other with out any change for several minutes, both taking a perverse thrill from the standoff. Then Sasuke threw his left hand forward, catching the axe in wire. Daisuke didn't even blink, but put all his weight into swinging the axe in a wide arc, yanking Sasuke, who held on, off his feet.

Sasuke was waiting for this, and allowed himself to be swung, unwinding wire as he flew back. Landing, he held the wire in his teeth as he performed the seals in an order he had learned only that morning. "Raiton: Electric Arcs no jutsu!" He grabbed the wire with his hands.

His giant opponent immediately started convulsing. Sasuke didn't end the jutsu for a minute though, watching as his enemy started foaming at the mouth and jerking, unable to let go of the axe. Finally, Sasuke ended the technique and they both fell to the ground. After a moment he called out, "Naruto, go check him."

One of the clones walked cautiously up to the massive man, and checked his face. He leaned down and checked for a pulse, then got up and nodded at Sasuke.

The victorious boy smiled, and managed to stand up. One Naruclone popped itself so it could update the original. It was fairly pointless, as Naruto Prime jogged into the area.

"Oh, good. Sakura's target is down too, but she might be unconscious; I lost all my clones in the area. Go back to camp, I'll get her." Naruto stopped for a second. "That was a cool tactic, Sasuke. Good thinking," he said as the memories filtered in.

"Thank you."

Sakura walked up next. "I'm fine. Let's get back to camp, Kakashi's probably waiting for us there."

The other two nodded, and together they headed back to the tents.

**oooooo**

The three genin staggered back to camp, where the fire had been relit. Sitting by it was their sensei, reading his porn as if nothing had happened. Looking up, he snapped his book shut and walked over to the three. Naruto was helping Sasuke and Sakura walk back, and he stopped them as Kakashi approached. Their teacher stopped a pace in front of them and laid his hands on Sakura and Sasuke's shoulders, and looked directly at Naruto.

"Good job. You are now ninja in every way that matters. You have risked your lives, and ended the lives of others. I'm proud of how you handled yourselves, and glad to have you all as my students."

The three stood there looking at him, silent. For a second, each of them caught a glimmer of the true Kakashi.

Kakashi lifted his arms. "Now go to bed, I'll stand watch and cook breakfast, which will be postponed until 9 am. We'll talk in the morning."

Naruto gently let his teammates off, and the three shambled into their tents and went to sleep.

**oooooo**

End Chapter the Sixth

Original Author's note: So yeah, Kakashi's entire ANBU story was created just so I could add the one line about heroic ANBU peanut oil. I'm not sure what happened to you Case13, but we miss you! Come back!

Additional A/N: Have you ever really considered the shadow clone? I know there are a few short fics that supposedly deal with the subject, but if you think about it, what Naruto does is creepy.

Each clone is an identical copy of the boy. One would expect that for most people, using the technique would produce copies that were more likely to loaf around and watch TV than do anything productive. 'Hell, we're just mayfly copies', they'd say, 'live la vita loca!' (The idea that they'd all start using YOLO conversationally is too scary a concept to consider.) This is well documented in the respected academic work _Calvin and Hobbes_, in which Calvin makes body doubles to do his homework, but instead they generally goof around and get him in trouble.

Instead, Naruto canonically has clones that rush gleefully into suicide charges. One could argue he's just that stupid, I suppose, but his clones do a bunch of things that defy normal human psychology.

Once you start looking into fanfic and fanon, things get worse. I'm sure we've all briefly imagined, after reading/watching Naruto, what one could do with a summonable copy of ourselves that could change into an anatomically correct super model of one's favored gender. But at the end of the day, you're literally screwing yourself. Talk about gender identity issues, especially once the memories come back.

In fanfic, Naruto and his clones will often spend half, or even more of the time female, and completely at ease with himse- er, herself. This is generally played for laughs, but would be a serious issue really.

All that of course ignores the philosophic quandaries it raises. Do they have a soul? Could Ino mind swap with one? (If I were her, I would avoid finding out.) How do they deal with the knowledge that they are destined to die, likely in less than an hour's time? When they pop, is it death? Are they alive in the first place?

They certainly aren't biologically alive, but I think most non-biologists would agree that anything sentient must be alive, even if we have to change the definition of alive to specifically include the sentient being. Basically, if it's smarter than a cow, it's alive, even if it's literally a pile of rocks (or computer code, for the scifi fans).

So since they are sentient, and probably alive, they should have some rights. For example, a shadow clone shouldn't be tortured, or expected to commit suicide…


	7. Chapter 7

Naruto's exit from slumber-land was a slow and complicated process the next morning. He first noticed the scent of bacon, eggs, and rice cooking nearby. This puzzled the small portion of his working brain, as he had not had breakfast waiting ready for him since the orphanage. Next, he noticed that he was in a bedroll, in a tent; that meant he was on a mission. So where had the eggs and bacon even come from? Finally, Naruto remembered what had happened the previous night.

"Well fuck."

Something was wrong with that. It didn't properly convey his feelings towards last night's events. In fact, although he was now pretty much awake, Naruto couldn't find a word that properly expressed his emotions.

"Oh… expletive?" Naruto tried out. It lacked oomph, but was generic enough to cover all the bases. "Maybe. _Oh, expletive! _Well, it'll do for now. I guess I need to get up."

Naruto threw on his clothes and ambled out of his tent to find his sensei cooking breakfast. He stretched and sat down on one of the logs they had drug around the fire yesterday. Checking the shadows the sun cast, Naruto guessed he was a bit early, maybe 8:45; which would explain why Kakashi hadn't rousted them out of bed yet.

Kakashi looked up from the pot. "You're up early; then again, you were the least wounded. You impressed me last night. If you hadn't tried to take some out from a distance, things could have gone very badly."

"So you were watching."

"Of course; I couldn't let my rug rats die on a d-rank. What would the other jonin say?"

"Hmph. So how much of this was planned? Was this area a known bandit spot?"

"No. Oh, there was a plan. On your fist mission with bandits I'd disappear and watch you three wreck them all. I admit, I was surprised it happened the very first mission out of the village, but you guys are just lucky like that, I guess. I was worried when they turned out to be nukenin, but you all took care of things in the end."

"… I understand why you did it, but I'm still rather annoyed with you. Things could have gone sideways real quick, and Sakura nearly got shredded by shrapnel."

"I can live with your annoyance towards me. And I was ready to step in at any point during the fights; you aren't the only one who can copy himself. But if you understand why I did it, you know this was almost a perfect scenario. The three of you met challenging odds, risked your lives, and killed your obstacles with only some bruises to show for it… Hmm, food's done early. You want to start eating now, or wait for the other two?"

"This another teamwork test?"

"Everything in life is a test."

"Jiji told me that a few days before you and I met."

"Where do you think I got it from? My teacher's teacher's teacher. Anyway, no, you won't be scored poorly if you eat a bit now, as long as you save some to eat together."

"Ah, I'll have a bit of rice then."

"Good choice, I'll join you."

The two ate in comfortable silence, Kakashi discretely checking his hidden watch, while Naruto thought about last night's encounter. It was odd, the shuriken kills he had made didn't even phase him. He supposed it was a combination of distance and the fact that the academy had prepared them rigorously for their first kill. The Hokage had come in to class on one occasion and answered questions about killing, and the psych-nin spent time with every student in preparation for the event.

However, stabbing that guy in the back was different. He hadn't actually killed Mizuki, though it was a close thing. Killing the sword user, whatever his name had been, was personal in a way that sniping a random bandit with a shuriken wasn't. They had been trying to kill one another and Naruto had won. He supposed it wasn't going to keep him up at nights, but his feelings about it were novel and peculiar. With everything that had been going on recently, he really would have to see his psych-nin soon.

Kakashi put down his bowl and walked over to the tents. Deciding not to wake them up in the way he normally woke late sleepers, he stuck his head in Sasuke's tent and shook the teen's bag. "Yo, food's ready." He repeated the process with Sakura's tent and returned to the fire, putting food in bowls for everyone.

The two slowly emerged, immediately going for the food. They all sat eating until Sakura spoke up, "Where'd the food come from?"

"I was scared to ask, personally," Naruto added.

"Ah, well, I tracked the bandits' path backward to their hideout, and looted some food. I figured you three deserved it after last night. I had to find their base anyway to check for remainders, and report it's location so any loot gets hopefully returned."

The genin nodded and returned to eating. After they finished, Sakura started again, "So… about last night."

"We'll talk privately, I already spoke to Naruto, unless he has more to speak with me about."

Naruto shook his head.

"Fine, then I'll talk to Sakura first. You two, go down to the river and clean yourselves, we all exerted ourselves yesterday."

The boys nodded and headed towards the river, Sasuke stopping by his bag to grab a bar of regulation unscented soap.

**oooooo**

The two boys stripped out of their clothing and waded into the river. It was cool, but compared to the teamwork river it was wonderful.

For once, Sasuke started the conversation, breaking off a chunk of soap and tossing it to Naruto. "So you saw mine, how did yours compare?"

Naruto froze and arched his brow. "Sorry Sasuke, but I actually didn't see yours, not since fairly early in the academy during shower time anyway. I imagine it's changed since then."

Sasuke looked confused for a moment, then splashed Naruto. "Not my dick, stupid! How did you kill your enemy?"

"Oh, thank goodness," the blond chuckled. "Well, he was keeping me back with the reach of his sword, but he wasn't using it too well, so I was able to keep up. We had a clash, then he started acting a lot more competent. I could have beaten him fancy somehow, but I just signaled my clones. A minute later, I 'tripped' over a root, and he stabbed me through. Of course, it was just a clone, and three more snuck up behind and skewered him with kunai through the ribcage. He didn't even understand what had happened before he was dead."

"Hnn, I'm surprised, you always seem to have a flair for the dramatic."

"Like yours? Dude, that could've been a scene out of any number of manga I've read, it was pretty awesome. Of course, you didn't have to keep up the current that long. What if one of the others had won and attacked you? You were bordering on chakra exhaustion."

"Your clones were there, and I knew Kakashi was around somewhere. It was a good time to test the technique in the field. Either sensei will roast me for it or not, it wasn't the only mistake I made. I'm glad that you _weren't_ going for the dramatic last night, taking out the extra bandits at the beginning saved us a lot of trouble."

"Thanks; don't get me wrong, I plan on pulling off some sweet stuff in the future, but I'd like to make sure I live to see my 20th birthday. That means getting good before I take big chances."

"Hnn," Sasuke nodded.

The boys washed off the copious residue from both the earlier expedited hustle, and the fight. Between them, the two used almost half of the, admittedly small, regulation bar. The things never frothed up very well, but they got you clean, and left no trace of smell on you. Naruto looked at his outfit where a small splash of blood had hit it, and decided it would have to wait until he returned home. One consumer product you could always rely on in a ninja village: clothing detergent.

The boys were scooping water off themselves with their hands to dry off when they heard a voice. "Um, guys? It's Sasuke's turn to talk with Kakashi. Are you done yet?"

The two snatched their clothing and covered themselves with it, only to relax when they saw a cloth tied around Sakura's eyes as she walked down to the riverbank.

"We're almost done, let us get dressed. Is it your turn getting clean now?"

"Yeah, Kakashi sent me here with this stupid cloth, and a transparent excuse, saying it was a blind fighting exercise. Tell me when you're dressed."

Warily, Naruto gave her the finger just to make sure. When there was no reaction, he shrugged and started to get dressed, though he couldn't resist fooling around a bit. When Sakura failed to react to Naruto's 'show' Sasuke started to get dressed as well.

Sakura tilted her head in the middle of Naruto's reverse strip tease. "Are you doing something stupid and likely perverted? It shouldn't take this long to get dressed. If you've been waggling your junk in my face I'll find out somehow."

Naruto stopped and started to seriously dress himself. "Sakura, you wound me, I'm not that immature."

"Hnn, neither of us have 'waggled our junk' in your face."

"You didn't deny stupid things and other perverted things in general, I notice. Hurry up, I'm taking it off in 30 seconds whether you're ready or not."

Buttoning his last button, Naruto said, "Fine, we're done. You can take it off."

Slipping the cloth off, Sakura looked at the boys. "Let me guess, you've been done for a while, and just making me wait for laughs."

"You just can't believe our innocence, can you?" Naruto asked, defeatedly.

**oooooo**

The boys were back at base, where Kakashi was packing up.

"We're here, I suppose you want me to go do something while you two talk?"

"Yes, and don't bother Sakura. Go read that sealing book or something."

"Sure. And thanks for sending Sakura blindfolded with the 'blind fighting' exercise, we were naked when she showed up."

"Hmm? I didn't send her blindfolded."

The two boys looked at each other, "You think she…?"

"Hnn."

Naruto started laughing. "Oh that's brilliant! She got one over on us, and we fell for it! She kept accusing us to make us defensive; I never suspected she was the one playing the prank! Oh, this will be fun. Now I get to plan revenge! Sasuke, do you want in?"

"You think this is funny. You don't have to worry about her selling the info of your size to a hoard of psycho stalkers."

"My prank will be slightly humiliating, and will end with nude photographs of her as black mail."

"… I'm in."

"I'll pretend I heard none of that."

"Good, that means I don't have to bribe you. I'll go plan, you two talk or whatever."

**oooooo**

The four set off towards the outpost once again after breaking camp. Naruto had convinced Sasuke not to let on that the two knew of Sakura's prank, and both boys would occasionally catch the girl smirking like the cat that ate the canary. As Kakashi had promised, the path turned sandy, and the genin were having a tough time getting through it. Water walking helped, but didn't keep them above totally.

"I know it's tough, you're using muscles you normally don't when running. It's good for you." Kakashi said, and kept the pace up.

Traveling is often boring when stuck with the same company throughout, and the genin quickly tired of the new sights. The first cactus you see is fascinating, the hundredth, much less so, especially if you aren't allowed to stop and examine them.

The sand kept getting deeper the closer they got to the border and it was also much drier. With no clouds, the sun was beating down on them. Heck, the sun was almost beating up at them, reflected off the sandy ground. Kakashi slowed the pace a bit, "It's not much farther."

**oooooo**

His idea of not much farther was a bit different from his students', and when they finally reached the outpost, all three of them were tired, and their legs were burning from the unusual muscle usage. It was only noon, but they felt almost as tired as they did from yesterday's four-hour top speed hustle. As they approached the building, three chunin came out to meet them. Kakashi signaled his team to halt, and withdrew his papers.

While the chunin were still out of earshot, Kakashi mentioned, "They may be a bit hostile, they were probably hoping to get cycled out of here, but some of that will be countered by the new supplies."

Naruto noted that while they wore leaf headbands, they were otherwise almost unrecognizable as leaf ninja. They were wearing a chunin vest, but over that was a white cloak, and a hat that covered almost the entire head with white fabric. He really wished he had had that hat today, it looked warm, but it probably kept all the sun off.

The middle chunin walked up to Kakashi and grabbed the orders from his hand. Reading it, he put it away, and snorted. "Damn, this is the fourth month we've been out here, and still no replacements. All right, come on in, no use shooting the messenger. I'm acting leader until Jonin Hiroto comes back from patrol."

"Thank you," Kakashi replied, and they all walked back towards the outpost.

Naruto noted that the outpost itself was unique, very unlike Konoha buildings. Although the core structure seemed similar to normal, many add-ons had been attached, almost organically. There was an abundance of white cloth, which was in the air on the end of posts, covering large areas with shade. There were rectangles with blue squares in them, which Naruto eventually recognized as solar panels, laying on top of various flat surfaces, mostly powering fans. The teen was surprised, he had thought that solar panels were bleeding edge technology; the academy had mentioned them as 'something Konoha was looking into'. Either that was a fib told in the interest of 'need to know', or Konoha had traded with Suna for them. Suna had few natural resources, so it got very good at extracting any use out of the copious sun and wind it had available. While Snow was the leader in technology, even they had to admit to being beat in the solar and wind energy tech fields.

While all of wind country wasn't a desert, it did consist of a significant portion of it. The country was noted for it's master glassworkers, and exported tons upon tons of glassware and optics. Naruto was coming to realize that the desert colored their entire way of living, not just the structures, which Konoha must have copied heavily from on this outpost. Of what he knew of Suna, he was drawing connections all over the place that tied back to the large desert.

It made him wonder, 'What did all the forests do to us?'

**oooooo**

Team seven was resting inside the outpost, and had delivered the supplies successfully. While the mood was muted amongst their hosts, two of the two dozen large seals had contained comforts; beer, manga, and letters, as well as fresh treats such as watermelon and chilled venison, which they would be grilling tonight.

The team had to stay until the head of the outpost officially received the orders, which was fine with the genin; it was blazing outside, and the top man, Hiroto, was supposed to be back in a few hours with the rest of the troops. The teens took some unused chairs and a fan, and relaxed.

**oooooo**

The rest of the mission went flawlessly. Hiroto returned and officially received the orders, team seven took off back to Konoha around five, and since they had napped, ran through part of the night. They had set up camp again, and absolutely nothing of interest happened. In fact, as they walked up to Konoha's gates the next day Naruto shared his mind.

"Except for the obvious exception, that was really boring."

Kakashi chuckled. "Yeah, it's a cliché, but ninja work is long periods of boredom punctuated by brief moments of gut wrenching terror. You three will look back on this mission years from now and say, 'Golly gee, were we lucky then, I wish we got missions like that more often!' Most missions are either more boring, or not nearly boring enough."

The genin contemplated that while they were processed in through the gate.

"Hnn, if I ever say 'golly gee' un-ironically, someone stab me."

The blond snorted, "With pleasure."

**oooooo**

Naruto stepped into his apartment. Nothing had changed, in the village or his apartment. He felt vaguely disappointed, his team had passed a major milestone in their development as ninja, but the world didn't seem to care. Everything was blah, boring, normal. The Hokage hadn't debriefed them, although he might decide to after the report was filed. He couldn't even talk to his friends; Hinata was out of the village, and Shino was with her of course. Choji and Shikamaru had team time, and probably couldn't hang out tonight.

It was like the world refusing to rain at a funeral. As a fan of dramatics, Naruto found this very poor form on the world's behalf. The only thing left to do was the prank…

And suddenly everything was right with the world again.

**oooooo**

Sakura walked into her house. "Hey! I'm home!"

Silence met her announcement, and Sakura realized dejectedly that her mother was probably at the market. Her father was at work of course. She frowned, then drug herself into her bedroom. 'Oh well, I'll have lots to tell them at dinner. But now I can take a real shower!' Dumping her equipment in her room, she started shedding her clothes as she walked to her bathroom. Once there, she threw them in a pile in the corner and cranked up the hot water in the shower. Testing the temperature, the girl eventually jumped under the spray and let out a sigh. Despite Naruto's complaint, she thought the mission had been plenty exciting. They had seen new places and killed interesting people. Kakashi had told her he was proud of how she had acted, and told her not to worry that Naruto had brought down her opponent. She had acted efficiently and would have killed most foes with the strikes she had made against him. He also said he was pleasantly surprised that she had ended him as easily as she had. They had discussed some of her feelings, and addressed some concerns. Apparently, she was doing better than he had expected, and that as long as she kept things up she would go far.

Sakura stopped the flow of water and decided to treat herself, grabbing her body wash instead of the soap bar. It was a birthday present from her parents, and had come from the fire capitol, where such things were more common. It had a delightful fruit aroma, and she drunk it in as she lathered a dollop over her body. She had cleaned off at the river, but that hardly counted as getting clean in her mind. She took Kakashi's warnings seriously, but didn't consider a wet sponge a bath, even if it was what she would be using most often. She snorted as she recalled the boys' reactions at the river. Her spontaneous plan had worked perfectly, and they'd never know unless she told them. Sakura had to admit she was nervous bathing in the river, she had expected Naruto to pop out at any time in revenge for her trick, but it seemed neither of them had realized what she had done.

She turned the water back on and started to rinse off. The girl could understand better why Naruto pulled all of his pranks, there was a rush of excitement during it; would you get caught, would you pull it off? When Naruto had flipped her off, she had to bite her tongue not to chuckle, and when the boys had 'let their guard down' so to speak, it had been hard not to give herself away. Sakura stood under the hot water and slid a hand between her legs. "As long as no one's home…" Thinking of her teammates, Sakura cradled a breast with one hand, and started to tease herself. Considering how cold the river had been, Sakura guessed the two boys to be large, though she had nothing to compare to. Since she hadn't been able to turn her head, or else she'd have given herself away, she hadn't gotten the best view. Still, the boys had used the opportunity to be naked in front of what they thought was a blind girl to do a little strutting, and she had watched some quite amusing behavior from Naruto, and even a bit from Sasuke.

She stuck a finger in and imagined it was one of her teammates. Truthfully, now that she had been around him this much, the majority of her attraction towards Sasuke had disappeared. He was still great eye-candy, but he was sort of cold to almost everything. Naruto on the other hand… well, she was beginning to be sorry she never accepted one of his proposed dates.

**oooooo**

A Naruclone lay outside the frosted glass of Sakura's shower. It was hiding as a bottle of lotion, but could still see and hear what was going on, due to the wonders that were, effectively, magic. 'This is both awesome, and terrible. On the one hand, Sakura is masturbating feet away from me,' the clone thought, 'on the other hand, the plan required her to know I was here, screwing boss over in the long run. And while Hinata might have overlooked this prank on the grounds of an eyeful for an eyeful, I don't think she'll be happy I watched Sakura do… this.' The clone felt no less conflicted as Sakura let out another moan. 'At least I can't see through the glass.'

The clone continued to be an unwilling spectator until Sakura seemed to be finishing. It released the henge and grabbed a convenient pen and pad of paper lying on the counter. Hastily scribbling a message to his target, he tore off the sheet and added it to the original message he had been sent with; sticking them halfway in the door of the medicine cabinet above Sakura's sink as she let out a particularly loud moan. Opening the bathroom window so he could pass off the camera to the next clone, he performed the wind whisper technique to misplace the sound of the camera. Hopefully that would buy time. He then held his camera up, ready to take a picture as she came out of the shower.

**oooooo**

Sakura slid down the tiled wall, as she took her fingers out and rinsed them off in the weak shower of water she had earlier turned it down to. She felt drained, but in a blissfully pleasant way. She felt like kneeling here, letting the water run down her until dinner, but she knew she ought to get out and stop ruining the water bill any more than she already had. Getting up, she opened the door a crack and reached out to grab a towel. Finding her target, she brought it back in and wrapped it around her hair, and stepped out into the chilly air. She stretched her whole body before she heard it.

Snap- whirr, Snap- whirr

Yanking the towel off her head and covering herself, Sakura turned to the noise, prepared to castrate any interloper. She found nothing, but the sound was definitely coming from the corner where her clothes were. Sakura immediately performed a kai, but no one shimmered into being. The noise finally stopped, creeping out the girl, until she heard her window squeak. Whirling around, she found Naruto with his hand out the window, and a look on his face that spoke of the foreknowledge of impending disaster.

"You know you brought this on yourself right? I mean, how did you expect me to react to being pranked? I'm sorry about catching your 'private time' though, that wasn't plan-" he disappeared in a puff as Sakura's knee passed through where his scrotum had been moments before.

Sakura stood there feeling very conflicted. She was quite the bright girl, and recognized that as violated as she felt, she not only _had_ brought it on herself, but had probably made them feel the same way as well. That didn't do much to quell the feminine anger she felt inside her towards this affront. Still, she knew Naruto was crafty, and probably was already hidden with the photos somewhere she'd never find him.

Controlling herself, she noticed two sheets of paper it must have left her. Letting her curiosity take over from some of her other instincts, she read the hastily scribbled note first.

_Sorry, I'm sure boss would never have done this if he'd have known you were going to entertain yourself. The shower glass was quite opaque though. Still, we had to get you back, and although our prank is in bad taste now, please believe this was just a friendly 'back at you'; boss was overjoyed when he realized what you had done._

Sakura refrained from ripping it to pieces, and let out a sigh. Naruto was so strange, although he often made a bizarre kind of sense if you stood on your head and squinted. He was sorry for catching her masturbating, but braking into her house and taking a nude picture of her was 'a friendly "back at you." '

She folded the message and opened the second one. It was written much better; it must have come from before he had gotten there.

_Congratulations! You pranked a master prankster, and if I hadn't off handedly thanked Kakashi for blindfolding you, you would have gotten away with it! Now hopefully you understand what I did was necessary, and that we're now even. If not, I'm sure we can come to some agreement._

_The photos are in Sasuke's possession; as long as you don't tell any girls about 'The Littlest Uchiha', he promises to keep them from ever seeing the light of day. If you want them destroyed, you'll have to take it up with him. I swear I have no photos or negatives._

_The markings on your skin will go away in a few days and are perfectly safe._

Sakura stopped reading there, and immediately searched herself in the mirror. On her forehead, she could see a word formed of red skin. She quickly worked it out from the backwards mirror image: voyeur. Grimacing at the irony, she continued reading the note.

_The markings on your skin will go away in a few days and are perfectly safe. I made sure to put it somewhere you could cover; my other plan involved waiting until the next time you went to the hot springs, and having it written all over your body. So it could be worse._

_One last thing: don't stop! Your performance was wonderful, and the last thing I want is to stop you from pranking me. Just keep in mind that I'll always get you back, and keep it friendly._

Sakura wanted to wring his neck, but couldn't decide if he really deserved it. He honestly seemed to think that he was simply getting even with her, and considering she had done it first, she was afraid he had a point. On the other hand, she hadn't broken into his house to do it. And seriously, he was the one who had started dancing in front of her and humping the air, he could have guessed that the cloth was sheer.

Ugh, this was confusing, she hadn't meant any harm; hell, she didn't know why she did it in the first place, really. She had been overflowing with emotions, both good and bad, that morning; Kakashi's praise was wonderful and had almost-but-not-quite overwhelmed her feelings about shoving that kunai into the fat man's head. She had needed a release, and her spontaneous desire to watch her teammates bathe in the river seemed harmless enough, they wouldn't even find out.

But they had, and although at least Naruto hadn't cared, he wanted to get back at her, because that's what pranksters do. And she really did care, and… shit.

Now the girl wanted to get back in the shower and let the water run down her until dinner again, but for a very different reason. And once again, she knew she couldn't.

**oooooo**

Sakura knocked on the door, and hoped he didn't bug out the back. She had left a note for her mother, and come to speak with Naruto. Hopefully they could sort this out.

"Who is it?" came through the door.

"Who do you think? I want to talk."

A few moments of silence went by, then, "Your fists aren't feeling talkative, are they? Because I'm completely all right with talking to you in a day or two, when tempers have cooled."

"I'm not going to hit you, unless you say or do something really stupid."

"Well hell, I better get the ice pack ready now. Come in."

The deadbolt slid back, and the door opened a bit. Sakura stepped inside and shut the door behind her. Naruto was standing in the middle of the main room of his apartment, looking unnaturally somber for him. What she could see of his apartment was much cleaner than she had expected for a boy living on his own, and although the building he was in sucked, he had worn, but comfortable looking furnishings. He was sipping a soda with 'ENERGY!' written on it, and what looked like a surgeon general's warning on the side.

"I came to apologize, and to ask that you never do something like that again. When I tricked you both, I didn't comprehend how it must have felt when you realized what I had done. Of course, you weren't supposed to find out, but that doesn't excuse my actions."

Naruto nodded and sat on the couch, and waved to the other chair he had room for. Sakura sat as Naruto began.

"I need to apologize as well, it has been a crazy few days, and I didn't think through my revenge very well. I don't get pranked often, and it was exhilarating to be gotten so thoroughly. That is where the problems began. I didn't care one iota that you saw me naked, I have nothing to be ashamed of. And although Sasuke was annoyed, he still sort of thinks of you as a fan girl. He was mostly afraid of you spreading tales. Not that he has anything to be ashamed of either from what I could see; I don't know why he's so concerned truthfully. I also treated you as if you understood what you were doing, totally forgetting that this was totally outside your normal behavior. So I pranked you back, neglecting to consider that as a girl, you'd have stronger feelings about it. I didn't realize the problem until my clone saw the look on your face as you realized what was going on. By then, it was too late for both of us, of course."

Sakura found herself getting angry again, "Let me get this straight, you didn't care that I spied on you? You were actually glad, but your pranking ego demanded you one-up me?"

Naruto sighed. "Well, yes. Do you want something to drink, by the way? I don't have visitors, well, ever, but I think I have some tea bags. The water's pretty tasty if you like the taste of minerals."

"No thanks, lets get back to the point, you broke into my house and took photos of me for your ego?"

"I already admitted it. Let's both chalk this up to life experiences, shall we? We both are obviously sorry for what we've done. While I crossed some lines, you learned some valuable lessons about planning, and I'm sure you'll be a better ninja for it."

"Valuable lessons? What are you talking about? It was obviously a mistake, but-"

"Ugh, you're supposed to be the smart one. Let me explain it. This is a lesson every prankster learns, and I've been told every leader who sees a plan put to action goes through a similar process. Actions you take have unintended side effects. What seems like a harmless prank could kill an old man with a weak heart, or ruin a marriage. You have to figure out what the consequences of your actions are, and prevent the ones you don't like. And the better you are at that, the more control you have over the world.

"When I started out pranking, almost every plan I made failed. I thought I was doing it wrong at first, but eventually I realized no, every plan over a certain amount of complexity is almost bound to go wrong. The trick is in the contingency planning. During that part of my life, I often got ruffed up by my targets. They would catch me when the prank went wrong and frequently failed to find the humor in the situation. I couldn't foresee the consequences of my pranks, or the failure points."

"All right, I think I get it, neither of us saw the unintended consequences of our pranks."

"Right. But let me explain a little more. As I grew better, I could see more of the consequences of things, but my plans still went awry. The main difference between a master schemer and a novice is that when the plan, which is like a Jenga tower, fails, and it almost always will, the master can rearrange the tower pieces as it's still falling. If he does it right, the tower stays in a perpetual state of collapse, never quite falling, until it's the next player's turn, and the plan has completed. The novice expects everything to work, and when it doesn't, panics.

"My clone realized the plan was going pear-shaped when you started having fun in the shower. While it should have aborted, it was smart enough to start contingencies immediately, writing you the additional note, and trying to explain before you popped it."

"You're so odd, Naruto. You talk about pranking like some people talk about their professions."

"That's because pranking is serious business. Remember Kakashi's peanut oil assassination? If our team had been assigned that, you or Sasuke wouldn't have thought of peanut oil, I would. Although if you tried some you might make a decent prankster. You pulled off your first one very well, although obviously ninja training helped. And I bet you got a rush from it, huh?

"Yes, but it was a spur of the moment thing, that's not who I am."

"Too bad. Well, maybe you'll try again sometime, I'll help if you ever want to. But yeah, you can do really big things with a small prank. Remember the Green Pee Epidemic?"

"Um, vaguely. It happened when we were 10, right? I thought it was really funny, but a lot of people seemed concerned."

"Yeah, that was me. I had found this plant that grows in the forest around here. It's totally harmless, but it has the odd ability to turn your urine green if you eat it. I tested the plant for a week or two until I figured out how to extract the urine-changing component. I must have picked a hundred pounds of that plant, and processed it all down to a pint of extract. I slipped into the water facility using my fledgling ninja skills, and poured it into the water supply."

"No one caught you? Why wasn't it guarded? An enemy could've poisoned us!"

"Yep, not so funny a prank now, huh? By noon the first day, several hypochondriacs had gone to the hospital thinking they had a rare disease. The hospital didn't know what it was, and started putting people in quarantine. Soon, more and more people started developing the green pee disease, and the hospital was flooded. It was a miracle no one died in the chaos, and the public started panicking. At first I thought it was funny, then I panicked, and was afraid to tell anyone.

"Eventually the extract left everyone's system, and things calmed down a bit, but it didn't stop there. Someone in the hospital discovered what was causing the symptom, and realized that for most of the village to have the symptom, someone had to have intentionally caused this. Now the ninja were really interested, although they were pretty deep in the problem before, as a large portion of Konoha's force had the mysterious malady.

"But once the doctors said 'biological attack' everything changed. Suddenly the water facility was of top interest. It got a surprise inspection, and several people were court martialed for negligence. There were factions pushing for war against Hidden Lightning, who had recently had an incident with the Hyuga, while others thought Earth was up to it's old tricks again. Most of this was unknown to me of course; I had thought that after the public had calmed down that it had blown over. I told the Hokage about it. Looking back, I can tell he had to restrain himself from hitting me. The amount of chaos I caused is almost unbelievable, and things could have gone much worse."

"…That's… incredible. Horrible, but amazing. What did they do to you?"

"The Hokage covered it up. He told everyone that a young chunin was worried about village security and performed it as a test. Then he told basically the truth, that the chunin panicked when he realized what he had started, and was afraid to tell anyone, fearing he'd be executed as a traitor. You are now one of less than 15 people who know the truth, and if you ever tell anyone, you may be penalized two years worth of C-rank missions pay."

Sakura mentally shrugged off the warning; ninja were expected to keep secrets all the time. "… When it comes to crazy magnets, you must be neodymium."

"I always thought I was an electromagnet, but yes, I cede the point."

"So what punishment did you actually get, if you weren't publically at fault?"

"Well, although I caused a lot of problems, it was mostly because my actions uncovered existing cracks in the system. So ironically, I caused so much trouble, I actually got awarded a medal, and a bond that will mature when I turn 18. Several areas were looked at to find any other problems, and a lot of things got shaken up. The final consequences were that there were reforms in both hospital procedure, and village security. The truth was, Konoha had gotten complacent as the top dogs, and let several things slide for various reasons."

Sakura shook her head, trying to wrap it around the story. If it were anyone else, she'd think it was just an elaborate tale. "So is this the secret of why the Hokage is so close to you?"

"Nah, that makes this seem like small potatoes."

Sakura frowned, a bit scared at the idea that there was a secret that big surrounding her teammate.

"Hey, relax. I'm still me, just because you learned more about me doesn't change who I am."

"I know, it's just a bit disconcerting that my teammate has such a huge secret about him that I know nothing about. While secrets can be about good things, important secrets are usually about troublesome things."

"I thought secrets were sexy; you and the fangirls often spoke of Sasuke's mysterious past."

"Yes, and I think it's pretty clear we were all acting like idiots. I'm sorry, I'm not scared of you or anything, but being told that your story is insignificant next to another secret of yours is a bit off putting. The fine you mentioned was a B-rank secret penalty."

"Alright, I was being flippant, the Green Pee Epidemic was a big deal. My other secret is a big deal too, but it's not earth shattering once you overcome the initial gut reaction. Anyway, are we cool now?"

"Not until I get back all the photos. And although I'm trying to be okay with it rationally, you intruded in my domain, and that really disturbed me. What I did was on neutral ground, but you broke into my home."

"I'm sorry about that, but I don't know what else I can say. I kept all the negatives when it went sour, but I did promise a photo to Sasuke, so he has one. Let me get them."

The boy went further into his apartment, then came back shortly with a film canister.

"I know you want to destroy these, but you may want to hang on to one or two, they're pretty hot," he said with a grin.

Sakura rolled her eyes as she grabbed the canister. "Except they have the word voyeur written on my head."

"Nah, your towel blocked that, it's some smoking shots."

Sakura grinned a bit. "Why did you always ask me for dates when we were kids?"

Naruto looked uneasy at the change of topic. "Well, obviously I had a crush on you. You were smart, and had a fiery attitude. I thought you'd be a really fun girlfriend. Of course, we were so young; I didn't really get the whole concept. I was mostly just looking for a friend to hang out with, but thought you were cute, and sort of understood that a girlfriend was more than just a friend. But you hit me enough times that I eventually got the message. And I made other friends, so I gave up. Um, why?"

"You want to get ramen and a movie sometime?" Sakura asked, embarrassed.

Naruto slid a hand down his face. "Wow, didn't see that coming. Sorry, but I've got a girlfr-" Naruto choked off, too late.

"You have a girlfriend? Was it recent? No one knew about it in the academy."

"Yes it was recent, and no one is supposed to know, it's secret. Her father could really make life hell for the two of us, and-"

"Oooh! It's Hinata! That's so sweet! Did she finally confess? Tell me how it happened!"

'At least she's taking my being off the market well.' "Please don't tell anyone, what did we just go over about unintended consequences? This could have large ripples if Hiashi found out."

"Don't worry, I get it; princess and the street urchin, no offense. It's an ancient and romantic plot. Tell me the details and I'll consider us even."

Naruto groaned, and reluctantly told her an edited version of what happened that day on their first break.

"Wow, that is so cool. Well, it's too bad you're taken, but Hinata deserves you after all this time. I guess I need to go to Sasuke's and get back my photo somehow."

"Hey, remember, not a word of this. What I did to you was supposed to be friendly. I trusted you with some secrets; if you blab, you _won't_ like what I do to you."

Sakura nodded and got up. "I promise. What good is a ninja that can't keep secrets?"

**oooooo**

Sakura knocked on another door, uncertain as to how to go about convincing Sasuke to give her the photo. Sasuke opened the door and looked at her.

"I came to apologize, and ask for the photo back."

"Hnn, didn't Naruto make it clear? The photo is safe as long as you don't tell any of the girls about anything."

"I'm not going to tell the girls anything. I know you haven't realized it, but I've changed; I'm not your little fan girl any more. Hell, you weren't the reason I did it, just a nice bonus."

Sasuke's brow raised at that. While he was glad she wasn't attracted to him any more, it kind of stung to call seeing him naked 'a nice bonus'.

"You're going to be annoying until you get the photo, aren't you?"

"You better believe it."

"Hnn, fine. I'm a decent cook, and I really like pasta, but although I can copy the spaghetti perfectly, I can never get the sauce right. Make me a quart of fresh red spaghetti sauce and the recipe you use and I'll give the photo to you and call us even. But it better taste really good."

Sakura rolled her eyes at the request, but nodded, knowing he could've asked for much more. "Fine. I'll deliver sauce for your copy pasta in about two hours, but you better give me the photo."

"Deal."

"Deal."

Sakura turned around and headed back towards her house. Sasuke watched her leave, then shut the door. 'It's regrettable I don't have the sharingan yet, I wouldn't mind having that picture memorized forever.'

**oooooo**

Sakura was eating dinner with her parents after successfully getting back her photo. Naruto had been right; it was a great shot. But she was putting the whole thing behind her now. She was currently telling her parents a heavily edited version of her fight, and the rest of her mission, between bites of food. She missed the looks of unease on her parents' faces as she told the tale, and finished with how Kakashi had commended her actions.

The girl sat smiling, expecting congratulations. Instead, "Honey, your mother and I want you to quit being a ninja, and start preparing to take over my merchant company."

**oooooo**

Sakura knocked on a door again.

Naruto opened the door. "Hey, something wrong?"

"Can I crash at your place tonight?"

Naruto groaned.

**OOOOOO**

End chapter the Seventh

Author's Note: Multiple people have mentioned that the primary reason some people write Naruto ff with the characters advanced in age is to not be creepy when they write erotica. In case anyone is confused, that's not the point of this story. While there may or may not be citrusy content in the future, it certainly won't be the focus if there is, and I'll almost certainly post it elsewhere and drop a link for any interested parties. What you saw in this chapter is probably the most explicit it will get. I've got nothing against erotica, but ff net is not really the place for it.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: I recently realized I had entirely forgotten to put up a disclaimer! Gee, it sure is a good thing I noticed; I'm sure the lawyers were filling out the infringement suit paperwork as I wrote this chapter! Well, better late than never.

Disclaimer: Naruto©® and it's characters are not mine. It's owned by Kishimoto and some mighty fine companies that certainly wouldn't be petty enough to sue the likes of me, because they're oh so very nice. Not to mention the fact that, under the Fair Use Rule of the United States Copyright Act of 1976, they can't touch me. Furthermore, and most importantly, I have literally no money.

Despite some of the actual content of this story being mine, I have no effective way to enforce it. So while I'll ask you to please get permission before ripping off an idea of mine, that will only stop nice, cooperative people that I'd generally get along with anyway.

It's probably a good thing the general public really misunderstands copyright/trademark/patent law; not that I'm an expert on it.

**oooooo**

Sakura knocked on a door again.

Naruto soon appeared on the other side of the threshold. "Hey, something wrong?"

"Can I crash at your place tonight?"

Naruto groaned. "Come in, but this doesn't mean you're staying, just that I'll listen."

"Thanks."

The pair walked over to the sofa again and sat.

"So what's the problem?"

"I had a fight with my parents and stormed out. They want me to quit being a ninja!"

Naruto snorted. "It's a bit late for that. Why did they let you go to the academy in the first place?"

"That's what I said! They told me that the academy was the best education, and they had planned for me to switch to the civilian system when I was ten or so. Apparently, they thought my enthusiasm was 'a phase', and that I'd grow out of it! When I became a genin, they thought one or two missions in I'd give up and call it quits. Ugh, it's so patronizing of them! Sure, I was a bit girly, but I want to be a ninja, even if the work conditions do suck!"

"So you argued, and left? Hmm. That sucks, but they can't make you quit."

"I know, but they can try to make me want to quit. Thankfully they won't throw me out of the house; that would defeat the purpose of me taking over the family business. So I just need to borrow your couch tonight, I can handle things tomorrow."

"Why can't you just go back? Or crash at Ino's? She'd be happy to have you, right?"

"If I went home now, it would be a sign of weakness, that I depend on them. If I come back tomorrow after team time, I'll be much better off. As to Ino's, that's the first place they'd think of looking for me. Where else can I turn? I don't have my wallet, certainly not Sasuke, and sleeping in Kakashi's apartment would be weird. I'm not sure if it would be more or less improper to crash at my single sensei's apartment than yours; either way, you're less likely to tell my parents I was here. I don't want them to ever know where I went, it'll bolster my bargaining position."

"You really see your parents as the enemy?"

Sakura sighed, "I love my parents, but right now they are trying to stand between me and my goal. I'm nearly an adult, and this is the path I've chosen. It's too late for them to try and change things now. How would you like it if the Hokage tried to ban you from eating ramen?"

Naruto nodded. "He tried a couple times, as punishment. It… didn't work out well for anyone. I see what you mean. Fine, you can sleep on the couch tonight, but if you don't fix things with your parents, you can't stay here. I've got a girlfriend- remember? I don't know how I'm going to explain earlier as it is. Thank Kami she knows me well enough to expect these sort of shenanigans."

"How would she even find out?"

"Hinata is a Hyuuga, they can tell stuff. I might be able to keep what happened under wraps, but it isn't worth it. She'll be annoyed with me, but I think she'll mostly be disappointed that you and I have seen more of each other than she and I have."

Sakura's eyebrows rose. "Huh, shy Hinata? I wouldn't have guessed."

"They say to watch out for the quiet ones. I keep getting hints that in this case it's true."

Sakura held up her hand, "That's probably enough sharing on that front. Do you have any books? I usually read a bit before I sleep."

"I've got training manuals and educational stuff, or manga. Help yourself to what's on the shelf," he said, getting up and pulling a sheet off a bookcase packed with mostly action manga. Sakura stood up and started browsing the selections.

"Okay, it's getting late, so I'm going to bed too; oh, I do get first shower. If this afternoon was anything to go by, you'll use up all the hot water."

Sakura turned around and glared, but Naruto just grinned and winked before retreating to his bedroom. The girl rolled her eyes and grabbed the first volume of a samurai series that looked acceptable. She grabbed the sheet that had been covering the bookcase, and a couch pillow off the floor. Turning on the lamp, she turned off the ceiling light and slipped off her shoes. Curling up, she started reading, preparing for a night on an unfamiliar couch.

**oooooo**

After a morning full of awkward moments, such as Naruto walking out of the bathroom in a towel ("We must stop meeting like this, Sakura!"), the two were at training ground seven with Sasuke. All three were training while waiting for Kakashi's arrival, wondering what their next mission would entail. Today they didn't have to wait long. Kakashi appeared, as usual, without any warning.

"Well, seeing as you three did such a wonderful job, and since the mission involved C-rank obstacles, I'm giving you the day off. Please train some of the day, but you need a little R&R. Tomorrow is your scheduled day off of course, so when you come back in two days, we'll be training exclusively for a week before skipping straight to C-ranks if I'm happy with your progress.

Ah, one more thing before I leave you to do as you please, your upgraded C-rank pay! Don't spend it all in one place!" he said, tossing the envelopes to each genin. "Ja ne!" and he was gone again.

**oooooo**

Sasuke stayed at the training ground, which he had been doing more often, while Naruto, ironically, made a large number of clones then left. Sakura wanted to delay her homecoming for a while yet, so she too stayed and practiced her physical regimen.

Naruto stopped by the bank and deposited most of the mission earnings, before heading to the grocery store. He wasted no time in becoming Naruko, as he called his female self. Most grocers were too distracted by her assets to notice the whiskers, and he usually got a fair price, if not a slight discount. Taking mostly canned vegetables, along with his normal staples, Naruto wondered why the academy never mentioned the tendency for all your food to go bad while on missions.

**oooooo**

The blond tromped into his apartment with his food and started to put it away. Not _too_ much of his food had gone bad, but he had to throw out some milk and some previously fresh produce yesterday when he had gotten back. Putting everything away, he got out his sealing book and a notepad and prepared to study.

**oooooo**

Naruto had been doing pretty well, although the occasional popping clone was a distraction. He was disturbed from his studies when he heard the door handle move. Putting his book down, he prepared to replace himself with the deck lounger on the roof, while reminding himself it was probably a friend.

The lock was picked quite fast, and shortly a jacketed girl was standing inside, hugging her boyfriend.

"I've missed you," Hinata said, obviously happy to be hugging him again.

"I've missed you too, I hope your mission went better than mine though."

"It was _so_ boring. The most interesting thing was Kiba's fistfight with a few idiot yakuza. It wasn't even funny how he wiped the floor with them. While we were talking to the mission handlers I heard you had an upgraded mission! What happened?"

They had relocated to the sofa, and Hinata was sitting on Naruto's lap. The young man gave an overview of the mission, before going through the interesting bits. By the end, Hinata was hugging him again.

"Are you all right? How are your teammates?"

"None of us are hurt, we're fine."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it. All three of you made your first kills, and got into close combat. I'm really starting to dislike that sensei of yours, you shouldn't have had to do that so early."

"Hey, calm down. I can't speak for the others, but I'm glad for what happened. It's out of the way now, and I know I can do it. I feel more confident now, and none of us got seriously hurt. It turned out as well as it could have."

Hinata sighed, and put her head on his chest. "Fine, I agree that it went pretty well, I just wish it had happened a few months from now. You're leaving something out though, what else happened?"

Naruto rolled his eyes, and explained, "Well, as you can imagine, emotions were a little high, and Sakura did something sort of stupid. While Sasuke and I were bathing, she came down to tell us that Kakashi wanted to talk to Sasuke, which was true. She pretended that he had sent her with a cloth tied around her eyes to preserve our modesty and help her train blind fighting. Of course, he had done no such thing, and the cloth was sheer from her point of view. So we were getting dressed and I may have done some silly things, and she got an eyeful of us."

Hinata was growling, actually _growling_ now, and Naruto knew he should get to the next part before Sakura got jyukened.

"So, um, we found out by chance, but didn't confront her. Instead, I planned a revenge prank."

Hinata stopped growling, and started groaning. "Naruto, did you actually think? Or has pranking become so ingrained it bypasses the brain and you do it by instinct? Please tell me you didn't Naruko your way into the woman's springs."

"No, that was plan F. I had a clone hide in her bathroom with a camera and wait for her to come out of the shower. Sasuke wanted a picture as preventative blackmail."

Hinata sighed and closed her eyes. "You know how you said you didn't know what to do as a boyfriend? I didn't think it would be this bad."

"Oh come on, I was practically forced to do it! She pranked the reigning master! A tooth for a tooth, a prank for a prank, an eyeful for an eyeful. At some point all the teams are going to see each other naked, it's part of ninja life. I'm not thrilled about Kiba seeing you like that, but I'm not going to raise a stink when it happens."

"I know that Naruto, I was being sarcastic- mostly. So what ended up happening?"

"Well, the plan worked, more or less. She came over later, upset and confused, and wanted the pictures and for me to promise not to do something like that again. I had realized what an idiot I had been when I saw her face when she realized what was happening. We talked, I gave her the negatives and told her Sasuke had one picture. We talked some more, I told her about the Green Pee Epidemic. For some reason she asked me out, I accidently let slip we were dating. I swore her to secrecy, and she went to get her photo from Sasuke."

Hinata started beating her head against Naruto's chest. Naruto let her for a minute until he held her still. She looked up, "You're leaving out parts again, but I suppose there was a lot to cover. Do you think she'll tell anyone about us?"

"I told her that this was a friendly prank. She knows that if she talks, I'll do an unfriendly prank. Anyway, she seems to think the story of the two of us is extremely romantic; if anything, she'll try and help us."

"We need to find your weirdness magnet, and flip the current."

Naruto smiled and kissed her forehead, "See, you get me, I'm an electromagnet. Sakura thought I was a rare earth metal."

Hinata grinned wickedly, "Well I can see her confusion. You are as dense as lead sometimes, though there's nothing rare about that."

"Oh, burned! I need some aloe vera over here. My girlfriend's an arsonist!"

Said girlfriend giggled and created a tiny flame on her finger.

"Whoa, not in the apartment!" he laughed, "The land lord would kill me."

She put it out, and they held each other for a minute.

"So are you mad at me?"

"… Annoyed; you need to think before you do stuff. I'm also pissed that you two have seen each other naked before we have."

"Heh, I knew you'd say that. You do realize that to create the sexy jutsu I watched the hot springs for a week when I was ten, right?"

Hinata facepalmed, then stood up, dragging Naruto with her.

"What?"

"Strip, we're getting naked," she commanded.

"Um, yes ma'am," Naruto acquiesced. There were some things you didn't argue with your girlfriend about.

**oooooo**

'Did that count as second base?' Naruto thought as he lay next to Hinata. They had put their underwear back on to prevent temptation to start again. 'The boys never could decide what second base meant; all the other bases were obvious enough. I guess I should call it one and a half-th base to be safe.'

"That was fun-"

"An understatement if you ask me," Naruto interrupted.

"-but I have to get back home; father might want a summary of my mission."

"Aww, will he even know you're back?"

"Soon he will. He seems to find out almost everything. All the teams have tomorrow off; I think they're trying to synchronize them in the beginning so we can all stay social. I hope it stays that way for a while."

"Yeah, it'll suck when everyone is out of the village at different times, and we can't meet up."

Hinata stood up and started putting on her clothes. "I'll see if I can get away before dinner. If not, we'll have tomorrow."

Naruto nodded, almost as happy to watch her put clothes on as watching her take them off. Hinata activated her eyes for a few moments, checking her clothing. Finding it acceptable, she smiled at Naruto. "Bye!"

"Later!" he waved as she left through the door. 'I think she's my karmic reward for the whole Kyubii thing. I wonder what her reward will be for putting up with me?'

**oooooo**

It was the day off for the genin, and the gang was hanging out in their hideout again. Everyone had something interesting to share; though as usual, Naruto's story beat the rest. It was approaching lunchtime, and the blond felt like having pizza.

"So, I want to take you guys to a secret ninja pub, but I'm not sure if it will be cool. Anyone want a harebrained adventure with lunch?"

Shikamaru groaned. "This 'Bunch of Grapes' you've told us about? Sounds troublesome."

"It's an awesome place, you all will love it. It feels like our hangout, only bigger, and you can order food. They even do soft drinks so ninja don't get drunk before shift. The only thing is, we only got in because Kakashi bent the rules to suit himself. If we try to just walk in, the patrons might not like it."

"You aren't going to let this rest, are you Naruto-kun?" Hinata asked from his lap. She was leaning back against his chest, with his arms around her.

"I think it's a cool place that you all deserve to go to, and Choji will go nuts for the food. I bet there's things there he's never even heard of."

"I'm sold," Choji said, unsurprisingly.

"Fine, let's see what we're up against at least," Shino decided.

"Ugh, I'm going to regret this, aren't I?" Shikamaru asked rhetorically.

"Let's find out! But let's for trouble, just in case."

**oooooo**

They stood in front of the Bunch of Grapes, waiting for Hinata's evaluation of the building and it's inhabitants.

"It's odd, there's only about ten people in there. It's a bit early for lunch, but it should be much busier at this time of day," she said. "There are seals between the foundation and the floor as well. The whole place has been armored structurally, and there are several secret entrances. You were right to say this feels like our hideout, Naruto. I believe that it, and the other buildings at this intersection, were built as secondary command posts in the event of an invasion."

Naruto whistled appreciatively. "I bet we're not supposed to know that. All right, let's go in and see what happens."

The rest of the group rolled their eyes, but followed him in nonetheless. Eyebrows were raised as they saw the shabby exterior change to a pleasant interior. They were rather conspicuous, but tried to be casual as they sat at a table. The bartender was the same man Naruto had seen wiping glasses every time he had been here. Shoshi looked up at them, pointed at Naruto, and made a come here motion.

Naruto walked over, a bit nervous.

"So you think you can invite anyone in here because Kakashi vetted you?"

"No, I think I can invite my four best friends because any place I'm good enough for, they're good enough for."

"You got big ones kid. I'll let you all order, but if the regulars don't like you, you're on your own."

Naruto nodded, and returned back to the table. "So far so good," he said quietly.

His friends looked at the menu. There were a ton of choices, and almost no descriptions; there was a name, a price, and sometimes a one line explanation.

"So you suggest this pizza stuff?"

"Yeah, you should get a medium supreme pizza, and a gyro with fries Choji. Trust me, you'll like it."

"Hmm."

"The calamari sounds good."

"I think I'll try a hamburger."

Naruto waited until they were all done, and walked back to Shoshi with a list. "Here's what we'd like. And thanks."

"Don't thank me yet, I haven't done anything," he said, taking the list. He looked at it a moment, and rewrote it on an order ticket. "Alright, it'll come when it comes."

Naruto nodded, and waved his friends over to a pool table.

**oooooo**

They had been playing pool for a while, waiting for the food to come. The pub had filled up a fair amount in a rather short time, and Naruto was getting nervous. None of the group had missed the looks they had been receiving. It appeared as if the situation was about to come to a head, as four chunin walked towards the table.

"You brats are playing at our table. Move."

Naruto looked at the two empty tables next to them. "Sorry about that, could we finish our game first? We'll move as soon as we're done. Our food is probably coming out any minute now anyway."

"That's too bad about your game, because see, that's our table. In the winter, that table is close enough to the radiator to remain warm and yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer, it's directly in the path of a cross-breeze created by those fans, there and there. It's facing the radio at an angle that is neither direct, thus discouraging play, nor so far wide as to create distortion. It's our table, and you brats will move."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Really? You're going to go with the stereotypical tough punk play? Show some originality, will you? You sound like a two bit thug, let me guess, next you're going to say 'That's a nice X, it'd be a pity for something to happen to it.'"

There was sniggering amongst the patrons; most of them had seen the blond teen in here at some point. While they acknowledged rules were rules, it was hard not to root for the kid.

The four tough guys straightened up and stopped looking menacing. Now they looked casual, but the mood didn't lighten a bit.

"Fair enough, not everyone's a fan of the classics. Let's get to the meat; all five of you, out. Blondie, you aren't allowed in anymore unless Kakashi brings you in. You have to earn the privilege of coming here, and fresh genin like you have no business here. Think of us as volunteer bouncers."

Naruto looked around the room, gauging the feeling. "One moment while I confer with my colleagues."

The five teens huddled together, and Naruto cast the sound-dampening version of the rain shield around them. This appeared to piss off the tough guys, and amuse the crowd.

"How does the crowd look, Hinata?"

"They seem to agree with our antagonists that we don't belong here, but they seem to like you, and I don't think they'll become aggressive towards either party no matter which way it goes."

"I agree. The welcoming party holds two functions: to keep out noobs, and as a test. If we can hold our own or defeat them, we belong here by the fact that they can't kick us out," Shikamaru explained.

"I wouldn't like the odds in a real world scenario," Choji put in, "but considering they can't do anything to bust up the place or kill us, we might be able to do this."

"As stupid as this is, our hand is forced. If we back down now we lose face. However, we must not lose, or we'll look even more stupid than if we walked away," Shino decided.

Naruto nodded. "Well, it isn't the stupidest thing we've done; still, I'm sorry."

The group spread out and Naruto dropped the rain shield. "I'm afraid we aren't leaving until we've eaten. We were all quite interested in our choices."

"Hmmph. They always pick the hard way. Alright boys, let's show them out."

The four started forwards, but stopped when their young opponent's group suddenly grew by a hundred. There were Naruclones everywhere, though they tried not to disturb the other patrons.

The leader rolled his eyes. "Ah, the Uzumaki kid, the one man shadow clone army. I hope for your sake that you're not a one trick pony. Shoshi, let's get a bit of juice running through the floor!"

Shoshi shrugged, "Sorry kid." He reached under the bar and did something. The next moment the entire room was covered in smoke from exploded clones.

Everyone who wasn't sitting at a table or behind the bar was gritting their teeth, as a small current passed through them via the floor. "No pain, no gain!" one of the toughs called, as they started towards the kids again.

Once again, they stopped, this time by Shikamaru who held them all captive. "Sorry, but my mom will be pissed if I let myself get beaten up. You will just have to take out your anger on one another." He punched the air at the same time as he kicked out behind him. All four men, who were in a rough diamond pattern, copied him. This led to the front and back toughs to hit one another.

The two effected grunted, and the leader rolled his eyes. "You don't get it, do you. We don't fight with ninjutsu here; it gets too messy. Shoshi, hit the dampeners!"

The bartender sighed, "Yeah yeah, Shoshi do this, Shoshi do that; Shoshi, we're loosing to some snot nosed brats, help us." Despite his complaints, he fiddled with something under the bar again.

This time, the genin could feel their chakra turn odd. Naruto made an amplified punch with no problem, but when he tried to wind whisper, found he couldn't expel chakra to form a jutsu.

"Hinata, can you still jyuken?"

"No, though I can activate my eyes."

"Shikamaru, can Choji still use his body enhancing jutsu?"

"Some of them may work, as they modify his body internally, instead of expelling chakra externally."

Choji nodded, knowing it was his time to shine. Stepping forward, he put himself between the rest of the group and the approaching 'bouncers'.

"So you guys want a taijutsu fight? That's fine by me."

"Tch, I'll take care of him," said the man on the right. He walked forwards and cracked his neck, then got into a stance.

Choji went into stance as well, and the two stood there for several seconds. Choji sprang forwards suddenly, much faster than his bulk would suggest, and the two started trading blows. The chunin had experience on his side though, and although Choji had slightly more power, the bouncer was faster. The Akamichi was on the losing end; things looked like they would end poorly for the boy. The crowd watched as the chunin pulled back to finish Choji off with a KO punch. The boy grimaced, and threw a punch at the same time.

Normally this would be a poor choice, seeing as Choji had less reach, and was already hurt. But most people's arms can't increase in size by a few hundred percent.

BAM

"CROSS COUNTER!" shouted Naruto enthusiastically. The thuggish chunin's fist hadn't reached Choji before he was launched back by the power punch. Choji's arm shrank back to normal as he grinned and prepared for round two.

The bouncers were… unhappy… to say the least about this turn of events, and the leader started giving the pre-beatdown speech. Naruto wasn't listening though, as Shoshi was signaling him. Naruto smiled and started gathering his chakra.

"What are you planning?" Hinata whispered.

"Fight smarter, not harder," he replied cryptically.

Despite the dampeners, Naruto's aura was showing again. This made everyone, including the patrons, uneasy. Naruto saw some ninja reaching for weapons, and couldn't blame them, considering what he appeared to be doing.

"Sorry, but we won't be staying for the knuckle sandwiches. Our food will taste so much better though, knowing we out ninja-d you bozos." With that, he switched himself out with a trashcan out on the street. A moment later, a Naruclone appeared behind the bar and handed Shoshi a fold of bills before popping. Next, Shikamaru, Hinata, Shino, and Choji all disappeared as they too were replaced by Naruclones.

The bouncers were a bit disoriented, and didn't realize they were being attacked as the clones threw paper containers at them. The clones smiled as the packets burst open, covering the pseudo-bouncers' faces in green slime. All but one clone popped, which proceeded to explain.

"Don't worry guys, it's not poison, it'll just turn your skin green for a week or two. Oh, and it will react to your skin oils soon, making the most hideous smell you've ever encountered. We'll be back next week if you want a rematch, but hopefully this will convince you not to mess with us."

The lead bouncer charged forward with a blow, but the clone disappeared before the punch landed.

Shoshi had an amused look on, "Hey fellas, if that crud is going to stink up the place, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

**oooooo**

The gang was back at their hideout, eating the food the Naruclone had switched himself with before paying Shoshi. The barman had definitely earned his tip, putting the food in to-go boxes and signaling Naruto that it was ready.

"Alright, I admit, the food is pretty good. Still, that was troublesome."

"Oh come on, it was fun."

The group rolled their eyes and continued eating.

"So we're going back next week, right?"

Someone threw a fry at his head, but Naruto caught it in his mouth.

"…Yeah, we're going back," Shikamaru said defeatedly, "we know what to expect next time."

"And if I can get in after hours, I bet I could disable the seals."

The group looked at one another, and smiled. The bouncers wouldn't know what hit them.

**oooooo**

It was team seven's second day back, and Kakashi wasn't giving them an easy time. Yesterday they had sparred one another for half the day, Kakashi watching intently, and listing mistakes. Then they had practiced jutsu the second half.

This morning they were running up and down Teamwork River while floating leaves. This cross trained physical and chakra aptitude, and was surprisingly tough. Kakashi had actually joined them, though he was balancing kunai on his palms instead of floating leaves. The genin had lost count of which lap they were on somewhere in the 40s, and that had been an hour ago. Kakashi finally called for a halt.

"All right, I know I said we were going to do nothing but train this week, however we are going to be doing something slightly different today."

The genin waited for him to tell them what, but he seemed to be finished. "What are we going to be doing today?" Sakura prompted.

"Ah, glad you asked!" he smirked behind his mask. "One of the think tanks has decided that there needs to be more inter-team familiarity. Today, and once or twice a week, we will be meeting with the other genin teams to practice various multi-team tactics and get familiar with one another. Since this is an experiment, only the last two years of genin teams will be participating, as the older ones mostly have ongoing duties."

The genin looked intrigued.

"So here's what we're going to do, the four teams are going to meet at training ground twelve and get to know one another, before we go to lunch. After that, we'll start working with one another for the rest of the afternoon. It's about time, so we should start heading over."

The students shrugged and followed their sensei, as he traveled towards the meeting point.

oooooo

Team seven got there in good time, and were greeted by team eight.

"Hey, the weirdo team is here, Brainiac, Dumb-ass, and Emo-boy," Kiba announced.

Shino shook his head, while Hinata reached over and plugged a nonessential tenketsu on the loud boy's arm. Kiba yelped, then frowned and rubbed his arm.

"Sorry," he muttered.

"Oh good, someone is finally getting around to training you," Naruto smirked.

Kiba growled, and Akamaru joined in under Kiba's enormous hood.

"Simmer down, could you all try not to provoke one another? We're going to be spending a lot more time with each other," Kakashi mediated.

Kurenai stepped out from behind a tree, "Indeed we will, Hatake-san. I'm glad to see you on time for once."

"Ah, well, everyone has off days. And please, last names are too stuffy, Kakashi is fine."

The two teams' genin were eyeing the others' sensei, though Hinata and Shino were more critical, having heard of what Kakashi had put his team through.

"Hmm, I'll think about it, though I doubt we'll ever be close enough for that as long as you read your 'books' in public."

Kakashi shrugged and pulled out a well-read copy; he prepared to wait for the other teams. He had only read about ten pages when the group could hear a voice approaching.

"Hurry up you two, we're going to be late at this rate! Would you motivate them sensei?"

Sasuke groaned while some of the other genin chuckled. Shortly, team ten came into view, Ino grasped onto the two boys' hands behind her to speed up their pace. Asuma followed behind them; smoke trailing in his wake. He winked at Kurenai, and smiled, "Yo! Kakashi, Kurenai. Nice day, isn't it?"

Kakashi waved, and Kurenai smiled back with a short nod. Now that they were together, the gang of five wandered over to the side to talk, as did Sakura and Ino. Kiba was left standing with Sasuke, and looked unhappy about it.

Before the cliques could get too comfortable, everyone could hear a commotion headed their way. Two ninja were headed straight towards them at very fast speeds. Shortly, a large man in green appeared.

'Damn, he'd look frigging impressive if he didn't have that sense of "style",' Naruto thought.

The man was the embodiment of large. But not in the Akimichi sense. Under his spectacular whole-body green latex outfit were hard, dense muscles. Not the type found on bodybuilders, but the type found on wiry small dudes who could pick up a keg of beer without breaking a sweat. Only these dense, wiry muscles were large, making it obvious to all those present that he was a master of taijutsu.

Then a younger man in green came into sight, and things started getting _weird_.

"YOSH!"

The genin felt like they should have been thrown back by the energy released by the shout. Their ears were tingling and they could swear they heard a reverberation of 'fus-ro-dah' echoing faintly in the background.

"Sorry We Are Late, But We Were On A Youthful Run! Lee, You Did Not Keep Up! You Know What That Means!"

"Hai, Gai-sensei! I must run another five miles on my hands after this youthful inter-team event!" Lee shouted back.

While the genin recovered from this double shock against both eyes and ears, Kakashi tried to reign the duo in. "Gai, please stop frightening the genin, you know your youthful passion is a bit overwhelming for those not used to it."

"You are right again, Kakashi!" the man, apparently named Gai, continued in what mere mortals would normally think of as quite loud. "I don't want to scare away young ninja from the power of hard work and youth!"

A young man and woman entered into sight now, with deep, but slow and regular breathing.

"Ah, my students are all here now! The four teams have united to meet one another and become more youthful than we would be apart!"

The girl rolled her eyes and introduced herself, "Hello, try to ignore sensei; he's eccentric, but he means well. Since you all graduated together, we're sort of the outsiders, right? I'm Tenten, the most normal person in team Gai."

The boy, who was obviously a Hyuuga, frowned at this, but didn't say anything.

"This is Neji, and you've already met Lee and Gai-sensei," she continued.

"Ah, a most youthful introduction, Tenten-chan! Why don't we all introduce ourselves and say a bit about us?" Gai suggested exuberantly.

"I agree," said Kakashi, getting a raised eyebrow from Gai, "how about you start us off, and the rest of the Jonin can follow."

Kurenai nodded, and Asuma shrugged.

"Wonderful idea, my rival! My name is Mighto Gai, and I'm an elite Jonin, and friendly rival of Kakashi. Taijutsu is my life, though I'm capable in other ninja fields. Recently I was made instructor to team nine, including my shining protégé, Rock Lee!"

Lee burst out, "Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

Tenten yelled, "Close your eyes!"

The confused genin were too stunned at this display of youth to follow her advice however, and witnessed the full power of the Sunset Genjutsu. The two held each other in a manly embrace, as tears of joy sprouted from their eyes. After half a minute, the beach receded and the dazed genin tried to repress the memory.

"As I was saying, I train team Gai, formerly nine. My likes include hard work, one's passion for their job and life in general, my cute genin students, and beating Kakashi at our challenges. I hate laziness and sloth, and detest Kakashi's hip attitude!" He stared at Kakashi, hoping for some reaction.

"Hmm? You say something Gai? You know I have poor hearing when it comes to high youth frequencies."

Gai grimaced before continuing, "My goal is to make my students, and now all of you, become the best ninja you can be! I have two dreams, to spread my philosophy of the Springtime of Youth, and to see Lee surpass me in taijutsu!"

"Thank you Gai, I suppose I'll go next. My name is Hatake Kakashi, elite jonin, and reluctant rival of Gai's. My likes, eh, I have some, including reading porn in public. Dislikes, not that many. My goal is to make sure that all of you get good enough to live to retire, or at least go out in a blaze of glory after your 40th birthday. As my hobby may suggest, my dreams are rated above your age bracket, so I'll have to beg off. Although I suppose it is a dream of mine to be late to everything I can get away with, including, if possible, my funeral. Asuma, would you take over?"

Asuma stopped chuckling, and the two men avoided Kurenai's heated gaze.

"Ah, what to say? I'm Sarutobi Asuma, jonin. Yes, he's my dad, get over it; I did. I'm not quite to the lofty ranks that Kakashi or Gai are, but I could still kick all your asses at once. I'm rather laid back, and I like relaxing and playing shogi and go. I'm married to cigarettes, but in an awkward affair with cigars. I dislike disruptions to my tranquility, and loath people who try to create conflict to profit off it. My goal is to let them forge you into ninja, then make sure you stay human. I studied with the fire monks for many years; knowing yourself is crucial for your sanity. My dream is to find a wife, eventually have one or two kids, and retire from active duty to help raise them. Kurenai?"

She had a smile on her face. "Huh? Oh, introductions, yes. I'm Yuuhi Kurenai, and I'm a relatively new jonin. However, I am Konoha's leading genjutsu practitioner, which means I don't have to tire my foot out, I'd just make you kick your own asses. I like strong liquor, octopus with wasabi, and getting better at my art. I dislike beer, most cake, and openly perverted individuals."

Kakashi turned a page and whistled a few measures. Some of the genin who didn't know already were getting quite curious about what was in that book. Neji activated his eyes for a moment then hurriedly turned them off, trying to keep his face normal.

"Anyway, my dream is to push the boundaries of my field, and find and train someone in the next generation to be a master or mistress of genjutsu like myself. My goal is to get all of you good enough to detect and disrupt chunin grade genjutsu cast on you."

"All right! Who wants to go first?" asked Gai.

"Why don't we go by team number?" suggested Shikamaru. The people who knew him smiled; he just wanted to go last.

"Fine, I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and due to a cosmic hiccup, I have the largest chakra reserves in the land of Fire. I like ramen, kage-bunshin, my friends, and awesome jutsu. I'm beginning to like pizza as well. I dislike people who act like jerks, and ignorance, among other things. My goal is to be the strongest ninja in the world so I can protect the people I care about. I have a few dreams, but my favorite involves an Olympic size swimming pool and a different flavor of ramen filling said pool every day."

Sakura grinned and rolled her eyes. "I'm Haruno Sakura. I like Anko dumplings, and my friend Ino. I dislike spicy foods, and at the moment my parents, who are trying to get me to stop being a ninja. My goal is to be a strong kunoichi to help others. I'm between dreams at the moment, but I'm sure I'll find one soon."

"Hnn, I'm Uchiha Sasuke. I dislike lots of things, candy and sweets for example. I don't like much, but tomatoes are nice. Training isn't really a hobby I guess, but that's what I do. My goals and dreams are synonymous, kill Itatchi, and restore the Uchiha clan."

"I'll go next! I'm Inuzuka Kiba, and don't forget it! I love my partner Akamaru, who's starting to get too big for my head, and I like animals, except for the-cat-who-shalt-not-be-named. I love steak, well, almost any meat really. There are a couple vegetables I don't like. I enjoy taking walks with Akamaru, and doing everything together. Heh, dreams huh? I guess being famous for kicking ass. My goal is to be able to perform all the Inuzuka techniques with my buddy."

"I'm Hyuuga Hinata, I love cinnamon buns and pastries. I don't like shellfish, and I enjoy flower pressing. Ano, what else? Ah, my dream is to make my father proud of me, and become the head of the Hyuuga clan. My goal is to surpass myself a little everyday."

"My name is Aburame Shino. I like logic and honey. Entomology is my hobby, and I enjoy naming my insects on occasion. I dislike explaining things multiple times, and I hate insectivores. I also hate giant hornets. They are the assholes of the insect world. I don't have a grand dream, but I do wish to discover new species of insects, and my goal is to become a respected jonin."

"Yosh! My name is Rock Lee, and I am a genius of hard work! I am unable to perform ninjutsu or genjutsu, so I will master taijutsu in every way! If I kick your head in before you can cast a technique, I don't need to know them anyway!" 

"LEE!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Not during introductions!" yelled Tenten, stopping the pair.

"Of course. Hmm, where was I? Right! My dream is to prove that with hard work, you can become the best, even with handicaps! My goal is to one day surpass my sensei, Gai!"

"Ugh, I have to put up with this everyday too. My name is Tenten. Don't ask about my last name, it's embarrassing. If you find it out, I will do unspeakable acts to you with a corkscrew, won't I, Gai-sensei?"

"Indeed, my torture at Tenten's hands was most un-youthful, she has a standing invitation for apprenticeship at the T&I department," Gai said in normal voice for once.

"That's right. That said; I like to have fun and relax when I'm not on sensei's crazy training schedule. I also like the three S's: shiny, sharp, and seals. If an object fits one of those categories, I probably own one and can kill you with it. I specialize in weapons, with an emphasis in projectiles. I like shrimp, and dislike grapefruit. My dream is to become a famous kunoichi like Tsunade to help prove that females can be just as good at being ninja as males! My goal is to become more proficient in sealing, which is a really tough field."

Neji frowned when he realized it was his turn, and there wasn't any way out. "I'm Hyuuga Neji, I like sesame seed buns with a bit of red bean paste inside, and dislike pumpkin. I enjoy meditation, and I hate fate, despite its dominion over all. My dream is impossible, and my goal is simply to always improve."

"My name is Yamanaka Ino, part of team ten and another generation of Ino-Shika-Cho like our fathers and ancestors. I like pudding, and dislike sashimi. I love to window shop, unless I have money, in which case I like to really shop. I hate trying to motivate my teammates. Oh, I also work part time in my family's florist shop, so I know and like flowers. As for dreams and goals… hmm. I recently learned that my previous one won't fly, so I guess I'm in between dreams at the moment. My goal is to find something I can motivate my teammates into seriously training with."

"I'm Akimichi Choji, and I love food. One of my favorite things to do is try a new dish or especially a new junk food. I don't like people who can't understand that my bulk is as essential to my style of fighting as an Inuzuka's dog is to them, or a Hyuuga's eyes are to them. I don't really have a dream or goal, I just sort of go with the flow."

Shikamaru sighed, "I suppose I have to go now? Troublesome. Fine, I'm Nara Shikamaru. I like taking naps, playing strategy games, and watching clouds. I like peace and quiet; mackerel and kelp are good too. Hard-boiled eggs taste unpleasant, and most things that require too much effort are troublesome. My dream is remarkably similar to Asuma-sensei's, and indicating the differences would be too much work. My goal is to be the most efficient ninja possible; that is, complete what is necessary using the least amount of effort possible."

There was silence temporarily, as they all digested the information they had learned about each other. Then Choji and Naruto's stomachs both rumbled in synch. They looked at each other and grinned.

Kakashi snorted. "I suppose it is time for lunch. Our team normally eats together at a vendor or restaurant, and the people who came up with this project suggested we all eat together. Does anyone object?"

Everyone looked around at each other, looking to see if someone would raise their hand. Sasuke and Neji looked tempted, but their teachers gave them a glare.

"Alright, barbecue is interactive and fun, why don't we do that this time?" Asuma suggested, having picked up the taste for it after Choji dragged them there so often.

The suggestion met a chorus of shrugs and nods, so it was decided that they would eat at a popular barbecue place in the market district.

**oooooo**

End Chapter the Eighth


	9. Chapter 9

The four teams were seated at Choji's favorite barbecue. Since it was a group of 16 they had had to push some tables together. Neither the staff nor the management minded; ninja were notorious for packing away food while not on missions, and there was an Akimichi with them, always a pleasant sight for a food establishment.

The teams had been mixed up seating-wise to further speed along the inter-team companionship, and the waitress had just left with their orders after leaving the drinks. Choji opened up a brown paper bag and pulled out an egg; tossing it from hand to hand, obviously hot.

"You brought your own appetizer?" Tenten asked.

Ino didn't even look, "Yeah, he grabs anything from the stalls that looks interesting." She glanced over, and realizing what he had, scrunched up her face. "Ugh, balut again? How can you eat that? You're a kind guy, and you say you like animals, but then you go and eat that!"

Choji rolled his eyes and cracked the shell off.

Sakura, ever curious, asked, "It's just an egg, isn't it? What makes it a 'balut'?"

Shikamaru sighed. "It's a chicken egg that's fertilized and had the fetus incubate twelve to sixteen days. There's a tiny bird inside, usually without feathers though… It's a staple food in tea country, but a lot of big cities around the nations have started having stalls of it."

Several genin had disgusted looks on their faces, which only grew when Choji bit off the top of the egg and reached into it with two fingers. Finding the treasure inside, he pulled out a partially formed pink bird-thing, and tossed it into his mouth. In the silence that followed, you could hear the tender bones snapping as he chewed it up and swallowed. Then he finished the rest of the egg in one bite, and smiled wide. He looked around at some of the genin staring at him.

"What? It's not my fault, if they didn't want to be eaten, they shouldn't be so tasty! Like none of you have eaten veal…"

"Toss one over here," Asuma called from down the table. Choji pulled another two out and threw one over hard enough that when Asuma caught it, the shell broke all over. Asuma nodded and unwrapped the shell.

Naruto got a soft elbow in his side, distracting him from the macabre ritual. Looking for the offending limb's owner, he met the smiling face of Kiba.

Making sure everyone was paying attention to the odd egg dish, Kiba half whispered, "So, you finally got your head out of your ass and got together with her, huh?"

Naruto didn't miss a beat. Imitating the Inuzuka's canine influenced body-language for the extra believability, he cocked his head sideways and asked, "Huh, what are you talking about?"

Kiba let out a chuckle. "Don't try to BS me, I can smell it coming a mile away. And more importantly, I can smell the two of you all over one another. Not just the way you do when the five of you meet up in your hideout either."

Naruto's eyes were narrowing. " You seem to know an awful lot. So, what's your point? This is rapidly becoming the worst kept secret in Konoha."

The other genin were talking to one another now to distract themselves from watching the two balut eaters, and Kurenai was occasionally frowning at Asuma when she thought none of the students were looking.

"Whoa, I'm not making trouble, I wanted to congratulate your dumb ass. You finally woke up and smelled the pheromones. Hell, the way it was affecting her team performance, I was planning on coming over and beating some sense into you. As to the worst kept secret; you know that between the four jonin, they're listening to all of the conversations at the table and keeping track, right?"

"Yes, I'm sure that if they all didn't know about her and I before, they will when they talk tonight. However, my sensei wouldn't care and probably knew already, he might not even tell the other jonin if he's the one listening to us. From what I've heard of Kurenai-san, she's the nurturing type who will want to help her student, and probably won't tell if she's listening. And if it's one of the others, I don't mind them sharing as long as they also pass along this next interesting fact."

"Oh? Do tell."

"I will. At the age of 13, I snuck into the ANBU break room and mixed powdered laxative into the half and half without anyone knowing. The jonin might think they have a secure home, but they might want to think twice before they piss me off. Sure, they can pound may ass to grass afterwards, but how satisfying will that be when they have to stop pummeling me every five minutes to take a dump?"

"Dude, you have the _biggest_ set of metaphorical balls. You really think you can pull one over on one of our sensei?"

"With enough planning and information gathering, you can eventually get anyone. They can't kill me, and if they ruined our relationship, I would eventually get my revenge- no matter how much negative reinforcement they pointed my way. I only need to be lucky once to attack; they would have to be skilled every time to defend."

Kiba shook his head in awe. "Unobtainium. They're made of unobtainium."

Naruto grinned, then frowned, "So, was there anyone in class who _didn't_ know about her attraction to me?"

"I wouldn't have known if I couldn't smell her change when ever she was near you. Man, Sasuke's fan-girls had nothing on her crush when she hit puberty. Man, those were some fine aromas she made."

"I'll hurt you if you continue that line of thought."

"Right, sorry. It's just cool to be able to tell how fertile or aroused a girl is with one whiff."

Naruto started to growl quietly. Kiba nodded and continued, "So Mr. Emo Butt never knew, and Ino might not have known. She's smarter than her hair color suggests, and she was gossip queen, but your girl never was very popular, so…"

Naruto sighed. "We want this secret, her father-"

"Yeah, of course, he might be tricky. Don't worry, although my entire clan will know within a month, that clan annoys ours quite frequently. None of us will tell, if nothing else than to pull one over on him."

Naruto looked at him, then bowed his head slightly. "Thank you."

"No problem! Just answer one question, keeping in mind there's a significant betting pool on this among the ol' academy boys; she always wears sweaters and jackets- what cup size is she _really_?"

Naruto snorted and grinned, "Why don't you smell out the ink on her bra tag, Wonder-nose?"

"Some things are beyond even the mighty noses of the Inuzuka, stupid."

Naruto was confused over one thing though, "So, why are you congratulating me? Normally you're an ass towards me, not that I don't give as much as I get."

"Really? We've been fighting for six years and you didn't know why? I swear, sometimes you're as dumb as a box of rocks. It's because you three abandoned me, and I was angry about it. Eventually it was just habit."

" 'Us three' who? When did I ever abandon you?"

Kiba muttered loud enough to hear, "Ugh, a wagon full of rocks. Assuming two rocks are stupider than one." Then he continued, "Remember back when we were eight and nine? How you, me, Shikamaru, and Choji would all sneak out of class together and goof off?"

"Good times, except for the fact we were all little idiots. But we never abandoned you. When we started hanging out with Shino, and then Hinata, you left."

"Well yeah! I was a brat; I still thought girls had cooties, and that Shino would give Akamaru and me fleas! As you said, we were little idiots. By the time I realized I was being stupid, you five wouldn't let me into your gang."

"I remember now. Yeah, we had some fights when you left, and when you tried to come back. That was two years later though, the five of us had been through a lot together in that time."

"Fine, but you guys totally snubbed me."

"We're really close, and you wanted to barge in on that. We did something together that forged us together like you'd find in good chunin teams."

"What was so special? Got in a fight?"

"Well, that was part of it, but most of it's an S-class secret."

"… That's pretty impressive, you smell as if you're telling the truth. It's hard to lie that convincingly."

"I swear I'm being completely serious. Actually, the secret is only tangential, but if I explained why we became so close because of the events, I'd have to reveal it as well. And I've never actually told any one about it."

"Well duh, it's an S-class secret. You'd probably be tortured to death or something."

"Nah, I'm the only one who can talk about it."

"… Wha? How… huh? Never mind, if you can tell me, what's the problem?"

"It's complicated. You might overreact, and I'm not comfortable sharing."

"So it's something personal? …About your humongous reserves then? Dude, we used to be friends; you could tell me that you find Gai hot and I wouldn't care. I'd make fun of you, but we'd still be cool."

Naruto looked at the boy for a minute. "… Fine, but not here. If you reacted poorly, and repeated what I said loud enough for anyone else to hear, you'd technically be guilty of spreading it, and could be executed."

"Whoa, harsh. Fine, we can talk about it somewhere private, but we really ought to reconnect. I mean, if we've just been jerks to each other out of inertia…"

"True. Not that I really disliked you, we just sort of had a fun rivalry thing going on."

The boys joined back into the greater conversation, the bridge of friendship's site license checked off and blueprints certified, if not quite repaired.

Naruto pondered Kiba. He looked silly, Naruto decided between conversations with the other genin. Akamaru must have weighed 35 pounds now, and probably had to be perched on Kiba's shoulders instead of his head now. Kiba had this ridiculous custom-made hood on his jacket to compensate for the dog's increased size, and the dog would frequently give his opinion to his human partner.

Naruto wondered when Akamaru was going to seriously grow. Like all Inuzuka hounds, he was destined to be large. But unlike most dogs, which matured almost completely within a year or slightly longer, Inuzuka hounds matured slowly, which was why they were so intelligent. The slower a species' maturity through it's infancy to adolescence, the smarter it was generally. By the time Kiba was twenty, Akamaru would shoot up in size, and might be able to speak like a human. Though the speech thing varied more from dog to dog, so that might take longer.

Three servers chose this point to come out with food, and placed dishes all over the tables. Everyone eagerly put their meat and vegetables on the grills, the sight and smell driving their hunger.

"So if we're going to be buddies again, we've got six or so years to catch up on," Naruto said, rotating his kabobs.

"Yeah, I guess. Why, you want to hear what I've been up too?"

"Might as well, the whole point of this exercise is team interaction. I'll share too, once I've told you about the thingy."

"Huh, why not. Let me tell you about the time Akamaru ran away for a week, and I found him staying with this cute civilian girl's family…"

**oooooo**

Everyone had had a pleasant lunch, and many of the genin learned more about each other through the discussions over the food. Everyone was following the jonin, who seemed to know where they were headed.

"So what's next?" Ino asked.

"Good question. Each time we meet, we will pair the teams together and run missions. Every time we'll rotate which teams work together. Today it's seven and nine, eight and ten," explained Asuma. "We'll find out what missions they saved for us at the tower."

**oooooo**

Teams Kakashi and Gai were standing in front of a sizeable field of harvested grain. Naruto didn't know enough about farming to tell if it was wheat or barley. The two teams had run at a good pace for an hour to the south of the village to get to this farm, where apparently they were going to get it ready to plow again.

"So what do we actually need to do to the field sensei?" Sakura asked.

"Burn it, so that the plant's nutrition is returned to the ground, and to kill any bugs or pests in the topsoil," Kakashi answered.

Naruto raised an eyebrow, "Couldn't the farmer do that with a match? Fire jutsu are cool, but I doubt the farmer is paying a double D-rank for a lightshow."

"Yosh! There must be more to it! Our sensei wouldn't give us a mission that didn't further our training!" Lee proclaimed.

"RIGHT! Kakashi has left out an important step, my shining students! Notice that the field goes right up to the forest on three sides, and up to the road on the other. Now we have two options, trying to put out the fire after it goes into the forest is one. It is not a very good option, but it is open to us."

Kakashi continued, "Can anyone think of the other?"

Neji spoke up, "Obviously we must stop the fire before it reaches the forest, though I'm not sure how we are to accomplish that. Where is the nearest source of water?"

"Besides the farmer's hand-pump, and a well, there is a stream a quarter mile to the east. However I'll tell you up front that if we require water, we've already failed."

The genin pondered this for a minute. "Well, obviously a barrier would work, we could pile rocks along the edges like an enormous camp fire," Naruto suggested.

"Too impractical," Sakura said. "Farmers hate rocks, they take all of them they can find in the area and turn them into fences and buildings. If they lie in the field, they take room away from the crop, and damage tools. We wouldn't be able to find enough rocks without taking apart a structure. But a barrier must be the right answer. What if we used the earth wall technique?"

"A wonderful idea, Sakura, with two problems! While Kakashi and I could indeed enclose this field in the doryuuheki jutsu, this is a mission for you genin. And I do not believe that you can accomplish that feat yet, or that the rest of your team can perform it at all."

Sakura nodded and returned to thinking, deciding Kakashi must have shared some of his lesson plans. Tenten asked for clarification, "So we can't pour water around the edges to get it wet so it won't burn? Why wouldn't that work?"

"It would work," Kakashi admitted, "but it would use up most of the farmer's water supply." He looked at Gai who nodded. "But you all have come up with some good ideas, and are very close. The answer is to make a barrier, but not one of earth or water. Instead, we remove a yard or two of the field on each side. That way the fire will die out without any necessary effort on our part, except for the initial fire-break." He took out a scroll and released its sealed contents. Six hoes fell out onto the ground, and Naruto resisted the impulse to make a prostitute joke.

"SO my cute genin! Pair up and pick a side! Remove a six foot strip from each side along the entire length, excluding the side against the road!"

"YOSH/HAI!"

**oooooo**

Naruto had to admit, as he tried to keep up with Lee, that Gai's methods gave results however silly the man seemed. Naruto was no slouch physically; once he understood that he really did heal faster than others, he knew that he could capitalize on that in taijutsu. But even considering the extra year Lee had on him, the green spandexed boy was far ahead of Naruto physically; he even seemed to have as much or more stamina than Naruto, which the blond thought he was ahead of nearly everyone in. The two swung the hoes down and scraped the remains of the wheat (as it had turned out to be,) clearing a strip of earth along their side of the field.

"So you can only do taijutsu? And they still let you graduate? That's pretty impressive; I didn't know it was even possible to graduate without knowing the basic three."

"Thank you Naruto, it was challenging, and if it wasn't for Gai-sensei personally tutoring me, and vouching for me during the graduation tests, I would not be with you here today. Due to a genetic mutation, I am unable to expel chakra out of my body. That will not stop me from excelling as a ninja though; Gai-sensei has shown me the fires of youth, which I will fan into a towering inferno!"

Naruto smiled, "Well, you've got enough enthusiasm for two or three ninja, I'm sure you'll do great! I was a loser during most of the academy as well, but my friends helped me study and improve myself. I came out pretty decent, though most everyone in the village still dislikes me for my pranks, and delinquent past."

"You are the one who painted the monument? While it was definitely youthful, you should put that energy into training, not mocking heroes."

"I'm sorry you didn't care for it, but I have no regrets."

The two boys continued chopping and pushing wheat stalks to the sides.

"I didn't say I didn't care for it, Naruto, it was quite humorous. I will deny it if you tell anyone though."

The blond laughed, "Your secret's safe with me." They continued working in silence until Naruto had to ask. "I understand you admire Gai; he seems like a great guy, if eccentric, but is the suit part of the training?"

"Don't mock the suit! Gai-sensei promised it boosts my youthfulness and my training productivity! I always wear one except for bathing and sleeping! It helps me focus on training."

"Okay! I'm sure it's a great training outfit; don't you want to get 'youthful' with the ladies though?"

Lee actually stopped for a second, before starting again. "Yes, it is a dream of mine to find a beautiful flower and share my passionate love with her. However, Gai-sensei says that there is time for that later, after I have more mastery over the hard fist style. He says that for a true master, the art of the fist is one's first and truest love, and women are just pleasant distractions."

"Wow, that's harsh. You don't sound fully behind the idea though."

"Training is fulfilling, but have you ever seen an ugly kunoichi? I know that I do not appear attractive, and that Gai-sensei intentionally makes our uniforms unappealing. However, if that is the price one must pay temporarily for greatness, it is not that much to ask."

"Damn, that's commitment… You aren't forbidden from doing the five knuckle shuffle though, right?"

"Thank the heavens, no."

The two continued to talk about their teams, sensei, and interesting missions as they worked. Naruto was able to learn a fair amount from the more experienced genin, though it was filtered through Lee's interesting point of view. The sun was beating down, and they decided to take a short break under the shade of the trees, since the forest was just feet away. Naruto unraveled a scroll and released a bottle of his energy drink from it.

"Sorry I didn't bring more, if you want some you're welcome to it, but it puts the energy in energy drink."

Lee frowned, "Gai-sensei looks down on chemical enhancement. The cocktails we got in school are very carefully administered, and are necessary for proper development of a ninja through puberty. However, few have the knowledge to dose themselves, or the access to quality ingredients."

"Dude, this is a civilian drink, as in caffeine. I take it on med-nins orders because of a slight chemical imbalance in my brain. It's strong, but only like a pot or two of coffee strong, not an Akimichi soldier pill."

"Ah, my apologies, I'll take a sip then."

"Sure, one second, then you can have the rest."

Naruto drank most of it in a few swallows and handed the bottle to Lee, who sniffed it, shrugged, then knocked it back.

"An odd taste, almost like cough medicine, but strangely tasty."

"Yeah, it's sort of an acquired taste, I'm glad you didn't hate it though."

"Why are youtalkingsoslowlyNaruto?" the boy in green asked.

"I'm not talking slowly, why are you talking fast?"

"I'mnottalkingfast; wellwe'vehadabreak, backtowork."

Lee picked up a hoe and blurred forward, chopping a fire-break into the field at an astonishing rate. Naruto had seen ninja move blurringly quick before, Kakashi quite often appeared or disappeared from view using chakra enhanced speed alone. But that was usually just running. Lee was making a complex action that changed every time he came to new brush. Naruto looked at the fallen bottle, then back to the green blur.

Naruto whimpered. "Gai won't just kill me if bushy brows ODs, that would be too easy a way out."

The jinchuriki picked up the bottle and ran to where he had last seen the two jonin, by the side of the road. He found them leaning against the stone fence between the road and the field, holding umbrellas overhead.

"You look worried, Naruto-kun! What is the matter?"

"Um, Lee and I were taking a quick breather since we were making good time, and I let him drink a swallow of my energy drink."

"Energy drink? That shouldn't have any alcohol in it."

"Alcohol? It doesn't; what's that got to do with anything?"

"Yes Gai, what's up?"

"Lee is a natural drunken master, the smallest bit of alcohol will send him into a drunken stupor, where he becomes an even more formidable fighter than normal. However, he does not always think rationally while in this state, and it can be dangerous for himself and his allies. Tell me Naruto, did he sway and hiccup, as if an exaggerated caricature of a drunk?"

"No, here's the bottle, I swear there's nothing but a ton of caffeine!" Naruto tossed the bottle over to Gai, who sniffed the opening and read the label before tossing it to Kakashi.

"Could he have over reactions to stimulants as well?" asked Kakashi, looking over the bottle.

"A natural drunken master is rare, it was once a blood limit before it got spread around. Now it takes three separate recessive genes for one to be born with it. To have an over reaction to stimulants as well would be very unlikely."

"All I can say is that he _is_ acting like an 'exaggerated caricature' of a speed freak. Would any of this have to do with his inability to mold chakra externally?"

"Ah! I am uncertain, but they may all be on the same chromosome. Very well, I will have to ascertain my student's wellbeing in person!" Gai collapsed the umbrella and tossed it to Kakashi, then sped towards not Naruto's side of the field, but the girls'. Kakashi shrugged, collapsed his umbrella, and sealed them both in a scroll.

"Well, come on, we can't see anything interesting from here."

Naruto nodded and followed, as Kakashi started a lazy jog (for him) towards the same spot Gai was headed.

**oooooo**

Naruto was often reminded of how far he had to go when he tried to keep up with Kakashi when the man wasn't even taking it seriously. He arrived next to the two sensei, as well as Tenten and Sakura. They were all watching Lee attacking the field as if he was a miniature tornado, ripping a straight path down the side of the field. Naruto looked to the left to find that this end of his side appeared completed.

"What's going on sensei? He doesn't look drunk, but he's definitely acting strange. He almost looks like when he opens the first gate," Tenten worried.

"You taught him to open the gates? Isn't that rash, Gai?"

"I trust my student to behave and use the power responsibly. Lee follows the path very well. As to his current problem, I think I will test his abilities until he snaps out of it." The massive green 'beast' ran towards Lee and shouted, "LEE, SPAR ME!"

Lee spun around and grinned, thrusting the handle of the hoe a foot into the ground. "HAI!" He flew at his teacher, and the two clashed.

**oooooo**

Naruto had heard many metaphors for battle, though some of them applied better to certain types of conflict. Ninjutsu was often compared to an elemental fireworks display, and swordfights and certain taijutsu compared to dance, or even ballet. It was said that ANBU could come across a battle site and see the battle take place in their heads, often to music to visualize it better.

This was art, but nothing as pretty as dance.

CRACK

The shins of the two green fighters met at a speed that would have broken many ninjas' legs.

WHAP WHACK THACK WHAP

Lee launched a combo, each strike blocked by his mentor.

WHOOSH SWAP

Gai swung an uppercut through the space Lee's jaw had been fractions of a second before, then swung a cross that Lee blocked by pushing it off course.

Lee spun, bringing his foot around in a move that would cave in most opponents' chests, but Gai blocked easily. Lee pushed off the arm even as Gai attempted to grab his leg, spinning in the opposite direction even faster with an arm outstretched. Gai caught the arm and continued the motion; throwing his student around him, then angling it down to the earth. Lee impacted the ground on his knees and free hand though, and Gai allowed the impact to free his grip on Lee's arm.

Back to their starting positions, with little actual damage done, the fighters started again.

**oooooo**

By this time, the commotion had drawn the attention of Sasuke and Neji, who had hurried over at the sounds of the commotion. Sasuke was nearly as in awe as Sakura, who at one point had her jaw drop open. Naruto was impressed as well, though mostly at the notion that one of the fighters was only a year older than him. He had seen the Hokage practice Kata, and while not the same as a spar, it was quite the sight.

Even Neji was looking slightly surprised, and as a Hyuuga that spoke quite a bit.

"I take it he's not normally this good?"

Tenten shook her head, "No, he's great, but this is the speed he goes at when he's opened the first Gate, though he's not hitting as hard." She looked at Neji and grinned, "I think he could beat you like this!"

Neji frowned and glared at the two fighters, his eyes activated. "… You may be correct, Gai never allows Lee to fight me with the Gates open. This is with his weights on, as well. If he were to take them off, and perform like this… How did this come about, anyway?"

"Um, I shared some of my energy drink with him. I didn't know he'd react like this to caffeine. Didn't he have tea at lunch?"

"Yes, on several occasions I've seen him drink caffeinated products. There must be a threshold before this triggers," Neji explained.

"If there aren't any side affects to this…" Tenten began.

"There are, I can see some short term ones right now," Neji answered, "his heart and lungs are working much more rapidly, and his whole body is hotter than it should be, even in a taijutsu match. He's in such exquisite shape that it probably won't hurt him long term; no more than opening the first gate anyway, probably much less. But knowing Gai-sensei, he will limit the use of this ability quite a bit… Ah, he's slowing down."

The 'spar', which for most genin would count as the hardest life or death battle they'd ever been in, had reached an amazing pace, but was now slowing down again. Eventually, everyone was able to see the two combatants clearly again, as opposed to the blurry images they had been.

"HOLD!"

The master and apprentice leapt back and bowed to each other, then Lee fell back onto his butt, breathing hard. Gai was sweating a bit himself, and taking long, deep, measured breaths, before starting some light cool down stretches. Everyone waited for Lee to recover.

"Everyone was not moving slow, were they?"

"No Lee! We have found a new aspect of your fighting capabilities! You appear to have strong reactions to large amounts of caffeine, and possibly other stimulants! We will test this ability for the next week or so to figure out it's limits and side effects. You appear fine, but when we return, you and I shall head to the hospital as a precaution."

"Hai sensei! May I return to the mission?"

"I'm afraid not, Lee. You have completed more than your fair share of the work, you must leave some for the others!"

Kakashi looked at the completed side, and what was left of the other two sides that needed a fire-break. "Naruto, get the spare hoes together and bring them to me. Then practice your chakra control, you've caused enough wackiness for today."

"Hai."

**oooooo**

Naruto was sitting near the jonin and Lee, who were all under umbrellas (Lee and Gai shared of course). Slightly annoyed that he wasn't in the shade as well, he understood the only reason Lee was, was because of his incident. Naruto wasn't letting the heat bother him too badly though, and was practicing hovering a kunai when the girls walked up.

"Our side's done, sensei! Lee completed a large amount of it."

"Good, practice your earth jutsu after you rest a bit. I assume you know what you should be doing, Tenten," Kakashi said, eyes never leaving his book. Gai had his eyes closed, enjoying the heat and light breeze together.

"Normally I'd carve out a target on a tree, but the sun is oppressive today. I wish I had my sealing supplies, I could practice that."

Naruto perked up, "That's right, you use fuinjutsu! Here, I'm sure you've read this already, but I'm still trying to fight through it." Naruto handed his well-read sealing guide to the girl. Kakashi smiled a bit when Naruto pulled it out, not that anyone could tell with his mask on.

"You practice? Neat!" Tenten looked at the cover. "No, actually, I've never heard of this one. That's odd, I thought I had checked out all of the beginner and most of the intermediate level books at some point so far."

"Huh, maybe it's old; my academy sensei, Iruka, got it for me when he heard I was interested in the subject. Someone's written a lot of notes in the margins, some of them I don't understand, but some of it's brilliant. I used to day dream that this was Jiriya's personal copy, but if that were true, there would be a lot more sketches of naked chicks."

Tenten was smiling until he got towards the end. "Ugh, that stupid pervert. From what I've heard of him, you're probably right. It's amazing that someone that skilled can have vices like that."

"Most famous ninja have weird eccentricities about them; I know you admire Tsunade, but she-"

"I know, don't remind me. I like to pretend those are exaggerations and rumor-mongering… Actually, this book is pretty good, do you think I could borrow it?"

"Well, it was a gift, if anything happened to it…"

"Of course I'd take care of it! I'll get you another until I've looked through this. How far are you anyway? This says it's a beginners guide, but it leaves out a lot of things I've seen in others, and at the end it does some really complicated topics."

"I can make simple storage scrolls, and I was able to reverse the kinetic chilling seals in Teamwork River."

Kakashi and Sakura snorted, then Kakashi continued to chuckle under his breath.

"I admit I forgot to limit the amount of heat it would produce, I thought that would be taken care of by another section of the seal."

"So that's why that river is freezing," Tenten exclaimed. "Damn, I never thought of seals. It was fall when we did it. Ugh, it was miserable. Can you give me a rough sketch of it, and how you modified it? Oh, and one of your storage seals if you have one on you."

Naruto nodded and grabbed a scroll from a belt loop, then handed it over. "Hmm, I guess I can remember the layout, I couldn't actually replicate it though."

"Of course. Just etch it into the earth with a kunai." She said, looking over the storage scroll.

Naruto did so, then drew the modified version as best as he could remember them both. Tenten looked at them, and checked the appendix of the book a few times. "Actually, your reversal was quite good for field work, did you consult the book?"

"Nope, though I should have, that way I would have known to put a limiter over there," he pointed at part of the modified version.

"Draw it in now."

Naruto shrugged and carefully carved in the missing limiter.

"Hmm. That's an interesting way of doing it. The standard way is to draw it like this, and it's more robust, but it takes up more room than your way," she demonstrated on the ground.

"I think your book left out things it assumed your sealing master would have taught you, this is an older book. You've done pretty good on your own, and you have an interesting way of looking at seals. I'm a bit jealous, I'm farther ahead, but you'll probably come up with interesting solutions others wouldn't. Still, you need to learn the parts you're missing. I'm guessing that some parts of the book don't make sense?"

"Yeah, that's why it's taken me so long to get through it. That and my handwriting sucked so bad at the beginning, I blew up my first few seals."

"Ha, don't worry, I've burnt off my eyebrows a few times myself, though more because of design flaws than handwriting. I'm going to give you my old beginner's guides, and I want you to read them all the way through, even if a lot of it is stuff you already know. By the time you're done with that, I should be done reading this, and we'll both be farther along than we are now!"

"Wow, thanks! Do you think we can talk shop occasionally? I don't know of anyone else who's really into sealing in the village."

"Sure, that would be fine! I know there are some chunin who can crank out really good exploding tags, but none of them know how it works, they've just practiced three or four designs for years. I know there must be some advanced sealers in the village, but I can't seem to find any. Until today, I thought I was the only one under 40 interested in actually learning the art."

Kakashi spoke up, "Ah, the under 40 part is the tricky bit. Most of the good fuinjutsu practitioners are clan elders, especially the Hyuuga, Yamanaka, and Nara, with a few Aburame as well. Obviously, the elders don't get out and about much, but train new clan members as they retire from active service, or after marriage. Few genin understand or respect the art, as it takes a lot of sitting and writing, and not much action. If explosive tags weren't sold freely to any official ninja, I bet the picture would be very different, but as things are, it's more of something to do to as you age."

"That's stupid; it's hard, sure. But you can do anything your imagination can come up with if you are good enough with sealing!"

"True enough, but the better you get at any skill, the harder it is to get to the next step. This is especially true with sealing. With your shadow clones, you will have a big advantage over almost everyone, more time for practice."

"Do you think any of the elders would help us?" Tenten asked hopefully.

Kakashi closed his book and stared into the distance. "There might be one or two. Probably not any of the Hyuuga. I'd ask Shikamaru, but I doubt anyone will take you on unless you show obvious skill or talent. Keep hitting those books until you can't seem to go any farther, and master the basics. I actually know a fair amount on the subject, so when you two need someone to look over something, I wouldn't mind. Just don't expect to be asking me questions constantly, I'm not a tutor, and you should work on the simple stuff on your own."

"Man, I wish you had told me you knew sealing sensei, you could have told me to get a different book a while ago," Naruto complained.

"Nah, that's the book I learned with. Keep track of it; it's very good, and they don't print it anymore… Gai, have you thought about teaching Lee fuinjutsu? The blood is a medium for the chakra release, I'm sure that he's able to draw and release seals."

Lee perked up in interest, never having considered that path, despite having used sealing scrolls and exploding tags occasionally on missions.

"Mmm, I have considered it Kakashi, but as you have pointed out, the path to being a powerful fuin-jutsu user is a long and time consuming journey. In order to be a decent ninja one must be decent in all fields; to be an excellent ninja one must be good in all fields and excel in one or two. Since some fields are closed to Lee, he must truly master a field, to become better than all others! He will become better than I am, to the point where he can shut down an S-rank fight on the strength of his taijutsu alone!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee! I'm not done yet, though." Lee tilted his head, not used to that response. Gai continued, "If Lee is to become the very best in taijutsu, he must spend nearly all his focus on it. Additionally, while you are very bright Lee, you do not have the temperament to be a master sealer, nor the special near-insanity of imagination. You and I are men of action! The shortest path between points A and B is to follow behind our fists! Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

Everyone closed their eyes and turned away this time.

"That's just creepy."

The two green men parted, and the beach receded back, to leave the field once more.

"Sensei, must you act so embarrassing? We're done by the way," Neji said, coming from the third side with Sasuke.

Naruto jumped up, "Is it time to light this barbecue up?"

"But what about all the innocent forest creatures Lee?" Neji asked in a sickly sweet tone.

Lee looked around, "Ahh! There must be dozens of furry forest creatures eating stray wheat! I can see three from here! Gai-sensei, we can't burn it now!"

Tenten rolled her eyes as Neji smirked; team seven looked at each other in disbelief.

Gai frowned, "Neji brought up a good point, though I will be speaking to him later," the man glared at Neji, who almost looked contrite, though it was always hard to tell with Hyuuga. "The reason we accepted this mission is to teach you about the circle of life, and how that relates to ninja. You see, children; this field is dead now, and although hundreds of animals are gorging themselves on stray wheat the farmer missed or knocked loose, they will have finished it within a day or two. What will they eat then? The field must be burned for new life to grow once again!"

"If I may add," Kakashi interjected, "this goes back to the very nature of fire. While fire is by it's very nature, a destructive force, it is also the symbol of resurrection. Just as a phoenix dies and burns to ashes, before being reborn; destroying a field, or a wolf, or an evil dictator can bring new life where it was dying out. Destruction is never the end goal. Destruction is only useful when one can rebuild or regrow something better to replace it."

"Thank you Kakashi, very true. While specific destruction can be beneficial, we must always ask, 'will this cause more joy than sorrow? Is the deaths of these few worth the result?'"

The genin pondered their senseis' words. Naruto waited a minute or two, then asked "So do the ends, a new crop, justify the means, furry animals in agonizing burny death?"

Kakashi rolled his eye, and Gai frowned. "Fortunately Naruto, we can have the first without the second. Fires happen in the wild all the time. The birds can fly, the rabbits and predators can run. Some insects will die, as will the sick and the elderly, but that too is the circle of life. Some animals will live through it without even moving! Though the snake may not be fast enough to outrun the fire, the field is not dense, the grass will burn very quickly and then go out, leaving some animals scorched, but alive. As long as we start the fire in one spot and let it radiate out, most of the animals should be fine."

"Sasuke, care to have the honor? One phoenix fire should do it, put it in the middle of the edge along the road."

Sasuke nodded, and everyone got on the other side of the stone fence. Going through the seals, Sasuke launched three small fireballs in a tight grouping where Kakashi had indicated.

**oooooo**

The two teams stood and watched as the fire crept over the field, consuming the grass. As promised, there was a mass exodus of furry critters, as well as a cloud of insects that flew off. Even Kakashi was watching, and had temporarily put away his book.

"They should have sent a poet," Naruto said quietly, though he was audible over the crackle of the fire.

Sakura snorted, "I read poetry when I was younger, you can find entire books of poetry about the deadly beauty of fire and so on. Most anything of value has already been said, all that remains is to read it, or view it firsthand."

They continued watching in silence.

**oooooo**

As the fire died out, and everyone prepared to leave, Naruto asked, "Gai-sensei, forgive me if this is too personal, but is it true that you are celibate to focus yourself on your art?"

"I don't mind Naruto; yes, for all but fourteen days of the year I keep myself focused away from women."

"Fourteen days?" Lee asked confused.

"I have not explained myself apprentice? Truly, I have failed you for making you think you must go throughout life without passion! Yes, once a month, I go into a bar and take the most attractive two or three available ladies home to ravish until the early morning!"

Kakashi was holding back guffaws as the genin looked at the Green Beast, horrified at the thought.

"Is he serious, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Oh, quite serious. One of his winning challenges against me was to see which of us could pick up women faster. He won hands down. You've never heard a pickup line quite like his before."

Sakura looked physically ill, and even Tenten looked uneasy at the idea, despite having known the man for longer. "Sooo… what's this pickup line, huh?" Sasuke asked casually.

Gai laughed uproariously, "Ah, I'm afraid you must be a master of taijutsu to use it. You're all a bit young, but I suppose it won't hurt. LEE! You must wait another year before you use this technique! And remember to never consume any alcohol while in the bar!"

"Hai sensei! I swear sensei!"

"Good! I walk into the bar, wait for a lull in the music, and announce "I CAN DO A HUNDRED PUSHUPS WITH MY TONGUE!"

Kakashi could barely control his laughter at the site of the genins' faces. Oh, he would remember this for a long time.

Naruto finally recovered enough to ask, "So what happens when they don't believe you?"

"Ah, good question! I admit, it is a small fib, but I find that if I put a plate on the floor and start proving it, the women usually start ripping off my clothing by the 20th rep!"

You could hear a pin drop as the genin all processed that mental image.

Kakashi couldn't take it anymore, "Haaa haaaa haaaa! Oh, the look on your faces, I'll never forget it, literally!"

Gai grinned and rolled his eyes at the in-joke, he had seen Kakashi pull his mask back for a moment, revealing his other eye while the genin were all looking in shock at the bizarre ladies man.

"Damn, that's brilliant! You actually work out your tongue?" Naruto asked.

"Well, the first few times I just opened the first gate to do it; but yes, now I train my tongue specifically for that. I admit, I can't reach a hundred yet though."

Sakura and Tenten were looking at Lee in a different light now, but both eventually shook their heads, as if to free it from a bad idea.

"Wait, that only accounts for twelve days, what are the other two?" Sasuke couldn't help but ask.

"My birthday, and valentines!" Gai answered.

The boys nodded, for once he made sense.

The fire was out now, and the sun was getting low. Everyone was ready to head off, so they checked the field one last time before heading back to turn in the completed mission.

**oooooo**

End Chapter the Ninth

A/N: Apologies to Nugar; from which the field scene was blatantly stol- er, I mean, I was inspired by his story. Yes. And Rorschach's Blot, whose tongue pushup joke deserves much praise. Both are fine authors who deserve your attention more than I, in the unlikely event you haven't already read all of their stuff.


	10. Chapter nine point five (Omake)

It's time for comedy hour! Omake chapter!

A/N 1: When someone mentions an amount in Ryo, assume 10 Ryo ≈ 1$. In other words, nock off one zero and they're dollars.

A/N 2: If this chapter seems different, of poorer quality, or simply more crack-tastic, I blame the fact it was almost entirely written during a period of Ritalin withdrawal.

**OOOOOO**

After the long day meeting with the other teams, Sasuke wanted nothing more than a soak in a hot tub of water. Maybe read a chapter of the adventure book he had started while the water grew cold. But before they split up, Naruto had flashed him a pair of hand signs. While normally Sasuke would ignore most anything Naruto had to say after team time was over, one sign the blond gave intrigued him.

Literally, it meant 'poison', but most people used it as slang for alcohol. The other was 'slow fallback'.

So, when the teams went their ways, Sasuke followed the command and traveled home much slower than usual, waiting for the blond to catch up. He hadn't needed to wait long. Naruto walked up with his usual energy and slung an arm around Sasuke's neck.

Sasuke successfully fought the urge to peel it off, at least until he knew what this was about. He opened bluntly.

"What's this about?"

"You need some fun in your life!"

Sasuke looked dubiously at the blond a moment, before he tried ducking the arm; Naruto had a good grip however, if he didn't want to cause a scene walking down the road in public, he'd have to get the fool to let him go voluntarily.

Naruto smiled as Sasuke stopped fighting his friendly death-grip, and elaborated. "I've scouted a bar where I think we'll be able to get in."

"… I'm listening…" Sasuke wasn't fooling anyone with his nonchalance; Naruto had his undivided attention.

Naruto smiled. "I thought you might. It's in a crappy part of town, but unlike the Bunch of Grapes, it looks worse on the inside than the outside. And let me tell you, the outside don't look good. Apparently, it's too poor to hire a ninja bouncer, so they won't be able to see through a henge."

"Have I ever told you how much I've always looked up to you, Naruto?"

"Aw shucks, that's just the spirit of future spirits making you say that," Naruto chuckled at his witticism, letting go of the death grip. "How much money you got on you? I've got a hundred Ryo I can spend, but I don't want to buy what they consider cheap stuff, it's probably wood grain crap."

Sasuke nodded, letting Naruto's arm stay there. "I'll have to stop by home, I rarely keep much on me. I can get a hold of enough though. Oh, we should eat on our own elsewhere if it looks that seedy."

"Good point."

"Where should we meet?"

Naruto gave an address, "That isn't it, but the bar's near there. Meet me in 45 minutes?"

"Hai."

**oooooo**

The boys met up again. They were sanitary, but neither of them was well groomed. Besides the fact they'd be hiding behind a henge all night, the teens weren't stupid enough to wear good clothing when they could end up puking all over themselves. They had been taught better to than expect themselves to have high tolerances to drink.

While alcohol wasn't sold to minors, the academy knew ninja might need to partake while under cover, or for several other reasons while 'on the clock'. In some countries, for example, it was customary to seal a contract with a drink. Regardless, the curriculum spent a surprising amount of time on the subject of alcohol, tobacco, and a few common drugs. In a sense, they were the most commonly used poisons in the world, and it would be hard to overestimate the value of understanding their effects. It was common sense as well, since young ninja were much more likely to be able to get ahold of such things than civilian teens, and besides, ninja tend to pick up vices like a whore picks up STDs (the prevention of which was another subject well covered. There was usually a contest among sensei to see who could get the most students to throw up during the color projection portion of the content.)

Sasuke was leaning on a lamppost when Naruto arrived. They nodded in greeting, and Naruto gestured towards a dark alley. The two wandered in, walking around a few bums. There were crates lined with foam and newspaper, the lowest of the low living in them. Sasuke was wary, never having seen anything like it. Naruto looked uneasy himself, he had explored practically all of Konoha but rarely ventured around here.

In Konoha's defense, the civilian side of the government had done pretty well in the fight against poverty. While this area was a cess-pit of a slum, Naruto knew this was pretty much the only one in the whole city-state. Considering how easy homeless had it here compared to some other hidden villages, especially during winter, Konoha had an impressively low homeless population. The land of Fire had a strong economy, tied to what was currently the top hidden village. There were jobs for most everyone.

As the duo stepped over broken bottles and kicked at the occasional bold rat, they transformed into their chosen forms. Naruto emerged from the alley appearing as a middle aged man, somewhat muscled, appearing as if he had just left a hard day digging a ditch, or some other physical task. Sasuke took a slightly different path to obscurity, appearing as a mix of features from several of the bums they had passed, wearing mostly clean but very worn clothing. They stopped and checked each other automatically as they were trained, and signaled the disguises were acceptable.

Sasuke could see the bar now. Naruto hadn't been exaggerating; it looked awful from here. They headed for it, discreetly looking around at the locals, not that there were many. Two women were walking together, trying to be invisible. That was the total foot traffic. There were a few bums sitting around with bottles. There was a woman of negotiable morals on the corner, who probably looked twice her actual age.

The two adventuring teens stood at the threshold of the bar now, and wasted no time staring at the sign. It wasn't even a proper name, it was simply the word 'Booze' painted on a wooden sign near the door.

As they entered, the atmosphere seemed dark, and it stank of beer and urine. Not the place you went for a fun Saturday night, this was where you came to get drunk as fast as possible for the least amount of money. Some of the drinkers looked up at the strangers, but most didn't even care. Eyes adjusting to the gloom, they noticed a ninja on the far side of the bar, reading a book while sipping a drink. Knowing trouble would follow if they were caught, the teens dumped themselves on the barstools, leaving plenty of space between them and the older ninja.

"You got rum?" Naruto asked, putting some coin on the bar. He tried imitating some of the men that lived in his condo, all low class laborers. No one else would live in such a crummy building.

The bartender didn't blink, just swept away the coins and put down a wood flagon. He grabbed a jug and poured. Turning to Sasuke, he spoke. "What'll you have?"

Sasuke looked around the room. He shrugged and put down some more coins. "Your good beer. Bottled. Keep it coming."

The barman counted the pile quickly into his hand and nodded, going into a room behind the bar. He returned with a bottle, slightly chilled, and popped off the lid.

"Wanna glass?"

Sasuke half glared at the barman, who grunted in response, and walked down to fill another patron's glass.

Naruto raised his flagon, and Sasuke knocked his bottle against it gently. Smiling, they drank. Both were able to prevent grimaces from escaping, but only just.

The barman glanced at his watch, and turned on a battered radio, already tuned to the sports channel. Tonight there seemed to be a big Sumo wrestling match in the port city Monbetsu.

A few patrons perked up at the commentary, there would be several matches before the district title match. Some were making small wagers on the outcome. Naruto and Sasuke focused on drinking.

**oooooo**

"Woot!" Naruto shouted, banging the cup against the bar. A few patrons cheered, as money changed hands.

It was some time later, and both Sasuke and Naruto had had a few. The rest of the publicans seemed lively now that there was sport to entertain them, and one of the smaller matches had just been finished in an upset.

Naruto held out his hand and Sasuke dropped enough Ryo to cover the blond's next drink.

"So… I've been thinking… next we need to get into a strip club," Sasuke said, with some difficulty.

"Man, great minds… think the same. I was just saying that the other day. Only problem is, can't figure out how to get in," Naruto admitted.

"Come on, _you_ can't figure out how to get in? I thought you were the man when it came to thish shtuff."

"I am the man! The man with the plan! … Just not this time. Tough security, they all… hire off duty chunin as bouncers, you know?"

"Well what're we gonna do then? I have a biolog… bio… biological _need_ to see some titties, man."

"Dude, I can't believe you said titties! I knew some brews would loosen you up! We're gonna hafta do this regularly."

"Yeah that's great Naruto, but the breasts, man, the breasts are calling. Can't you hear them?" 

"Um, not really, what do they sound like?"

"They sound like I'm motor-boating them, duh!"

"Huh, nope, can't hear them. Still, we need to get in somehow…"

The ninja on the far side of the bar got up and walked over, sitting next to Naruto.

"Guys, I know this is your first time, but you really need to be more discreet."

"Crap! We've been discovered Princess! Every ninja for themselves!" Naruto tried to get up, but the older ninja shoved him back down.

"Calm down boys; why would I rat on you? I'd only bring attention to this bar and myself."

"Huh? Wait… henge… Tenten?" Sasuke asked, confused.

"Why are you calling me a girl's name? Aren't you in enough trouble already?"

Naruto looked at the older ninja more closely. "Huh, he does slouch like Tenten. Wait a second, that's my book! Good job Princess!"

"Damn, I didn't realize my body language was that noticeable," Tenten mumbled, confirming her identity as she put away the sealing book in a pocket.

"Probably only to a Jonin. Or Sasuke, he's a bundle of hormones apparently, probably checking out all the ladies," Naruto babbled.

"Shut up Naruto, I think you'ze had enough!" Sasuke accused.

Tenten chuckled. "I could hear plenty; unlike you two, I pace myself. As to your problem, it doesn't sound like you're getting in without someone knowing. Maybe a bribe?"

"You're cool, Tenten. I wish most girls would help a fella sneak into a strip joint. You'd never hear Sakura use her head on something like this," Naruto complimented.

Sasuke ignored the tangent Naruto made, "I dunno, it would have to be a large bribe, and then what would we stuff in their underwear?"

"You do know there's male strippers, right Naruto? I'd quite like you to find a solution; then I could beat it out of you and see the 'Stud Ranch and Rodeo' place over in the east district. Anyway, good luck guys, but I'm calling it a night. I suggest you do too. You should be able to get home before you pass out if you quit now. Who knows, maybe in the morning you'll have an epiphany, and sneak in as easy as if you were invited?"

The older genin nodded to the barman, and sashayed out the door in a disturbing way considering she looked like a bearded man.

"Maybe she's right," Sasuke asserted.

"I dunno, male strippers? I guess it makes sense, but it sounds weird to me."

"No, dobe. We ought to quit while we can still get home. Do you want to be unconscious in this neighborhood?"

Naruto considered that seriously for a few moments. "Yo barkeep, how much do we owe you?"

"I owe you both another drink, you've been paying as you go… maybe you two ought to go home, your parents are probably worried."

"Man, were we that transparent?"

"Most ninja try this sooner or later. I'll keep the rest as a tip, and you're welcome back as long as you don't make a ruckus. Go home."

Naruto shrugged. "Fair enough. Away we go… Dude, can I crash on your sofa?"

"Ugh- why; and why should I let you?"

"Because your place is a lot closer, and cuz I'm the one who found the bar, _and_ cuz I'm gonna be the… the man with the wossname… plan. To let you motorboat."

"I must be drunk, that apper… apprees… _appears_ to be reasonable logic."

"I know, right?"

The two exited the bar and let the cool air hit them. Slightly recovered, they made their way back to the Uchiha complex. At some point, singing was attempted.

"A wizard's staff has a knob on the end, knob on the end, knob on the end  
>A wizard's staff has a knob on the ennndddd!<br>What he does with it is magic!

A wizard's staff has a knob on the end  
>And runes run up the shaft<br>It's long and proud and stiff and loud  
>It's the pride of wizardcraft…"<p>

The less said about that the better perhaps. But they were able to make it to Sasuke's and get inside without passing out.

**oooooo**

It was a new day. Sasuke's alarm went off, managing to awaken the duo despite it being upstairs.

"Oh sweet kami, stop that noise," came Sasuke's muffled voice from the vicinity of the floor.

"Ungh, it's your house, and your alarm clock, you turn it off," argued Naruto. He had made it to the couch, a fact that annoyed Sasuke as he peeled himself off the hard wood flooring. But it was an annoyance far behind that damned alarm.

"Fine, I'll turn it off, but you had better get some water for me by the time I'm back."

Naruto rolled over and shoved a throw pillow against his ear. "Hai! Go!"

Sasuke grunted and lumbered up the stairs. A minute later silence returned, and Naruto slowly made his way to the kitchen. Running the faucet over his head for a few seconds, he turned around and let the water fall into his mouth, soothing his parched body. He got out from under it and wiped his head dry before fulfilling Sasuke's request with a large glass.

*Flush*

"That bastard, he wanted the bathroom first! No wonder he gave in so easily on the alarm," Naruto grumbled. Unzipping a pocket, he took out two packets, and ripped one open. The blond had another sip of water to swallow the two pills that were revealed. He had managed to get some surplus medicine cheap, which included these super-vitamins that supposedly were very effective hangover cures.

Naruto stretched before bringing the cup with him upstairs, eager to use the commode himself. He met Sasuke coming down the stairs, and passed the cup and second packet over. Sasuke looked at the packet confused.

"Super-vitamin, supposed to be good for hangovers. First time trying them myself," Naruto explained.

Sasuke nodded and accepted them "Hnn, bathroom is to the right. Don't make a mess."

"I'm not a barbarian, Sasuke. Do you think I'm going to miss-aim and piss all over or something?"

Sasuke gave a vague grunt as he downed the pills and water, and Naruto took his turn in the bathroom.

A minute later, Sasuke was sitting on the couch, when Naruto shouted.

"Eureka!"

"… Do I want to know why you're so excited in my bathroom?" Sasuke called up.

"I'll explain in a second!"

Sasuke waited, and was happy to hear both the toilet and sink activate, even if the noises hurt his head slightly.

Naruto 'hurried' down, managing to look somewhat excited despite his hangover.

"I figured out how to get in!"

"Really?" Sasuke asked dubiously.

"Well, it might work. It was what Tenten was saying, someone would know we got in, and how we might get in like we were invited."

"You think we can get _invited_? Jeeze, you're still drunk."

"No, I think we can get a mission to go to a strip joint. If I work it right, we might get paid for it."

"Naruto, I owe you quite a lot for bringing me last night, so when I tell you that you're padded-walls crazy, I'm only saying that so you can get better."

"No, I'm serious. It'll take some smooth operating, and it'll help that the Hokage and I are best buds, but if I apply for permission to hold a teamwork exercise, and tell them it'll be held in the Mons Venus…"

"… That can't possibly work."

"I hung out in the Hokage tower frequently growing up, besides when I was stuck there in trouble from pranks. I sort of picked up a few things about how superiors think about things. A ninja's philosophy is, 'anything goes, as long as the job get's done,' right? We are an organization of crafty cheaters, from genin on up. The guys on top mostly remember what it was like down here. As long as you get results, they don't mind if you do a job differently than the normal way. Efficiency and out of the box thinking is rewarded, remember the reactions to what I did with the Teamwork River seals?"

Naruto didn't pause for an answer, "Worst case, someone will have a chuckle and deny it. Best case? I ask for suitable compensation for our time 'Resolving Team Inter-dynamics', and we get paid to stare at tits!"

"So let me get this straight… Your plan is literally to rely on the outrageousness of the request, so that someone will think it's clever and approve it out of bemusement?"

"Well, yeah… more or less."

"… Fine, might as well. In the meantime, we've got to worry about meeting up with Sakura before Kakashi shows."

"We're not getting anything done for at least an hour. How long have we got?"

"… Team time 'officially' starts in twelve minutes. I like to sleep in, and I wake up fast under normal circumstances."

"Great. So we've got 45 minutes before he's likely to show up?"

"Hnn."

"Get a shower. Leave me some of the hot water please."

"Hnn."

**000000**

The boys jogged up to the bridge, grimacing briefly when they saw Kakashi standing there waiting. Sakura was working on her physical training, and frowned when she saw the state they were in.

"Well, I'm glad to see you both decided to come today." Kakashi looked over them. "Have a fun night?"

Sasuke shot a quick glance at Naruto.

"Hai sensei!" the blond began. "We decided that in the interests of the team dynamic, it was necessary to foster better relations between us. Therefore, to achieve that, we met for a brainstorming session in an informal setting. After some advice from a senior ninja, we were able to put together an action plan, and were able to work on a recreational bonding experience during the brainstorming itself!"

"I see… So what have you discovered with this 'brainstorming session'?"

Sasuke spoke up, "We learned several personal data points involving poison tolerances. Also vital experience maneuvering while intoxicated."

Naruto nodded sagely, "We also learned several things about behavior in a chemically altered state. We should now be much more effective at several tasks while blending in inside a drinking establishment, a common site for espionage to take place in. But perhaps most importantly, we learned to never have a brainstorming session on a night before team time. While we have hopes to repeat the experience semi-regularly due to its considerable success, short term effectiveness of participants decreases to unacceptable levels for training purposes."

"Hmm… Well, I'm going to be training the team pretty rough today, but if you keep up, I guess we can call this a positive learning experience and move on."

"Hai, sensei; arigato sensei."

Sakura had stopped and wore a gob smacked expression. "What? Sensei, they went out and got smashed! That's unprofessional, not to mention illegal!"

"Yes, that's true Sakura, but if they can keep up with my pace during training, then it's a moot point. Besides, I imagine they'll be punished enough doing the exercises in the state they're in. Did you two at least replace the water and electrolytes you lost?"

The duo nodded.

Kakashi shrugged. "Then it is up to whether they had good judgment and stopped when they should have last night. Come on, let's start!"

**oooooo**

Kakashi was true to his word, and set a tough pace. Sasuke and Naruto were able to keep up for the most part, but it was torture. And if he didn't comment on them leaning on each other panting, or Sakura sneaking them both a miniature soldier pill half way to lunchtime, well, he only had one eye. You couldn't expect him to see everything, could you?

**oooooo**

To be continued in third omake…


	11. Chapter 10

AN: Just a reminder, I didn't come up with the tongue pushup joke, that honor is _Rorschach's Blot _'s. You can find it in his hilarious collection of ideas: _What If?_

**oooooo**

The week went by quickly for team seven. There was no second inter-team get together, although there would be more in the future. For the genin, it seemed as if there was nothing but training everyday. Still, when they had come back from their day off, all three could feel the difference in their bodies and the way their chakra felt.

It was Monday morning, and they had been directed to take it easy this morning, and to expect Kakashi to show up relatively quickly. Naruto sat on the bridge, reading one of the fuinjutsu guides Tenten had given him while she borrowed his. He was making fast progress through them during the evenings, despite being worn down training every day. They were mostly concepts he had figured out, or learned from his old book, but a number of holes had been filled in his knowledge, and he understood the reason a few things worked now better than he previously did.

It was interesting, the books explained concepts much better than his old one had, but left out much of the details. He was sure that when he finished these and started to re-read his old one that he'd progress much more quickly, at least for a time.

Sakura was doing calisthenics while standing on the stream; an activity that kept her limber and slowly increased her physically oriented chakra. It wasn't that effective anymore; the aggressive workout she had been on for the last two or three weeks and her increased food intake had rapidly built some muscle on her, and simple activities she had previously found tiring were now nearly worthless as serious exercise. Still, Kakashi had told everyone to take it easy today, so it was better than sitting around.

Even Sasuke was relaxing after the endless physical and chakra training throughout the previous week. He was idly tossing kunai and shuriken into a target he had taken some time carving into a tree a while back. He had brought many projectiles prepared with ninja wire, and was trying trick shots to pass the time. He had learned that Tenten could control dozens of projectiles on wire at once, and although he was fairly skilled at controlling up to four or five, he wanted to try expanding that number as a lower priority side goal.

The scene was peaceful; the only sounds were rustling branches, the turning of pages, the occasional splash of a hard footstep coming out of a stretch, and the rhythmic THUNKs of iron hitting the massive tree.

Into this Kakashi snuck with ease, standing on the bridge's rail, not more than five feet from both Naruto and Sakura.

"Hello?"

The genin leapt away from the voice and spun around, calming when they realized whom it was. Then they grew cautious again.

"Wait, that can't be Kakashi, he's only 15 minutes late!" Naruto yelled, half seriously.

Sasuke readied his projectiles; even if they all knew it really was him, it was amusing to make fun of his shortcomings in the punctuality department.

Sakura flashed a kai. "Huh, it really is you, sensei? Are you ill? I suggest we take you to the walk in clinic, if not the hospital."

Kakashi snorted, "I told you I'd be here pretty quick. We wouldn't want the suckiest C-rank available as your first one, right?"

Naruto punched the air and let out a "Whoo-hoo!" as his teammates smiled and clapped.

"I've pushed you fairly hard, and you three made progress. We already know you all won't panic in a battle situation. I feel confidant enough to send us on low-conflict-level likely missions. And while I usually reserved your d-plus-ranks, I think that picking a mission the standard way would be best for your first serious mission. So, let's get to the tower!"

"**HAI**!"

**oooooo**

This time when they passed the front desk, Kakashi noticed the receptionist make a call to the Hokage's line; his eyes following team seven. So, he alone was unsurprised that when they got to the mission room, the Hokage's chair was not empty this morning.

"Huh? Hey old man, why're you doing the boring stuff today?"

There were no assistants in the room today, and the desk was clean except for one scroll.

"Ah, come in come in. I've heard that you're going to take on your first C-rank. Not only that, but it's the first C-rank for any of your graduating class's teams. This is a day you will look back on, and I wanted to be here. As well, I've got a mission specially for you."

The genin looked surprised and started to smile. Kakashi's mask was hiding a small frown, while his visible eyebrow was raised. "Oh? That is quite the exciting news! What mission needs our specific talents?"

"Ah, the mission shouldn't need anything special, but I think it will be a good learning experience. You will be guarding a bridge builder of minor notability from attack by bandits and such on his way back home to wave. You will also guard the bridge until it is completed, as there are apparently some gangs and possibly a small Yakuza presence who wish to see the bridge destroyed. Once the bridge is completed, you are to return."

"Sugoi! Protecting a whole bridge from sabotage by Yakuza! This will be an awesome start to the legend of team seven!" Naruto cheered, doing a silly dance.

His teammates were looking pretty pleased as well, they didn't notice the facial communication between Kakashi and the Hokage.

"While you are here, I need to discuss another matter with you, Kakashi. I'm afraid this is beyond the three of yours need to know, return when you are called back."

The genin nodded seriously, and left the room. They watched the light go on outside the door as the security seals activated.

"Man, are we lucky or what? We're practically guaranteed a brawl or two with some Yaks!"

"Yeah, this should be fun, and we get to go to another country. Wave isn't _too_ far, but it's a ways. We'll see some interesting things on the way, I'm sure," Sakura mused.

Sasuke moderated, "This does seem pretty fortuitous, though I doubt there will be any challenge. The Yaks would have to be terminally stupid to attack a bridge guarded by even a genin team. Though I suppose it's out in the middle of nowhere far enough that they might not realize how strong we really are, and try to attack."

That took some of the wind out of Naruto's sails. "We're so strong no one will even try? That's no fun. Eh, maybe some will have ninja training like the last guys we fought. We've improved enough in the last week to take those guys apart easy!"

**oooooo**

"So what's the real story?"

"Well, it's pretty close to what I said," Sarutobi began. He reached into a drawer and pulled out one of his pipes, then continued. "There's a bridge builder who is trying to connect Wave country to the mainland. He bought a C-rank to protect him and the bridge against thugs until it's finished. The problem is that he's the first person out of Wave in a long time. We've had other fires to put out recently, and we have next to no intel on anything in the country. All we know is that it's been economically smothered, and that the standard increase in criminals that follows that sort of thing has occurred. You _will_ get in fights on this mission, but it's not clear whether it's worth sending in a chunin team."

He paused his briefing to light the pipe, which he had been preparing as he spoke. Blowing some air through it for the tobacco to properly catch, he waited a moment, then took a deep drag. He held the smoke in his cheeks a few seconds before blowing it out, idly running chakra through his breath to shape the smoke into a 'B'.

"You personally have a B-rank intelligence mission to find out what in hell's going on over there. I have a gut feeling that this one might turn sideways, and I'd like to give this to Gai's team. However, your reports on the kids are impressive, and I probably just have some indigestion. Between Sasuke and Naruto, they'll be able to keep themselves alive until you take out any serious threats in the worst case."

Kakashi nodded. "Yes, I see why we're ideal. It's not what I would have hoped for, for their first C, but they're tough. We'll make it through fine."

"Good. I know I can count on you. It's time to meet your client." He pressed a button, and the two could feel the seals deactivating. "You three can come in again."

The door opened and team seven came back in, all smiles.

"Alright, time to meet your client, and start your way to Wave." The Hokage pressed another button, and spoke into the microphone. "Send in the Wave client please."

Another door opened, and admitted an older man who appeared to be a drunken bum. "Bout time," he said under his breath, expecting no one to hear it. He looked up at his bodyguards.

"This it? I mean, they look fit enough, but they're on the young side, aren't they? I need hardened killers, not teen models."

"This is our client? We'll have a tougher time keeping him sober enough to travel than we will with a couple of stupid Yaks!"

"Naruto!"

Naruto snorted.

Kakashi stepped in, "I assure you sir, these young students of mine can take out a few dozen thugs or bandits each. You have nothing to fear. And I'm a jonin. I can take on a small army of men and win. Are you ready to travel? We will need to pack equipment since we were just assigned your contract, but we can start travelling within a half hour."

The man looked at Kakashi for a few moments, then at the genin. He glanced at the Hokage, who now had a small, smoky dragon spiraling around his head, then shrugged. "Sounds good to me. I travel light, so I'll be ready by then, just need to grab my bag and get to the East gate. My name's Tazuna, Super Bridge Builder, by the way. See you at the gate." He walked off through the door he came in.

The genin were looking less enthusiastic now. "Alright team, pack your bags for a three week C-rank, but expect trouble, so throw in a few extra projectiles instead of ration bars, we'll be traveling civilian speed, so we'll have time to hunt and gather."

"**Hai**!"

**oooooo**

The genin were rapidly becoming disillusioned. After meeting up at the gate, and heading out, Tazuna had immediately started drinking and half-singing old drinking songs as they crawled along at a snails pace. The old drunk was walking pretty fast for a civilian, and surprisingly fast for an old drunk, but compared to ninja travel, it was maddeningly slow.

"The cat has 32 muscles in each ear. Huh. That's interesting; a cow produces 200 times as much gas each day than a human. A giraffe has a 21 inch tongue," Naruto read out as they walked along.

"Don't you know how to read silently?" Sakura asked.

"I was trying to entertain, excuse me for trying to help."

They walked in silence for another ten minutes, as Tazuna mangled _Whiskey in the Jar. _"A pig's orgasm lasts half an hour."

Tazuna snorted. Sakura sighed.

"Really?"

"How should I know? That's what the book says, Sasuke."

"Huh."

"You know what they call bell peppers in Earth Country?" Tazuna butted in.

"What?"

"Mangoes."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Tell them that, I know a bell pepper when I see one."

"I heard Grass Country calls sprinkles jimmeys."

Sensing the tide had changed, Naruto continued, "A whale's penis is called a dork."

"Huh, that's a dorky name."

"Baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms everyday."

**oooooo**

"A crocodile can run up to 11 miles an hour."

"Huh, they don't look very athletic, except for their mouths."

"Barnacles have the largest penis to body-size ratio of any animal."

"… Oh, right, because they can't move."

"There's a suspicious looking puddle in the road."

"… What kind of fact is that?"

"One that's sitting in the road in front of us."

"Oh, so it is."

"What's suspicious about it?"

"It hasn't rained recently has it?"

"I guess that's a bit odd, but it's just a puddle."

"I'm throwing a rock in it, wait a minute."

"You are so weird sometimes, Naruto."

Sasuke and Sakura stopped, and Sakura grabbed Tazuna's hand to halt his progress.

"He's not serious is he? What does he think he'll find in there, sharks?" Tazuna asked.

"Sometimes it's easier to let someone do something stupid than to talk them out of it. I'm sure you've done it to somebody at least once," Sakura said.

"I'm drunk, not a kid; I've been letting idiots learn lessons I've tried to teach them since long before you were around, girly. I was just hoping ninja didn't have fools in the system."

"He's just enthusiastic. For someone worried about attacks, you sure are drinking a lot. We can protect you, but it will be much easier if you can understand directions we give you in the middle of combat."

Tazuna snorted. "Fine, I'll lay off the sake, I was planning on drinking less as we got farther from Konoha anyway."

The group watched Naruto heave a thirty-pound stone several yards, right into the middle of the puddle. There was nothing odd about it, it splashed, and the stone stuck out part of the way. Naruto shrugged, and waved the group forward.

As the group passed the odd puddle, Sasuke couldn't help but needle the blond a bit. "So, where are the bad guys hiding next, huh? Under a rock? Behind a squirrel? I know, in Tazuna's drinking gourd!"

Tazuna snickered and melodramatically held his gourd up, inspecting it carefully, and splashing the liquid inside to check for ne'er-do-wells.

Naruto sighed, "Sometimes paranoia makes you look silly, but it only takes one time to save your life before it pays for itself."

There was an odd metallic noise behind them, and the genin whirled around.

"Too bad you weren't paranoid enough!" said a voice, creepily distorted through a re-breather mask.

The genin barely had time to register the situation; there were two ninja in modified mist uniforms using large gauntlets connected by razor-chain. This chain was wrapped around Kakashi several times, and the expression on their sensei's face was one of shock.

"Well shit."

It was the last words he would ever speak, as the two ambushers gave chakra-boosted yanks on the chain, brutally dismembering Kakashi, and splashing his crimson blood over the ground.

"Damn, we're lucky bro, let's mop up the kids and deal with the objective."

The two rushed to their next target, hoping to capitalize on the shock they had caused.

Unfortunately for them, the years of training for moments like this kicked in, and the remainders of team seven moved automatically, hardly thinking at all. As Sakura launched kunai into their path, Sasuke threw projectiles into the gaps of the chain, pinning it to a tree. Naruto had made only twenty clones to reserve power, and several of them were starting the _cutting breeze_ technique, as others started spray-and-pray projectile tossing. Normally no one, not even Naruto in his youth, would try such a tactic, but with shadow-replicated weapons, it became a viable stalling or distracting tactic, if nothing else.

In the face of competent genin and a fairly dense cloud of aimed and un-aimed projectiles, the two enemy ninja wisely decided to make a miniature retreat and regroup after flanking their young opponents. In the midst of all the action though, they had missed Sasuke's contribution, and stumbled when they got to the end of the chain. Recovering quickly, they received only some light grazes from the flying iron and steel as they adjusted their gauntlets and sped off, sacrificing the chain for mobility.

Naruto's jutsu clones were finished now, and launched several deadly blades of air after the two. Surprised at such a technique from a genin, but not worried, the two brothers focused on dodging and retreating to the trees. One clone was very close with his blade of wind, and to its surprise, actually curved it in flight; scoring a grazing hit on one of them. The marked nin hissed in pain and stumbled, before catching up to his partner and disappearing into the tree-line.

Then everything caught up to the genin.

"FUCK!" Naruto shouted, never one to shy away from describing a situation accurately.

"30 seconds of rest, then we pursue," Sasuke said, trying to keep calm, and counting down in his head.

"What? Are you crazy? They just killed Kakashi in an ambush! They're probably preparing for another ambush as we speak! We need to protect Tazuna and get him back to Konoha!"

Naruto looked at Tazuna, the old man seemed to be in total shock. He was trembling and his eyes didn't move from the remains of the jonin.

"We need to pursue and avenge sensei's death! None of us will be safe going back until those two are dead! Their trail is growing colder every second!"

"That's asinine! Their target was Tazuna; we can't leave him alone until we get back to the village! They'll have to come to us to fight us where we are, instead of letting us stumble into another ambush!"

Naruto looked at the gore of Kakashi's body. It seemed unreal that such a legend could die to such a stupid ambush; even Naruto, a fresh genin, had thought something was up.

"Unreal… Unreal?"

Naruto walked over to his sensei's remains, ignoring the blood and bits of intestine that were starting to cover his shoes. He bent over and picked up a mostly intact arm.

"We need to- fucking hell, what is wrong with you Naruto? Have you gone insane? That's sensei!" Sakura screamed.

Naruto ignored her, and strained his arms. There was a cracking noise, and Sakura's face turned green. The next moment, Naruto was holding two chunks of wood in his hands.

"KA-KA-SHIII- YOU FUCKERRR-!" Naruto bellowed out.

The three genin quickly performed kai, turning the gore around Naruto into chunks of wood and sawdust.

There was a thud, and team seven turned to see Tazuna on the ground, out cold.

**oooooo**

Ten minutes later, the genin of team seven were sitting around Tazuna in the middle of the road, on alert. If their sensei had no problem faking his death and letting them drive off the two ninja, he might not show up until they resolved the issue.

Suddenly Sasuke sprang up, and launched two shuriken into the tree line. Sakura and Naruto were right behind him, though they kept their projectiles readied until they had a better idea of where to throw them.

"Maaa, is that any way to greet your sensei?" Kakashi asked, stepping into sight carrying the two unconscious ninja over his shoulders.

Naruto and Sakura immediately tossed their shuriken at the man, who lifted his leg over 90 degrees off the ground, and knocked them away with a steel plate on the bottom of his footwear.

"I take it from the primal bellow and your response just now that I forgot to cancel the genjutsu on my replacement? Sorry, I was rather busy."

Naruto threw another shuriken out of spite, straight at his sensei's head. Not bothering to move, Kakashi tilted his head up and bit down on the razor sharp star, stopping it cold. He spat it out and shrugged, lifting both bodies higher for a moment as if they weighed nothing. "Okay, I get you're annoyed a bit right now, but we have things we have to deal with, more important than my mistake."

"Mistake? Mistake my ass! No more a mistake than the times you launched us into crud whenever you attacked us during missions, no more a mistake than when you set up Sakura to take that acid bath!" Naruto yelled.

"What?!" Sakura demanded.

"Surely you don't think I intentionally traumatized you and left a shadow clone to observe your reactions to being left in a shitty situation, and to toughen your resolve for when something like this happens for real? That would be really mean of me!"

"Damn it, I'm tired of your shit, sensei! I keep telling myself that you know what you're doing; that it's all right because we get stronger whenever you pull a stunt like this. But where is your line? You're good, but you aren't Kami! It doesn't take a skilled opponent to ruin one of our lives, just bad luck!"

Kakashi sighed as he continued into the road, and dumped the two enemies onto the ground. He dashed over a few yards, "Naruto, shut up and attack me."

"What?" 

"Attack me, that's an order."

Nervous, but knowing better than to flagrantly refuse an open order, Naruto charged Kakashi, waiting for the man to counter. He didn't though, just blocked the blond's strike with an open palm. "I said attack me, not stand around like an idiot."

Naruto nodded, and started to seriously fight. Kakashi never made an offensive move; he simply blocked every attack with a hand, forearm, or shin.

**oooooo**

Sakura and Sasuke sat and watched the 'fight,' if one could call it that. It had started over 20 minutes ago, and neither had taken a hit, though of course, Kakashi had never attacked in the first place. Naruto was flagging though, and Kakashi finished the fight with a soft punch to the chest that knocked the air out of Naruto.

"Enough. Do you feel better now?"

Naruto evaluated himself as he worked air back in his lungs. Surprisingly, he felt much better, having used his overflowing emotions to fuel his punches. Now he was drained- of both anger, and excess energy. "… Yes, I do. I'm sorry, but that was really cruel sensei."

"Yes it was. Life often is. Now let's put this behind us, and focus on our problems."

"Hai."

Kakashi looked over to his other two students. "Do either of you need to work out your frustrations with me? Either take this opportunity, or you'll have to wait quite a bit for your next chance."

The two shook their heads, having calmed down just watching Naruto try to cream their jonin leader.

"Why don't the three of you tie up this pair to a tree so we can question them?"

His students nodded, their attitudes subdued. In short time, the ambushing pair were tied to a tree, with Kakashi waving smelling salts under their noses.

"Damn, what happened?"

"Ugh, I feel like the Raikage ran into me with his armor on."

"I highly doubt that," Kakashi said, immediately drawing their attention.

"Oh, shit! We're dead!"

"Worse, that's Kakashi!"

"Fuck!"

"Now now, neither of you have to die, and if you tell me what I want to know, I won't even have to give you to Morino Ibiki."

"Shit! We'll talk!"

"Wonderful! Now why did you want to kill our client?"

"Huh? Kill? We wanted to kidnap him for an emergency Kirigakure engineering project that needs someone with his skills to complete. We don't want him dead!"

Kakashi looked at them. "Meizu and Gozu, chunin level nukenin, aka the 'Demon Brothers.' Last confirmed sighting: escaping Kirigakure after participating in a failed coup… Try again, this time as if I'm not an idiot," he said, holding out his hand in a victory sign. The brothers gulped, and looked apprehensively at his hand, before a spark appeared between his fingers, and ran up between them like a mad scientist's lab décor.

"Gato wants the bridge builder dead, we make things dead. We came to an arrangement," one of them managed.

"Wait, _the_ Gato? Gato the rich tycoon?"

"Yeah, he's got hands bloodier than ours! He's got a monopoly on the boating industry around Wave, and has a choke hold over the country. Obviously a bridge to the mainland would negate most of his power over the area."

"Shut up bro! Stop offering information he hasn't asked for!"

Kakashi snorted, as his genin students watched with frowns. "All right, I won't kill you. You are going to end up in prison until the Hokage figures out what to do with you though. Goodnight!" He reached over and pinched a spot on their necks, and the two went out before they could protest.

"Alright, I need to send a report back, and we'll talk with Tazuna, then decide if we'll continue this mission."

The three looked surprised at him even mentioning the possibility of aborting the mission, but wisely withheld any comments.

Kakashi drug the still unconscious Tazuna up against a tree; making sure he was directly opposite the Demon Brothers, a fact not lost on any of the genin. Using the smelling salts again, he waited for the builder to come to.

"Wha- huh? Crap, what happened?"

"You haven't been entirely honest with us, have you Tazuna?"

"What the- you're alive! Thank heavens. You used some ninja magic? … Hell, we're in it deep."

"No, I'm afraid _you're_ in it deep. You asked for a C-rank protection duty, when you knew you needed a B, if not A-rank mission to fix your real problem. Konoha frowns on that sort of thing, as it puts ninja at great risk, as you saw."

"Hell, I know! But I got together every spare coin in the nearest seven villages just to afford what I got! Our people are starving! I had to do something!"

"Damn it, there are systems in place for humanitarian missions; yes your country would be in debt for a few years, but the terms are extremely forgiving in this type of situation! You're lucky the people in charge are so smart, they thought something was fishy and sent me."

"You'll still help?"

"Maybe. I have a few options. What I'm supposed to do is declare the contract null and void, leave you here, and return to the village. We'd keep your payment as the penalty for making a fraudulent mission request."

Tazuna looked like he was dying. The genin winced as his spirit appeared to break.

"Of course, I could be generous, and ignore the fact you might have gotten a genin team killed."

Tazuna winced, but grabbed on to this thread of hope with desperation.

"We would carry out the original mission, and protect you from bandits and yakuza. I'm afraid we wouldn't be able to do anything if more ninja attacked though."

"Sensei!" Sakura hissed.

Kakashi glared at her, and she backed down.

"Or…"

"Or?" Tazuna asked weakly.

"Or you can sign a new contract, and hire us for the job that you need us for. Since you didn't do it the way you were supposed to, there are some parts you aren't going to like. Basically, you're going to write a blank check with your country as collateral. It's going to cost a lot, but your countrymen will be free and eating regularly. Your nation will be in debt, but have a grace period of five or ten years to get financially sound, and I swear that Konoha will only charge the fair price for whatever it takes to stabilize your country."

Tazuna sat, trying to process this. "I'm not the government. I can't put my country up for sale! My opinion has weight in a few villages, but what right do I have to do this?"

"If my guess is right, there is no government in Wave any longer. And as the only person trying to do something about the problem, you have more right than most."

Tazuna closed his eyes and sighed. "Damn, I don't have any choice, do I? I either sign away my country's future and pray you're honest and merciful, or watch my country slowly wither and starve to death. Fine, I'll sign whatever you want."

Kakashi nodded. "This isn't the place for it. We'll have to trust in each other's word for now; we'll hash it out once we get to your village. Build your strength while I send a message back to headquarters, then we'll press on."

The old drunk nodded and got up, wandering off a ways before sitting again and silently cursing the world for ending up like this.

The genin watched as Kakashi slumped for a second, before he recovered and pulled out a small scroll from one of his many pouches on his jonin vest.

"So, is that what being a ninja is about? Bullying old drunks into signing away their entire country once they're hanging over the barrel?" Sakura asked.

"Yes and no. No to everything you just said; yes it's about doing unpleasant things, sometimes to people who don't deserve it. I didn't lie about anything to him. The original contract is null, period. We could've carried it out to the letter anyway out of the goodness of our hearts, and everything would have played out fine, assuming no ninja attacked. But villages get really pissy when ninja start doing things that aren't in the contract. Most of the time it's fine, because we're always allowed to defend ourselves, and most of the problems end up attacking, or otherwise giving us an excuse. And if we provoke someone who needs to die into attacking us, well, it's usually looked over. But you cannot start giving out free service. You can't claim you accidently freed a country from oppression when you started on a C-rank bodyguard duty. Every jonin has the right to renegotiate a mission. Even genin such as yourselves have that ability in emergency situations. Just make sure you are willing to take harsh consequences if you make a deal that your superiors don't like."

As he talked, he had released the storage seal, revealing a messenger pigeon. It appeared drowsy, as if just woken from a very long sleep. Which perhaps, the genin mused, it had. It stuck its leg out and stretched its body while it waited for a message.

"Hold on, I thought you'd like a few minutes to wake up, give me moment to write it."

The pigeon hooted, then flapped itself up onto Kakashi's head, where it looked around and continued stretching. Kakashi gave it no mind, but drew a piece of paper from another pouch and started writing his missive. From what the genin could see, it made no sense, obviously a code, but not one they had been taught yet.

"Alright, its ready."

The bird hopped down onto Kakashi's arm and held out its leg, which had a small metal canister on it. Kakashi obliged, slipping the note in and fastening the plug onto the end, before tossing the bird into the air.

"Alright, we can move on now. We're going to go on, but I want you to understand things are going to get dicey. If we meet any jonin, do not engage them. Leave them to me, and protect Tazuna. Konoha knows what is going on; whatever happens, Wave will be saved. So if things look bad, I want you to run. I can take care of myself, but I don't want anything happening to you three; understand?"

The genin nodded reluctantly.

"Alright, let's move. Tazuna!"

"Yes? Time to go?"

"That's right. Cheer up, we're all going to get through this, I promise."

"I hope so. Well, let's go."

**oooooo**

Team seven had managed to get to Tazuna's pick up point he had arranged with a fisherman. The mood was somber; there were no more animal facts or drunken singing. The fisherman steered with one oar, as Sasuke and Naruto tried to quietly paddle the boat forward. It was harder than it looked, and the boat's owner winced every time one of the boys accidently slapped the water. They were getting better though, and soon the incomplete bridge came into view out of the light fog.

"Wow, that's impressive Tazuna," Sakura whispered. Her teammates paused their paddling and nodded in agreement.

Tazuna managed a weak grin. "It's not the biggest, prettiest, or most prominent project I've worked on, but if I get it finished, it'll be the most important, and the one I'm most proud of."

"When Tazuna- when you finish it," Naruto said, and began paddling the boat again.

**oooooo**

They had gotten onto dry land safely, and headed towards Tazuna's house. Everyone was on edge, and when Naruto threw a kunai into the bushes, everyone tensed. A rabbit ran out moments later, much to the embarrassment of the blond.

"Already? Hmm… Did anyone notice anything unusual about that rabbit?" Kakashi asked.

"Um, I guess it's odd for it to be white now…" Sakura ventured.

"You get a silver star when we get home. If you want a gold one, notice things like that before I prompt you- shit! Get down!" Kakashi grabbed Tazuna and dived onto the ground, as the genin hit the deck.

A massive sword spun through the air, bisecting the space they had been standing, before sticking in a tree. The ninja quickly returned to their feet and observed their new enemy, who was standing on the weapon.

"Well well, if it isn't Sharingan Kakashi himself, this will be fun!"

"Oh? Momochi Zabuza, Demon of the Mist? What is one of the Seven Swordsmen doing working for scum like Gato?"

"Tch, the Idiot Brothers talked? Of course they did, who wouldn't with the threat of sharingan based genjutsu to loosen your tongue?"

"Why the hell does he keep implying you have the sharingan?" Sasuke demanded.

"Really not the time for that, Sasuke. We can talk about that after I kick his ass."

"At least you aren't going to try and negotiate. I need the old man's head, and I like the idea of collecting yours on the way. It has quite the price on it."

"I'm aware. So does yours, and your sword would ransom quite a lot of political favor from hidden mist," Kakashi replied, hand peeling back his hitai-ite, and uncovering his second eye.

His students were only somewhat surprised, having pretty much guessed as much by now.

"You honor me, to start using it so soon, you must think I'm a serious threat," Zabuza joked.

"Enough, let's start. You three, protect our client; don't try and help."

"Hai!"

The two jonin stared at each other. In a flash of movement, Zabuza shoved off the tree with his sword. He moved not toward Kakashi, but onto the water.

"Let me show you my favorite jutsu. It's the one I'm the best at, since I rarely need a second one…" The man stood on the water's surface; his hands each making a half ram seal, one in the air above his head, the other in front of his mouth.

The genin shivered, he was focusing quite a lot of chakra into this technique. Even Tazuna could feel it without training. It was nothing like Naruto's chakra test, but if Zabuza was using this much on his starting move, it didn't bode well.

"_Kirigakure _no jutsu!"

The water shimmered, then started pouring up, into the air, before atomizing and spreading out into mist.

"Crap, a blind fighter? Just wonderful!" Naruto protested.

"Not just a blind fighter, but a master of silent assassination. Most of his targets don't even realize they're dead until they're in the next world," Kakashi warned.

"Well maybe he can control mist, but I'm pretty good at blowing around air!" Naruto held the bird seal for a few moments, before bringing his hands apart and slamming them together. "HYA!"

A strong blast of wind resulted, carrying off a fair amount of mist. But more quickly replaced it, and within a minute, it was if he hadn't performed it at all.

"_Nice try kid, but it'll take more than that. Where to strike? Liver, lungs, spine, clavicle artery, jugular, brain, kidneys, heart. So many choices,"_ Zabuza's voice called out from all over the mist.

"With a sword that size, one would think you wouldn't have to be that picky. Couldn't you just swing wherever, and cut your target in half with that massive phallic substitute?"

"_Ah, you talk big, but it's only to cover your nervousness. Just wait until I get started…"_

Suddenly an oppressive killing intent slammed over the group. Kakashi wasn't impressed, and Sasuke had felt worse from his brother, though it brought back bad memories. Naruto had produced heavier KI himself; Sakura and Tazuna were not fairing so well though.

'This is unbelievable! What are we doing fighting against a jonin? This isn't like the other fights; he's on an entirely different scale!' Sakura thought, starting to shake.

Tazuna was frozen solid, his heart was beating rapidly, a-rhythmically. 'This feeling! It's like I want to die, just to avoid his blade… Sweet Kami, I got us all killed. My country will die, and my countrymen will live like slaves. Why didn't I explain the truth at the beginning?'

"Hey, don't worry guys, it would seriously dent my reputation if I let my team die on their first C-rank."

His cavalier attitude was strangely relaxing, and broke some of the hold the smothering KI had on the group.

"_That won't be the only thing dented!"_

There was a flash of movement as Zabuza appeared in the group's midst, knocking over Naruto and Sasuke, and drawing back to kill his target.

*Schlick*

The swordsman froze as a kunai appeared in his back. Fluid started to drip out of the wound, but it was clear…

"Sensei!"

Another blur of movement, and Kakashi was legless for a moment. He fell towards the ground as both his legs under the knee flew off into the mist before both he and the Zabuza he'd stabbed turned to water. The real Kakashi stood with a kunai held against the new Zabuza's throat. "Yield or die."

"Heh, your eye is pretty amazing, copying my jutsu in this mist."

"Why do you assume I copied _you_? I am known for copying a thousand jutsu. Again, yield or die; I won't ask a third time."

"Heh, you think-"

Kakashi slashed the man's throat, but turned as another Zabuza appeared behind him, already swinging. Kakashi bent over backwards; barely avoiding the blade. Zabuza continued the motion, however, using the momentum of the sword to spin around again and kick him into the water. Zabuza flashed after him, starting a jutsu as he approached.

"_Water Prison_ no jutsu!"

Kakashi was pulled off the top of the water into a large sphere; Zabuza stood with his arm stuck in it and laughed.

"Haha, I'm afraid it's already over. This prison is impossible to break out from. I'll let you watch me kill the rest of your team before I finish you though."

"Students! Take Tazuna and run! It's over!"

The genin were understandably nervous, but stayed where they were.

"I don't know, this could be another test… what if you're another shadow clone, pretending to be caught to see what we do?" Naruto asked.

"Then I'd expect you to follow my orders!"

The three looked at each other. "We're not convinced, sensei. And it would seriously mess up our eventual legend if we let our sensei die on our very first C-rank," Sakura said with grin.

"Especially without even trying," Sasuke added.

"Heh, you kids think you're ninja? On your very first C-rank? Don't make me laugh; you haven't faced the real challenges and adversity life has in store. You haven't seen enough blood."

"Devil of the Bloody Mist…"

"Hoh? My, you _are_ well informed, Kakashi."

"What're you talking about sensei?"

"In past decades there was a graduation test in Hidden Mist, also called Bloody Mist. There were survival death fights between the students until the classes were reduced to a third of their starting size. Whoever was left was skilled enough in either stealth, combat, or trickery to deserve inclusion into the ranks."

"Sweet Kami…" Sakura let out.

"… Wow, that's stupid, even leaving out the moral outrageousness," Naruto said.

"That's what I thought," Zabuza chuckled.

"Wait; you killed your entire graduating class with the intention of changing the policy?" Kakashi asked.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm a bastard. There were quite a lot of those punks I enjoyed killing. But yeah, the Battle Royal policy was retarded; so many decent ninja were getting killed for no reason. I knew it would take something earthshattering to reverse the tradition. And not _every_ other kid in my class year got killed…"

"Huh, a killer with a heart of pyrite. Still, I think we can put up a fight with you stuck to that bubble with only one arm free," Naruto boasted.

"Then show me; _mizu-bunshin_ no jutsu!"

Three more Zabuza formed, complete with swords. The blades would be strong enough to slice one of the genin in half, though blocks by a kunai would probably disperse them, and likely the entire clone. Of course, if one of them tried to block the massive sword with a kunai, they'd soon be dead, despite the clone dispersing afterwards.

Naruto responded likewise, "_Kage-bunshin_ no jutsu!" 50 clones appeared, ready to do battle.

"You're an idiot, brat. None of those will have any power left in them, though it's impressive you can stand after making that many."

The sea of black and orange suited blonds smirked, then rallied. All the clones got between team seven and Zabuza, jumping back and forth and generally creating a moving wall. A handful henged into Sasuke, while a couple changed into Sakura. Then 40 ninja charged the center of the field, heading straight towards the middle water-clone in a cluster. The copy didn't blink, just simply swung its sword just as the clones got into range.

However the clones didn't pop, as they had ground to a halt right outside the blade's reach, gluing themselves to the ground with chakra for the necessary delta V. The ones in the back leapt up and vaulted off the halted ones, flying past the watery Zabuza, while a real Sasuke slid a kunai into it as the clone started a second swing. The group started running after the group in the front, wanting to concentrate their force.

Zabuza frowned, as one mizu-bunshin sped back towards his real body. The other one however, ran towards Tazuna, guarded by just a handful of ninja. He wasn't able to tell where any of the real genin were, but was confidant that the clone could take out his target, even if it was destroyed in the process.

The water clone rushed in, as his opponents threw shuriken, and several started the _cutting breeze_ jutsu. Easily blocking and batting away the projectiles with the large width of his sword, the water clone slowed as it watched the mouthy punk multiply again. This time the kid wasn't fooling around, as over a hundred blond shrimp started to fan out and throw more projectiles. Amazed and frightened, the water clone hurled its blade at Tazuna with all its might before getting hit by a kunai. The sword flew through a few shadow clones, but both Naruto and Tazuna had been tossed aside by the time it arrived.

Meanwhile, things weren't going so smooth for the attack force. Bolstered by the ease of destroying the first mizu-bunshin; the first group of shadow clones tried to overwhelm the second mizu-bunshin with numbers. It was a poor decision, as the watery Zabuza used the sword as a shield, dealing with the group with efficient punches and kicks. He often would pull on one clone's attacking limb, placing it in the path of a second one; one or sometimes both would be popped as a result.

After half had been destroyed, the rest fell back again, making the moving wall. The water clone smiled, and started a jutsu. Kakashi and Zabuza watched with bated breath, knowing that if the shadow clones destroyed this mizu-bunshin, Zabuza would kill Kakashi before abandoning the water prison.

"_Cutting breeze_ no jutsu!"

"_Suiton: Scattershot_ no jutsu!"

From behind the wall of blonds, five blades of wind flew out, passing through a couple of kage-bunshin who didn't bother moving.

In the opposite direction, water blasted off the surface as if a giant had slapped its hand down in a pool-splash game.

The mizu-bunshin dived to the side as the blades approached, but the real target became obvious as the blades curved slighty, heading towards the real Zabuza.

The group of shadow clones was totally routed. A few managed to dive under water, but almost every one of them had gotten hit with a glob of water from the spray. It would only have caused bruising on a ninja, but for the fragile clones, it was the perfect attack.

The blades kept going though, and were about to slice Zabuza to ribbons when he stuck his other arm into the water prison, and jumped over it to the other side.

'Well, it was a great try, but not enough for a jonin of his caliber. I hope you all get away,' Kakashi thought, prepared to die as soon as Zabuza recovered.

As Zabuza was coming down though, Sasuske shimmered into place. "_Gokakyu_ no jutsu!"

Zabuza's eyes widened as he saw the fireball approach. Immediately upon landing, he sprung away, avoiding direct contact, but getting singed from the heat.

"Genjutsu? Damn it, I hate burns! I'm going to gut you _and_ the blond brat!"

He charged forward, as Sasuke turned to run. He was too slow at this distance though, and was about to be sliced in half.

Blam!

Kakashi slammed into Zabuza perpendicularly, knocking him off his feet, and into the water. "Sasuke, Sakura; good job! Get off the water and regroup with Naruto. I can take it from here!"

Sakura shimmered into place, and both she and Sasuke nodded before running back to Tazuna.

"Heh, they aren't bad. Too bad I'm going to kill you all. The old man's price is too much to turn down, even if I ignore the value of your sharingan."

"I hadn't warmed up yet the first time, and all of your mist is gone. Round two is going to be a horse of a different color."

"We'll see."

The two began a melee, using both taijutsu and kenjutsu (Kakashi had pulled out his special kunai). It was furious in it's speed and power. Both took hits but only paused for the blink of an eye before returning to the battle. At last, they clashed swords simultaneously, launching them apart. They stood; cut, bruised, and bleeding from the numerous close calls each had made on the other.

Zabuza suddenly started flashing signs with Kakashi following only a heartbeat after. As he approached the end, Zabuza noted that his opponent had caught up.

"_Suiton: Suiryudan_ no jutsu!/_Suiton: Suiryudan_ no jutsu!"

Two massive dragons shot out of the water, headed at each combatant, before slamming into each other. They splashed apart magnificently, a breathtaking sight many would pay to see were it not for the professional killers below.

'Damn that eye-'

"-of his, it's copying my moves… Or can I see more?"

"Grr… Damn you,"

"-you monkeying bastard, I'll pluck your eye out."

The two started a jutsu again. Zabuza ran through the sequence as fast as he could, trying to outpace his frustrating opponent.

'He's copying it faster than I'm performing it!'

"_Water Explosion_ no jutsu!'

A vortex of water, like a horizontal waterspout, rushed forward at the panicked nukenin. So much water was in the air that the shoreline receded a noticeable amount, and a few rowboats lay stranded on the sand until the technique ended. Slowly the water fell back to earth, the entire area raining with chakra infused water.

**oooooo**

The rain ended, showing Zabuza slammed against a mangrove tree. Kakashi stood above him with a kunai.

"Can you… see the… future?"

"…Close enough." He reached down to slice his defeated opponent's neck.

Schlick Schlick

Two massive needles embedded themselves through Zabuza's neck, killing him instantly.

Kakashi faced the new player to the scene with caution. "A hunter nin? My, you're lucky, getting here just in time…"

"My apologies, jonin-san. I have been tracking him for some time, and knew he was in the area. However, he was laying low. I sensed the commotion and arrived as soon as possible. Again, I apologize for stealing your kill, but the dishonor of a nukenin must be erased by our own hands whenever possible."

Kakashi covered his eye and grew stone-faced. "Of course. One moment." He knelt down to the body and checked for a pulse or breath. Finding none, he nodded. "I'm afraid though, that while you may have delivered the final blow, I did all the work. Konoha will receive compensation for my actions in helping you with your goal, correct?"

"Of course, you have saved me no end of trouble. Here."

The masked ninja withdrew a small metal canister, and activated a seal on it. The end opened up, allowing her to remove a tightly rolled parchment, which she tossed down to Kakashi. He caught it and read it, then put it away, nodding.

Tazuna and the genin had been silent throughout all this. The sudden addition of a hunter-nin was jarring to the genin, and Tazuna had no clue what was going on. The three genin were approaching cautiously, leading Tazuna behind them.

"All right. While it would have been cool for my students to carry in one of the seven swords to Konoha, some political favors will do nicely. Good day."

The masked ninja nodded and jumped down from the tree to Zabuza's corpse. "Good day to you as well. Excuse me now, I must dispose of him."

Kakashi frowned as the Mist ninja disappeared with the body. Slowly, he sat down, then lay back on the ground.

"Sensei? Are you injured?" Sakura asked as the three ran up.

"Not badly. Unfortunately, I'm… nearly out of chakra. Between the two large jutsu and using… the sharingan so much, I'm going to be… in rough shape for a while. Tazuna, are we staying at your home?"

"Yes, it's not too far. Thank you all, so much. I'm so sorry I got you all mixed into this. I should have trusted Leaf to take care of us to begin with."

"Can you walk Sensei?"

"Sorry, I'll… need to be carried. Actually, I think I'm… about to lose… consciousn-" he slumped, his prediction coming true.

Naruto sighed. "Sometimes it's a drag being able to multiply yourself. Everyone always expects you to do the heavy lifting."

"Aww, that's so sad. The guy who can make hundreds of autonomous copies of himself is expected to do a little more. Well gee, I guess you should never use it," Sasuke said, voice heavy with sarcasm.

Sakura snorted, and Naruto rolled his eyes as his clones picked up Kakashi.

The team followed Tazuna onward to his house.

**oooooo**

Naruto and Sakura were standing over their sensei, who was lying in bed, while Sasuke watched from the corner. They had managed to get to Tazuna's home without any additional problems. On arrival, the group had been warmly greeted by Tsunami, the bridge builder's daughter, who had ushered them in and put Kakashi in the best bed so he could heal.

"I don't know, even if we put it back, he'll probably know we took it off somehow," Sakura worried.

"We'll just say that Tsunami took it off to wash it," Naruto suggested. This wasn't a stretch, as Kakashi was mostly in his underwear and bandages. Tsunami wasn't letting him wear bloodied clothes under her watch, and had stripped the man down to his skivvies before she and Sakura had doctored his assortment of minor wounds.

Naruto reached up to peel back the mask when Kakashi's eye opened.

Naruto whipped his hand back. "You're awake! Wonderful, we were worried sensei!"

Kakashi chuckled, and his face gained that look which the genin had figured out meant he was smiling.

"Thanks, I appreciate the sentiments. And the doctoring as well; did someone help Sakura?"

"Yes, Tsunami, Tazuna's daughter. She's not a medic, but she can clean and dress a wound with the stuff I brought pretty well."

Kakashi nodded. "I'm afraid I have bad news."

"Oh Kami, you can't die yet! You haven't passed on your wisdom! You're too young to die, Sensei!" Naruto cried loudly, with much over-the-top melodrama.

Everyone rolled their eyes as Tazuna and Tsunami ran in.

"Calm down, he's fine," Sakura explained to them, "Naruto is just being stupid."

They nodded and frowned at the boy.

"As I was saying, I have some bad news. Zabuza isn't dead."

**oooooo**

End Chapter the Tenth

A/N: I guess this makes it clear that fight scenes are probably my weakness, not great when dealing with a subject like Naruto. Hopefully it's not too bad. I find that good action scene writers often have played sports or have a serious belt in a martial art. People who are or were in the armed forces tend to write good fight scenes as well.


	12. Chapter 11

A/N 1: In my story, shadow clones do not each take [1 / (x+1)] of your chakra. It's magic, it follows complex rules, but just know that if he creates 999 clones he's not necessarily working with 1 /1000th his max chakra. In canon, the given rule is obviously false, as even Naruto would've died from chakra exhaustion his first use of it against Mizuki. Between the countless bunshin he made and his horrible chakra efficiency, he would have fallen over and died. It's just a weird mistake thrown in to try to make things make some sense. I'm just glad Kishimoto has never tried to explain why most ninja don't henge into objects, get carried into towns, and un-henge; if you look at the Narutopedia articles, either everyone should be able to morph into solid objects, or no one can, and Naruto's windmill shuriken trick against Zabuza was an error. It doesn't say one way or another, but there's no reason only Naruto can do it.

A/N 2: So there are two rather glaring anachronisms in this chapter, one can be explained away by saying that there was a Tacoma bridge in the elemental nations that tore itself to pieces. The other one is just personally hilarious, and anyone who has watched _1776 _might get the reference. Sorry if anachronisms and references to pop culture bother you, but some scholars say that a bunch of the things we don't get in older literature are pop culture references to the relevant time. So it's a tradition older than Shakespear.

**oooooo**

"WHA- what do you mean he's not dead?" Tazuna asked fearfully. "He had two big-ass needles going through his neck! I mean, sure, you were turned into a puddle of meat that one time, but you checked him for magic and stuff, right?"

The genin were silent, trying to figure out what they had missed. If Kakashi said Zabuza was alive, then he was alive.

"Obviously the 'hunter-nin' was involved, but how did they pull it off sensei?" Naruto asked, as Sasuke nodded with a frown.

"It was the senbon, wasn't it? Anyone good enough to use senbon as a primary weapon could put a stationary target, like the defeated Zabuza, into a temporary death," Sakura put forward.

"Yes. When the nin left with the body instead of starting to destroy it immediately I knew we had a problem. But I was moments away from collapse, and I wasn't sending you three to assault an unknown enemy; even if it did mean we'd be seeing them again."

Everyone felt the weight of this revelation press down on them. "How long will it take for both of you to recover? Will he be attacking us tomorrow?"

"No, even for a man of his fitness, his injuries plus the false death will take at least a week to recover from. During which I will be recuperating, and you three will continue to train. Because in a week's time we'll be fighting not only Zabuza, but also the masked nin."

Silence met this declaration. Tsunami didn't really get what was going on, not having seen the fight. Tazuna was seesawing between despair and the glimmer of hope that remained- the fact that Kakashi had decisively beaten the swordsman once he had gotten freed from the water prison. The genin were wondering if they could take on the mystery ninja, as they knew Kakashi would be busy with Zabuza.

"Of course there are other aspects," Kakashi said, interrupting everyone's thoughts.

"Huh?"

"Zabuza is being paid to target Tazuna. If we simply kill Zabuza, someone else will be here within a week or two, trying the same thing. And even once the bridge is complete, all it would take is for a bomb or a few demo-tags to destroy key points of the bridge and reduce all that work to nothing."

Tazuna's eyes lit up, transforming the man. "WHAT? SABATAGE MY BRIDGE? Over my dead body! You said Konoha would do whatever it took to solve Wave's problems, right? What will it take for you to kill Gato? The man is scum, and we won't be safe until he's gone!"

Kakashi nodded weakly. "That _is_ the answer of course. The only other question is whether we wait until we've defeated Zabuza and his partner, or launch a preemptive strike."

"We should attack soon. With his employer dead, and still wounded from the fight, Zabuza will just move on, right? If Gato had more ninja in his employ we'd have met them by now," Sasuke opined.

"Yes, we should strike while Zabuza is too weak to fend us off. He might not even be staying near Gato," Naruto agreed.

"Assuming we go with that, where is Gato located, and how many mooks does he have protecting him? A man like him needs his status recognized, and will want to be protected at all times," Sakura theorized.

Tazuna answered, still maddened by the thought of his work destroyed. "Everyone knows where Gato stays, it's not a secret. Most of us have been inside the courtyard once or twice too, when he would declare an edict. I can draw blueprints of what I've seen. Of course, no one knows what the interior is like, but I can tell you he probably has 200 or so scum-sucking motherfuckers working for him as enforcement. They go out and steal, rough up the villagers occasionally. Thankfully, he keeps them on a leash; there haven't been any random murders or rapes, but I know that's only temporary. Once I'm dead, or his power is cemented, those bastards will have no restraint."

"Of course, if they went too far, the people might rebel, even if they do live in fear. He knows he plays a dangerous game. Unfortunately, it sounds like he's playing it well so far," Kakashi replied. He shook his head, "Two hundred, you three could do it if we played it smart, but I don't like the idea of you killing that many so soon."

"Not to downplay the significance of killing, but the mercenaries he employs are only human in body. I've been around the world a while, I've seen men like these, I'm sure you have as well. If you kill Gato and leave them alive, our towns will run red as they pillage and burn everything they run across," Tazuna added.

"I'm aware. I've done this sort of thing before you know. But despite barely counting as human, it's still unpleasant killing them unless you're used to it. I don't know if I can put this on my students."

Said students were silent, not voicing an opinion one way or another. As much as they wanted to say they could do it, none of them had any desire to kill even a fraction of two hundred mercenaries.

Sasuke spoke up again, "Why don't we send for reinforcements? Doesn't the situation justify it?"

Kakashi was slightly surprised that he was the one to suggest it, but nodded. "It does, but think about it. The Hokage told me this mission was likely to go bad, yet we were sent anyway. That means there's not much chance of reinforcements, everyone who can handle this is probably busy. The only other genin team that's ready for this is team Gai, and if I recall, they're out of the village on a C-rank as well."

Kakashi sighed and closed his eyes. "The Hokage put his trust in me, and I nearly failed him, and the three of you. The more I think about it, I'm afraid we don't have much of a choice. What we're going to do is the closest I hope you'll ever come to seeing war. In five days time, we'll assault Gato's stronghold, assassinate him, and obliterate his troops. Now lets all go to sleep, I need to heal as quickly as possible, and you three are going to need your beauty sleep for the next few days. The academy doesn't train you for operations like this, it shouldn't have to."

"You're all idiots."

"Huh? Who was- who's the brat?" Naruto asked.

"Inari, my son. You should be in bed sweetie, it's late," Tsunami tried to herd her boy away.

"You can't beat Gato, it's impossible! You'll all just die if you try to oppose him!" he shouted as his mother dragged him away.

"What the hell is his problem?"

"My grandson lost his stepfather to Gato, back when there was still resistance. Kaiza was sort of a hero around these parts. He saved quite a few lives, organized relief efforts after typhoons, stopped bar fights. Big things and little things, he inspired people with all of them. When Gato arrived, it took a while to understand what was going to happen. Kaiza figured it out earlier than most, and led a small group of farmers who would pick off the mercenaries when they got drunk and alone. They even managed to steal some ships and hide or sabotage them." Tazuna stopped, and stared out the window.

"It didn't last," Kakashi concluded, having heard similar stories before.

"Of course; Gato laid a trap, and Kaiza and his men fell for it. The next day, all the nearby villages were rounded up by his men and brought to see the resistance drawn and quartered. It put out any semblance of spirit or fire in the people of Wave."

"The kid saw his father executed?" Sakura asked, horrified.

"Yes. Now he believes, like most of the people here, that Gato has already won. They just live waiting to find Gato's men at their door one day."

"I suddenly don't feel as uneasy about killing a few hundred bastards," Naruto growled.

"Hnn, when you think about it, we're not killing, we're saving lives," Sasuke said.

"No! Never forget that you are ending a life, even if it saves hundreds! The fact that a few taken lives, usually of nasty people, will save many is the point, of course; the reason we do what we do. But never forget that every life has value, even if it is negligible in some cases. One must accept that a few animals will be burned for the next crop to grow and allow it. But one must also acknowledge those lives lost, or you will lose your heart." Kakashi let that sink in. 

"… Oh, and if one of you could find a suitable branch, I might be able to get around tomorrow if I lean on it."

"… Way to ruin the mood sensei."

"No need, I have a few walking sticks from my earlier days you can use," Tazuna offered.

"All right, sleep now."

Kakashi closed his eye and turned his head slightly. Within moments, his breathing pattern had changed. Everyone left to get to bed; saying it had been a stressful day was putting it mildly.

**oooooo**

Naruto woke up to the smell of eggs and rice. If this trend continued, he was going to start loathing waking up to the aroma of cooked food. The last time had been the morning after their first kills, and now right after a fight with an A-ranked ninja. He shook his head as he sat up in his bedroll. Tsunami had given them futons, but they had put the sleeping bags on top of them. Checking that Sakura was still asleep, he stood up and stretched his body in just his boxers. Twisting his neck back and forth, he did a bastardized stretch routine before putting on his outfit.

As he buttoned the last few holes, he heard Sasuke let out a muffled yawn. He too sat up, checked Sakura, then silently got out of his bag. Naruto tilted his head up quickly in greeting, and Sasuke made a halfhearted wave, before stretching momentarily and dressing. Naruto ignored the tempting scent wafting from the kitchen and looked at Sakura. He was awfully tempted to mess with her; while the two boys had attempted to be silent; they were still sleepy and had made sufficient noise that she should have woken. He eyed a half full glass of water on a dresser, and reached for it.

Sasuke grabbed his hand, "Not now dobe, this isn't a good time for strife in the ranks," he mumbled quietly.

Naruto paused, and retracted his arm with a shrug and a nod. "Fair enough, but I'm going to tell her how you came to her defense while she was all helpless," he replied quietly, with a grin.

Sasuke shook his head softly, "I have a headache, and her reaction to your shenanigans, while normally humorous, would kill me just as surely as that big-ass sword."

Naruto shrugged and rolled his eyes. "Fine, truce on account of headache, and likely getting ourselves killed in a week."

Sasuke snorted, then winced a moment. He grabbed the water and slowly drank it, moving over and sitting in the one chair in the room.

Naruto stood over Sakura. His fun taken away, the fact remained that she still ought to be awake. He poked her shoulder with his toe a few times. "Sakura, wake up. There's food waiting."

She stirred, then opened her eyes. "Time to get up already? Damn… Uh, I don't suppose you two could let me get dressed?"

"How are we stopping you? You've got on underwear," Naruto asked, pointing to the top of her bra straps, visible on her shoulders that were barely sticking out of the bag.

"Get out, would you?" she asked, somewhat exasperated.

"Yeah yeah; come on Sasuke, let's get some food."

The boy nodded, rubbing his stomach, and followed the blond out of the room.

The two followed the hall towards the smell. Upon entering the kitchen, they were greeted by the sight of Tsunami sitting next to Kakashi, spoon-feeding him rice and egg, and what appeared to be the only slice of bacon. Kakashi's eye was drilling a hole through Tsunami's cleavage, which the boys imagined would be very appealing from that angle. Naruto chuckled and walked up to the table as Sasuke shook his head with a small grin.

"Sensei, shouldn't you try to heal some before you try to seduce our beautiful hostess?"

Tsunami looked around and realized how it appeared, and just how much the older ninja could see. She gently hit Kakashi's nose with the spoon and turned around; when she turned back she was blushing slightly and had arranged herself more appropriately for guests, but was still smiling.

Kakashi eye-frowned, "One day you're really going to regret doing that kid."

"Hmm, I don't know which of you is going to be more trouble; a lecherous teacher-slash-ninja, or a bold-as-brass student learning under the first one," Tsunami said.

"Oh, don't let their innocent faces fool you, all three have plenty of lechery in them."

The two boys' faces turned red at being called out in such a way in front of this woman they had hardly met.

"I believe it, I remember what being that age was like. Ugh, before I know it, Inari will be chasing all the girls… Assuming you can take care of Gato."

This reminder of the problem put out the enthusiasm in the room. Tsunami frowned, wishing she hadn't carelessly blurted out her thought. She brought another spoon of rice up to Kakashi's mouth, but he seemed disinterested now. The boys decided to get some food in their stomachs and moved to the counter, starting to put food on their plates.

"Come on ninja-san, you need to eat."

"Thank you, but I'm not that hungry."

The boys turned back to the table just as Tsunami pulled her shirt open and pushed Kakashi's head between her breasts. She left him there a moment before pulling him back. "Now are you going to eat?"

"Yes ma'am!"

Tsunami smiled, before looking at the boys, who had their mouths open at the spectacle. "I'm sort of a part time nurse, I find that bribery works very well when getting patients to cooperate. You just have to figure out what your patient wants," she said, before closing her shirt and tucking herself away. She raised another spoon to Kakashi's mouth as if nothing had happened, where he happily ate it.

Sakura walked in and smiled, seeing her sensei well enough to be out of bed already. "Ah, Tsunami-san, thank you for cooking!"

"Quite all right, just leave an egg and a ladle of rice each for Inari and Tazuna, they don't eat much in the morning."

"It smells wonderful! … Are you guys all right?"

The boys snapped out of it. "Yeah, we're fine." They sat down and tucked into their food, glancing at Tsunami occasionally.

There was silence as everyone ate, until- "Sasuke, you think our medical plan lets us choose where we're treated?"

Sasuke choked mid bite and coughed a little rice out.

"Why would you want to be treated anywhere besides Konoha hospital? It's the best medical establishment in Fire country; most consider it the best in the hidden countries, top three at worst," Sakura asked, confused.

"Oh, fringe benefits, for example…"

Everyone besides Naruto and Sakura let out a chuckle.

"I guess I missed something."

"Don't worry, I'd be surprised if you would have appreciated it."

**oooooo**

Breakfast ended without anything else of note happening. The four ninja headed out with Tazuna to the bridge, where they could multi-task protection and training. Two Naru-clones carried Kakashi and a sleeping bag; he'd oversee their training between naps for now. They arrived to find most of the workers there already, following directions Tazuna had left while he was gone. When the bridge builder and ninja appeared, the crew clapped and quietly cheered, glad he was back, but not wanting to attract attention from the wrong people.

Tazuna hopped up on a crate. "Thank you," he began, "I'm back, and I brought ninja of the Leaf like I said I would. Thanks largely to donations by you all, they've agreed to make sure our bridge will be completed! But we're not out of the woods yet! We still need to build it, but I know with your help we can get it done in record time!"

The men cheered again, spirits raised by the speech. Tazuna started issuing orders and getting updates on the progress. The ninja watched the crew starting to work, the kids fairly impressed with the organized chaos that seemed to be going on. Tazuna retreated back to their group for a moment.

"A few of my men quit while I was getting you; I don't suppose the blond duplicator has any construction experience?"

"I can carry, hammer, saw, and use a screwdriver, wrench, or socket-set. Beyond that, you'll need to teach me, assuming sensei says I can spare some clones. But didn't you say no one had any hope left in them? These guys seem optimistic."

"They're the only ones. Working on a solution gives them something to cling to, and I still loose another worker every week. Well, can he help out Kakashi-san? Even carrying things would be helpful."

Kakashi managed to shrug one shoulder. "Eh, 15 enough?"

"Sure, that would be super-great!"

"Okay Naruto, just follow directions and don't mess with stuff unless they tell you to."

Naruto nodded and signed his trademark seal. There were now 18 blonds, all but three of which followed Tazuna farther onto the bridge. The two clones that had carried Kakashi laid the sleeping bag at the base of a tree, and helped him down to it.

"So what is our training, sensei?" Sasuke asked, his headache thankfully gone.

"Seeing as I'm still pretty useless, you three are going to work on dodging. The masked nin probably uses senbon as a primary weapon, and when we're going through two hundred mercenaries your spatial awareness will need to be at full power at all times. It doesn't take skill for a third fool to step behind you and run you through while you're paying attention to his two buddies. So, Naruto, I want you to make 20 clones and have them search the shore for good throwing stones. Bring them back here and make 60 clones with copied bags of stones. Then the three of you will go into the forest and dodge until lunch. No fighting back or running, just dodge. If you can dodge a stone, you can dodge a ball-" Kakashi yawned, "-istic kunai. Naruto, don't hold back, have them attack as if you were the enemy, just don't throw head shots hard enough to knock unconscious. Go."

The genin nodded. Naruto pointed at his two clones standing with the group, "Make nine more each and get stones, one of you see if there are a few spare sacks lying around the site. We'll use the spare storage seals I've got to help with the weight issue."

The clones nodded, and multiplied, before spreading out on the coastline looking for stones.

**oooooo**

It was almost lunchtime, and Sakura, Sasuke, and the real Naruto didn't look so good. The Naru-clones had taken Kakashi's directive to heart, and were quite happy with the teacher-sponsored chance to make their teammates, and even their creator, hurt. For the first half or so, they had let the stones fly fast and furious, synchronizing their throws with other clones on both the tactical and strategic levels. Patterns and traps, hiding a rock from one target by throwing it from the opposite side of another target, they were ruthless. They were also making it a matter of honor between them to see who could score the most points and assists. Sakura had briefly tried attacking Naruto-prime when she heard she was worth fewer points than the boys, but gave up when they focused on attacking her whenever she got too close to him.

Sasuke had managed to go relatively unscathed for quite some time, going ten minutes before his first bruise. The problem was that he was using more energy to dodge at that level, and as he got tired he started to pick up more and more bruises and cuts. As a result, he was rapidly losing value in the game. Sakura wasn't doing so well, though due to her lower point-worth, she was also attacked less frequently, meaning she wasn't quite as tired. Naruto-prime had done about the same throughout the training session, his stamina offsetting his lack of grace. However, as Sasuke diminished in value, he was being targeted more often, and was starting to pick up a number of shiners himself.

The Naru-clones were excited, this was the most throwing practice he'd done in quite a while, and it was even better since it was practically live fire conditions.

During the second half, since two of their targets had become too tired to effectively dodge, most of them were trying trick and/or stealthy shots, as opposed to the elaborate patterns that several clones would perform together earlier.

"Off the tree, back of her head," one clone called his shot.

"Meh, four points,"

"Come on, that's five points easy, maybe six."

"Five if she doesn't realize it's coming until it hits her," a third mediated.

"Fine…" The clone reached back and hurled the jawbreaker-sized stone, sending it spinning through the air, where it bounced off the indicated tree, and right over Sakura's pink head. "Damn it, she ducked!"

"That is the point of this exercise, remember?"

"Yeah yeah, I just wish she'd dodge the others' pitches, not mine."

The other two clones in hearing distance looked at each other and frowned. One punched the whiney clone while the other secured its nearly empty bag of stones. All the Narutos stopped a moment and shook their heads, while Naruto-prime got pegged for his lapse of concentration.

*TWEEEEEEEET*

Everyone in the forest stopped and looked at the noise's origin. It was Tazuna, walking up and holding a whistle that Kakashi had occasionally used to gather them together with. "Yo, it's time for lunch, Kakashi wants you back."

The horde of blonds jumped out of the trees, and followed the four flesh and blood humans back to the worksite. Everyone reassembled around Kakashi, who was sleeping.

"Don't worry, he told me one of you should wake him when it was lunchtime," Tazuna said, when he noticed the genin hesitating.

Sakura nodded and reached down and tapped Kakashi's shoulder. Nothing happened. Sakura frowned, "Sensei, it's lunch time, you asked to be woken?"

Kakashi opened his eye and yawned wide, the fabric of his mask showing the shape of his open mouth. "Ahhm, yes I did. Thank you."

"Sensei!" about half of the clones called out at once, then frowned at each other. They seemed to silently communicate with one another, before one clone got pushed forward. "Do you want us to train during lunch, or can we help with the construction?"

Kakashi shrugged just one shoulder again. "You've all probably used too much chakra for more serious training. If you want to play builder, and Tazuna can use you, go ahead."

The sea of blonds turned to Tazuna, who looked very pleased about the sudden influx of labor, even if it was untrained. "Well, I don't have time to train you all a second time, but you can carry things and be gopher boys."

Naruto-prime asked, "Wait, you trained my clones?"

"Yes, just some basic but essential jobs that need doing. Riveting, mixing cement, and so on."

"Well if I end the clones you taught, then all of us will know those skills."

Tazuna blinked. "Damn, if you ever decide not to be a ninja, you'll be able to make a fortune in just about any field you want. Although, if you were really that amazing, one of your clones would have told me that at the beginning."

The rest of team 7 chuckled, knowing that Naruto sometimes focused on the wrong scale of the picture and forgot fairly important things. Naruto-prime pointed at the spokes-clone, who dispelled itself. Over the next minute, several of the bridge-clones ended themselves after they stopped what they were doing. Two of the nearby clones scooped Tazuna off his feet and carried him off towards the bridge, the rest following, despite protests that Tazuna was "perfectly able to walk, set me down this instant!"

Naruto-prime laughed at himselves, while the rest of the group sighed.

"Now that that's over with, Tsunami brought us all lunch. It's rather basic, but remember that some of this country's residents are going hungry." He swung his arm over, pointing to a sack with four bento in it. "I think I'm good enough to feed myself, but don't tell Tsunami-san, alright? I've got a good thing going."

Sakura snorted, while Sasuke and Naruto chuckled, and Naruto tossed a thumbs-up at his sensei. Sakura picked up the bento and passed them out. All four of them were hungry; after the painful training the genin had done, they imagined they felt like Kakashi looked.

"So," Kakashi started between bites, "you'll be doing that exercise for the next two mornings. We'll strike four days from now. After you finish eating, you'll practice chakra control for an hour to let your bodies rest. Then it's a free for all on the water against more of Naruto's clones. Assuming you're good on chakra Naruto?"

The genin had let out a few groans hearing their schedule. "Yeah, I'll have recovered a lot in an hour, another 60 clones?"

"To start with; you'll actually be fighting back, so you'll need to make more as you go. Just don't be stupid; if you get too tired there are other forms of training you can do. Since you'll be fighting on the water, I'll make a few rules. If you fall underwater, that counts as a death. If you're too tired to continue, come back to shore. Remember that we'll be fighting 200 men, plus Zabuza and the masked nin may turn up. That means it's necessary to conserve your stamina and chakra. This means you Sasuke."

Sasuke frowned but nodded, barely slowing his intake of food.

"Good, I guess that's all for now. Eat and rest, then practice chakra control."

**oooooo**

Lunch had been finished and the genin were resting a few minutes before starting on chakra control.

"I don't suppose any of you have used the chakra diagnostic jutsu since I taught it to you?" Kakashi asked.

His students shook their heads, intrigued at the thought of seeing how much they had improved.

"Why don't you give it a shot? It should be interesting to see how far you've come. Naruto, you start this time."

"Ah, well sensei, I'm afraid I don't remember the seal order. Let me go last again, I'll pick it up by then."

Kakashi sighed, "Fine; Sasuke, start us off."

Sasuke nodded and stood up, running through the seals slightly slower than normal so Naruto could see. "_Chakra Diagnostic_ no jutsu."

A blue circle appeared floating in mid air as expected. Last time it had been oblong horizontally, about the size of a dinner plate, though not as tall. Now it was about 13 inches at it's widest, and the vertical portion had filled out quite a bit, though it was still slightly ovular.

Sasuke smiled, enjoying his progress made visible and more easily quantifiable.

"Pretty good. The best bit is your control though. Despite increasing your reserves, you managed to increase your control a fair bit. Your lightning affinity has grown slightly from practicing the jutsu I gave you as well. Good job. Sakura, you're up."

Sakura stood and completed the jutsu. Her circle appeared, and nearly disappeared, as Sakura was so happy that her focus wavered. Instead of the skinny oval the size of a tea saucer, now it was about nine inches tall, not too much smaller than Sasuke's first one had been. Hers too was still an oval, but compared to what it had been, it looked wonderful.

"Wow, great job Sakura!" Naruto praised.

"Impressive growth," Sasuke admitted.

"Thanks guys! I've been working hard, but I didn't expect this!"

"That's the good news Sakura, the bad news is that it won't be that easy from now on," Kakashi warned. 

"Huh?"

"You saw how much Sasuke grew, he hasn't been lazy. Your reserves grew quickly in size because you haven't worked out much before. But now it's going to be much harder to grow at that pace. The larger your reserves, and the better your control, the harder it is to get to the next level in either. So be prepared that the next time you check, it won't have grown nearly so quickly."

"That's fine, I'm still happy with what I've done! I'm not scared of hard work anymore sensei, even if I grumble a bit about it."

"Good! In that case, congratulations. Naruto, you got it now?"

"Hai, _Chakra Diagnostic_ no jutsu."

The same, slightly purple, humongous oval appeared, not seeming to have changed much since the last time. Naruto frowned.

"I'm not sure why you're frowning, your reserves don't need to increase, though they have slightly. What you needed was control, and you got some," chided Kakashi.

The genin looked closer at the strand going across the center of the oval. It looked noticeably calmer than it had the last time, but it was still very chaotic compared to his teammates'.

"Naruto, you have a lifetime of improvement ahead of you; one day you will be very powerful, but that's going to take time. In the meantime, you still have a lot of advantages."

Naruto nodded and let the oval disappear.

"Having seen that, I think instead of chakra control you all should work on jutsu. I want you to actually be able to blow away the mist this time Naruto. Sasuke, you could send lightning back up through the senbon the masked nin will be throwing. Sakura, practice the underground fish technique. It may be possible for you to get good enough to temporarily drag one of us, or Tazuna, underground. Sasuke, we should talk for a few minutes before you get to work." Kakashi waved Sakura and Naruto away, and they dutifully spread out and started working on their jutsu.

"Have I displeased you somehow?"

"No, in fact I was rather surprised with your patience. I had told you that it wasn't the time; well, it is now. I assume you still want to know why I have the sharingan?"

Sasuke nodded.

"Some of the story is personal, and someday I might share more of it with you. But the short version is that I was teammates with an Uchiha. During the Third Great War, our sensei was needed elsewhere and we had to continue a mission. There was an ambush, and I lost my eye, while he sustained a fatal wound. During the fight he had finally activated his eyes, and he told me to take one of his to replace the one I lost." Kakashi closed his visible eye and started to say something, but stopped.

Sasuke kept quiet; it was obvious this was very emotional for his sensei, despite the dry tone of voice he was forcing himself to use, and although he had dozens of questions, Sasuke wasn't stupid enough to blunder through this minefield of a topic.

Kakashi continued after a few moments. "Things were rough with your clan when I returned, but somehow things settled, and I was able to keep it. Not to brag, but I was already an outstanding ninja; with help from a few sympathetic members of your clan I managed to train and learn how to use it. Eventually I became as good with it as many of the best Uchiha, except for the chakra problem. I can't turn it off, and it draws more chakra than it would for an Uchiha anytime it can see something."

Sasuke paused, "Thank you for this, sensei. Your explanation opens as many questions as it closed, but I'm glad you told me as much as you have. I'll withhold my curiosity for now, but I'd like to have your perspective on several topics. You are my last link to my clan in a way, and you must have some insight on things I have questions about."

"That's fair; I owe you that much. Thank you for being reasonable about this, I'll try to answer as many of your questions as I can. But for now we need to focus on the mission."

"Hai, I'll get to work."

**oooooo**

_One Day Later, Wednesday Night _

It was evening, the second day of training having gone much as the first. The genin were doing some light sparring in the yard after accompanying Tazuna to the 'market' for food. They had found some edible foodstuffs, but the three had offered Tsunami the rations they had packed to add to the next few days' meals. Rations might suck, but they were nutritious, and hopefully if they were cooked into a meal it wouldn't turn out awful.

"Yo, dinner's ready," Kakashi called out from the porch. He was getting around with two of Tazuna's walking sticks today, and looked much healthier.

The genin halted their battle and headed in, hungry as always.

"Ah, thank you for donating those ration packs, protein is getting hard to find. I've been told by relatives in the military that rations are awful, but I was still surprised how hard it was to integrate one into a meal. Still, I think it was worth the effort for the extra nutrition it added," Tsunami said brightly.

"I'm sure it will be great," Sakura started, "although we've been fairly lucky so far, most ninja eat rations as is."

"Remember that 'field trip' they took us on in the Academy? They force-marched us along the road to the capital for a day, then the next day we were marched back. Rations were all we were given to eat; Choji almost had a panic attack when they took away the bento he had managed to smuggle with him," Naruto reminisced.

"And you guys have never seen the serious rations," Kakashi chuckled.

The genin didn't like the sound of that. "What're you talking about, sensei?"

"The rations you've eaten so far are basically granola bars made of specially bred and improved nuts and soybeans. The rations we get for longer missions are half-inch cubes with bland candy shells covering chunks of basic nutrition; nearly pure protein, fat, or carbs. They taste of nothing, and if the shell breaks, they taste vaguely unpleasant. They aren't awful so much as they are completely unsatisfying."

The genin made faces imagining such a food.

Everyone was sitting around the table now, as Tsunami served stew into their bowls.

"Itadakimasu," they called out once everyone was served.

"Hey, this is great, you did fine."

"Yeah, I wish we could've eaten like this on that field trip."

"And we'll have plenty of energy to crush Gato and help this country."

Only Kakashi noticed Inari tighten his grip on his spoon.

Dinner continued, with Tazuna explaining some fundamentals of engineering, and how they were overcoming various problems. The genin explained some of their training in response. Eventually both groups gave up trying to understand anything complicated that the other said, while Kakashi mentally chuckled.

"Look, I don't know a sine wave from a tidal wave, but it doesn't really matter. You build the bridge; we'll kill anyone who tries to stop you. Division of labor, you are truly the most important invention," Naruto said, getting tired of Tazuna trying to explain why resonant frequencies were bad, and growing bored of hearing about this 'Tacoma Bridge' he kept nattering on about.

There was a clatter as Inari's spoon hit his bowl. "How?"

"How what, gaki?"

"How can you be so cheerful knowing you might die when you fight in just a few days?"

"Well, first of all, I trust Kakashi to make a good plan, and not risk our lives unreasonably. He says we should be able to pull it off, and I agree. Secondly, we're probably still too naïve for the idea of really dying to sink in. I'm completely certain I'm going to live through this, despite knowing that my life will be in constant danger."

"You're _admitting_ you are too stupid to be afraid?" Inari asked, astounded.

"Geez, when you put it like that…"

"Gato has dozens upon dozens of men, how can you possibly beat them all?"

"Inari, stop bothering them-" Tsunami started.

"It's alright, he asked a question. I'll answer with another. Have you ever seen ninja fight?" Naruto asked. Dinner had come to a halt by now, everyone watching the spectacle play out.

"No, but what can you do that my dad and 23 of his friends couldn't?"

"… Magic," Naruto replied, as he held up his left hand, a small flame on each finger.

Inari's eyes widened, and suddenly a wind swept through the open window, blew out the lit digits, and rustled Inari's hair, leaving all the other lamps alone.

Inari opened his mouth, then shook his head and ran out of the room.

"Inari!" Tsunami called, then settled into looking unhappy when she heard his door slam closed.

Naruto looked at his stew. "I'm sorry, I thought that would reassure him. I'm usually better with kids…"

"The problem was that it did reassure him. In an odd way, Inari doesn't want us to beat Gato," Kakashi said.

"What?" Tsunami demanded.

"Calm down. You said his father tried guerilla tactics against Gato, but got executed. If anyone defeats Gato, though Inari will be thankful in general, a part of him will see that person or group as doing something Kaiza wasn't able to. He resents the fact that his father wasn't able to conquer this obstacle. A boy's image of their father at that age is special. Kaiza sounded like an extraordinary man, but to Inari, he was probably godlike. To Inari, if Kaiza couldn't defeat Gato, who could?"

"Damn that Gato asshole," Naruto growled, "screwing up everyone's lives like this." He lifted his bowl and drained the whole thing as if it were a bowl of ramen.

"Excuse my manners, but I need to let off some steam," he said, heading for the door. "Sasuke, you want some after dinner sparring?"

"No thanks, I'd like to actually keep this food in my stomach. Anyway, _some_ of us get tired after a day of training."

"Don't wait up for me," the blond called over his shoulder, before the front door closed.

"Should I get him sensei?" Sakura asked.

"He's a big boy, he can take care of himself."

**oooooo**

Naruto created 50 clones that immediately spread out and started to practice the wind jutsu he had been taught. The most important one was gale palm, as he would be trying to blow away mist until Zabuza got bored and attacked without it. Assuming Zabuza was even up and about enough to fight. If they were lucky, it would just be the masked nin and the thugs.

The blasts of wind were much stronger than they had been when he had performed it three days ago. It wasn't just the training, he had also been cautious about using a jutsu in the middle of a jonin level fight the previous time, and had toned it down. Now he was being ordered to do it, and with the practice they were getting he was going to blow away the competition.

He frowned at the bad joke and made another set of clones, which started blowing their breath on kunai. He wanted this jutsu badly, but it was of secondary importance. Still, practicing this could only help his control of wind, and therefor his ability with gale palm. He sat and tried to float his kunai.

**oooooo**

Haku thought of himself as a simple person. He was a tool. Privately, he would occasionally admit from time to time that yes, he was as complex and complicated as the next person, but it was all secondary to being a force through which Zabuza's will extended.

So when Haku nearly tripped over the blond ninja that was partially responsible for his master's state of health, it annoyed him to no end that he was unable to immediately send a senbon through the brat's eye and shish-kabob his brain. Haku stood above the genin, staring at his chest as it rose and fell. After what had felt like minutes, Haku knelt down and reached towards the younger ninja…

…And had to stop his normal reaction and act like a civilian when his arm was caught by another copy of the blond.

"Sorry miss, you shouldn't sneak up on a ninja, I could've stabbed you thinking you were one of Gato's thugs."

"My apologies! Wait, two of you? Ah, you're one of the ninja that the rumors say got brought in by Tazuna-san! You're awfully young to be fighting, aren't you?"

"Heh, I better get used to hearing that, I guess. Nah, I'm at the age we start getting assignments out of the village," the clone said, letting go of her arm. "One moment."

He gently kicked the iteration of himself that was lying on the ground a few times, then once a bit harder when that got no response. He was rewarded by getting stabbed in the foot with a kunai, and disappeared. Naruto yawned and sat up, then shook his head and looked at his guest. "Ah, sorry! I didn't expect a visitor out in the middle of nowhere like this. I guess I was right to warn you about being stabbed though," he chuckled. "What're you doing out here anyway?"

"Ah, I'm gathering some medicinal herbs for my friend, who is hurt. What are you doing?"

"Well, it looks like I fell asleep training."

"You're training? Why? You look pretty strong to me."

"Thanks, but I'm just a genin. And although my sensei killed this really tough ninja Gato hired, there could be more, and even if there isn't, he has a bunch of mercenaries that might attack."

"Well, I'm glad you're protecting Tazuna-san! I was going to ask you if you would like to help me pick herbs, but you sound pretty busy." 

"Yeah, I am, sorry. Oh! How about I send a few clones with you? They're great help."

"That would be nice I guess… They act like you in every way?"

"Yep! They're pretty amazing, and I'm probably the only person who can make as many as I do!"

A handful of clones chose this point to come into the clearing. "We came when you stabbed the other one, boss. We're pretty much all drained, we think we ought to pop and let you get a fresh batch started."

"Fair enough, good work guys."

"Wow, you _can_ make a bunch of copies, how many can you make?" Haku asked as the group popped and dissipated into the air.

"Bunches upon lots upon loads. Comes from having the largest chakra reserves in the country! Hold on and I'll get you some personal peons."

A moment later 50 clones appeared, all but one of which ran off into the woods. The remaining clone split itself into four, who waved at the girl. "Zugzug! We know some basics of herbalism, but you'll have to tell us what we're looking for."

"Sorry I've got to run, but my team is probably worried about me. Or they will once they wake up. Oh, make sure that the clones don't grab any thorny or poisonous plants; they're very fragile. But other than that, they're perfect copies, if you want conversation or something. Bye!"

Naruto leapt off through the forest by the light of dawn, back towards Tazuna's house.

"So, what kind of plants are you looking for?"

**oooooo**

An hour later, Haku's basket was full. "Thank you for all your work Naruto-san, you've been very helpful."

There was only one clone left, and it was walking him back to town. Haku hadn't been able to persuade it that he would be fine on his own.

"Don't worry Haku-chan, we learned a fair amount about plants with you. When they got popped, boss learned everything we did!"

"Wow, you are truly a remarkable person. Tell me, do you get stronger for yourself, or for others?"

"Well, I'd like to say others, but it's both really. Being strong is awesome, but not using your strength to help your friends or loved ones would be a shitty thing to do. I'll do just about anything to get my friends out of trouble."

"That's a good attitude to have, I suppose. Full marks for honesty, too. I'm glad you have precious people. I think no one can be truly strong without someone you want to protect."

"I didn't for a long time."

"Huh?"

"Oh, nothing; it's depressing. It's just- I was alone for a large chunk of my life. That's why my friends I have now mean so much to me."

"Oh, why were you alone?" 'Damn my heart, I'm already too close to him. Don't make it worse like this…'

"Accident of birth. These birthmarks remind people of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, and I was born sometime around the attack. Throw in some superstition, fear, and the need to blame someone, and suddenly I'm the village pariah."

Suddenly Haku stiffened for a moment. "I'm sorry that happened. I'm glad things got better though. I'm sorry, but we need to part ways."

"Huh, are you all right? I'm sorry if that was depressing; I'd like to walk you home though."

"It's alright, I'm fine. I just want to be alone now. By the way, I'm a boy," Haku said before he walked off quickly.

Unexpectedly, the clone followed, running up to him. "Wait a second, something's wrong. There's no way you're male. The band around your throat wouldn't totally obscure your Adam's-Apple, and apologies for being crude, but if I augment my nose, I can smell your femininity. Are you hiding from someone? I can help!"

'Fuck, of all days to forget aftershave! Why did he have to be so perceptive? Why did I have to convince him I'm male?' "You're mistaken, I think I know my gender. Furthermore, you can't help any more than you already have, because I don't need any help Naruto-san. Respect my wishes and leave me be!" she demanded, coming to a stop.

Naruto skidded to a halt a bit past her, and she didn't bother to hide her growing worry.

"Look, I'm sorry if everything really is fine, but my gut says that something is up with you, and I want to help. We may have just met, but you are important enough to me that I need to help you with whatever is wrong!"

Haku winced, "Fine, see this plant?" She picked up an herb from the basket by its root.

"Yeah?"

"Catch," she said, tossing the plant at him quickly. His reflexes kicked in automatically and caught the plant. "Sorry!" She managed before the clone popped, the mildly poisonous stinging nettle falling to the leaf-cluttered forest floor.

Haku walked over and picked up the plant by its root, then dropped it back in the basket. She would have time to calm down once she got away. He probably wasn't a tracker, but he could apparently use his nose. She needed to get back to base and cover her tracks.

Only then could she worry about hardening her heart enough to kill someone so similar to herself.

**oooooo**

≈ _50 Minutes Earlier_

"I wonder if anyone is awake. It's barely past dawn," Naruto said to himself as he hopped down in front of Tazuna's house. Walking up to the door, he heard some odd noises. Deciding to sneak in, in case there was trouble, he eased open the door and followed the sounds.

'Well damn. Kakashi is either really smooth, or she hasn't had any for a long time…"

In the kitchen, Tsunami had given up all semblance of being a caretaker and was straddling Kakashi's lap, the two making out passionately, and his spoonful of rice forgotten on the floor. Her shirt was totally off, and though Naruto couldn't see directly from here, it appeared Kakashi's hands were both hard at work with her breasts.

Tsunami broke the kiss, "You're sure you can tell if anyone wakes up?"

"I promise. Are you sure you're ready though?"

"It's been over two years, I'm at peace with Kaiza's death. I need this, just make sure to use this," Tsunami pulled a condom out of a pocket and gave it to Kakashi.

"Um, I know a jutsu that-"

"Sorry, I don't know enough about ninja to trust something like that. It's that or we don't do it. Please don't make me finish myself off again, I've needed to do that much too often the last few months."

"Sorry, of course I'll wear it Tsunami."

Naruto was dumbstruck. It was as if he had taken a wrong turn and walked into a Playshinobi letter. _'I never thought it would happen to me, but yesterday my sensei started banging a hot milf right in front of me and…' _Hell, this would fit perfectly in Icha-Icha: Lone Samurai and the Desperate Housewives! He crept to the left to get a better view.

Apparently Kakashi knew he was there, however; as when he did so, Naruto's sensei stuck his hand behind Tsunami's back and shot him the finger. Naruto rolled his eyes. When he didn't move after a few moments, Kakashi started using tactical hand signs. Naruto's eyebrows went up. He'd not known you could say that in hand code, especially one-handed. He actually blinked at one especially evocative threat, and started to retreat back towards the front door. As Naruto slipped out the front, Kakashi's hands met, and started to open the condom package.

Naruto blinked a few times in the front yard and wondered if he was under a genjutsu. Figuring it was rather too surreal and pointless to be an illusion, the blond decided against using a kai anywhere it might bother his sensei. Instead, he pondered what he should do; his clones were already training. 'It seems to me the most productive thing I can do is to make sure Kakashi gets his sexual healing uninterrupted. Especially if he's even half serious about some of those threats.'

To that end, Naruto swung around the house and stealthily slid the window to their room the rest of the way open. He eased himself in to see Sasuke holstering a kunai onto his belt next to his sleeping bag. "You're lucky you have blond hair, Naruto. *yawn* I'm going to see if breakfast is ready. Tsunami's pretty amazing."

Naruto snorted at the unintentionally bawdy observation, and made the sign for silence, then attention. Sasuke immediately stopped and signaled: enemy?

"Not exactly," Naruto whispered, and hastened to explain when Sasuke began to frown, "Kakashi and Tsunami are… otherwise engaged in the kitchen, and wish to be left alone. On pain of a shuriken enema, if I translated Kakashi's message right."

"What are you talking abo-" Sasuke hissed under his breath, until he was interrupted by a muffled moan. "… In the middle of the kitchen?" he asked astonished.

Naruto shrugged. "Not everyone's from Boston, Sasuke. Anyway, all we need to do is make sure nothing interrupts them until they're done."

Sasuke face-palmed. "Incredible. This is what we've been lowered to?"

"Who ever said that ninja work would be glamorous? I figure we're good as long as Sakura doesn't wake up."

"Fine. I don't suppose you have a mahjong set tucked away somewhere, do you?"

"No, but I've got a deck of cards. Ever played Mao?"

"Yeah, But I don't remember most of the rules…"

"Perfect!"

**oooooo**

"_Ahh!_"

…

…

"Thank Kami; they're done. We can get something to eat now."

"_Again? Well, if you insist Tsunami-hime."_

_rustle … creak creak creak…_

"Is that the table? Please tell me he's not nailing her over my spot. Or her brat's, that would be wrong."

"Damn, go sensei! By the way, we both need to draw a card for talking."

*groan*

**oooooo**

_creak creak creak creak creakcreakcreakcreak-_

"_Yes!"_

_creak creak_

…

…

"Sweet Kami, please let them both be satisfied."

…

_creak creak creak creak_

*whimper*

"_Yawn_… Why're you guys up so early, something going on?"

"Point of order: oh crap."

"Stop being weird and tell me what's going on. Actually get out so I can dress, then tell me what's going on."

"Ah, I'm afraid we can't do that."

"Yes, to quote Naruto, 'Kakashi and Tsunami are "otherwise engaged" in the kitchen, and wish to be left alone. On pain of a shuriken enema.'"

"That's where the threats started, they escalated from there."

"You don't mean they're-"

"_Sweet Kami, right there!" creak creak creak_

"… Yes, we do."

Naruto wished he had the sharingan to forever remember the look on Sakura's face.

"Hmph. Males!"

"Hey, it takes two to tango, this is the third round so far, and she hasn't gotten off of him for even a short break. Kakashi's a lecher, but don't blame it all on him."

Sakura frowned, "Fine, what do we do until they get done?"

"Well, we were playing Mao. Or rather, Sasuke was slowly losing his next paycheck to me via card game. I'll skip offering to deal you in at strip-poker-"

"A wise choice," Sakura interjected.

"-and ask if you have any card games you prefer."

"How about 'Jump Out the Window so your Partner can Dress Herself'? You've probably never played, but I bet you can guess the rules."

"You've got underwear on, and we've all seen each other naked now. If you want I'll turn away, but I'm not jumping out the window in the middle of a Mao game."

"I've been told I'm rather anti-social, but I do know it's not a good idea to bring up the fact you took nude photos of a girl against her will."

"Shut up dude, you were the one who wanted some since you refused to come with. And I was trying to tactfully avoid that subject."

"Please, you're about as tactful as a grand fireball to the face."

"I resent that. I can be delicate when the situation calls for it."

"How can you say that with a straight face? You have the grace and tact of one of sensei's books. You have the subtlety of Mighto G-."

"Dude, there's hyperbole, and then there's fighting words. Don't say anything you can't take back."

"Hnn."

"Great, and now you've reverted. You want to play a game or not, Sakura?"

"Fine, finish your round and we'll start playing rummy. Ten ryo hands sound good?"

"Hnn."

"Sure. Order resolved."

Sakura started dressing while the boys played the last hand.

Sasuke had a small smile; he was finally going to give Naruto a card. "Penalty for taking too long."

"Hmm? Oh, damn. My clones that were helping this nice young woman popped. She's quite the botanist."

Now it was a smirk- "Unnecessary talking."

Naruto frowned and took his penalty cards, and then played a nine of hearts. Sasuke quickly played a six of hearts, "One card!"

Naruto raised an eyebrow, it appeared this would be Sasuke's first win since they started. "Six of spades," he said, addressing the spade.

Sasuke grinned insufferably and lay down his final card. "Seven of spades, have a nice day, Mao."

Naruto looked at the pile of cards for a few moments before snorting, then grinning. "Good job, I'm lucky at games of chance like you wouldn't believe. It's sometimes annoying not to be able to loose."

"You looked like you were enjoying winning just fine."

"Only because you owe me 90- sorry, 80 ryo now. That's almost two bowls of Ichiraku's."

"Have you tried getting in betting halls?"

"Of course, but since I'm not old enough, they throw me out as soon as I start winning anything serious. It'll be fun once I'm of age; they'll still throw me out, but not until I've won a lot more."

"Okay guys, let's play some rummy," Sakura said, plopping down next to them.

"See, that wasn't too difficult, was it? And neither of us watched, either."

"Shut up and give me the deck, I'll deal."

"Uh-oh Sasuke, I detect a card shark."

Sakura snorted. "If I was a shark, I would've said I didn't know how to play rummy, but it sounded fun. Then I'd shyly ask if 50 ryo hands were enough, before sitting down to play in just my underwear."

"… You know, I was kidding before, but that sounds scarily accurate."

"It is, I have nearly eidetic memory; I've teamed up with Ino to shark several games from time to time. She'd be the eye candy, I'd be the innocent, naïve beginner, and by the end of the day we'd have enough cash for a shopping trip. But this is a game between teammates, so I'll be upfront, and not use all of my skill."

Naruto had a gleam in his eyes that his gang would have recognized as a sign to either hide from impending doom, or quickly get an alibi. "YOU!" he said at normal level, which was quite loud compared to the whispers they had been conversing with.

"Me?"

He returned to near whispers, "Yes, you! Once we are of age, you and I shall travel from town to town, visiting all the casinos and betting halls of note, and making fortunes while under disguise! With our powers combined, we'll win more money than Tsunade looses! We'll be able to buy our own country, and rule benevolently over our people, kicking the asses of anyone who tries to disrupt our territory! Pit bosses will have nightmares about us, but no one will actually know what we look like between genjutsu and physical disguises!" He turned to Sasuke suddenly. "You won't speak of this, right?"

Sasuke looked a bit unnerved, actually, as if Naruto had suddenly turned into a talking fire hydrant, and Sasuke was barely making his sanity check.

"Um, don't worry, no one would believe me anyway."

"Wait, with sunglasses… it would work! You can be the third member once you awaken your blood limit! With the three of us assembled together as one mighty team- Sakura's brain, Sasuke's body-language analysis and dice and roulette precognition, and my pure luck- we will own the gambling world!"

Sakura smacked him across the face. "Stop being… that."

Naruto shook his head and slowly blinked. "Wow, sorry about that. But seriously, the three of us need to go to a casino when we're older."

"Fine, but for now, shut up and play."

**oooooo**

_creakcreakcreakcreeeeeeak_

"_Ahh-!"_

_*Grunt*_

"I swear; if they start again, I'm going to walk in and start eating anyway. They can do it in front of me or not as they wish."

"You could just make enough noise that Tsunami knows we're awake."

"… That might just work."

"My plans have a surprisingly high chance of working."

Sakura snorted, "Give them a moment to relax though, it would be rude to ruin Tsunami's afterglow," she advised.

"This will be her third glow in under an hour, I'm not sympathetic. YAWN! BOY WAS I TIRED. HEY NARUTO, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS FOR BREAKFAST? MAYBE LAST NIGHT'S STEW OVER RICE? SHOULD WE LET SAKURA SLEEP?"

Naruto grinned, hearing chaotic noises coming from the kitchen, while Sakura shook her head in disapproval.

"Let's give them two minutes to straighten up, then head out for food," Naruto suggested.

"Fair enough."

"I can't believe you, Sasuke. That was mean."

"You only had to sit through a third of what we have, Sakura. It gets tiresome, and I want to eat and I _really _need to go to the bathroom."

"Dude, you could've hopped out the window and used a tree."

"That's fine if we're on the move, but there is a toilet less than a hundred feet from me. Man created the toilet, and it was good."

"… Okaaay," Naruto said, looking at Sasuke askance.

…

…

"Alright let's go. And act discrete, Naruto, we don't want to embarrass Tsunami," Sakura reminded.

"Give me some credit, I'm the one who came in to stop you two from walking in on them, I know what to do."

**oooooo**

The trio entered the kitchen after taking turns in the bathroom to find the smell of cleaning solution almost covering the scent of sweat and sex. A bit of the left over stew had boiled over the pot (likely from neglect), and Kakashi and Tsunami were eating breakfast. Kakashi was the very picture of cool, calm, and collected, but Tsunami was flushed, her hair disheveled, and apparently couldn't stop smiling.

"Ah, they're up! How did my students sleep last night?"

"Fine sensei, the training knocks me out senseless at night," Sakura answered.

"I fell asleep in the woods and hopped back in the window a few hours ago, then went back to sleep," said Naruto.

"Hnn, had better, had worse."

"How did you two sleep?" asked Naruto, as he dished some rice and stew into a bowl.

"Like a baby, I usually sleep well while I'm recovering."

"Ah, the usual, Naruto-kun."

"That's good. You look pretty healthy today sensei, do you think you're up to _getting physical_?"

"I might be able to help train you _hands on_, yes."

"Sakura, watch where you step, those were my toes. I don't know sensei, Wave is so much more humid than home. We all get awfully _hot and wet_ outside during training, you might _strain_ yourself if you try to _push_ past your limitations."

"Don't worry Naruto, I know my anatomy and my body well. I know just how far I can _push_ things without going _over the edge_. And even if I get all _sticky_, my bandages are coming off today, so I can take a _nice hot shower_ this evening."

Naruto sat across from Kakashi, the two smiling wickedly at each other. "Sakura, please stop kicking my leg."

Sakura groaned.

**oooooo**

They were all sitting around the table when Naruto froze mid bite. "Why would she do that?"

"Who do what, Naruto?"

"Oh, this young woman I met in the forest. She was looking for medicinal herbs and found me asleep. I left her four clones to talk with and help collect the herbs, before coming back. She started acting really odd at the end, then dispelled my clone."

"Please tell me you didn't tell her any strategic information, Naruto," Kakashi said.

"No, I told her you had killed a strong ninja that Gato had sent. Oh, I bragged that I had the largest chakra reserves in the country, but I doubt she believed me, assuming she even understood what chakra reserves are."

"Hmm, well watch out for her, the situation smells funny."

Tazuna entered the kitchen and almost stumbled. He sniffed the room, looked at his daughter, then at Kakashi. "Ah, good morning. How did everyone sleep?"

"Oh for crying out loud, don't you start too!" Tsunami let out. "You all know Kakashi and I were together, I don't even care as long as Inari doesn't find out. Just stop making remarks. And stop egging your student on, Kakashi!"

"Apologies."

"Sensei, you should have cleaned the room better, the smell alone…" Sakura complained, now that the cat was out of the bag.

"You already knew, and I didn't want to do any jutsu, even simple ones."

"Is that why you didn't soundproof the room?" Sasuke asked, annoyed.

"You could hear us?" Tsunami asked, becoming more embarrassed.

"Don't worry, just the highlights. Oh, and you'll want to oil the table before next time," Naruto informed her.

"Shut up you guys, you're embarrassing her!" Sakura admonished.

"Hell, you're embarrassing me!" Tazuna said, sitting down at the table. He ate a bit, then looked down at the table. "Oil the table, brat?"

"It was quite squeaky."

Tsunami blushed and hid her face.

**oooooo**

The group had left the kitchen over an hour ago, and Tsunami was reheating the breakfast again for Inari.

"Hey mom, did something spill? There's a weird smell mixed with that pine cleaner smell."

Tsunami sighed.

**oooooo**

"Alright, my easily annoyed genin, today we will be going over plans and doing some reconnaissance. Tazuna has given us his estimates of the layout of the base. It's basically a fort, large walls around a common area, where the facilities are. At the back of the fort, across from the one door in the walls, is Gato's combination living and work space. Tazuna said this building here always has a lot of smoke, so it's probably the cookhouse. These large buildings are the barracks, that's going to be the area with the most fighting. On the walls is a lookout tower on each corner. Those are the important locations. As to how we're going to reconnoiter…"

**oooooo**

The four ninja were in a tree to the east of Gato's fort, preparing to do some scouting. "Remember, I set up those eight logs at the base of the tree incase we need to make an escape, but that's last resort. Remember, it's a soft target, but we have to assume Zabuza and/or the masked nin is inside the compound," Kakashi cautioned.

The genin nodded and got set.

Kakashi signaled Sakura. She cast her invisibility jutsu on herself, leapt down from the tree, and ran across the kill zone outside the fort. Sasuke and Naruto could track her progress from the disturbed grass under her feet. She got to the base of the wall and they lost her, though they could imagine her running up the wall and onto the top of the watch tower. A minute later, they saw a mirror flash from the spot they had chosen.

Kakashi looked through his binoculars, checking the three nearest towers. "Good… … Now!"

Both boys performed henge, and Kakashi snatched the two resultant shuriken off the ground and tossed them to where Sakura was waiting. She caught them and dropped them on the slanted roof, where they immediately turned back into Naruto and Sasuke.

Sasuke was panting, and sat down on the sun-warmed tiles. Naruto handed him a ration bar and a pouch of drink Kakashi had given them for this moment. Sasuke grabbed them and partook, still breathing deeply. A minute later Kakashi appeared, as they had planned.

"You okay Sasuke?" he asked.

The boy nodded. "You weren't kidding about solid henge using a lot of chakra."

"Yes, it's normally a chunin skill, and choosing a form drastically different in mass than yourself like that is tough. I'm going to find out who taught it to Naruto and send them to T&I."

"Meh, moot point, it was Mizuki; it's likely I can't use the regular henge like with bunshin anyway," Naruto added.

"Ah. Now that we're here, we get to observe. I only have one extra pair of binoculars, so Sakura gets to use them until Sasuke recovers, then you can take turns. Naruto, you are going to henge into a generic looking mercenary and look around at ground level."

"Um, you sure sensei? Shouldn't I send a shadow clone? That was the original purpose it was for, spying, right?"

"Yes; however, we must not allow them to know we're coming. If the clone pops, you're safe, but they'll know there was a ninja. If someone finds you out, you might be able to take them out discreetly. You should be safe as long as you don't meet Zabuza or the masked nin. If you do, return immediately. Your goal is to get in Gato's main building and find his records and/or safe. You know the other things you should make note of. Go on; in the worst case, we back you up, and we start a day early."

"Let's not even entertain that thought sensei. Wish me luck guys!"

His teammates nodded, and Kakashi waved his hand as he held the binoculars to his face. Naruto immediately leapt forward, just off the edge of the guard tower. As soon as he cleared the level the lookout was stationed at, he shaped a breeze to blow him back to the fort's wall. Making contact with a soft thunk, he ran down the rest of the way in the shadow of the wall created by the early morning sun.

Now on the ground, Naruto found no cover, so quickly performed the solid-henge. Going for average, he made himself into a 30-year-old man, with a short black haired queue, stubble, and an axe. Looking around, he casually strolled along the edge of the wall towards the cookhouse, where he might be able to hear some information before trying to access the main building.

**oooooo**

'Jeez, getting around at civilian pace is so slow,' Naruto thought to himself. 'Seriously, I know the place is big, but this will take forever going around the perimeter. Screw it, I'm about to move out of the shadow anyway, I'll cut a straight path across.'

Naruto left the wall and made for the cookhouse. As he got closer, it became clear they were correct, as the smell of food wafted over the breeze. There was now obviously some noise being made inside, and he hoped that with 200 of them around, a new face wouldn't be noticed.

Instead of a door, there was an animal skin, which he pushed open and entered. There were long tables and benches in rows, with a few men sitting here and there drinking beer or, in a few cases, tea. Naruto made sure not to stop in the door and stare, and kept walking towards the other side of the room. There were three cafeteria-style lines along the far wall, and drink stations along the sides. Apparently, breakfast was not yet ready, as the lines were closed. Naruto walked over to a drink station, and looked at his choices. There was beer on tap, and kettles of water sitting over cans of Sterno. Deciding against beer, he picked up a kettle, and poured the hot water into a cup with a teabag. He took his drink and sat down at a table nearby, and started to listen to any conversations.

Unfortunately, it quickly became clear that it was too early for rumormongering, as almost all of the men sat alone and nursed their drinks. Naruto knocked back the last of the tea and made a face at the taste. It was worse than the cheapest tea he had found and bought in Konoha as a kid, which was five kinds of sad. Standing and heading to the door, he placed the cup in the marked bin and walked out.

'Well that was a bust. Still, you'd think that I'd be able to do _something_ of importance at the eatery, it's like a pub, you always learn things in a pub,' he complained to himself. 'Wait, that might work…'

He swung around the side of the building and looked for a door back to the kitchens. Instead, there was a porch with crates of preserved meat, as well as produce. Naruto spotted the door he assumed would lead to the kitchens, and grabbed an apron from a peg next to it as he walked in.

"There you are, you're late, and we're behind schedule with breakfast soup! Chop up that box of onions and all of that sausage and add it to the cauldrons. Be quick about it, ya half-witted bastard!" A rough looking man with scars and an eye-patch yelled-slash-directed Naruto, pointing at boxes and vast pots of simmering broth, large enough to boil a person.

Naruto hurried to the station the man had pointed at and grabbed a knife. He started slicing up the produce piled next to him, getting into the swing of things as other culinary-inclined mercenaries stripped chicken meat off the bones or measured scoops of salt and pepper before tossing them in the pots. Naruto couldn't help but grin, thinking of his approaching first practical prank, as he ran the sausage past his knife, dicing it to a steady, quick beat. Making short work of the sausage, he grabbed a bowl and slid it all in, before taking it and dumping half in each of the master pots. The onions were more difficult, as the knife wasn't very sharp, and the onions were cheap, with plenty of acid in them. It was taking effort not to be overpowered by the smell, and his eyes were already tearing up.

This time when he had finished, he checked to make sure no one was watching before pulling out his storage seal full of pranking tools. Deciding on the 'Omega-Level Biologicals' section, he sliced a finger open and activated it, grabbing the three vials that appeared before tucking the seal away again. As he dumped the onions in the pots, he discretely poured each of the vials in, before mixing the pots up with a large wooden spoon hanging nearby. He turned towards the door and was on his way out…

"Where the hell are you goin'? Just because you're done quick don't mean nuthin'. You're good at choppin', huh? Get all that chicken they're pullin' off the bone minced for the pot pies this afternoon."

Naruto turned around and headed back, starting to question the decision to come in here. However, the thought of all the mercenaries shitting themselves for the next two days brought a smile to his heart, and he returned to cutting, knowing it was worth it.

**oooooo**

Half an hour later, his smile was not so bright. Unable to take it anymore, Naruto enacted his escape plan by grabbing a chicken bone, and tossing it. The bone flew across the room, hitting the arm of a man cooking bacon. He dropped the skillet, pouring bacon grease into the fire, which flashed up and set the unfortunate scumbag's clothes on fire.

"Fire!" Naruto cried, pointing, as the man ran towards the sinks. As everyone rushed to help the man or douse the fire, Naruto dashed out the door, flung off his apron, and quickly changed appearances.

As he got off the porch, he could see random mercs walking around now. He walked towards the main building, but stopped and walked behind a pile of crates, getting out his communication mirror. He'd have to risk the spotter in the guard tower seeing it; they couldn't decipher it anyway, assuming the spotter recognized it as code in the first place.

Putting the mirror in a spot of sun, he flashed it at the top of the eastern tower.

.- .- ... / -.. . - .- .. -. . -.. .-.-.- / ... - .- - ..- ... / -. .-. . . -.

He waited for a reply and got two quick flashes, then nothing. Nodding, Naruto continued towards the main building. He wasn't approached by anyone, despite the area filling up with more mercenaries. Passing a rather busy building that had been assumed a small barracks; Naruto slowed as he encountered signs of something he had dearly hoped wouldn't be present.

Naruto sniffed the air to double check, and processed the heavy odor of sex. It wasn't like this morning however. It smelled unhealthy, both literally and figuratively, and hung over the area, like a gloom, pervading the air and stretching to more of his senses, as he attuned to faint moans coming from the building.

Fuck, now he needed to find out if they were part of Gato's slave trade. Kakashi had warned that there were likely going to be women in the camp. Often prostitutes would zero in on a military camp or other congregations like this, but since Tazuna had confirmed the rumors that Gato traded in humans, Naruto needed to know whether they had to rescue captives or not as well as the assassination and massacre already lined up.

Reluctantly heading towards the building, Naruto grew more uneasy as he picked up the scent of blood.

Plastering a grin on his face, he stepped past the animal skin into the waiting room, where five men were sitting, waiting for a turn, he supposed.

"Welcome, we got a new set of girls in yesterday, try one of 'em before they get all loose and used," the man standing behind the counter suggested. "They look pretty good still, take your pick!" he slapped at the wall, where two-dozen pictures of nude women were stuck up, with prices, ages, and fake names written beneath. The ones on the left had their prices crossed out a few times, and new ones put on, whereas the ones on the right looked new. Naruto gripped his hand hard enough that his nails started cutting into his flesh; some of the women, girls really, were his age, one looked disturbingly similar to a classmate at the academy.

Managing a suggestive leer, he laughed. "Tiger-Lilly looks like a bunch of fun. Unfortunately I've got duty now, but I heard about the new girls and wanted to size them up. Keep them revved up for me!"

"You betcha, but don't take too long, the new ones get used up fast, and we're shipping out the 'bargain bitches' to the mines in Salt Country next week."

Naruto kept down his bile and nodded before stepping out. Reversing his direction back to the pile of crates, he barely made it before retching, the lingering scent still clogging his nose. He was able to keep his breakfast, but knew he couldn't continue the mission like this. Straightening himself, he meditated a few minutes before withdrawing his mirror. He flashed a rapid but infrequently used code that signaled aborting the mission while still having green status. Not waiting for a reply, he performed a kawarimi with one of the bug-out logs.

**oooooo**

Naruto appeared at the base of the tree. He ran up it and made a clone before copying the earlier trick. His clone hurled him across the gap before popping, and he landed with a thud against the roof next to Kakashi, before transforming back.

"Report."

"We're green, but I was unable to complete the mission… I … found the female slaves."

"You were gone for longer than that, what happened?" Kakashi asked, as Sakura and Sasuke grimaced.

"I released a stomach-flu virus in their breakfast. They should have diarrhea and be dehydrated for the next two days. Other than that, and learning that there are two dozen female captives, I gained little knowledge of value."

"Can you resume ground work later today?"

"I'm not sure. I need some time."

Kakashi nodded and handed his binoculars to Sakura. "You two stay here and continue surveillance. I'm going to debrief Naruto. Come on, let's replace ourselves back to the logs."

**oooooo**

Kakashi listened to the whole story. "You did some stupid things, but it worked. You stayed on you toes and got out free and clear. Not bad." He slung his arm around Naruto's shoulder. "We're going to get them out, and they'll go to Konoha hospital. Everything we can do for them we will."

"He said they were shipping out the old girls to the mines, how many have they gone through? Gato's been here for at least two years!"

"I can't tell you that, not that you really want to know. We're going to end it though."

"I know, it's just… the smell was so much like this morning… but so different at the same time."

"Go back to Tazuna's and get our lunch, take your time. By the time you get back you should feel better."

"Hai. Oh, um… if you and Tsunami get together again, could you be more discreet? It's going to be hard enough dealing with the 'happy-sex' smell when I get our lunch."

"Of course, if I had known…"

"No, it's fine… I'm going to go now."

**oooooo**

Several hours later, the four ninja were eating in shifts while watching the compound.

"Sensei, I think it's the masked nin coming in through the gate!" Sakura exclaimed.

Through the gate, which had been opened around 8 a.m., came the masked nin, walking straight to the main building. The mercenaries left the nin alone until they got to the guards, who stopped them. After a brief exchange, the ninja handed a scroll to the guards, and walked back out of the complex. Kakashi and Sakura followed the guard with their binoculars, inside and to the central second story room, where they had easily spotted what could only have been Gato, several hours ago. Gato received the message and read it, before tearing it up. He sat still for several minutes before sending the guard out of the room. The guard ran out to the front of the building and slammed his hand down on a button on the wall.

A foghorn went off, drawing the attention of every mook in the camp. Bodies disgorged out of every building as every mercenary to a man stopped what they were doing and congregated in front of the main building. Shortly Gato appeared on the balcony with a megaphone.

The richest scumbag in a several country radius stood on a platform and began to speak. "As you know, I've hired a notorious nukenin to kill the last remaining speed bump between me and complete control of this pathetic nation. He has failed twice, defeated by a group of ninja from Konoha. Two days from now, he and his little whore sidekick are going to attack the bridge and kill everyone there. What he doesn't know is that we are going to follow behind, and kill anyone left, whether it's the baby devil, or those tree huggers from Konoha.

"At which time, my power will be consolidated, and you can feel free to do as you wish to the nearby villages. The farther ones are still off limits, we need domestic labor and food for some things, but otherwise, go wild!"

The mercenaries cheered and a few tossed hats in the air. Soon a chant started up: "GATO! GATO!" The man himself waved, and returned to his room.

**oooooo**

"Well, we learned that Zabuza and the masked nin stay somewhere distant," Kakashi said. They had returned to Tazuna's house after listening to the speech. "That will make things much easier. Sasuke, go to the butcher and buy a roll of paper. Naruto, you and I are going to be making many storage seals. Konoha will want all of the information from Gato's files, and it will be easiest to seal the papers away and carry them back, as well as any money. This afternoon we'll take care of last minute details and sleep, then we'll attack at three a.m."

**oooooo**

End Chapter the Eleventh


	13. Chapter 12

**Important A/N**: During the assault quite a lot will be happening simultaneously, so I'll follow different characters with overlapping time segments. Also, many people will be dying and I will detail a few of them closely. And then there are the sex slaves that need rescuing. This story is 'M' for a reason! It shouldn't bother most people, but it might bother some. Use your discretion.

**oooooo**

Naruto's hand was beginning to cramp. Considering the fact that it was transference pain from his clones, it was telling of how many times they had made a basic storage seal over the last hour. Kakashi wanted to take everything in Gato's office and let the intelligence officers sort it out back home. Considering the multi-national size of Gato's empire, the jonin thought it was better to err on the side of excess when it came to storage capacity. So, while the four fleshy ninja went over the assault plan, a gross of clones were cranking out storage seals.

Every once in a while one would pop; possibly just out of boredom, Naruto-prime mused. Because of that, Naruto's hand was gradually becoming sore. The blond paid half attention to the plan as it was repeated a fifth time; privately he was thanking his stars that clones usually popped before they could get any painful injuries. He usually didn't run into the pain problem, as it was pointless to have clones body build. If he ran a bunch through the same kata for a few hours, enough of the same muscles would tire, which could be painful when they popped. He had quickly learned to switch things up frequently. So, while it wasn't impossible to get sore from kage-bunshin, it was uncommon enough for Naruto to be annoyed whenever it happened.

"Naruto, pay attention."

"Sorry sensei, it must be the blood loss."

"What are you talking about dobe?" Sasuke asked, looking him over for injuries.

"Oh, I'm just kidding. Sensei told me to make as many storage seals as I could, so it took about a pint of blood to mix with all the ink. I'm fine, my clones are just trying to piss me off, and it's distracting me."

Sakura snorted, "Most people don't get into literal fights with themselves, you know."

' *Yawn* Maybe he has multiple personalities like us?' her annoying alter-aspect pondered as it awoke.

'Damn it! You've gotten me in enough trouble already! Where have you been?' Sakura mentally hissed.

'I'm your survival instinct. It was in your best interest that I disappear for a while. I helped a few times though, I'm just being subtler.'

"Ugh, I've had it up to here with you! Get out of my thoughts!" Sakura shouted at her alter ego, before turning her attention outwards again.

She noticed everyone looking at her. "I didn't say that out loud, did I?"

Naruto and Sasuske nodded.

"Oh."

"… I think you're going to have to explain it to them," Kakashi softly stated. "In fact, I think it would be good for all of you to share some of your uncomfortable truths."

His students frowned at him and looked at one another.

"Should we really rock the boat right before a big fight, sensei? We work pretty well together right now, maybe we should wait until after the dangerous mission…" Naruto said anxiously.

"There's always going to be a next dangerous mission, Naruto. Do you two think you can fight normally knowing that Sakura has a voice in her head?"

Sasuke tried to lighten the mood, "She was a fangirl, I've known she was crazy for years," he said, winking at Sakura.

Sakura grinned weakly. "I'll explain. It's better than the two of you thinking I'm crazy and hear voices in my head… Basically, I have a minor blood limit that was recessive in my lineage until it woke up in me. I have a split personality that in my case essentially personified my survival instinct. It sometimes fights for control when things get dangerous. For a while, I thought that Ino and I had successfully gotten rid of it, but it's more tenacious than a cockroach."

"So during our test, it was controlling you?" Sasuke asked worriedly.

"Probably, I know it took over when I froze up when sensei threw the kunai at me. It just wasn't quick enough to get me to dodge with the state my body was in at the time."

Naruto looked pensive while Sasuke prodded the subject some more, "So if it's your survival instinct, and it takes over, will it keep you alive if it means abandoning one of us?"

Sakura looked shocked, then worried.

'Hey! Wake up! Did you hear that? Please tell me you wouldn't do that, right?' Sakura pleaded mentally.

'It's very unlikely. You will almost always have better chances when your whole team is alive. I can't swear it'll never happen, but it would be the last thing I'd try. On top of being inefficient, you'd probably try to stop me. Which would get us killed while we struggled for dominance,' inner Sakura explained.

Sakura winced and summarized. "She said very unlikely, I'd try and stop her and get myself killed, so it would be counter-productive. I swear I wouldn't let her do it though!"

The boys frowned, while Kakashi decided to make an appointment with the Yamanaka when they returned.

"Eh, it's not that big a deal," Naruto shrugged.

"Really?" Sakura asked; Sasuke looked at him dubiously.

"Yeah, it's not like your brother killed your entire clan, leaving you the only remaining member, or the Yondaime sealed the Kyuubi into you as a baby in order to save the village, giving you super human abilities while the townspeople you helped save spat and swore at you during your formative years…"

Kakashi face palmed.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT… Wait, what?"

"Sorry Sasuke, the general outline of your tragedy is well known gossip. How your fangirls never learned I have no idea."

"People gossip about it! What the hell! … No, wait… go back to the bit about the Kyuubi?"

"You're a jinchuriki?" Sakura asked curiously.

Naruto and Kakashi shared a look of interest at the surprisingly well informed question.

"Yeah, I am. I'm the first one in known history for the Kyuubi. Yondaime was the first sealer good enough to do it. Hey, don't look at me like that; I'm still Naruto! Remember that talk we had when you crashed on my couch? _My_ tenant can't take over my body, or speak in my head."

Sakura looked apologetic, relaxing her body as she calmed down.

"Actually, Naruto, there's a possibility it might start communications with you. We've been rather surprised it hasn't tried while you were meditating."

Sasuke and Sakura tensed again at the idea.

"Really? Well, I have a lot to say to it, maybe I'll have to find it and curse it's furry ass out!"

Silence reigned for a few seconds before Sasuke started laughing. "Only you, Naruto, would search for the Kyuubi in order to insult it."

The other ninja smiled at the picture and chuckled.

"See, that wasn't too bad, was it? Now you all know each other better, and can become closer as a team without these secrets between you." Kakashi explained.

"Wait, just because we know the basics of what happened, Sasuke hasn't shared yet," Naruto garbled.

"Well, since everyone seems to know anyway, there's not much of a point is there, Naruto?" Sasuke asked heatedly.

"There's got to be more to it than is commonly known. Everyone else shared, it's your turn Princess," Naruto urged.

"It's private, and traumatic to think about."

"You saw it happen?" Sakura asked gently.

Sasuke sighed. "Damn it, fine. I came home from academy, expecting to bother my brother into practicing some minor skill as I usually did." He paused, snorting. "He almost always begged off, saying he had something important to do. He was usually telling the truth too, the bastard. Anyway, I entered the compound. It was quiet; if I had had another year or two of training I would have known something was wrong. But I was just a kid."

Sasuke's voice was tense, as was his whole body. Naruto was starting to regret pushing him into telling the event if just recalling it was this stressful.

"I saw some blood splatters, realized something was off, but I started to run home instead of leaving the compound. My parents would be able to fix it, right? As I went farther into the compound, I saw bodies of relatives I had known. I panicked and ran faster to get home to safety."

"Sasuke," Sakura interrupted, "Stop. It's ok, you don't have to finish."

Sasuke had been shaking slightly, eyes closed. Hearing Sakura, he seemed to loosen up a bit. He sighed, opening his eyes. "Yes I do, I need to finish. It will become obvious that my memories are suspect, but the next bit I'm certain of. I entered our house to find Itatchi and my father about to kill one another. Mother was horrified, and as they clashed, she tried to get between them. She stopped them temporarily and they talked about something, I can't remember. I think it was about the direction the clan was headed. Itatchi replied to Father, who attacked. Itatchi was quicker, but somehow Mother was faster than either of them. She intervened again, but… Dad ran her through while Itatchi was able to strike around her and kill father. I yelled out, of course. All three of them saw me before Mom and Dad died. Itatchi… It seemed he looked ashamed, but after what he did next, I'm sure he wasn't.

"I freaked out of course. I couldn't believe what was happening, what had happened. Itatchi had killed my parents, but I couldn't accept that my brother had done such a thing. I yelled and pleaded. I punched his legs while he just stared at me. Finally, he addressed me. He told me the secret of the Sharingan, and explained he was trying to awaken the dormant abilities in them. Everything is sort of jumbled together, but Kami, I remember him making a stupid joke about getting enough experience points to level up his eyes. He told me to push myself, and face him once I was strong enough. To live focused on revenging myself on him and to remember the misery he caused." Sasuke shook his head. "I don't know, he stopped making sense after a while. Then his eyes changed, he used the ultimate genjutsu to make me relive the last hour over and over again, occasionally switching to other methods of torture. I woke up a week later in the hospital. I learned what else had happened that night later."

…

…

"… Well fuck." Naruto declared. "Now I _have_ to get you into a strip club."

Sakura looked confused for a moment, before she decided to punch him on principle. Naruto frowned, but didn't dodge this time. Sasuke half snorted at the interaction, but seemed pretty out of it still, as Naruto held his bleeding nose, and Sakura rubbed her fist in consternation.

"You've left some of this out when discussing it with your psychiatrists, Sasuke," Kakashi remarked.

Sasuke nodded. "True. I didn't explain everything here either. There are some things I'll probably take to my grave, rather than letting the name Uchiha get sullied more than it has been already."

"I noticed. You and I need to speak more. There are things I can help explain, and perhaps things you can explain to me. The secret of the sharingan-"

"Is one of the things that dies with Itatchi and me, if I can help it at all."

"I see. Still, we need to talk. But afterwards. Perhaps Naruto was wise to suggest we postpone baring our souls till after the mission. I didn't expect you to give more than a synopsis of your ordeal… Still, what is done is done. Naruto, how many seals have you prepared?" Kakashi asked.

"Um, 1,500 five-pounders, give or take. And twenty fifty-pounders," Naruto replied nasally, though his nose looked almost healed already.

Kakashi closed his eye and let out a sigh, "I didn't mean for you to make that many. Can you make a storage seal that can hold other storage seals?"

"Not yet, I buy those still."

"Fine, I'll make a few. I guess we need to call it a day. Let's get some sleep so we can wake up fresh on time."

The genin nodded and headed to their bedrolls. It was still only about four o'clock pm, so there was plenty of time to sleep, assuming they could.

"Well, at least with all the training the last few days we'll fall asleep quickly," Sakura cheerfully complained. "Obviously we needed it, but I wish your clones hadn't thrown the rocks so hard," Sakura chattered, trying to find an innocuous topic.

"Yeah, cheeky bastards. On the other hand, if it didn't hurt, you wouldn't have been nearly as motivated to dodge better. Still, sleep sounds nice."

"Hnn."

As they slid into their sleeping bags, Naruto apologized. "I'm sorry for pushing you into reliving that, Sasuske, if I had realized…"

"Stop. You didn't make me do anything. I choose to explain. You had better get us into the Venus though…"

Naruto laughed. "At least he didn't mess up your priorities too badly!" he joked.

"You guys aren't seriously trying to get into a strip club, are you?"

"Yep! Just because Sasuke is fangirl-shy, doesn't mean we aren't healthy young males! Hey, if my plan works, you and Ino can join Tenten at the male revue place she was talking about."

"Oh really… I mean, um, what about your g- future potential girlfriend? What would she have to say about this?"

"I imagine any girl I'd date would understand the need for Sasuke and I to bond in such surroundings, and to be okay with it as long as I behaved myself. Heck I might even be lucky enough that my girlfriend would not only give her blessings, but try and join Sasuke and me…"

"Whoa, you'd have to be really, really lucky for that to happen," Sasuke said thoughtfully, as Sakura seemed to have a coughing fit.

"Ah, but see, I'm cursed with lots of luck. Really bad things happen to me, and really good things happen to me. It generally balances out. I get randomly picked to have the Kyuubi stuffed in my stomach. Good news, I get super powers! Bad news, most of the town hates me, and I had assassination attempts before I was even a year old!"

"People tried to assassinate you while you were a baby?"

"Well, I didn't know it at the time obviously. I found out later. Oh, Sakura, this is why the Hokage and I are buddies. Since I was an orphan, and yet a VIP of immense value, he was my distant grandpa growing up. Someone had to make sure the can of whoopass loved Konoha, so he wouldn't open himself up and let the primordial King of Beasts stomp around."

There was an awkward pause as Sasuke and Sakura examined that statement from a few angles. They were interrupted when a disembodied voice spoke from the center of the room, "Don't ever think the Hokage doesn't love you Naruto. I won't lie and say we didn't need you sane and happy, but the Old Man loves you more than you would expect."

"Sensei? You know Wind Whisper? Oh, of course you do. Nah, I know Jiji loves me. Do you listen in on us all the time?"

"Not all the time, but today was rather exciting, I wanted to make sure everyone was okay. You should get to sleep though."

He got several grunts in reply, and the three ninja turned in. They still had things to think about, but they were able to sleep eventually.

**oooooo**

Kakashi woke his students at one a.m. Groggy and weary-eyed, they marched into the kitchen to eat some leftovers that Tsunami let Kakashi warm up for them. After a quick equipment check, they were soon leaping from tree to tree on their way to their target.

**oooooo**

2:57 A.M. – Operation 'Gato-B-Gone': T minus three minutes

Normally on a mission of this scale, ninja used walkie-talkies or other comm tech. It was expensive, but often communication was the difference between success and failure. Having not planned for this situation, and therefore not having any comm gear, they had to rely on clone power.

Three members of team seven squatted on three branches, each one nearest their assigned watchtower, along with a clone. The fourth, Naruto, was alone on his branch, not needing a clone to receive messages. Kakashi signaled his clone, which disappeared, spreading the message to the genin it was time to strike. The four ninja stealthily sped across the open ground around the fort, and climbed up the walls. They would take out the four lookouts before heading to their assigned tasks.

**oooooo**

-Naruto's POV-

Naruto peeked over the edge of the viewing platform, kunai at the ready. He had come up the side of the tower, and the sentry was looking perpendicularly to him. Being cautious, the blond performed the wind whisper technique, making a soft noise on the far side of the tower. As the sentry turned, Naruto ran up the rest of the way and grabbed the man's head, then twisted, expecting a snap.

"Huh? What the hell-" the guard managed, before Naruto sliced his kunai through the sentry's carotids, one after the other. The man got out a moan before going slack. Naruto held the body away from him as the neck gave a very brief spray of blood before copiously running down the man's front.

"Someday I'm going to stop trying things I've seen in movies," Naruto swore. "Ugh, my hands are covered. How am I supposed to fight like this?"

Frowning, he sliced the back of his victim's shirt off and wiped his hands and weapon dry as best he could. Mostly clean, he waited a minute for everyone else to make their kills, before running down the inside of the wall and once again wrapping himself in the image of a mercenary. He headed towards the nearest barracks, where he was tasked with taking out as many sleeping targets as he could before any alarms were raised. There were fire bowls with the remains of logs still burning, and several groups of mercenaries were spread out, huddled near the light, playing dice or cards. Apparently the camp was never completely quiet. The gamblers would look at Naruto briefly before returning to the game.

Making it to the nearest barracks, Naruto opened the door and entered. It was a two-story building, and Naruto snuck through the downstairs hall, counting beds. Thankfully, the beds weren't bunks; that would have made things difficult. He frowned; trying to think of how to silently eliminate someone on a top bunk, then shook his head. Getting a count of occupied beds, the blond went upstairs and counted again. Once he had both totals, he made that many copies of himself and sent one over each bed. He made an extra copy and had it pop. Moments later, each of his clones made a coordinated stab through the larynx, using chakra-boosted strength to go deep enough to slice or crush the spinal cord. Most of his targets died in less than a minute, without waking up or moving at all. Not every clone had been able to do perform the technique perfectly though, as there were all sorts of body shapes present in the barracks.

The clones tried to ignore the minority of men who tried to gasp or struggle for a few agonizingly slow seconds before there wasn't enough blood in their brain to do anything but allow the body to bleed out.

_**oooooo**_

"_Naruto, I want you to take out the majority of the men. They'll be asleep, the only problem will be doing them quickly enough that one won't arouse the others. You are uniquely gifted at taking out multiple targets at once, so it is a good fit."_

"_Crap."_

"_Sakura, you will be tasked with the safety and medical treatment of the slaves. They probably won't trust a man, and are likely injured to one degree or another, so you fit the bill doubly with your medical training, even if it's just rudimentary so far."_

"_I see Naruto's crap and raise a damn."_

"_Sasuke, you'll be in charge of getting anything and everything in the office into a storage seal. This is very important, as missed information could mean we miss parts of his operation, and then we won't be able to clean it up as efficiently. We also need to find any liquid assets he has stashed away in a safe. Once the base is ours, the rest of us will help, assuming there's as much as I expect. I know it sounds boring, but we need to secure the data."_

"_Hnn."_

"_Meanwhile, I'll be cleaning up strays that are still awake, as well as having a 'chat' with Gato. Don't worry about him; I'll take care of it. Besides the slaves, assume everyone in the fort is an enemy, and don't leave any survivors. I imagine some of them may only deserve jail time, but they knowingly signed up with Gato. We don't have the luxury of finding out who is guilty of what."_

_Kakashi continued; "I'll speak to each of you alone about your tasks in more detail," Kakashi said, creating two shadow clones of his own, proof that he was almost completely recovered. They led the three genin to separate rooms._

_Kakashi spoke again once they were alone, "Naruto, I know you don't want to execute these men in their beds, and that is partly why it needs to be you. Out of the three of you, you have the sturdiest psyche. You are whacky and zany and in many ways just weird, but you have a remarkably stable mind for all the bizarre quirks it has. Sakura is more normal, but she is still fragile. Being directly responsible for the survival and care of the women will boost her mentally long after the disgust of what she sees in the whorehouse wears off…" Kakashi paused._

"_I've gathered that you know some of what happened to Sasuke?" he asked._

"_Some. Much of it was public knowledge, whether it was supposed to be a secret or not. I think he saw some of his clan slaughtered. Add in the way Sasuke reacted to the comments you've made about his brother, and I think that the attacker was Itachi."_

"_Sometimes I think Sarutobi is too soft on civilian gossip. Kami knows gossip didn't do you any good, and it would've been worse without some of those early executions the third went through with. You shouldn't have been able to put that together, though I was at fault as well for making comments like that where you could hear. Anyway, yes, Sasuke had a traumatic experience with his brother, though he's much better. I will not have him killing defenseless men in their beds; it could undo a lot of progress he's made._

"_Now you know__** why**__ it's going to be you. The __**how**__ is important too. If I were you, I would use synchronized strikes through the throat, trying to slice the spinal cord. Even if you don't manage that, the loss of blood pressure will have them unconscious within seconds, and dead not too much longer after that."_

"_Hai, I can do that, the academy had us train on pigs our final year."_

"_Humans are different, don't get lax. Alright, now if an alarm is raised, you are to go…"_

_**oooooo**_

Naruto wasn't sure what he should do regarding the clone's memories. He wanted to get rid of them, but the fact that all of the strikes didn't go smoothly meant he needed to improve. He decided to not meditate at all and let the memories return to him as they would. He turned to a clone; "Everyone pop."

He walked down the stairs as the clones all dismissed themselves. 'It's too bad this isn't a Caverns and Cyclops game, I could loot the chests at the bottom of the beds and find some magical swords of +2 or something. Instead all I have to look forward to is killing another few buildings full of men.'

**oooooo**

-Sakura's POV-

Sakura scaled the tower and slowed as she approached the top. She was invisible, but she knew better than to assume that the guard couldn't hear her. She crept up slowly until she could see inside the watch nest. She almost gasped as the rough looking, smelly sentry looked straight through her. Swallowing her surprise, she crept around behind him and entered the nest. She was right behind him now. She grabbed his head with her left hand and shoved her kunai into the back of the man's neck. Her knife pierced the skin, gliding towards her target until it hit a vertebra. Sakura quickly applied some chakra strength, and the kunai slid off the bone and into the gap, severing the spinal column. The sentry collapsed, a puppet with its strings cut. She knew he'd blackout within seconds without his heart beating freshly oxygenated blood to his brain.

Sakura flipped the table over and put it on the trapdoor entrance, then laid the sentry on top. Hopefully that would keep anyone from getting up here and finding the body.

Still invisible, she swung herself over the inside of the wall and ran down it. Naruto had been able to distinguish which building was the slave house on Tazuna's map. Sakura headed straight for it, despite her distaste for what she expected to find. She edged around the small groups of gamblers and eventually made it to the target. Naruto was right, she could feel the corruption of this place in the air. Taking a deep breath, she held her kunai ready and swatted the animal skin threshold aside.

Inside, the man at the desk looked up from his book when he heard the skin shift. Another man, looking at each of the photos on the wall looked up too.

"Huh, the wind you think?"

"Unless you believe in ghosts. Now which one do you want?" the deskman asked.

"Aiko! Definitely, she reminds me of a girl from my village."

"First of all, I don't care. Second of all, I told you that the even numbered columns of girls are sleeping. They get fucked twelve hours a day as it is, they spoil too fast if we don't let them eat and rest. Pick one of the others."

"I don't care, wake her up! I want Aiko, and I'll pay you extra!"

"Come back tomorrow at noon, I'll make a reserva-ackkk glckk," the deskman choked suddenly as a deep stab wound appeared in his neck as if by magic, and it started to bleed out as he began coughing up blood.

"Fucking hell!" the other man exclaimed, grabbing his short-sword and getting into a pathetic stance as he franticly looked around the room. Before he could think about doing something smart, like yelling for help, a fist hit his throat like a baseball bat, literally crushing his ability to shout. The mercenary dropped his weapon and fell to his knees, trying to breath. Sakura phased into view, breathing deeply between the sudden action and the extended jutsu use. The mercenary saw her as she approached, and looked confused before his face turned to shock at the sight of her _hitai-ate_.

"I hope the _akuma _torture you in interesting ways once you get to hell, scumbag." She kicked him in the chest, knocking him over, then leaned down and grabbed his neck, squeezing the sides. He stopped flailing almost immediately, but she held her grip for a minute, until she was sure he was dead.

Taking a long, deep, stabilizing breath, she looked at the pictures of the women here so she would know if any were missing and roughly how long each had been here. Sakura looked down the hall; there were doors on either side, stretching back.

'Hey, mini-me. If there ever was a time I needed a pep boost, now's it!'

'You rock? Whaddya want? You aren't in mortal peril; I'm your survival instinct, not your effing cheer squad. Just go in and do what you can.'

'As usual, you are oodles of help.'

The pink haired girl opened the first door on the left. The interior was plain; there was a bed, lit by a bare bulb hanging from the ceiling. On the bed was a nude young woman not too many years older than Sakura. She was asleep, and one wrist was manacled to the wall with a yard of chain. Sakura growled, but stopped herself and walked up to the woman, and then performed a basic diagnostic jutsu. The kunoichi stood over the civilian, holding her hands a few inches from her body. Performing the diagnostic was easy, even Naruto could do it if he wanted to. Understanding the feedback you received was totally different, as it was a confusing jumble of both sensations in the medic's body in the same spots the patient was injured, as well as a visual component that hovered above her hands.

It appeared the woman would be all right; she was one of the new arrivals, according to the pictures. There was a little malnutrition and some bruising around her handcuff, breasts, and privates. She had already picked up gonorrhea and crabs, but thankfully, everything was easily treatable.

Sakura stopped the jutsu and gently woke the woman. "Hey, wake up. I'm here to help you."

The woman flinched upon waking, but opened her eyes when she realized Sakura's voice was female.

"Girl, get out of here before they catch you! We can't break my chains, just run!"

"Shh! Calm down! I'm a ninja from Konoha. We're wiping out this entire base, and I was assigned to free all of you in here."

"Oh thank Kami, and thank you so much!"

Just then, they heard male moans coming from down the hall.

"Damn, there must be more men in here. What's your name?"

"Kōun."

"Alright Kōun, I'm going to go kill any other guys in the building, then I'm going to come back and free you. I just don't want you to get killed because you followed me into a fight."

"No! Please get the cuff off before you go!"

"I swear I'll come back for you, but if someone finds you free, I don't want to think about what they'll do to you. Just be quiet, I'll be back soon!"

Sakura exited the room while Kōun whimpered quietly. The kunoichi pinpointed the room that was 'in use' and wanted to slap herself. It had a lanyard around the doorknob that was obviously meant for letting people know there was a customer inside. Looking around, Sakura couldn't find any other markers on any of the rooms, so this was probably the only one. She slowly opened the door, hoping the bastard inside would be too busy to notice her.

Sakura slid in the room and nearly gagged, there was a big hairy mercenary (who appeared not to have had a shower in a month) plowing in and out of what must have been an attractive woman not too long ago. The woman just lay there and took it, having learned her lessons about interfering. She looked like she was in a trance.

Sakura rushed forward and drove a chakra-assisted circular swing into the man's chest, knocking him off the woman onto the floor, and more importantly, driving a kunai into his chest. The man stared at the metal protruding from his torso dumbly for half a moment before screaming in panic.

Sakura leapt forward and landed on his chest, nocking the air out of him and silencing his shouts. "You're really unlucky. I can't tell which of the guys in the fort were customers, so I have to take all my rage out on you!" She lifted his right leg and chambered her leg back for a kick.

"_noooo!_" the man whispered with what air was left in his lungs.

She pointed between his legs where he was hanging out, "Be glad I don't cut your dick off and feed it to you! The only reason I don't is it has probably got a dozen diseases and I'm not touching it."

With that said, she released her foot, smashing into his knee and making a crunching noise, a bit of bone poking out of his leg. The mercenary let out a silent scream, then went unconscious from shock. Sakura reached down and pulled her kunai out of his chest with a wet 'schlick' sound. He would probably bleed out. Even if he didn't, he wouldn't be getting anywhere for medical treatment with one leg, and would die of infection. Sakura found herself hoping a bit for the second option. She looked up at the woman to find herself being stared at in return.

"Avenging… angel…" she said in a raspy voice. "You're a… ninja. Rescue?" It sounded like she either had shouted herself hoarse, or possibly she hadn't spoken to anyone in a month or more.

"Yes, don't worry, we're going to take you to Konoha hospital, and my teammates are going to kill every last bastard in the camp."

She made a weak smile, "Good."

"Let me run a diagnostic on you."

**oooooo**

-Sasuke's POV-

Sasuke tossed the shuriken through the air, and watched it wrap the wire around the sentry's throat before flying back to his hand. He gave a mighty tug and held it, choking his victim. He walked the rest of the way up the tower, winding the wire around his wrists as he got nearer to the sentry. By the time he got there, the sentry was still. Sasuke checked for a pulse and frowned, then grabbed the man's throat with his hand and held him that way for a minute. Checking again, he nodded, and collected his wire and wound it back up into its pouch. Assuming everyone else had dispatched their sentry by now, he hopped over the wall and ran down it.

Once he got to ground level Sasuke slid into the appearance of the nukenin Naruto had killed on their first mission out of the village. While he had a better memory of the man he had fought, the massive stature would be too conspicuous. Giving silent thanks that he didn't need to use the solid _henge_, he headed towards Gato's miniature mansion.

As they had expected, there were guards posted around it, and it was illuminated by lit braziers. Sasuke smiled as he stayed out of sight and tried to imagine how Naruto would make a brassiere pun out of the situation. Snorting, he moved to the side of the building where there were no guards. This was pathetic really. The guards were just posted at the door; he doubted they even checked around the sides from the lack of discipline he saw while spying the previous afternoon.

Sasuke walked up to the window and withdrew a folded material from his pouch. Unfolding it, he peeled off a wax paper film and stuck the fabric to the glass window, where it adhered. Smoothing it down to make sure it was stuck well, Sasuke gave a stomp on the window. There was a crunching noise, but it was relatively quiet, and Sasuke kicked the window another time before cutting the adhesive out of the frame and pulling it out. Sasuke slipped in the room and laid the glass wad on the floor. He pulled out a glowstick and snapped it before taking a look around.

As was intended, he was in the office area, and now he could understand why Kakashi had made a big deal about seals. Gato had been here for over two years, and used this as his base of operations. Apparently, his empire produced a lot of data, as there were piles of scrolls and loose-leaf paper lying on desks. Along the wall there were filling cabinets, and Sasuke got the feeling that most of them would be nearly full.

Sighing, the ninja took out the big seal and released its contents, multiple mid-tier seals. Releasing the contents of one of those, he grabbed one off the stack of smaller seals and laid it on a desk, before putting a stack of papers on top of it and activating it. It was going to be a long night.

**oooooo**

-Kakashi's POV-

Kakashi ran up the tower casually until he got near the top, where he put a bit of effort into it. Speeding into the watch nest, he was standing in front of the lookout and had a kunai stuck in the unfortunate man's kidney before they even realized Kakashi was there. The lookout froze, then slumped over from shock, the pain of the kidney strike was so great. Kakashi finished him by slicing a carotid, careful not to get any blood on him, before hopping over the side.

Kakashi wasn't worried about this engagement, even for his students. Something would have to totally cluster-fuck before one of them got hurt. No, the jonin was already worrying about how Zabuza would react. While logically he should retreat and find a new job, the bounty on Kakashi and the anger of losing the Tazuna job might make Zabuza act a bit irrational. Kakashi pondered potential reactions as he took out three men playing dice, his body working on full automatic.

Carving a path to the main building, and sinking bodies into the ground with an earth technique, the jonin was soon outside Gato's second-story bedroom window. He slapped a small seal on the side of the building and activated it. He proceeded to smash the window in silently and jump through. After another second or two had passed, a final piece of glass hit the floor with a noise, the sound canceling seal used up.

As he walked over to the massive canopy bed, Kakashi kept a grin of anticipation off his face. He was looking forward to ending this bastard. Understanding the cycle of life, remembering the value of a life, the metaphor of fire- those were all important to instill in young ninja, and Kakashi agreed with it all. But after you were in enough operations, you could value a life and still enjoy being the instrument through which justice was brought. Yes, there were always rumors about Gato Corp, but they normally did business far from Konoha, so no one had investigated. Now that Kakashi knew that many of those rumors were true, he was going to guess that most were.

He was going to enjoy the _shit_ out of this justice.

Kakashi grabbed Gato and slid him almost frictionlessly across the silk sheets and onto the floor.

"Oomph! Huh- what the? Who ever you are, you've got about a minute to live before-"

Kakashi interrupted him with a fist to the stomach, then slapped a strip of duct tape over the tycoon's mouth. Gato started screaming, but not much got out with the tape in place.

"I think we need to have a little chat. First I'm going to use my magic eye to rip any important thoughts you have from your head. Then I'm going to discuss ethics while torturing you. Yes, I'm aware of the irony. Then, after we've had a long, if one sided, chat I'm going to kill you. I tell you this so that you start despairing and feeling the terror now, as opposed to later." Kakashi drew back his _hitai-ate_ and revealed his eye; he would need to be very quick with it.

"Let's begin."

"Muuuuuuumph!"

**oooooo**

-Sasuke's POV-

He now had a few glowsticks activated, giving off green light in a few areas as he walked back and forth from the desks to a central desk with the seals laying on it. This was boring, but honestly he was glad he didn't have any of the other jobs. Ninja weren't supposed to care for honor, but slaughtering sleeping men was not praiseworthy. And thank Kami he wasn't in charge of the slave rescue. They were probably naked, and he'd be unable not to think about it, and getting an erection from seeing a sex abuse victim would just be wrong, and… Yeah, he was glad he didn't have either of his teammates' jobs. And as much as he would have liked to pick off the mercenaries that were still awake, that came with part b: spending time with Gato.

Sasuke sealed another couple of fat folders into a storage seal. What really needed to happen was for Naruto to screw up and let an alarm sound. Now that would be fun. Well, sort of… None of the men here would probably be a challenge, but the numbers would make it interesting. Sighing and moving the seal into the 'full' stack, Sasuke walked over to the next desk to grab another stack of folders. Suddenly he heard a door open in the distance, and two pairs of footsteps approach. Thinking quickly, he grabbed all the glowsticks before throwing them in a cabinet drawer. He moved to the room's entranceway, where thankfully there was a corner before it turned into the main hall.

"I'm telling you there were lights. Someone's inside."

"Shh, be quiet. It's probably just an accounting nerd burning the midnight oil."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, watching the light get brighter, probably from a lantern, as he waited for them to round the corner. A minute later, they didn't disappoint, and he kicked the first one in the nuts before swinging his kunai towards the second guard. Unfortunately, it seemed he had some experience, as the second guard reflexively blocked with the kerosene lamp.

Sasuke had put enough energy into the swing to drive the kunai into the man's chest, so when the lamp got hit instead, it shattered, spraying oil over the guards, Sasuke, and onto the nearest desk. Guard #1 was bent over from getting nutted, and had his back catch on fire, along with the ground where there was a small puddle of kerosene.

Thinking quickly, Sasuke ducked under guard #2's swing with the broken lamp, and swept the legs out from under him while guard #1 staggered around flailing, trying to slap his back and cup his crown jewels at the same time. Guard #2 landed on the flaming puddle of kerosene, and Sasuke grabbed his shirt, picking him up and slamming him down a few times to put out the fire. Guard #1 was trying to unstrap his leather armor, having come to his senses apparently as he shouted for backup, "Intruder! Intruder!"

Sasuke stood up from slamming the other guard and took two steps towards the loud flaming idiot, spinning around and launching his foot into the man's face with a spinning kick. Ignoring the crunching sound, Sasuke watched, dismayed, almost in slow motion as the man fell back onto a desk, the flames immediately starting to lick some of the documents lying there.

There was no time to curse fate however, he rushed forward and threw the flaming guard over his back, on top of the second guard, and started slapping the papers. They were all out in a few moments, and he turned around hoping his opponents were still down.

Finally, something was going his way, as the two guards were lying in a pile, groaning and smoking with little flames here and there on each of them. Letting out a sigh, Sasuke went to slide his hand through his hair but jerked his hand back before it got burnt. Turning to a window, he saw a wet looking patch of his hair burning merrily before he started slapping it out.

Emergency over, Sasuke bent over to finish the two guards off when he heard three more pairs of footsteps running towards him. Sighing and shaking his head, he slit the two guard's throats before stashing his kunai and drawing three shuriken. "I will not have this shit happen twice," he mumbled under his breath as he stepped into the hall.

"There he is! Stop or we'll gut you!"

Sasuke flung out his right arm, then his left, then his right again, in under three seconds, launching shuriken straight into the men's throats. The lead guard dropped his lamp, which shattered on the floor and erupted in flame.

Sasuke facepalmed as he trudged forward to put it out. "What is this, comedy fucking pratfall hour? Seriously!"

**oooooo**

-Sakura's POV-

Sakura yawned, tired from the drain of chakra. Her chakra reserves had grown quite a bit, but using the two healing jutsu she knew as brute force cure-alls on two dozen girls and women took a lot out of her. The bruise reducing technique was actually useful as is, but thankfully none of the women had cuts or lacerations, the target of her other iijutsu. Luckily, no one else had come in, and she had all the women in the hall so she could keep an eye on the door while healing them. She had just finished checking everyone and doing what little she could to heal them. By the hopeful smiles and thanks she had received, it seemed just dulling the pain and the prospect of freedom was lifting the women's spirits greatly.

The ones who had recently arrived were mostly fine, though they would all need antibiotics and counseling. Some of the women who had been here for a while scared her in their non-responsiveness. Two of them in particular seemed to be in their own world, and wouldn't answer questions or talk at all, though they would walk if you led them. She had to stop another from trying to kill herself with the sword from the corpse in the entrance area. Sakura had the rest of the women keep her still while she took all the bodies and weapons and locked them in one room.

"Alright, I've healed you all to the best of my abilities; now I need everyone to stay calm and wait here with me until we get the signal from my teammates. Once I learn that all the mercenaries are dead, we're going to head to Gato's mansion where you'll be staying temporarily, since the nearest village sucks and has no food or lodgings. In a few days we'll escort you to Konoha, so you can be treated at our hospital. All right? Just hold on a little longer and you'll all be fine."

It seemed there was some disagreement on the last statement, but they all agreed the plan beat sticking around here. Sakura sat, facing the skin door, but also watching over the women. She wasn't going to let any of them do anything stupid when they were so close to being saved.

**oooooo**

-Naruto's POV-

Naruto found that by the third barracks it was easier to ignore the men's dying gasps. He wasn't sure whether he glad for that or not. There was only one more barracks to go, but it looked different then the others. Nicer, perhaps? Naruto headed towards it, regardless of the architectural differences. A breeze blew by, and he caught a foul stench. Looking into the wind, he saw a dozen outhouses, and all but one of them had a green square hanging on a hook off the front. He was glad he was in disguise still when one of the doors opened and a merc stumbled out. He flipped the red square over to green and winced, rubbing his gut.

Seeing Naruto, he called out, "Yo, you don't know who was on cooking duty today, do you? If I find out, me and some of the boys are killing every last sonofa bitch that stepped in the kitchen!"

"Count me in! I had to wait 15 minutes for my turn this afternoon, you'd have thought it was the women's line it was so long!" Naruto agreed, thrilled his plan worked. Of course, since they were doing a nocturnal attack, it hadn't made much difference, and it probably hadn't had time to do its full damage. Tomorrow they would've been throwing themselves on his kunai to end the suffering.

"Ugh, well, I'm gonna get some sleep; g'night."

"Night." Naruto palmed a kunai and walked so that they would pass one another fairly closely. They drew nearer, and he went for it.

Clang!

"Shit!"

The mercenary stood with his sword drawn, having blocked the kunai strike successfully. "I've been in prison, I know when I'm about to be shanked. What's your beef with me?"

"You've pissed off the wrong people," Naruto said, trying to keep up.

"What? I've kept my head low for years! Why would… Fuck me sideways, that's a kunai, isn't it?"

Naruto leapt forward and attempted another stab, but the man parried and returned the sentiment with a slash. The blonde leaned back just out of range before getting inside of the man's guard, the sword past Naruto. The man tried to punch Naruto's head, but the ninja grabbed the fist with his left hand and yanked on the arm, sending the merc straight into his kunai stab.

The merc dropped his sword. The two were close enough that they were practically embracing. "Well, that's the end then, I'm not living through that wound. My lung will collapse the moment you pull out your knife. Can you do me one favor?"

"What?" Naruto asked, uncomfortable with talking to the man he had just killed.

"Make it quick. Use my sword and take off my head. Give me a dignified death."

"… I've never beheaded anyone. From what I've heard, if you do it wrong it's painful and messy. I can use a wind jutsu to do it though."

"That will work. Thank you."

Naruto stepped back, and lowered the man to a sitting position, then walked several steps behind the man.

"_Cutting breeze_ no jutsu," Naruto said under his breath, visualizing it slightly different from normal. A smaller, thinner than normal blade shot out, slicing cleanly through the man's neck, and tossing up dirt when it impacted the ground. The head fell forwards, along with the torso slumping forward from the impact.

Naruto swallowed, and turned to the final barracks.

**oooooo**

This was definitely different, Naruto decided. Instead of weapons and armor lying around, there were books, writing implements, and reading glasses. The shinobi picked up a book, scanning the title: _Bird Country Tax Code- pt. 4 ed. 7_. Looking at the sleeping occupants, they were not shaped for violence. They looked like the type of people that the mercenaries bullied for lunch money when they were kids.

Naruto scratched his head, thinking. 'Oh, they're the people who actually run Gato's business. Are they captives as well, or employees?'

Naruto silently opened a trunk at the end of a bed, and rooted around. In a sock near the bottom he found a pouch of coins, and he found a multi-tool and a knife, all signs that these weren't captives. Between that and the relatively posh sleeping quarters, these men- 'Is that a bra on that chair?' - and women apparently, were here of their own volition. Naruto went upstairs, knowing he'd need to wipe out this building's occupants too. Upstairs he found half the floor taken up by a single room.

'Hmm, big room equals important, right? Let's bend Kakashi's rules a bit and take that one captive. They'll have some intelligence besides what's on the paper trail.'

He slowly opened the door and looked inside. There was a woman in bed, and Naruto ignored the fact that she had kicked the covers half off in her sleep, instead looking around to find any clues to her identity. He found one in a framed degree from some college in Lightning Country. According to the paper, Miyaka "Kiken" Yamashita graduated third in her class, majoring in business with a minor in accounting.

'Yep she looks like the boss. Time to get to work.' Naruto multiplied, and sent the Naruclones off to take out the rest of the building. Stepping over miss Miyaka, he grabbed three zip-ties out of a pocket and waited for the clones to finish. He heard a collection of 'shunk' sounds, and grabbed the woman's wrists. He had the first zip-tie tightened before the woman was coherent, but trouble started quickly when she tried driving a knee into his groin. He raised a leg to block, and fell on top of her when she pulled suddenly.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Gato will kill you slowly if you lay a finger on me!"

The two wrestled, but Naruto would have out-muscled her even if he hadn't been a ninja, and he quickly slipped the other two zip-ties around her wrists and pulled tight.

Standing up, and ignoring her screams and shouts of profanity, he grabbed a sock out of a bin and pushed it in her mouth, absorbing her relatively weak kicks. "Look, shut up and stop fighting or I'll kill you. Gato is dead, or wishing he was, and there's probably less than 30 people left alive in the fort. No one is coming to help you, but I'm not here to hurt or rape you. I'm not supposed to take captives, so don't make it hard or I'll kill you like the rest."

Miyaka froze, and spat out the sock, "Who are you and what's going on?"

Naruto realized now why Kakashi asked them if anyone wanted to borrow some duck tape. "You know, you really aren't in a position to demand answers. Whatever, fine." Naruto ended the solid _henge_ as he started explaining. "Gato went too far, and we're the group protecting the bridge builder. We knew if we took out Gato and his thugs, the nukenin he hired would leave us alone."

"Why are you kidnapping me? I'm just a paper pusher!" She shouted angrily.

"True, but I'm not stupid; everyone in this building knew what this company was doing, and you all worked here anyway. He wouldn't be paying you if you were captives. And you must be the head paper pusher, or else you wouldn't have such a large room to yourself. So, your choice: cooperate, or I shove this knife in your throat and get blood all over the room," he threatened, waving a kunai back and forth.

Miyaka lay still for a few moments. "You know, you're pretty cute. How about we do this and that, and you let me go?"

Naruto blinked, then snorted and facepalmed. "Man, sometimes I wish I was evil. Then I wouldn't feel guilty for taking advantage of you. You're lucky I'm a nice guy, because there's not a single ninja that would actually let you go after you put out."

"Humph! Fine, 'nice guy', can you untie my hands so I can put on a shirt?"

"Sorry, one of the rules about captives is to never free their hands, especially if you have every advantage over them. I am going to cover you up though, your chest is distracting, and Bubblegum will try to hit me if I bring you in with only bottoms on."

"Extract information, huh? Well hurry up and get to the spikes and flames bit, listening to you talk is cruel and unusual punishment."

Naruto looked around for something to cover her, and grabbed a bra, fumbling with the catch. "You don't get it do you? I'm risking getting in trouble for bringing a captive. My orders were to kill everyone, but I'm betting you have some knowledge in your head that will make it worthwhile. But you seem determined to make me kill you."

Miyaka stopped snickering at Naruto's lack of success with her bra. "… You really killed everyone else?"

Naruto's random jiggling managed to open it up, and he grinned a moment before turning and looking her in the face. "Yes! That's why no one else has come after all that screaming! Is this just now sinking in?"

"I think it still hasn't, frankly. I know you think we're evil, but the people in this building were like a family after spending as long as we have out here in the middle of nowhere of Wave. Even if they were my subordinates."

Naruto frowned. He had wrapped the bra around her and was trying to re-do the catch. "Yeah, well, the women in the cat house probably have families too. As did the slaves Gato Corp sold to the salt mines. I've been living with the family of Tazuna, the 'last remaining speed bump' between Gato and 'control of this pathetic nation.' So I'm not real sympathetic to you or your 'family.'"

He managed the clasp again, and stepped back. Miyaka didn't seem to have a comeback for that.

"Hey boss!"

"Ahh! Oh jeez… Why haven't you guys popped yet?" Naruto asked the Naruclone standing outside the door.

"One of us realized the women Bubblegum is rescuing probably won't have clothes, so we're looting anything decent so they can have something to wear. Can you make another dozen of us in case Cyclops missed anyone outside? We're going to take the clothes and swing by the kitchen and take stuff to Bubblegum so she can distribute it."

"That's not what the plan called for." Naruto sometimes felt his life was rather surreal- usually when he was loosing an argument against himself.

"Fortune favors the bold. You know Cyclops will be okay with it, he said he'd take out any stragglers. I think you can trust Sensei to do his job."

"Don't patronize ourself… Fine, go on then." Naruto made his trademark cross, and a dozen blonds appeared, then ran out of the room.

"…You're weird," Miyaka said flatly.

"I'm aware. Come on, you and I are going to Gato's mini-mansion to find Sensei."

**oooooo**

-Sakura's POV-

Sakura was getting sleepy, but kept herself alert, as she was the only defense these women had. She checked her charges; it appeared they were still all asleep. She turned back to the door and her heart leapt into her throat for a moment when she saw the door-skin move. A moment later a blond head poked in, "Hey Bubblegahhh!" It jerked back in time for a shuriken to drive into the wall behind.

Sakura walked to the entrance. "Sorry Mud. I thought Cyclops was supposed to give me the signal?"

"He was, we're here to give them some clothes and food we found. Cyclops wiped out almost all the groups outdoors, and we cleaned up the rest. I guess there might be a couple guys hidden somewhere, but I think everyone's accounted for."

"Food and clothes? Great, they can definitely use both!"

"Come on guys!" Thirty Naruclones lined up, carrying piles of clothes and pots of food. "Um, are they going to react poorly to us?"

"I don't know, but they're asleep right now, so be quiet when you bring it in and hopefully we won't find out."

"Right, you go in first."

Sakura walked in, then waved the Naruclones forward. They obliged, most of them wincing when they saw the state some of the women were in.

After they had deposited their payloads, all but one of the Naruclones went back outside. He asked, "Do you want to wake them? As long as they're asleep, the problem is sort of in stasis, but they're probably hungry…"

"I don't know; it's not like I'm a rape counselor. I have no idea what I'm doing!"

"Fair enough, did anyone ask for food before they fell asleep?"

"No, but then again they had just learned they weren't going to be slaves for the rest of their lives. They had other things on their mind."

"Well I heated up the food, it'll only stay hot so long… What about malnutrition?"

"Good point, everyone has it to some degree or another. I don't know how long it took to get them smuggled here, but that would account for the recent additions. The ones who've been here longer have it worse, but it seemed whoever was in charge of this fed them real food. Probably saw them as 'investments', hope the asshole died slow."

Sakura came to a decision. "Alright, go sit in the corner by the door and look meek. I'll wake them up and see who's hungry."

"Sure thing."

Sakura walked over and started waking the women she knew were stable first, then woke up the rest once the first group was lucid. Everyone seemed to be fine, although two were still nonresponsive. Everyone else picked through the clothes and put on whatever came close to fitting, the faster ones helping out the rest once they were done. Sakura could tell some of them noticed Naruto, but it didn't seem to be a problem so far.

Once everyone was clothed, Sakura passed out the plates and spoons Naruto brought, but decided not to risk the forks or knives after what happened earlier. Everyone dug in, though the two stuck in a trance ate rather robotically. Thankfully, it looked like Naruto had brought enough.

**oooooo**

-Sasuke's POV-

"This is taking forever. I bet all the interesting fights are over, anyway."

Sasuke was still putting files into seals. He had heard some distant commotion, but apparently it was taken care of. Yawning, he sat down in the chair and spun around in a slow circle, slapping his cheeks lightly.

"Sitting down on the job? That isn't like you."

Sasuke had leapt up, shuriken readied, before he parsed the comment and realized it was Kakashi.

"Heh, par for the course tonight, you walk in and catch me the moment I take a break from this drudgery."

"Is that an excuse?"

"No, 'I saw a black cat and had to spin in the swivel chair three times to avoid bad luck' is an excuse."

"Oh, well then, you had better give it another spin, I only counted two."

Sasuke looked at Kakashi, before grinning and letting a snort escape. "Yes sir!"

He spun around again before standing up and stretching. "You um… done with Gato?"

"Yes. I think he was sorry by the end, but only that he was caught, not for what he had done… Oh, apparently Mud decided to step up the timetable and wipe up the few men I missed on my way here, so the fort is ours now. I turned on the generator for this building, we can turn the lights on now."

Sasuke nodded and wandered over to the switch and flicked it on after he closed his eyes. He blinked a few times before going back to the desk he'd been using.

"Interesting. Mud and… someone… incoming. Sit down and take a break; since nothing went wrong, we have plenty of time to collect the info."

Frowning, Sasuke sat as directed. He could hear the footsteps now as well.

"Cyclops, Princess, whoever's there, it's Mud. When are we voting for new codenames anyway?"

Naruto walked into the room next to a red haired woman in panties and a bra halfway on. Sasuke did _not _blush. He did however sigh and pinch the bridge of his nose, coincidentally covering his face. "I don't care if she did follow you home, you can't keep her, Mud."

… … …

"That wasn't bad! Keep that up, and you'll have a sense of humor in no time!"

Sasuke slowballed a shuriken at the jokester's shoulder in response. Naruto dodged easily and grinned. "But let's be serious. Cyclops, this is the head of whatever they were doing with all the paper. I saved her in case you wanted to ask some questions. Plus, she's smokin'."

Miyaka huffed, "I knew you were hentai, kid."

"Someday, your disregard for the rules is going to get you in trouble Mud. Thankfully, not today. I can use her; Gato was more a 'big picture' kind of guy. Smart, but it was obvious he delegated the day-to-day work to someone. Was that someone you, miss...?"

"Miyaka. Yes it was. I was in charge of coordination and book keeping."

"Coordination? Can you elaborate?"

She frowned. "Can I sit down?"

"Certainly. Let her go Mud."

She walked over to a desk and sat on it. "First you need to realize that although there were legitimate businesses, most of Gato Corp was Yakuza with another name. Every region had a chief, and they did whatever they pleased for the most part, as long as they gave a cut to Gato. Ugh, Gato was a cheap slime ball, but he was smart at what he did. My subordinates and I were tasked with trying to organize the various little fiefdoms so they could make larger effects in the financial markets and international trade. Increase banditry on this road here, promote a worker strike there, and suddenly anyone with thirty tons of tea sitting in a warehouse at point C could charge double it's worth."

Naruto spoke up, "Why would you work here knowing the things that went on?"

Kakashi frowned, but didn't interrupt.

"When I graduated, I found out my collage loan had been bought out by Gato Corp. I didn't know anything about them, and they told me if I worked for them, that they'd match the money I put towards paying it off. Well, I was no idiot, and started immediately. It was real businesses I worked with at first. Every once in a while I was expected to fudge some numbers here or there, but that's not unordinary. I worked my way up the ladder and had more and more responsibility. Somewhere along the line I stopped organizing corporate takeovers, and started planning raiding parties. What can I say? It was challenging work that paid well. Denial and selective perception is easier to fall into than you'd think. What are you two, 17? Ask your leader, I'm sure he's had plenty of practice at it."

The genin looked at their sensei briefly, but he had on his blankface. Not that his face was normally easy to read, what with it being mostly covered.

"Miyaka-san, can you tell me where Gato kept his safe? And do you know the bank account numbers Gato Corp used?"

"Yes to both questions… But I'm only telling if you pardon me. Hell, I'll tell you anything you want after that, I hated Gato himself."

Naruto and Sasuke frowned, staring at their sensei.

Kakashi was still, looking at the woman intensely. After a minute, he spoke up suddenly. "Have you ever heard of Morino Ibiki?"

"Afraid not. He the prison warden?"

"No, he runs the Torture and Interrogation department of Konoha. At the risk of sounding melodramatic, I'll say that trained assassins all over the elemental nations speak of him in whispers. Most of the time, he doesn't need to resort to pain to get you to talk. Sometimes, people never realize they've sung like a bird. That's not to say he won't slap you around or use a red-hot poker if he thinks it will be effective. What's your greatest fear Miyaka-san? The one you never think about, because to do so would make you drink yourself unconscious?"

"How do you know-? Damn it!"

"I can intuit that, and he has more talent in that field in his little finger than I do. He'd already know by now, and maybe a few fears even _you_ don't know you have. Now are you _certain_ you don't want to tell me those account numbers? We can find the safe on our own to be honest."

Sasuke interrupted. "I had to talk to the man as part of… therapy for… stuff. He creeps out even his friends, and most everyone tries to avoid the guy. Trust me, you don't want to meet him in a professional context."

Miyaka stared at Kakashi defiantly, ignoring Sasuke completely. "I. Want. A. Pardon. Asshole."

Kakashi stared some more. "Okay. One pardon in exchange for your full co-operation."

"R-really?"

"What?" both genin asked, confused.

"Yep. Don't get me wrong, Ibiki-san would love to get his hands on you, and you would talk eventually. But some of this is time critical information. You get a pardon, and you'll tell me what I want to know. Then you'll come back to Konoha and tell some more business inclined people who know the right questions to ask what they want to know. You might meet Ibiki-san under much more pleasant circumstances. Then we'll give you some pocket money so you can get a wagon ride home or do whatever you want. Your name will be added to a watch list, and if we find you in a situation like this again, you get sent straight to an unhappy Ibiki, then jail. Otherwise, you are free and clear. Deal?"

Miyaka paused, unsure. It sounded too good to be true, but there wasn't much choice. "Deal."

"Good. Hold out your arms," Kakashi said, holding out a kunai. He cut off the zip-ties while warning her, "If you try running, we won't give you the week's rent when we let you go. If you try a second time, you get bound up again. I seriously suggest not running away a third time." Kakashi pulled out a blank piece of paper from a pocket and grabbed a pencil off a desk. "Write down all the account information, and tell Princess, that's him over there, where the safe is."

Miyaka nodded and started rubbing her wrists before writing the account numbers. "It's ironic, Mud-san, that you asked me why I would work for Gato, when your organization boasts of an entire division devoted to torturing people. If I'm truly the last one alive, then your team ended over 230 lives in the span of a few hours."

Naruto snorted, "No one likes T&I, but sometimes it's necessary for security. You aren't really trying to put yourself on equal moral grounds with us, right? Gato Corp smuggled drugs, slaves, and endangered species, off the top of my head from the laundry list the locals claimed to see pass through here. You were part of an organization responsible for ruining lives for profit."

Miyaka looked up from writing, "Oh, and you ninja wiped out our base for free, I suppose? Konoha ninja are mercenaries like the rest. We were able to figure out some of the pies the hidden villages have their fingers in, since we were playing some of the same games they do. Ninja are just superior pieces."

Naruto shook his head. "What are you trying to accomplish by telling me this? I'm pretty sure I sympathized with you more before you tried defending yourself."

"Defending myself? I never claimed I was innocent. I've been trying to tell you to look in the mirror before casting stones."

"Well, we can add mixing metaphors to your list of crimes," Sasuke interjected.

Miyaka rolled her eyes and continued writing. "I just take offense at your moral superiority. How much blood did you get on your hands tonight? Granted, most of the hired blades here were slime, but I knew at least a dozen pretty well that were decent guys, down on their luck, and had to take this work to eat. And none of my staff deserved being stabbed in their beds! Well, maybe Sado, he was rather twisted, I always thought he enjoyed the darker aspects of our work too much."

Sasuke sighed, tired of the argument. "Shut up Hannibal. You two obviously have fundamental differences of opinion, and your argument is as full of holes as Swiss cheese. Mud, learn to pick your battles, she's both been traumatized and she's rationalizing her behavior. You aren't going to be able to talk your enemies to your point of view with a heartfelt speech you know."

"You never know. When I'm upset, I feel better after I've gone a few rounds with my clones. Maybe diplomacy fails because the diplomats never beat on each other before talking. I bet a lot fewer wars would happen if the Daimyos involved had to get in a cage match before war could be declared," Naruto grinned.

Miyaka set down the pencil. "Come on Princess, let's go see the safe. I hope you can crack it, because Gato would sooner have pulled his necktie till he passed out than tell anyone the passcode."

"It's 37-28-91-55-46, alternating right and left," Kakashi said as he picked up the sheet and went over it. "I'm going to relieve Bubblegum, and get all the women over here. I'm not an expert, but I know how to deal with victims better then she does, hopefully I can relax them to some extent. Mud, get to work sealing away the papers. Use as many clones as you like."

"Speaking of clones, my last set has been gathering the bodies into a pile near the outhouses. You want to use an earth jutsu or should I light them up?"

"Earth jutsu, Zabuza could likely tell there was something wrong with that much smoke. We don't want him to catch us off guard."

"Right. I'll leave it to you then."

**oooooo**

8:00 A.M. – Operation 'Gato-B-Gone' complete: After Action Phase T plus three point five hours

Team 7 was standing together in the mini-mansion, the sunlight coming in through the windows. Miyaka was nearby, fully clothed now, and looking dead tired as the only person who hadn't slept most of the previous afternoon. The newly free women were sleeping again in their mismatched clothes, lying on mattresses the Naruclones had drug over from the barracks. He made sure to flip them over to hide any blood, and arranged them edge-to-edge to create a large, unbroken field of sleeping area.

"Alright, I think we've done enough for now," Kakashi said, sounding a bit tired. He had been hurt fairly badly about a week ago after all. He looked at Naruto curiously, "Mud, just how many clones have you made since you woke up?"

Naruto looked in poor shape, very much at odds with his normal attitude and appearance of boundless energy. "Can't remember, Cyclops-Sir. Perhaps too many, I wanted to catalog all the resources we had at our disposal, and re-organize them from the chaos they were kept in. Also sorted all personal belongings by liquidity and value, and took stock of the food so we can give it to the locals." He let out a big yawn when he finished.

"We did good work, and you all did pretty well. We'll do an in depth debriefing after we wake up at noon. We still have some work to do, as well as take care of our guests, but for the most part, this part of the mission is over. We'll do some exhausting physical exercise this evening and get an early sleep again, then wake up early and escort Tazuna to the bridge. He knows to tell the workers not to show up, and we'll see what happens from there. Don't be surprised if Zabuza takes out his anger at the loss of paycheck out on us.

"Now, drag one of the extra beds into the corner and get some sleep. You're mattress will be next to mine, Miyaka-san, we don't want you to decide to go on a walk while we're asleep.

"Any other business?"

His students were exhausted physically and mentally, and only Sasuke even bothered shaking his head in the negative.

"Pleasant dreams then. And don't worry! I figure we've got at least a 50% chance we won't be fighting for our lives this time tomorrow!"

**oooooo**

End Chapter the Twelfth

A/N: (This was the original author's note that appeared with this chapter the first time I published it. However, the message I wrote is still relevant, so I'm keeping it for any new fans.)

(…)but seriously, let me talk about something that happened that really annoyed me. My first well-written criticism came in a chapter or two ago, and I should have been delighted. I had been waiting for someone to give me constructive criticism, but this person either wasn't registered, or didn't sign in.

I've been trying to respond to anyone with a serious question or comment, and I definitely wanted to talk to this individual. I could see where they were coming from in their complaints against the story, but I also felt that had I been able to discuss it with them, we both could have come away better for it.

But no, they didn't sign in, and they disliked my story enough they no longer wished to read it, meaning I couldn't add something at the bottom like this to get their attention.

My point is, if you are one of the approximately five people online who will spend the time to not only give a review, but give a detailed list of what needs to be improved, PLEASE make an account and always log in when giving a review. Because while most authors, including myself, love any type of review, people who can critically diagnose a story are rare and worth their weight in gold.

P.S. Anyone who wishes to just say "You Rock/Suck !", feel free! That's gives authors a warm tingly feeling that's awesome. My first real flame gave me a smile the rest of the day!


	14. Chapter 13

Naruto woke up groggily around noon. Kakashi was prodding him with the handle of a long ladle. "Rise and shine. I've got food, and it's time to be busy again."

Naruto did a double take. No, his sensei really _was_ wearing a chef hat. He suddenly recalled seeing one in the cookhouse. "Mmph… You've got to be kidding… man, I don't feel so hot…"

"Well, I'm just guessing, but maybe you used too many shadow clones. No one has ever used as many as you do routinely. Yesterday you used more than most people use in their lives."

"Wouldn't it be my luck if they actually use life force, or split off bits of your soul or something, and it's slowly killing me."

"Don't worry, we don't understand _kage-bunshin _completely, but it definitely doesn't involve soul magic. Anymore than any normal technique does anyway- spiritual chakra is powered by our soul, but…" Kakashi looked at the bleary eyed Naruto. "… Never mind the meta-physics, any technique you learn in Konoha that involves the soul or life force in a permanently damaging way will be taught with big warning signs and flashing lights. That doesn't mean shadow clones might not be dangerous though. No clones today."

"… _Whut_."

"You heard me. Act like everybody else today and stay in one body. It'll be good for you, build character."

"I really don't like you sometimes sensei."

"That's normal. It means I'm doing my job, as long as you also respect me."

"Yeah…"

"Okay then." He handed the boy bowl of food. "I made it fresh, so there isn't any of your biologicals in it."

Naruto got out of bed and accepted the bowl, looking around. Sakura was with the women; she seemed pretty protective of them. Not that Naruto wasn't, but it was more on a personal level for her. Some of them were up, but so far mostly they ate, slept, and stretched out their muscles, which hadn't got much use while they were chained in place.

Sasuke was eating and keeping an eye on Miyaka, who was poking at her food and looking unhappy. Naruto wasn't particularly sympathetic. He managed a smile and nod to Kakashi and started to eat. Kakashi nodded back before walking off.

**oooooo**

The next hour Kakashi left them mostly to themselves, though he did check on the women occasionally.

"Not that I'm unhappy about slacking off, but weren't we supposed to be doing work?" Naruto asked Sasuke as they played Egyptian War.

Sasuke slapped the short pile of cards a whole second before Naruto, and looked at the blond somewhat pityingly. "Dude, you better get healthy before our fight tomorrow. Right now there are academy students who could take you out."

"Mmh, shadap."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Anyway, he woke us so our sleep schedule wouldn't get screwed up. We still haven't figured out how to sleep like a pro yet. I remember there was an elective class that was supposed to be about how to sleep with four two-hour 'deep naps' or something."

"There was a class about sleeping? How did I miss that? Wait- how did _Shikamaru _miss that?"

"If I recall, last year it was slotted against practical poisons, and the year before that against basic use of explosives."

"Oh. Yeah, not even Shikamaru would miss hands on explosives work."

The game was interrupted when Kakashi led Tazuna inside the mansion to a desk. Curious, the three teens gravitated over to see why the old man had been brought here.

"… so this paragraph basically says that if you don't pay up within the agreed upon length of time, Wave becomes a protectorate of Fire Country. This paragraph explains that if we feel like it, we can give you extra time before enacting that option. In other words, if you try your best, we'll leave you alone. If Wave drags it's feet and gets bitchy, we'll put an administrator in charge of the country, build you back up financially, and leech out some taxes until we're even. Frankly, it would probably be faster to just do that in the first place. We have experience rebuilding disaster areas and the like."

"Then why don't you?" Tazuna asked.

"Two reasons, very closely connected. We're the 'good guy' ninja. Ask any kid that doesn't live in a hidden village- they might say so and so village is stronger, or faster, or cooler, but they almost always agree we're the nicest. Our founding Hokage, and all the Hokage that followed, felt that the betterment of the human condition was paramount. We still embody those ideals. It also turns out though, that being the good guys makes a lot of money."

Tazuna snorted.

"If we came and conquered your country and taxed you, none of you would remember us for rebuilding, or stabilizing your economy, or making sure everyone had food and medicine. Everyone would remember we barged in and taxed you. The first method means your own elected government can be put in place and you can have pride in solving your own problems. We'll send an envoy with advisors, food, and doctors, but if you want, you can ignore the advisors. We'll let you do your own thing as long as you don't screw things up too bad. This way you get happy citizens, Wave tells everybody else what awesome guys we are, and we get paid eventually."

"I want to say that that philosophy is sinister, but if you live up to your word, we really will be better off. What are the terms?"

Kakashi slid over a sheet.

"… This is ridiculous!"

"It includes the price for healthcare for every citizen, along with all the food you would normally import at a discount. You'll be 'renting' the use of our top reconstruction experts, and although I can take that item off, you really don't want to ignore their input. We're also charging hardly any interest… Frankly, if we dealt with Zabuza, got your bridge finished, and left without charging anything, it would cost about this much to stabilize yourselves anyway. And you wouldn't have access to the food and medicine."

"… I suppose…"

"We also found… 202,347 Ryu here in the fort, between Gato's private vault and the pocket money of the mercenaries…"

Tazuna's brow raised.

"The 23 hundred goes directly to you, to distribute however you think it should be, or to get a start on restructuring. You have choices with the 200 k. You can use it to pre-emptively pay against your balance, getting rid of a large portion of the debt immediately. But my suggestion is to invest it in infrastructure upgrades like your bridge, roads, retooling Gato's boat fleet into merchant ships and fishing boats, making public buildings, etc. And I think you know a few construction workers…"

"You keep saying 'you' as if it's all up to me, I'll need to get some village elders together for a meeting-"

"Nope. When you sign the paper, you are Wave's interim Chief Grand Dictator. We can change the title if you want something else, but until a real government is re-established, you have total control. That is your reward for being the only person to stand up and do something. And also, I suspect, your punishment for lying about the mission."

"… You're a right bastard."

"Meh, I've been called worse."

The two went over the other points of the contract, Tazuna surprisingly acute when it came to legalese, and Kakashi made a few changes here and there. At last, Tazuna frowned, picked up the pen, and signed.

Kakashi bowed. "You did the right thing. If the bureaucrats give you any problems, cite this law and they'll give you a message pigeon. Give it your message and I'll fix the problem," he said, scribbling a law heading number on a page along with his address, and laying it on top of the table. "I'm going to send a long message back home. They should have the first wave of medics and supplies on the road in a few days. They'll get here in maybe a week, week and a half." He scooped up the contract and walked outside.

**oooooo**

When he returned, team 7 had a formal debriefing. The genin had many questions about the contract making process, as well as Kakashi's predictions about Zabuza's reaction. Kakashi tried to answer as much as he could, before ordering them all to practice chakra exercises. They were making progress on these, but still had a long way to go. Since Naruto seemed to be getting healthier, Kakashi had them spar in the courtyard for a couple hours before they went back to bed early.

**oooooo**

It was the morning of their confrontation. Tazuna was to stay and watch the women. A few of the women who had arrived recently could function normally now, though they were probably blocking out the whole ordeal. Anyway, they would be safe until team 7 could deal with Zabuza.

It was early, and the team set out stoically. While they hoped Zabuza would just leave, Kakashi warned them it wouldn't go perfectly smooth, whatever outcome happened.

They arrived early to the bridge site, and prepared to wait. Naruto meditated; thankfully, he had almost completely healed, whether due to his clone ban, or just the passage of time. Sasuke had grabbed a leaf and was spinning it left and right over his hand, since floating a kunai took a noticeable amount of chakra. Sakura was poking her finger through the ground. Occasionally she'd look at Kakashi, who'd nod, and she'd grab his hand, submerging herself completely underground. She'd move around a bit before hauling herself out with Kakashi's help.

After she did this a third time, Kakashi spoke. "That's enough Sakura. Don't drain yourself. We might need some doctoring at the end of this."

"Hai."

**oooooo**

Kakashi stashed his book, immediately setting the genin on edge. The four stood up and flexed, though they had been careful to sit without letting any bits go numb. Zabuza and the masked nin appeared side by side. Zabuza was restraining his annoyance at finding himself counter-ambushed.

"Don't think things will go the same way again Kakashi. My associate here is smart. He's picked apart how your eye works, and a strategy for beating it."

"Gato is dead. We've scoured the fortress. None survived. You have no employer."

"WHAT‼ ARRGH! Damn you!" Zabuza raged, before stopping. "Wait… That just means you have the 500k he was going to pay me, maybe more," he grinned.

"500? Sorry, he only had 200k on him, though I'm not surprised. While we were infiltrating the place, we overheard his plans for his men to meet us both here and kill whichever of us won while we were licking our wounds. You were never going to get paid, no matter what happened."

The assassin stood perfectly still. "You know, normally I'd expect this to be more mental warfare, but that shit probably was planning on backstabbing us." Zabuza was beyond annoyed, and was settling his emotions. An experienced warrior-assassin, at home equally on the battlefield as at the Daimyo's courts, he was as cold as ice when he killed.

"I'm afraid I need the money though. Even if you've only got 200 on you, your head, and especially your eye, will bring in some funds."

"… Let's make a bet. If you beat us, the genin go free, you get my body, eye, and the 200k. If we beat you, you and your associate sign up as Konoha nin."

"Preposterous! I gain nothing I wouldn't take anyway if I won, and if I lost-"

"If you lose, I don't kill you. You have a stable home again, you'll be protected from the hunter nin, and you can earn money for whatever cause you want."

"Zabuza-sama-" the masked nin started.

"Hush… I doubt that your brass will let me fund my cause while under Konoha's association."

"Maybe, maybe not. But you'll still be alive, and we'll probably send you on missions you'll like… Think about it like this, if you win, you get what you want, if you loose, you stay alive to ninja another day… What would the codes tell you to do?"

"Don't bring the codes into this! Those are for amateurs. We both know the codes are only guidelines, and unhelpful ones at that!"

The genin had been following this worriedly, the idea that Kakashi would use his body as collateral, and the idea that he wanted Zabuza as a co-worker- a fellow Konoha ninja, was totally unexpected.

"Zabuza-sama…"

"Hush, I know what you want to say already… Fine! I agree. Let's get started!" He immediately shunshin-ed over onto the bridge, starting the mist technique.

Kakashi grinned under his mask. "Give him hell, Naruto."

Naruto, too, grinned mischievously, summoning a handful of clones. As the mist crept in, they synchronously held the bird sign, before unleashing a strong gust, pushing the mist back to the river. Kakashi charged, and Zabuza opened his mouth, breathing out mist even faster, as the masked-nin rushed the clones to stop them from disrupting the fog any more.

Haku's charge was led by a wave of senbon, all expertly aimed at the clones. The clones rushed to complete another gust, hoping to blow away both the mist and the senbon. They were too slow however, and most popped only half done.

Sasuke rushed forward to meet the masked Haku, while Naruto tried to get distance. His job was to suppress the fog as much as he could. He had wanted to seed the area before the fight, but Kakashi had forbid it, saying it would have been obvious to Zabuza. Now he was rushing to create groups of clones that could independently suppress the fog while he helped deal with the fake hunter-nin.

Meanwhile, Kakashi and Zabuza were at a standoff, more or less. Kakashi's eye could give him just enough prediction in the light mist to dodge. Zabuza, a master in his element, could hide without any chance of Kakashi finding him, even without the full effect of his mist. They had made a few nicks on each other, but nothing serious.

Haku kept trying to take out Naruto, but thanks to the dodging practice, he was able to evade the metal… so far. The blond gave up trying to outrun Mask, (as he thought of his opponent) and intersected with Sasuke's vector.

Sasuke, finally able to get into close range, attacked immediately. Haku had been rather focused, but wasn't caught off guard. Seeing Naruto about to slip away, the Mask defended with one hand while sealing with the other. As Naruto split into several copies, the lingering mist in the air condensed, forming needles of water. They flew out, stabbing towards the blond annoyances.

Only for most to be stopped by an earthen wall that sprang up, before collapsing right after the needles struck. Naruto prime winked at Sakura, as a few clones fled. They would have to do for keeping the mist down to manageable levels.

Naruto prime and Sakura closed back in to where the Mask and Sasuke were fighting. They seemed to be fairly even, though the Mask was occasionally jabbing Sasuke with a senbon. Seeing the other two approach, the Mask dashed back, starting a jutsu.

"Kinjutsu! Demonic Ice Mirrors!"

Team 7 looked around worriedly, as mist deposition caused sheets of frost to appear, and then turn into icy mirrors.

"Shit, this guy must have a bloodline to be able to do ice chakra away from snow country!" Sakura cried, "Be careful, this just got real dangerous."

"You're a smart cookie," Mask said. "But it doesn't matter anymore. You can't escape my jutsu. I'll disable you, help my master win, and you can head back to Konoha. I'm sorry that you'll lose your sensei, but it's not up to me."

"What a load! We just have to break some mirrors! Sasuke, fire it up, will you? We'll cover you!"

Sasuke nodded. The Mask tilted their head, curious, but unworried. Deciding it was better to be proactive, they flitted around the mirrors launching senbon. Sasuke prepared for a massive Grand Fireball as Sakura and Naruto frantically danced around deflecting senbon off their kunai.

"_Katon: Gokakyu no jutsu!"_

The ball flew up against a mirror, and steam poured off from where the two jutsu met. The ball of fire lighting up the igloo through the steam and mist with bright orange and red hues, which grew dimmer over time. All three genin moved around hastily through the mist, which was now giving them total cover. The Mask stayed inside the mirrors somehow, occasionally sniping at them if he sensed movement.

Sasuke prepared another jutsu, hidden as he was now. This was the pinnacle of his skill, he only was able to complete it half the time under optimal conditions. If he screwed this up, he'd be out of the fight.

The mask sensed gathering power, stronger than the previous jutsu. Expecting more clones perhaps, he readied to put out as many senbon as he could, as soon as a target presented itself.

Beads of sweat formed on Sasuke's face as he started- "_Katon: Ryuka no jutsu!"_

A condensed thread of fire poured out of his mouth, a dragon head at the front. Super hot flames flew through the air at his command, snaking forward until it hit a mirror. Sensing the obstruction, Sasuke steered the hellish elemental back and forth, poking holes in mirror after mirror.

However, the jutsu gave off enough light for a panicking Haku to make out the source of the effect. The masked ninja released needle after needle into the teen as Naruto rushed to his mirror, and Sakura hurried to Sasuke. They had been on the far side, keeping well away from the dragon, as Sasuke was essentially blind. As Naruto swung a kunai towards Haku, who was hanging out of the mirror to throw senbon, his target vanished back into the mirror and flashed away to another immediately.

"Naruto! Get rid of this fog! I need to see Sasuke!"

Naruto held the bird seal a moment, before slamming his arms together and pushing the air all about. Suddenly Sasuke's progress was revealed. A dozen mirrors had several holes bored through them, making them look fragile, as one or two melted or fell out of the air as they watched. The first mirror he had struck with the fireball was almost completely gone, it was thin, with a large hole in the middle big enough to walk through.

It wasn't without a price though. Sakura was frantically checking his wounds and pulling out senbon she was sure she could remove. There was one or two puddles of metal stuck to his padded shirt, hissing as they slowly cooled. Naruto could only guess they were senbon that had passed through the fire jutsu before hitting Sasuke. The boy looked like a metallic hedgehog.

Naruto made a few clones and immediately surrounded his allies from attack. More attacks seemed not to be forthcoming however, as the Mask seemed winded. Since Naruto didn't know how to fight him inside the mirror, he focused inwards to evaluate his friend.

"Damn it Sasuke, why did you go and do a stupid thing like that?" Sakura whined quietly as she healed one puncture after another.

"Naruto's rubbed off on me? Dunno, seemed like a good idea at the time… Sakura, stop, I can't feel my body, he's hit too many vitals."

"Shut up, I've got a diagnosis running, you're doing fine!"

"Heh, I can see the display. I actually know how to read it too…"

"… Damn it, too smart for your own good."

"What the hell, Sasuke! Are you giving up on us?" Naruto demanded. "I haven't gotten you into the Venus yet!"

"Dude, I refuse to believe there aren't nude bars in heaven. Real classy joints with angel strippers…" he replied weakly.

"Jerks, you can't be serious even now?" Sakura asked, still slowly selecting senbon to pull out, then heal the associated wound.

"Humor is the best weapon against the darkness. Naruto's shown me that."

"Dude…"

"I know you'll win somehow. Stop boo-hooing over me and kick his ass."

Sasuke closed his eyes and smiled. The monitoring jutsu Sakura was running beeped, before turning blue and freezing. Sakura looked at it confused before looking up fearfully. Naruto was walking towards the mirrors, which had re-arranged themselves so that the broken mirrors were at the top. The team was still trapped. However that was not what she noticed- Naruto was emitting a purple haze, a miasma of pain and rage. Making a deductive leap, the girl realized what was happening and prepared to try something risky.

**KRA-BOOOM!**

Naruto destroyed a quarter of the igloo with a bull-rush, as Sakura and Sasuke slipped into the ground, leaving a large pile of senbon behind…

**oooooo**

The two jonin were still neck and neck; the Naru-clones kept Zabuza from adding any more mist, but the man had perfected the skill, able to slowly generate mist subconsciously as easily as a civilian chewed gum while walking. Kakashi was able to keep Zabuza from focusing on the clones. The three were in unstable equilibrium. Frankly, they were all waiting for something to happen between the genin and Zabuza's partner.

Something happened.

KRA-BOOOM!

"What the fuck?" the two men murmured together. Realizing they had given away their position, both men moved immediately as they threw kunai where the other had been moments before.

"One of your munchkins have Bakutan, Kakashi? That was louder than even a couple exploding notes," mused Zabuza, using his voice displacement technique again to make his body un-locatable.

"You sound shaken, Zabuza. No, two of my kids have bloodlines, but not explosion release. It's probably the third one that did that," Kakashi replied, using the _wind whisper_ technique to counter.

"No wonder you bargained for their freedom. Don't worry, as much annoyance as they've caused me, I'll keep them alive- assuming they aren't dead by the time I've taken your head!"

"Ah, but your associate didn't make that loud noise… Yo, Naru-clones! It's getting a bit thick in here!"

"Sorry sensei… Something feels weird…"

A moment later, instead of a gust of wind as usual, several explosions occurred around the two jonin, pushing all the mist away, allowing both Kakashi and Zabuza to see each other.

They were suddenly more interested in the clones, however.

"Time the fuck out! What the hell is going on here, Kakashi? These clones have visible auras! That takes more chakra than a clone can hold!"

"Ah, well, I may have neglected to mention that the blond one is a jinchuriki."

"… You're shitting me…"

"I really wish I was. I suggest you yield and help me figure out how to calm him down before he takes us all out…"

The clones around them were glowing purple, and looking confused, a few looked like they were trying to stab themselves before two suddenly charged the jonin.

The clones moved like greased lightning, and their aura was acidic. The two jonin fought off the clones as the rest managed to stab themselves. The two rogue clones ran towards each other and merged, becoming larger and gaining a red tail. The three stared at each other, tensed to move at any moment.

"Well fuck, you can't make this kind of crap up, and if you can, I've lost anyway! I yield, lets just pound some sense into the kid, get him to wake up!"

"I doubt that will snap him out of it, it's more likely to annoy him!"

"It always worked with Yagura and the Sanbi!"

"Wait- what? Never mind, this thing is obviously under _ITs_ control, we need to destroy it first!"

"Fine! Let's see what we can do! Today is a good day to die!" He charged the monster, Kakashi a moment behind him.

"Not until I've got your ass signed up as a Konoha ninja! Hell if this story doesn't get me free drinks for a year!"

The three met together, Zabuza's blade giving him enough reach to get past the aura, while Kakashi had to zip in and out, poking at any undefended spots with powerful kunai stabs.

"Bastard, you owe most of those drinks to me!" Zabuza yelled as he dodged a slashing tail, slicing a finger off the odd monstrosity in return.

"We get through this, I'll give you a third of them!" Kakashi shouted gleefully as he spun around a piercing jab of a claw.

"What? Two-thirds!"

"Ridiculous! You like that Grass Country swill beer. And anyway, we beat you!"

"Only because you brought a siege weapon with you! Hell, without the blond fool dispersing all my mist you'd have been dead an hour ago! And my beer is better than that bone-dry Suna sake you like! Besides, I'm the one who's going to kill this thing!"

"Ha! Laughable claims," the ex-ANBU proclaimed, scoring a decent stab into its shoulder. "- And we'll see who kills-"

He was interrupted when the monstrous clone-thing speared its tail straight forward at Zabuza; at what it thought was a hole in his defense. Instead, the man swung his sword, carving the tail in half around him as he charged, splitting the abomination in half. It screamed as it evaporated away, making the men wince in pain.

They stood there a moment before Kakashi admitted, "Okay, that was worth _half_ the drinks."

**oooooo**

Haku swore as she ran away from her ultimate jutsu. Naruto was unlike anything she'd seen before. It was tearing apart the mirrors, _exploding_ them at times. Zabuza needed to surrender or flee, right now! It appeared they had never had a chance, their only grace had been that the blond couldn't seem to control this ability.

She turned to find her master as a sudden recollection took place.

"_Accident of birth. These birthmarks remind people of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, and I was born sometime around the attack. Throw in some superstition, fear, and the need to blame someone, and suddenly I'm the village pariah."_

"Oh Kami… I pissed off a demi-god…"

Suddenly there was a burning grasp around her neck, as she was picked off the ground effortlessly and turned to face the monster she had released.

She saw Naruto covered by a purplish sheath of energy. He was on all fours as the middle of three tails held her in the air.

"Go on, kill me. I'm just a tool. As long as Zabuza-sama lives, I don't care what happens to me."

The jinchuriki seemed to ponder this a moment, before looking around. Having found what it was looking for, he dashed towards it, carrying her like a ragdoll through the air behind him.

"NO! Zabuza-sama, run!" Haku cried as her master came into view.

"Well damn, kid, you already got to this stage? Wait… Damn it, you aren't home at the moment, are you kid?"

"You know what's going on?" Kakashi asked cautiously.

"Kind of. Was friends with the Sanbi's jinchuriki before some stuff happened. This kind of thing happens every once in a while, but this is a bit different. Six tails of different I'm guessing."

Naruto growled, holding Haku so she could see Zabuza. "Get away from him! He wants to kill you!"

"Now why would he want to do that?"

Naruto responded, "She killed Sasuke!" he barked, "Says she doesn't matter, only you matter. I'll kill you and make her feel like me!" With that, he lunged forward, his two free tails flying towards Zabuza, who dodged, parrying them aside as they passed.

"Just my luck! Haku, we are having words about keeping your mouth shut!"

Naruto halted as Zabuza sprang forward, and casually batted the man aside, seeming to have lost interest.

"Haku?" it asked, curiously. Taking another tail, it ripped off the mask, lightly searing Haku's face with the aura.

"Bitch! WHY?" Naruto flung her away, Kakashi and Zabuza getting slammed back as they jumped to catch her, the three rolling to a halt in a heap.

Naruto stalked forwards, standing over them, "Why? How could you do this?" he barked and yipped. "Zabuza had already agreed not to kill us anyway!" His tails hovered over them like snakes ready to strike.

"Naruto! She never killed him, Sasuke's alive!"

Naruto looked up to see Sakura hauling Sasuke over her shoulder.

"Dobe, snap out of it! How are we supposed to get in the Mons Venus with you looking like that?"

Naruto sniffed the air a few moments before howling, he shook a few seconds before a blast of chakra discharged into the sky.

When it was dim enough to see again, the ninja found him laying unconscious, no trace of the foul chakra on him at all.

**oooooo**

**oooooo**

Naruto woke up. He was laying in a puddle, it seemed. It stunk, and the air was damp. 'Did I end up on the shore?' he thought as he sat up.

It was clear something was wrong.

He was, in fact, in a sewer. A ridiculous sewer, that was more like an urban cave than a viaduct you had bodily waste go through. He knew from first hand experience, when Kakashi had made them unclog an actual sewer. It hadn't been in use; in fact, it was dug up and disconnected from the system, but it was still 40 feet of hell that would have easily have killed them if they hadn't worn hazmat suits.

Shuddering, and putting aside those memories, the blond looked around at the spacious dungeon that happened to be slightly wet. Figuring he might as well start moving, he stuck his wet hand in the air to feel for currents. Finding one, he followed it.

…

…

It may have been 30 seconds or 30 hours, time felt wonky in here. Regardless, he was now in front of a door. Having decided he was dreaming, Naruto carelessly opened the door, expecting to find some metaphor for sex, or death, or something. 'With any luck, Hinata will be in a pool of ramen, wearing something very revealing…' he thought as he pushed the door open.

And shut it again, as the sight of the Kyuubi himself brought a flood of recent memories to the foreground.

"Shit, I'm going to be in so-o much trouble when I wake up…"

"**Enter.**"

This broke his thoughts, and he pushed the door open again despite himself.

"**So, we finally meet… You're pathetic. You steal my energy and wear it as your own, and yet you are still so weak. You don't even want to use my true power, shunning it in your moment of victory.**"

"…"

"**Stunned senseless by the sight of me? How apt for suc-**"

"Shut the hell up!"

"‽"

Naruto looked around the room. It was humongous, tall enough for the Kyuubi to stand without crouching, and twice as wide. The accessible part was not very deep however, bars ran along the entire room, sectioning off 90% of it for the prisoner.

And what a prisoner! He was massive; every inch of him radiated power and majesty. He sat looking down at Naruto inquisitively.

"Fine, now that I've organized my thoughts, we can start in reverse chronological order. I 'shunned' your power because they were no longer my enemies. I'm not an idiot, I could tell you were manipulating me!"

"**Hmmph. So, the suckling isn't totally clueless. Fine- release me, and I'll grant you any wish your mortal mind could imagine.**"

"Oh, please. You've given me no reason to trust you. I've read about you, what little information they leave in the public library. You're a trickster, cunning, cruel, and remorseless."

"**Flattery will get you only so far, kit. You _are_ aware I nearly destroyed your village, correct? I imagine what information you could find would be rather biased.**"

"Grr… You know, I was sort of hoping we could come to an arrangement, but if you're going to be so arrogant and pigheaded, despite being stuck powerless in a mental construct, you can just rot in there!"

The Bijuu raged, lashing out with its tails and paws, releasing jolts of static as it bashed across the bars. "**You will let me out! I will not be held prisoner any longer!**"

"Tough luck. Maybe you should have thought things through before you attacked Konoha."

The beast stopped, and spoke with a focused fury, "**Silence! You know not of which you speak, young dungbeetle!**"

"Then teach me! I don't even know how to get out of here! I assume I'm not dead if you still want out, but we might as well get something accomplished while I'm here! Hell, a lot of people would love to know why you attacked. What did we do to you?"

Kyuubi growled, then started pacing. "**You wish to know of the past? Maybe you are not as stupid as you appear. Fine. While I will one day gnaw on your bones, you have the upper hand for now. It is foolish of me to deny it.**"

"See, this is what I was hoping for. I don't like you, you don't like me, but we're stuck together for the foreseeable future. You groom my back, I'll groom yours."

"**I'm not a monkey. But you do have wisdom, driven by greed as it is. I shall teach you of the past, and grant you some of my power in times of great need. In return, you shall make this place decadent, and allow me to perceive the material world.**"

"I assume I do this through meditation or something?"

The greatest of foxes snorted. "**You called this a mental construct. You were wrong of course, but not by as much as one would expect. This place is partially mental, but it is the world of your soul. Focus on the water. Will it away.**"

Naruto grunted, and focused on the water. A moment later, a few gallons disappeared, and there was a rush of water as it flowed into the brief hole.

"**I meant all at once. I can see this may take some time… But later. You know how to meditate, I've seen you drift around this place before. Now you know this place exists, you can find your way here easily. As to your mode of egress, come through the bars.**"

"Uh, no?"

"**Mortal, we have made an agreement. Besides, if you die, the next hundred years or so will be rather uncomfortable for me. I may be immortal, but your death will be a setback. You need to stay alive. For that, I must teach you, as you do not understand the board, let alone what the pieces are, or where they lie.**"

Naruto frowned, before walking slowly up to the bars and stepping inside.

"**Hmm. You are scared; yet you are brave enough to face possible doom. You are able to extend trust to tentative allies. A possible weakness, if you have poor judgement.**"

Naruto glared.

"**It served you well this time, however,**" he said, as a tail swung forward, and Naruto knew only darkness.

**oooooo**

Naruto woke up. He tried to lift his head, before instantly deciding that it was a bad idea. "Grrumph! ugg…"

"You're up, hmm? We were getting a bit worried."

Naruto immediately identified Sakura's voice, and opened his eyes. Looking around while keeping his head still as much as possible, he could see he was in one of the barracks. Across from him lay Sasuke, appearing amused, and next to him lay Haku. Sakura was standing over Sasuke, looking up from a thermometer.

"How… long?"

"Two days. Kakashi says it's the longest you've been unconscious, well, ever. I was getting weird reading off your diagnostics, as well."

"I guess he would know…" Naruto rasped.

"Sorry, here's some water." Sakura walked over and slowly poured a trickle of water into his mouth until Naruto made a moaning noise to stop.

Naruto worked his mouth a bit, running his tongue over the dry spots before he asked, "Is everyone alive?"

"Yes. Haku has some damage from… your aura thing, especially around her throat."

"So she is a girl. Good, she looked way too cute. There's bishounen, and then there's pushing it…"

"What are you talking about? Of course Haku's a girl."

"She tried to convince me otherwise when we met, she's the girl I told you about at breakfast."

"Oh… that's why you…"

"Yeah, finding out threw me for a loop long enough for you to tell me about Sasuke. Speaking of, how you doing hot head? Gotta say, piercings aren't your style man."

"I'm the hot head? Look who's talking!"

"I'm not the one who gave up full cover and hung a giant bull's-eye around my neck!"

"I didn't nearly crush my sensei to death."

"… Wasn't gonna crush sensei…" he whined.

"Fine, my point is, mistakes were made, we learned from them."

"I hope you all did learn from your mistakes. Although honestly Sakura did pretty well…" Kakashi interrupted, walking into the room, "One tries to avoid the word 'cluster-fuck' in official reports, but it might be challenging this time. We all have a lot to talk about over the coming days, until everyone is healthy enough to return to Konoha."

"Zabuza forfeited?" Naruto asked.

"Yes. I think it was clear that he couldn't beat a rampaging jinchuriki, no matter how large his sword is."

"_Bastard! That's another penis joke! You owe me another drink!_" came a distant bellow.

Kakashi rolled his eye. "He's temperamental over his sword, don't touch it or joke about it."

"So, um… Did we complete the mission?" Naruto asked.

"Well, technically, the original mission is void. You can all look forward to an embarrassingly large paycheck soon. I expect you all to put some of it in savings, by the way… However, we're not done until the bridge is complete. It should take only another day or two; news of Gato's death has spread like fire in a paper mill, and all the workers are back.

"Basically, though, we're done. I need to debrief the three of you separately and together, but unless someone decides to invade, we won't need to do anything else."

Naruto groaned, "Sensei, don't say stuff like that!"

"What? Don't worry, nothing will happen; what could possibly go wrong? It can't possibly get any worse."

All three genin looked at their sensei in horror, before Sakura started pushing him out of the room.

"Now nothing can stop us! I'm invincible! Bwahahaha-!"

The door closed, silencing him.

"My life is so surreal sometimes." Sasuke complained.

"Tell me about it. At least you don't get in fights with yourself, or have shouting matches with the Kyuubi inside your soul."

"… Uh, got me there. Is he as cranky as they make him out to be?"

"Possibly worse. Pig headed and obstinate, although he can change his mind in a flash as well. Couldn't get a good read on him really. Apparently he's going to teach me history in return for me letting him see through my eyes."

"Huh. Well, it's probably unnecessary to say it, but I'd be cautious about how much trust to give it."

"I'm not stupid Sasuke. I trust it slightly farther than I can through it."

**oooooo**

End chapter 13

**oooooo**

So, I just went through Narutopedia to see what crazy shenanigans Kishimoto has been up to. As I've mentioned earlier, I've seen next to none of the anime, and only read up to the Jiriya/Pain fight. Got pretty pissed when he died; (you might be surprised at my version of Jiriya, he isn't the universe's butt-monkey to laugh at like in most fics.) I did keep up with the plot until the turtle island or so.

…

So does Kishimoto want to usurp M. Night for 'twists' or something? Fricking Obito, really? Like… I mean… _really?_

… I'm calling it- the real mastermind, the one behind everything, when all the masks are pulled off, and all the pawns and cat's-paws have been traced back to their owners, it'll be…

Shishi, Tora's mother, thought dead. Tortured for years between her owner's… large tracks of land… she will find this existence hell, and will make it her mission to destroy the world, and reshape it in her image. She tried to destroy all the genin she was able, but wasn't strong enough until her birthright developed. A descendant of the forbidden love child of the Nibi and the Sage of Six (he was a furry [explains a lot]), the combination of trauma and catnip awakened Shishi's eyes. With the power of both the rinnegan and mangyaku sharingan, she started her power-plays and toyed with the lives of humans like the mice they were. She met a He-cat named Greebo, and begat Tora, to help her plans unfold. Tora jumped on the desk of Kabuto, surreptitiously fixing an equation he was having problems with. Stealing the formula, Tora revived her mother (who had grown old, and died of a hairball complication) and together they are on the cusp of re-writing the foundations of the world!

…  
>…<p>

My story will cut out the whole 'reviving everyone who has ever been a named character, and a few new people' bit, and jump to the climactic fight between Naruto, the fuzz-butt, and Hanabi, vs. Tora and Shishi. Harry Potter will stumble through the arch thingy, winding up in the middle of the fight and accidently casting riddickulous- then things get trippy.

Just wait… come chapter 53, you're all going to be like, "What the hell, Another Reader! This was supposed to be a 'semi-realistic' fan fic, where we explored all the lunacy that would occur if this shit happened to real people! How did a cat become the big bad?"

And I'll say, "Kishimoto drove me to it! It's madness! I told you I'd do it waaay back in chapter 13! Did I f-ing stutter?"

**oooooo**

_No I won't. I promise to be good. I might have to make it an omake though._


	15. Chapter 14

So, I'm heading into uncharted territory now. But this is what appeared when I started typing, which is the same method I've used the entire time. I imagine that my portrayal of Kurama and the change to the backstory may annoy some. However, if you've read over 100k words of my story, I also imagine you must kinda like it. So my hope is that anyone who dislikes some of the elements I'm going to introduce in this chapter will stick around long enough to see where I take it. Heck, it's possible I'll scrap whole sections of the chapter at some point in the future. I've changed crap plot points I've written when I did the re-write. Personally, I would consider what I'm posting to be half spell-checked drafts, especially compared to a professional's development cycle, for instance.

Let's find out where my mind will take us next!

* Clown- Sasuke's new nickname for Naruto (pronounced _paylo_ FYI) I'm thinking about making it retroactive.

**oooooo**

The next few days passed slowly, though there were some interesting occurrences.

"Damn it Piero*! Wake up, you're melting the bed again!"

There was no reply, as usual.

Sasuke picked up the next bucket lying by his bed and tossed the water in it onto the blond.

"Spluh- what the? Damn it, Sasuke, stop doing that!"

"I'm under orders. We only have so many beds, and Kakashi doesn't want it taking over your body."

"Oh hell, it's not doing anything! I'm learning to access some chakra so I'll know what I'm doing if an emergency comes up." Naruto looked down at his bed. "I wasn't even melting the bed, ass- you just like splashing me!"

"My enjoyment of this task is in no way influencing how often I splash you- I just get a sense of satisfaction when the time comes. Besides, I could tell you were about to melt your bedding," he said, winking an eye.

"You and your frickin' eyes! How would you like it if someone splashed you whenever you turned them on?"

Sasuke smiled, "I imagine I'd be as pissed as you are, but my superpower doesn't destroy my bed," he said smugly.

"Dude, I'm trying to get fuzz-butt to open up to me. If I can get him to be neutral, let alone friendly to me, he'd be an incredible asset. I don't care what Kakashi ordered you to do, don't splash me unless I turn red- purple doesn't count. I'll try and keep it down, OK?"

"I don't know…"

"… I'm so tempted to hang the Venus over your head, or threaten pranks, but that would be wrong if he's actually ordered you to splash me… Just… use your judgment, and try not to splash me unless I'm actually a danger. Please? This is important."

Sasuke frowned, then closed his eyes and shrugged. "I feel pretty sleepy, maybe I'll take a nap. I am recovering… If it were that important a job, he'd keep an eye on you personally. So I'm afraid as long as you don't wake me up, it's entirely possible you might flare up…"

"Thanks Sasuke."

"Yeah yeah, hurry up and figure this stuff out. You don't want to do this in Konoha, there would be riots in the street."

Naruto nodded, and leaned back to meditate. Sasuke relaxed as well, deciding that a nap might actually be a decent idea.

**oooooo**

"**Why do you keep disappearing, kit? This is vital for our well-being.**" The force of nature looked irritated, twitching his long tails back and forth.

"I know, but my teammates are rather worried when I start glowing and dissolving things. My sensei is rather worried you will corrupt me, though I've explained what's going on."

"**Ugh, foolish mortals. Get them to stop; I need you focused.**"

"I shouldn't be interrupted again for some time."

"**Fine. Maybe we should work some more on the décor then?**"

"Is that really necessary?"

"**Are you _questioning_ me?**"

"Fine. More water removal?"

"**Until you are better at that simple task, you aren't ready to shape my surroundings. 'Cheer up,' this will make your pathetic attempts at genjutsu more robust.**"

"I hardly ever use genjutsu, except for henge. And I'm a master at that."

"**Master? Hardly. I suppose you are pretty good for a human, but that's not saying much.**"

A large hole appeared in the water, in a rough shape of the Kyuubi's face, with nine tails above the head. Naruto was supposed to practice imagining more and more complicated shapes and designs until the water was gone, in preparation for redesigning his soul-space.

"I suppose you can do better?"

There was a snort that made a breeze go through the room, then a pop, as the massive fox disappeared, revealing a woman.

It took a moment for Naruto to realize what he was seeing. It was his Naruko, only aged to be more mature. 36? 40? He couldn't tell, as while she was older, she had this timeless beauty about her. Naruto knew that if this woman were 70 she would still turn heads, though more for her grace and nobility at that point. She seemed more three-dimensional than any of his henge, more real even than several people he'd actually met had.

"Some of it is the smell, of course," Naruko said, her voice the running water of a pure mountain stream. "All creatures are more likely to believe in something if their nose agrees with the eyes. In fact, many animals trust their noses above their eyes- if there is no scent, it automatically isn't real."

Naruto closed his eyes, taking a deep whiff. She smelt of Naruko- that is to say, exactly as she ought to smell, though Naruto had never thought about the smell of his clones or henge before. It just… fit.

The teen opened his eyes to see faux-Naruko walking up to him, and Naruto suddenly wondered if coming inside the bars, as an act of good faith, was such a good idea. The woman stopped inches from the boy and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him against her.

"See what an illusion is truly capable of? Oh, I can admit you weren't bad, but some of that talent came from yours truly. Mmm, you are a strapping young lad aren't you?"

Naruto was frozen, eyes crossed for a moment, before the woman was holding a log, with Naruto standing nearby.

The Kyuubi looked at the log and laughed- a dangerous, seductive laugh. Naruto reminded himself that this was really a giant Bijuu, as she dropped the log into the water.

"Very good! You were able to make a log, under 'duress' even! Though I wonder why you run from me in this state, when you'll stand up to me in my natural form…" she smiled mischievously.

"First of all, I've got a girlfriend, and second of all you're really a giant fox shaped being that, by the way, I'm pretty certain is male."

She laughed again. "Fox, human, male, female… I am whatever my shape is. Oh, I suppose it's true that I'm 'a giant fox-thing', but I'm not at the moment. For you and I, we are what we are. You know this on some level, or else you wouldn't be able to use your henge to the level you do… Hmm, maybe that is why you haven't mastered it yet? You need to _be_ what you appear, to the bone- yet never let your shape totally consume you. I wear this shape as a glove, completely filling it, pouring myself into it as water into a vase. But…"

A series of pops accompanied a rapid flickering of appearances, as the Kyuubi assumed the shape of several people Naruto knew, then others he didn't. Some were ugly or beautiful, most average, but all were just as overwhelmingly _real_ as the Naruko had been, despite only existing for a few moments.

The Kyuubi reappeared in all his magnificence again. "**… You choose to let the vase hold you, not the other way around. So yes, I am male- a particularly striking one at that…**" -pop- "Unless I'm not!" A 20 year-old Naruko finished cheerfully. "You've got a piece of fox-Bijuu stuffed in you, why not reverse that?"

Naruto blinked at the single entendre. "Um, I'll consider it, but haven't we got more important work to do?" 'When the devil ice-skates to work,' he continued mentally.

The Kyuubi reappeared, "**Yes, forgive my divergence from matters of import. It has been quite boring in here by myself, and old habits are hard to shake. Too bad kit, I would have shaken the stars in your sky. I do have several thousand years of experience, you know.**"

"I'm confused, don't you hate me?"

The Bijuu looked confused in return, "**What has that got to do with it? Anyway, destroy more water as I tell the story of the Sage of six paths…**"

**oooooo**

Sasuke woke up to find Kakashi standing over him, frowning. Once a few seconds had passed, the teen realized Naruto was glowing again, though no melting was occurring yet.

"Um, sorry sensei. I am recovering you know… He doesn't seem to be melting anything, are you certain you want me to splash him? He says he's trying to endear himself to the fuzz-butt, and getting woken up constantly in the middle of establishing relations is not helping."

Kakashi closed his eye and shook his head slightly. "I told you to splash him when he flared up. We don't know the long-term effects of the shroud. It could be poisoning his body, or… I don't know; it's youki! It could be doing almost anything!"

The man grabbed a bucket and splashed the blond.

"Bluh- ack! Damn it Sasuke, I told you this was import- uh, hey sensei!"

"I told you to wait until we can evaluate you with better medical facilities," Kakashi said sternly.

Naruto frowned, "If I did this stuff in Konoha there would be riots."

"Not if we did it in the proper places. We could set up a mobile med-lab in a sealed chamber in almost no time. Experimenting out here with no back up is insane, and if you persist in doing it against my instructions, I'll have to suppress your chakra until we get back."

Naruto's eyes widened. "Alright, I won't experiment with youki anymore, I promise. But I'd like permission to continue meeting with him. I have a lot of work to do on both the diplomatic front, and learning from him. Did you know the Sage of Six Paths was a real guy? Kyuubi knew him personally!"

Kakashi's eyebrow rose. "That _is _quite interesting. That sort of information would be quite valuable to certain people… Fine. You can talk, but no more auras, period. Don't make me angry," Kakashi warned.

"Sure, sure! I promise."

"I'll be checking back occasionally." He left the room.

**oooooo**

Haku had been kept on the second story at the other end of the building ever since Naruto woke up and started 'practicing.' His aura could aggravate her wounds from even a few yards away. She was slowly healing, and was now conscious enough to direct Sakura on how to treat her. Zabuza had some small knowledge of tricks to heal youki burns, but the wounds healed at a glacial pace.

Meanwhile, some of the stuff in Gato's fort had been reclaimed by the nearest townspeople. The bridge was going to be finished any day now, and the fishermen had nearly refitted several of the boats so they could reap the sea of its bounty. If there had been any surplus food, there would have been celebrations. Instead, people looked openly hopeful for the first time in quite a while.

**oooooo**

"Man, I'd kill for a cold one," Zabuza griped.

"That doesn't really mean much considering…" Kakashi said casually, leaning back in his chair.

The two were outside under some shade they had erected, watching villagers start to cannibalize the compound for building supplies and so on. All the two needed to do was make sure the civilians avoided certain buildings, such as where the female ex-captives were housed, and where the genin and Haku recovered. They had put aside enough food for themselves, as well as the seals containing all the paperwork.

"True enough… I'd fight that evil clone monster again for a cold one."

Kakashi opened his eye slightly, looking over at him. "You must not have had many while on the run all this time, huh?"

"Yeah, the hunter-nin were annoying, but you can never go into a decent bar. That was what really got under my skin every day."

Kakashi looked around, before pulling a scroll out of a pocket. Laying it on the ground, he activated it. A large cooler appeared, mist forming as water vapor condensed off the cool air coming off of it.

"You… magnificent bastard!" Zabuza murmured in slight awe, as he ogled the container.

Kakashi opened the lid, letting a cool damp breeze splash over both of them for a moment before he pulled out two bottles. In moments, the chest was gone and the seal back where it came from. He handed a green bottle to Zabuza and kept a brown one for himself. The two clinked beverages before pulling the caps off with their fingers and taking a swallow.

"Hey, not too shabby! I could have sworn you were supposed to like dry Suna sake. You keep this around for friends?"

"Ah, well, I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I like variety. It is a big cooler; I can afford to carry a few different styles of drink around. Oh, not a word of this to anyone, I'd have to constantly refill it if everybody wanted some every time I went on a mission."

"Of course… Hell, if you had handed me one of these before we started fighting, I would have folded pretty damn quick."

"I hope that's hyperbole, I'd hate to think you can be bought for the price of a craft beer."

"Maybe a bit of a stretch… But then 'water is worth more than gold in the desert,'" the man quoted.

Kakashi nodded, before picking up a large pebble from the pile between them and tossing it. It flew through the air, and hit a man's hand, which was reaching for the door to the barracks the genin were in. The man shouted a curse, shaking his hand, and looked around, before deciding to choose another place to scavenge.

**oooooo**

Everything was ready for them to depart.

Except for Haku.

It had been six days since the battle, and everyone else was recovered. The bridge had been built, there were fish in the market stalls, and though Wave had a long way to go, they had taken the first steps to recovery.

The women were in no shape to make the way back to Konoha, but the relief teams would have some experts that would give them the care they needed. The relief teams would arrive in another couple days, most likely.

Tazuna had begrudgingly taken over as de facto chief until a ruling party could be organized. When everyone realized he was more or less directly responsible for their freedom, no one attempted taking the position from him, though there was some argument over a few of his decisions. There was discussion of making a constitution, and organizing an official defense force. Kakashi left Tazuna with a seal holding all the weapons they had collected in the fort, telling him that even a militia would need something to use. The relief team would open it if Tazuna wished, once things were stable.

So really, they were ready, except for the stubborn wounds Naruto had given Haku.

"I'm so sorry Haku. I was just so mad. I thought you had killed him and I-"

"You were supposed to think that. I wanted you emotional and sloppy. On any normal genin it would have worked… You and I are very similar, you know. In the land of Water, those with bloodlines are hated for participating in the civil wars that have wracked the nation for decades. It got to the point where anyone with a hint of one was killed, usually by a lynch mob. When my father discovered I had control of ice, he killed my mother, then was about to kill me…"

"Zabuza saved you?" Naruto asked, thinking he saw how it all connected.

"No, I defended myself and… killed my father." She paused, fighting to moderate her emotions, managing to restrain herself to simply frowning. "I was alone, an orphan amongst so many others, for so long. It was hell. Zabuza saw there was something special about me though. He lifted me up, gave me purpose-"

"You need to develop other reasons to live," Naruto demanded. "Think about it, even if he's never defeated in battle, you're still going to out live him! Are you just going to sit down and wither away when he passes?"

Haku winced. "… I… try not to think about that day, though I've always assumed I'd die defending him long before that."

"Oh hell, I've screwed the pooch on this, haven't I?" Zabuza said from the doorway, surprising both of them.

"What do you mean, Zabuza-sama?"

"We… aren't just tools, Haku. Neither of us has been for a long time. I haven't been one since the coup, hell, almost since I graduated! And though I thought I wanted a tool when I first picked you up and started polishing you, you're more than that. Haku, you're my apprentice. For a while now, I've been teaching you everything I thought I could so my legacy would continue on."

Haku had started crying, despite a faint grin on her face. As the tears fell off her cheeks, they flash froze as they hit the pillow under her.

"You're also my daughter in all but blood, and though I still need your partnership, I'm not putting up with this fatalism. Sure, if you can keep me alive, go for it, but not if you have to get yourself killed! I don't have time to adopt another kid, let alone train one!"

"Thank you… Otōsan," she said with a smile.

Zabuza's eyes grew wide, "Whoa now, let's not get carried away… er… fine, but only in private."

Naruto had backed away so they could talk, but heard Haku make a small giggle at Zabuza's obvious discomfort for the title. He was about to slip out…

"I've got some serious news though. I'm afraid that you need professional care soon. I'm going to carry you to Konoha with the rest of them when we leave tomorrow morning. I know this will be painful, but you need specialized treatment before your burns turn septic."

Naruto winced and kept walking.

**oooooo**

They set out the next morning. All the goodbyes were said, and loose ends tied; it was time to go home.

It had taken them nearly a week to get to Wave, with Tazuna making them crawl along at civilian speed. Normally they could have made it in two or three days, less for Kakashi of course. But Zabuza forced them to a slower pace so he could avoid jostling Haku, whom he carried. Kakashi was carrying Miyaka, who still had knowledge Konoha would need to cleanly destroy Gato's empire and the smaller fiefdoms it was comprised of. She seemed resigned to it all.

Haku was obviously in pain, but managed to bear it stoically, hardly ever making mention of it. All three genin worried over her. Sakura felt attached as her main healer so far. Naruto, of course, felt terrible about the whole thing. As powerful a tool as the Kyuubi had been, Naruto worried about his ability to control himself. Sasuke, too, seemed awfully concerned about Haku, confusing his genin teammates. He didn't seem to hold any grudge at all about being turned into a pincushion.

**oooooo**

They were in sight of the Konoha south gate. They had gone around the entire hidden village so they could approach the least often used entrance.

"Alright team, shut up and let me do the talking," Kakashi told them, "Zabuza, please don't do anything stupid."

Zabuza grunted. "… Fuck. Take my sword."

"Huh?" The genin watched their sensei taken by surprise.

"I'd rather you had it than some punk gate guard taking it from me so I can enter. Just treat it right, and don't show it off."

"… I'll take it when they ask you to deposit it. You don't want to walk up without it, right?"

"Yeah, thanks."

The seven came into close range of the gate, and watched the chunin on duty go through a process involving confusion, blinking, and elbowing his partner, who was taking a nap.

"Team seven returning with three extras."

"On what terms are they entering?" the chunin asked.

"Defector, informant, and medical patient."

The chunin blinked. "… I need to make a call."

Kakashi nodded. "Tell them the code on this," he said, handing over a card.

"Yes sir."

The chunin moved into a guard station and spoke into a phone for a bit.

Everyone waited, somewhat nervously, for him to return.

"Alright, entry is permitted. Please wear these at all times until told otherwise," he said, coming back with three stamped tags on lanyards. "I must ask that you temporarily hand over your sword, Zabuza-san."

Zabuza looked at Kakashi who nodded, and removed the blade from the man's back. "If it's allowable, I'll be holding onto the sword for Zabuza-san."

"… I… Certainly," the chunin wilted a bit under Zabuza's stare. "You are all free to enter, you will be contacted with a time to meet the Hokage; he's quite interested in hearing the details."

"Hai."

**oooooo**

Zabuza quickly took Haku to the hospital, while Kakashi dropped his passenger off at the T&I guest accommodations (not a euphemism, they often needed to interact with people who were not going to be tortured.) The genin were glad to go home and get a shower, then lie in a familiar bed.

Team 7 was at the bridge the next morning, Sakura and Sasuke doing some light sparring against Naru-clones while Prime and some more clones practiced chakra control. Though Naruto had improved greatly, Sasuke was once again far beyond him in taijutsu, at least when he activated his sharingan.

"Um, guys, we aren't meeting today…" Kakashi spoke up, after appearing on the bridge's railing.

The genin looked at each other. "Oh, right… Well what are we supposed to do then?" Sakura asked.

Kakashi chuckled, "Take a break, go see Haku, restock your fridge… I'm sure you can find something to do with yourselves. You're off for at least a week, and in three days is the general day off, so you can join your friends then. First, though, I suggest picking up your paychecks. Remember, put most of it in savings; trust me. Also, while you're there Naruto, you need to see the Hokage about your tenant. We'll be doing some tests soon, so you are still banned from making an aura."

"Hai."

"Alright, any questions? Then have a pleasant break! I'll contact you if something comes up."

He disappeared as usual, and the three genin took off to see how much money they had earned.

**oooooo**

Naruto walked into the Hokage's office with a massive smile on his face. "Hey Gramps, I had no idea it was possible for checks to have that many zeros!"

Sarutobi grinned and switched on the privacy wards, "You lot earned it. Come, we have much to talk about. How frequently have you spoken with it?"

Naruto sat down, "I've spoken with him several dozen times by now. He admits to hating me, but can vary from playful to helpful, though he usually is rather arrogant. Apparently, he thinks I need to be educated by him in several fields if I'm going to survive. My survival is apparently a goal of his, seeing as my death will apparently send him into a hellish existence for a hundred years or so. He keeps referring to 'hidden pieces' and 'the shadow board.' Is there some sort of conspiracy?"

The Hokage sighed, and looked tired. "There's so much I don't know about the night it attacked. It seems that many things in the last few decades are connected, but our analysts can't figure out how. Not that most of them are even cleared for much of the information…" The old man looked uncertain.

"It is time, sensei."

Naruto turned in his seat to see a man with white hair and a non-standard hitai-ate.

"… I've seen you before… Wait, _you're _Jiriya-sama?"

"Oh, so he gets a –sama, hmm?" the Hokage asked sarcastically.

"I'm sure that'll change once I get to know him," Naruto responded, still looking curiously at the man. "Why have I seen you before?"

"Ah, well, I was around occasionally when you were a kid. I see you outgrew the goggles, you used to love them."

"… You needed to keep an eye on the seal?"

"I'm hurt! I'm your honorary uncle! Of course I looked after my cute nephew! I've just been… busy lately, is all."

"For 10 years or so? Never mind, it's classified I'm sure. How are you my honorary uncle though?"

"That's a good question! Why don't you hit the little red button sensei?"

"You aren't going to take no for an answer, are you, Jiriya-kun?"

"Nope. The secrets end today. It will be more dangerous for him if he doesn't know, than if he does."

Sarutobi let out a sigh, "Fine." He opened a drawer and clicked something. Immediately, steel slid over all the windows and doors, and the air faintly hummed with the power of seal wards.

"Well this can't be good," Naruto started. "If the Kyuubi is an S-class secret and we could talk about it before…"

"Yes. What we're about to discuss has no secrecy level, because the knowledge doesn't exist," Sarutobi said grimly.

"You guys are making me nervous…"

"Naruto, we've always known who your parents were," Jiriya opened up. Sarutobi rolled his eyes at the bluntness.

Naruto froze in his seat and closed his eyes. "… So I'm like, the Fire Diamyo's bastard or something? I assume my parents were important, or I would have been allowed to know…"

"You're… taking this calmly," Sarutobi half asked.

"Well, I always considered it as an option. Either the fourth used some orphan like everyone thinks, or he used someone very important for political reasons."

"Well, he used someone very important, but not for political reasons…" Jiriya said, hoping to lead the boy to the answer. "Uzumaki is your mother's maiden name, Kushina Uzumaki, but you look so similar to your father…"

Naruto's eyebrows scrunched in thought. He suddenly looked up. "Please tell me I'm not related to Ino!"

"Ino, who's that?" a lost toad sage asked.

"A classmate of his, Inoichi Yamanaka's girl," Sarutobi answered between chuckles. "No gaki, Minato Namikaze, the fourth Hokage, could only place the burden of being a jinchuriki on one person. His son."

Naruto looked dazed a moment, before he fainted.

"…Well, that went well!" Jiriya said brightly.

"Shut up, brat," Sarutobi grumbled. He lazily ran his hands through a few seals, causing a small blob of water from his pitcher to leap into the air and splash against the blond's face.

"Damn it Sasuke, I wasn't even talking to him this time- oh. You two. Can I just say I'm getting tired of being splashed awake?"

"Sure kid, that's nice. Do you remember what we were speaking about?" Jiriya asked.

"Oh hell. This isn't fair at all!"

"What?" the men asked.

"I'm the son of the Fourth Hokage, but it's some super secret that I can't tell anyone! Why the hell can't people know?"

"Oh, yes. There is that. You're right; this is a secret. Think for a minute. After sealing the Kyuubi, what is the next most famous act he accomplished?" Sarutobi asked.

Naruto pondered, "… By saying act, that rules out the Hiraishin… Whoa! Do I inherit his scrolls and stuff?"

Jiriya chuckled at the predictable side tracking. "Yeah, you get some stuff, but don't get too excited, if he ever wrote that technique down, he must have destroyed all traces of it. Once we let you announce your heritage, you can get a nice house, a decent bank account, some scrolls and diaries, and some personal belongings. But you can't claim them yet because of what he was _infamous_ for."

"… Oh, the slaughter of an entire flank of Iwa-nin? … Oh, yeah… I can see why some people might not want me around."

"That's putting it lightly, gaki. Half of Earth country would cut off their left hand to have the honor of killing you, once it was known who you were."

"So how am I going to claim my heritage then?"

Jiriya snorted, "You're the son of the fourth Hokage, and a jinchuriki. Unless you're an idiot, you're going to be such a badass in a few years time that everyone will want to kill you on your own merits! By which point, you'll be able to defend yourself from anything Iwa can disavow as 'rogue elements'. Admittedly, there are a few people who can fight on our level that might pay attention to you, but we'll play it by ear."

"Er… being a badass is cool and all, but I'd rather not have people who can fight on level with you even know I exist."

Sarutobi took over again. "That is why we needed to explain all this to you now." Jiriya looked smug. "Stop gloating, there were good reasons to wait… Anyhow, Naruto, you likely have been targeted already as a jinchuriki. There is an organization of S-class nukenin who seem to be curious about the locations of the 9 Bijuu."

"…Expletive! How the Expletive am I supposed to do missions with a group of Kage level warriors interested in me?"

"Why are you saying 'Expletive', kid? Am I going to have to teach you how to swear properly?" Jiriya asked confused. "Is this a new fad sensei?"

"Why am I saying Expletive? Because fuck isn't evocative enough! This is scary! I'm living in fucking interesting times!"

"Calm down, it's not the end of the world, kid. The reason I haven't been around to hang out with you for over a decade is because I'm the head of most of Konoha's information gathering networks. I got interested in Akatsuki- the name of the group- when Orochimaru joined."

Naruto squeaked and went fetal.

"Stop being stupid kid. He had some disagreements and left, violently at that. However, while he was still a member, I learned a fair bit about the group. I believe that they plan to capture the Bijuu and jinchuriki and use them as weapons to take over the elemental nations."

Naruto stopped rocking back and forth. "Okay, seriously now, you can start laughing any time. I'm sorry I called your writing poor. You are obviously a master, as you have created this entire elaborate tale as a prank against me. I suggest you turn it into your next series."

"Naruto-kun, you know we aren't joking. Your father was Minato Namikaze, there is a plot to start the next great war, and you are unfortunately going to be an integral part of it, whether you are ready for it or not!"

Naruto uncurled and sat in the chair properly. "Fine. Nothing has changed from 15 minutes ago, except now I'm better prepared. I can deal with this. Deep breaths… … … You keep saying it's not so bad. What's the good news?"

Jiriya raised an eyebrow. "The good news is that they seem to need to wait for something. They've been raising funds for years, but Orochimaru's defection disrupted their plans. There seems to be more to it though. They don't know where the Bijuu, or the various jinchuriki, are located. Some are obvious; Kumo-gakure has shown off theirs for quite a while. Luckily, because of the law about you, it will be a bit trickier for them to find out. No one really talks to strangers about you, so unless they decide to be unsubtle, they will have a harder time of tracking you down."

"Okay, so do we know the members? Would I recognize any of their names? I ought to memorize them so I can make myself scarce if I see one of them…"

"If you see one, it's probably too late. But yeah we know a couple. Orochimaru left, as I said. Your teammate's brother we know of, as well as Kisame Hoshigaki. I've heard rumors that Sasori of the Red Sand has started showing up on the radar again, after quite a bit of time with no sign of him. Most of the info I've collected is half wild mass guessing. We do know there are ten positions, and they always wear black cloaks with a red cloud pattern. Silly hats, too."

"Man, I've heard those names… No clue who they are, but I can recognize them- that's _bad_!"

"They work in pairs as well."

Naruto started to go fetal again before Sarutobi beaned him with a paperclip.

"Ow… Alright, so what's going to happen now? Do I go on a training trip? Do I sign up for ANBU school?"

"ANBU school? Are you serious? You think there's a school?"

Sarutobi sighed, "Focus please."

"…No kid, you're still going to continue what you've been doing. Kakashi is pretty bright; he's done a fine job with you so far. You might not realize it, but your team is getting pushed faster than most. While Kakashi doesn't know any of this," he paused a moment, "probably anyway- he was one of Minato's pupils… Anyhow, he keeps his thumb wet and knows which way the wind blows. You still need more basics for now. Later… well, we might just see about that training trip, see if I can teach you a few of your dad's less famous techniques that I managed to pick up along with a few of my own."

"Whoa. That's awesome! Hey, can you tell me about him? You too, gramps. And… my mom as well? You must of known her too… Wait, you lied straight to my face about them when we were talking back on my exam day, old man!"

"Of course I did, you weren't supposed to know the truth yet. Even if you had been allowed, I wouldn't have discussed it in the middle of the village for anybody to hear. You still have a ways to grow if you can't figure out the easy stuff like this."

"Hmph. Well, you can make it up to me by telling me what you remember."

"We're not done with the info dump yet, settle down. There's still more to go over."

"Ten S-class nuke-nin who are planning on controlling the elemental nations by stealing the Bijuu and jinchuriki aren't enough, huh? There's more to tell me?"

"Your mother was the Kyuubi's container before you. When she gave birth to you, something happened and it came out."

"_What_? That contradicts everything publicly known! How did you manage to completely control the information flow and yet manage to let everyone and their little sister know I was the jinchuriki? Didn't people know my mom?"

"No one knew she was a container except for a few key people. As to your fame, you have your father, and some bad judgment on my part to blame," Sarutobi began. "Your father's last wishes were that you would be celebrated as a hero. He was a brilliant ninja, but slightly naïve at times."

"Hey, watch it old man," Jiriya started, "his philosophy-"

"Don't you start thinking you can call me old man as well," Sarutobi reasserted control of the discussion. "He was a true believer in the spirit of fire. He tended to see the best in people, just like the three of us. Unfortunately, as a kage, you can't have that luxury. I followed his wishes, hoping that he was right, and that people would see you as a symbol of safety and assurance, despite my worries. Naruto, many of my largest mistakes can be traced back to allowing myself too much compassion."

"Orochimaru can still be saved sensei-" Jiriya started.

"No he can't! Every day I regret that I didn't slay him when I had him right in front of me! He is no longer your friend! He was a great man once, but there is nothing left but a monster!" the God of Shinobi shouted.

Jiriya closed his eyes. "…Maybe so."

Sarutobi took a deep breath, letting it out in a sigh. "If you find him with your heart in turmoil like that, he will kill you, Jiriya-kun."

"…Quite possibly."

Naruto quietly observed the two, each a Titan in their own right, as they stared at each other. They looked away in synch, Jiriya pulled out a sketchbook and sat on a waist-high book case, one of many pieces of furniture devoted to book storage that lined the room. The Hokage opened his pipe drawer and retrieved the paraphernalia needed to light up.

Naruto didn't know when it was safe to say something; they both looked tense. Jiriya was sketching something, (if his reputation was accurate, it was safe to assume heaving bosoms would be involved) while the old man tapped his pipe out, and scraped the crud out with a brush. Naruto had watched him prepare his pipe many times; it was somewhat like watching a tea ceremony, only for tobacco.

"Um-" the men looked up at him. "I thought I'd go see what fur-butt would have to say about being in my mom, he's mostly been teaching about the Sage of Six Paths, not exactly current affairs…" They both looked intrigued at this, and the Hokage gave a minute shrug.

Naruto took this as approval, and started to dive into himself.

**oooooo**

"**Interesting that they decide to tell you this now, is it not?**"

Naruto had just arrived and was slightly disoriented. "Why do you say that?" he asked, after he processed the question.

"**I was in your mother for several years, I knew who your parents were. I was planning to tell you that after I got done with the important history.**"

"Important history? You spent an hour describing the Sage's favorite breakfast!"

"**The Sage was an important man, and you will respect him!**"

"I do! He was a god amongst men! I don't need to respect his breakfast preferences though. I can appreciate the value of chronological order, but maybe you should organize the history lessons by importance. You keep mentioning that there is a game being played, but I doubt it will be necessary for me to know about blueberry waffles in order to be a decent player!"

"**Player? You're hardly a pawn at this point. With a bit of work you might be a… what do you call them… the horsies? Knight, yes. Unpredictable, can jump over other pieces, can fork two pieces unexpectedly… Yes, if we are lucky, and we pool our resources together, we might become a knight in time.**"

"Me? Or we? You aren't a player?"

"**Ha! Trapped in your body, with no outside influence? I'm not valueless, but even restored to my true nature I'm just a queen…**" Naruto saw a flash of illusion, a naked half-fox woman on a throne of gold, crown glittering with jewels.

Naruto rolled his eyes, and mentally poked the image, causing it to unravel.

"Did I get my pranking nature from you as well?" He blinked as the illusion disappeared to reveal the queen from the image standing in front of him.

"Well… let us say you were predisposed to it. Your mother gained some of my traits just by being my host. She gave birth to you, and you were almost immediately used as my next host. You have quite the interesting pedigree, especially if you consider my contributions."

"You really like to mess with people. You sure you aren't a player? Or maybe you were at some point…"

"… Make us some furniture, those 'beanbag' chairs at your clubhouse ought to be at your level of competence…"

Naruto closed his eyes and focused. "You seem to know a lot about my life, why exactly do you need a movie screen showing what I see when you can already tell?"

"It takes a lot of effort. There's also more static than I'd prefer if I try to see by myself."

Naruto grunted, as a large blue beanbag chair appeared across from a rough copy of the Hokage's chair. It was far from perfect, but the large, ornately carved chair was immediately identifiable. The queen smirked. "If you were smarter, I would have thought that was an attempt at a power play, giving yourself a big important chair like that, staring down on me…"

Naruto blinked, "Oh, that's why his office is set up like that. Heh, and I kept telling him to remodel so the place felt more comfy."

"As I said, if you were smarter…" they sat, or rather Naruto sat and the Yoko/woman amalgam reclined into the beanbag in such a way that she seemed to simply melt into it. Naruto blinked a few times when he realized she had finally stopped shifting around and had settled on a posture. The pose managed to look natural and comfortable, while simultaneously drawing attention to every aspect that made her female; from breasts, to hips, down to where her single, fluffy, fox tail came up between her open legs, slowly swinging back and forth, playing peek-a-boo with her 'feminine flower', as Jiriya once named it. He wasn't stupid enough to think the display was anything other than completely intentional.

Focusing on her face, he found a grin, though it was tinged with a hint of disappointment.

"I don't suppose you could knock that off?" he asked.

"How else am I supposed to have any fun? I swear kit; you have a force of will greater than the average tsunami. Most humans your age would be frothing at the mouth by now. Figures I'd be hoisted by my own petard. You must've gotten some of my natural perverseness as well, you're naturally resistant."

"Well, I did watch the female hot springs for like a week in order to perfect my Oiroke technique… Of course, if his reputation is anything to go by, simply having Jiriya-san named as my godfather probably outweighs any contribution you had."

She snorted, "Ah yes, the toad fool. I have often thought of how I would like to fuck him to death. The irony would be amusing," she smiled a predatory grin.

Taken aback at the mood change, Naruto asked, "Uh, what the heck did he do to you?"

"He trained your father, who is directly responsible for sticking me in this seal! I wish him dead for his part in my containment!" she shouted, her tail sticking out straight towards him in anger.

"Right, of course," Naruto placated. 'I keep forgetting she, er, _he's_ sort of a demigod with an alien point of view…' "Am _I_ getting fucked to death, or do you still plan on feasting on my bones?"

She seemed to calm at the question, looking away. "Wouldn't you like to know? I'm keeping my options open. I suppose I could always fuck you to death and then eat your bones. Hmm, you apes don't actually need any bones to achieve an erection, maybe I could consume your bones and then… Well, anyway, who knows, if you continue to be a good host, I might spare you entirely when I figure out how to escape."

Naruto looked a little green. "Why do you seem so certain that you'll escape?"

"Because, kit, you and I are going to be together for a long time, assuming you don't get yourself killed. I have plenty of time for some loophole to come along."

"Huh? What do you mean? I'm going to live a long time?"

"Oh my yes. Your mother… sacrificed herself to help seal me in you. My first container sealed me into herself after fully maturing, and also passed me down to your mother as she aged. If she had kept me bound, she would have lived another few decades at least. Your mother would have likely lived a few centuries. You, a second-generation host? Well, I'm not certain, it's never happened before. But I'm guessing we're going to know each other pretty well by the time you pass. Hmm, maybe I have been a bit forward…" she pondered.

Naruto looked like his brain had broke. "I'm going to live for _centuries?_"

"At least. You'll probably have to add a zero or two to get in the right vicinity," she said nonchalantly.

"But… my friends… _Hinata_!"

The queen looked rather embarrassed, and then frowned. An instant later Iruka was sitting on the bag, thankfully fully dressed. He walked over and put a hand on the blond.

"Believe it or not, I am sorry you will know the pain of the immortal. Losing every friend you make, every lover… It will be painful. But you must rejoice in knowing them while they live. Creating joy with others… One thing I can promise, your mind will never forget any memory you truly care about."

"What is with you? You're like _tri_-polar crazy! One second you're describing your plans to kill me, the next you're trying to comfort me, but only after dropping the largest shock of the day on me like it was nothing!"

Faux-Iruka looked sheepish, an expression that never would have worked on the Kyuubi's standard face. "Kit… How long ago do you think the Sage lived, keeping in mind he created the Bijuu?"

"Well, several hundred years ago is when the myths put it… But you mentioned being several thousand years old… I have no clue."

"I'm 63 thousand years old, give or take a dozen centuries. You know that some of us are crazy, or seemingly unintelligent? All of us have tried that. Heck, I spent a millennium convinced I was a chicken, compulsively attacking hardwood floors. Another thing to keep in mind? I've watched humanity crumble, rebuild, and dissolve again. You lot are like roaches, only you like to wipe out most of yourselves every 6,000 years or so. The Sage of Six Paths wasn't such an amazing man because he was powerful. Yeah, he was unstoppable back then, but most of the rest of his species were three hairs short of being poop-flingers at the time. Heck, despite what the myths say, _you_ could have beaten him up. He discovered jutsu- that means there's been a lot of refinement since then."

"Why was he an amazing guy then?"

"Because he took a look around at his world, discovered _magic_, rallied your half-baboon great-great-great-to-the-25th-power-grandparents, and created a peace and stability that lasted ten thousand years before things went to hell… My point is, Bijuu are _old_. We've transcended crazy; we eat crazy for breakfast and shit sane two centuries later. So, forgive me if I seem a little odd to you. I've spent the last _half-century_ in solitary confinement, at least until your mother and I got to know each other a bit better… I'm bitter."

"Look, I'm trying to meet you half way here, but you keep trying to mess with me. The sooner we get your window to the outside made, the sooner you'll have outside stimulus. Then you won't need to mess with me as much, and we can get more stuff done."

"…We shall see kit… You wish to know why I attacked Konoha?"

"Yes! What happened that day? Gramps is obviously missing some key piece to the puzzle from that day, your motive might be the key!"

"I just wanted to get the hell away while your mother's seal was vulnerable. The key that you all are missing is the main player of the game. His advantage is that no one thinks he's alive. Tell your Hokage that Madara Uchiha still wants revenge."

"…Wait, _the_ Mada-" Naruto was able to get out, before a giant crimson tail whacked him in the face, and out of the prison.

**oooooo**

Jiriya was leaning over the blond, whose shirt was pulled up so the man could study the seal. Said seal was active, and he was sketching various sections of it while simultaneously solving what looked like matrix calculus on the margins.

The seal flashed brightly for a moment before disappearing. Jiriya cocked an eyebrow, and finished another expression and sketch while it was still fresh in his mind.

Naruto's eyes opened, and focused on the man above him, then down at his stomach, and then back.

"Jiriya-san, I would like to give you the benefit of doubt, but I remember the one about the two young teens that run away from their feuding families to elope. Please show me the pad."

The toad sage looked surprised. "Man, if that's what you think of me, I need to get a PR agent. Sure kid, knock yourself out." He turned the pad around to show the seal sketches and math.

"…Right. Sorry. I just keep getting hit on by Fuzz-butt, and when you take into account that he can literally take any shape… My mind's just in the gutter."

"Wait, it's trying to bump uglies with you?" Jiriya asked confused.

"He's… really complex, shall we say. He just got done telling me that the Bijuu are over 60 thousand years old, and that they go insane for recreation, or something. More importantly, it told me that 'the player' it keeps referring to has the advantage because everyone thinks they're dead. And he told me that 'Madara Uchiha still wants revenge.' I'm no genius, but that suggests-"

"A very bad picture, Naruto-kun," Sarutobi said gravely. "As unlikely as it seems, his existence would explain many mysteries. If he orchestrated the day you were born, no wonder the Kyuubi attacked us. Certain other things take on new meaning in light of this… Should it be true."

Jiriya blew out some breath, "Well, we can almost guarantee he's a member, if not the elusive leader, of Akatsuki. He'd be able to control the Bijuu completely, making them effective weapons against the nations. This changes things. All right, we'll need to talk more later, but there's one last thing we need to speak of before we run some tests on you to determine how your shroud is affecting you."

"What's that?"

"What is Hinata's cup size?" the man asked with a grin.

"I'm not telling you that! … Because I wouldn't know it, seeing as my Oiroke research was years ago, and the Hyuuga don't use the communal spring anyway."

The two older perverts looked at one another and chuckled. "That was a decent recovery, but you still aren't ready to keep secrets of this caliber kid. Come here, I need to put a seal on you," Jiriya said as he took out a small slip of rice paper and a razorblade.

"Time out, what kind of seal are we talking about here?"

"A potent secrecy seal. It prevents you from talking about specific things. Very useful, but normally it has the unpleasant side effect of frying parts of the brain during interrogation. So not something we can give to everyone. We modified it a bit, and between the changes, and your regenerative qualities, you'll merely get the occasional head ache."

"Wait, I'm getting a custom made, never before used seal that could result in brain damage?"

"Calm down, I've gone over the numbers a dozen times and checked the tests you did back when you were trying to read the whole library with clones. If I remember correctly, you should have been getting grand mal seizures instead of migranes."

"… I suppose I don't get a say in this?"

"Nope!"

"Gramps!"

"Maybe if you gave me the occasional '–sama' instead of the guy who showed up again after a decade," the man said with a grin.

"How am I going to talk about it with you two?"

"You'll see; now stick out your tongue." Jiriya grabbed the protruding tongue, slashed the bottom of it with the razor, and slapped on the rice paper over the cut. There was a flash, then the paper was gone, along with the cut.

"Okay, time to test it. Who is your father?"

"… Um, you know, I have a funny feeling you've told me, but I can't recall… Waaaait a minute- oh wow. That thing's good! How do I talk about it if I need to though?"

"You can only do it in your Naruko form!" the frog sage exclaimed happily.

Sarutobi face palmed. "That's not what we agreed to…"

"Come on kid, let's see it! After we're done, you're showing me your Oiroke and Harem technique too!"

Naruto looked at the man bemusedly. "I don't think you can live through the Harem, but we'll talk about that later." He disappeared in a puff of smoke, reappearing as Naruko.

"Who's your dad?"

"Minato Namikaze."

"Good! One second," he reached over and bent her finger back painfully. "Who's your dad?"

"I don't know! Ow! I'm an orphan!"

Jiriya let go of her finger. Pretending to buff his nails, he boasted, "Yep, I still got it!"

"Some god-uncle you are," Naruko frowned, rubbing her digit. "I suppose that was to test me under torture?"

"Yeah. Here, I'll give you a half hour window to talk normally." He grabbed a set of flute-pipes, blowing a tune that was half silent. Naruko thought she could almost hear some notes that he was clearly blowing.

"Pitch modulated seals, new idea of mine! One more thing before we leave the old man to his office! Here- while you were out, I made this for you." He flipped a few pages back on his large sketchpad and presented it to his nephew-slash-niece.

"That's… what they looked like?"

"Yeah. They were a great couple. They both loved each other so much…"

Naruko looked at the sketch of his parents that took up the whole page. The two were leaning against each other on a park bench, Minato's arm wrapped around Kushina, smiling at each other.

"They were both great ninja, and even better people," Sarutobi said wistfully.

"That they were," Jiriya agreed. He waited a minute or two until Naruko looked up at him, then gently tore the sheet out of the sketchpad. "It's cruel, but this will have to stay in his office. I'll draw you some more of your mom, since she isn't quite as identifiable. We've also got some photos you can see sometime soon… But right now we need to run some tests on your shroud, and see how it's affecting you…"

Naruko started to cry, before popping back to Naruto and hugging Jiriya. "I thought learning about the Kyuubi was hard back then… today I learned so much, and that's not even counting the fact I'm going to live to have a couple thousand birthdays!"

Jiriya held the boy while mouthing 'thousand birthdays?' towards his sensei.

Sarutobi shrugged, and mimed fox ears, then shrugged again.

"What's this about birthdays?"

"…Being a jinchuriki changes you, right? So my mom was changed, then gave birth to me, now I'm his container… He says I'm going to live a long time, and this is from the thing that's 63,000 years old!"

Jiriya held the teen; Naruto was on the verge of sobbing. "We'll figure something out, kid."

**oooooo**

End Chapter the 14th.

I figure that's a good stopping point. We'll pick back up with aura tests, see Haku, and have a friendship and Naruto/Hinata chapter. Then chunin exams. Things are off the tracks as far as canon is concerned.


End file.
